by S. J. West
“Any number of things could happen,” the doctor said but even I could hear the doubt in his voice. “But if you want my professional opinion, I would say she only has a few more days to live before her heart completely gives out. If you have anything you want to say to her, I wouldn’t put it off. Let her know how much you love her while she’s still with us.”
“Thanks, doc,” Tara said, lifting her chin a little higher. “I appreciate your honesty.”
They moved Utha Mae to a private suite. Brand arranged it so we had the best room the hospital had to offer. It was much like a regular bedroom with a normal bed, a comfortable couch which folded out into a bed and a couple of comfortable chairs. I was thankful Utha Mae’s last days wouldn’t be lived in a regular stark hospital room.
Tara and I insisted on staying with Utha Mae the first night. Will refused to leave her bedside saying he didn’t have anywhere else he needed to be. All three of us felt like Utha Mae was our mother and none of us wanted to leave her. If the tables were turned we knew she wouldn’t leave us and we weren’t about to let her down. She’d raised us too well.
Around supper time, Lucifer offered to go to the cafeteria and bring us all something back to eat. As soon as he left the room, I made my own excuse, intent on following him but Brand held me back.
“What are you going to do?” He questioned quietly so the others wouldn’t hear.
I jerked my arm free of his grasp. “I just have one question,” I told him. “He won’t hurt me. I’m too important to him.”
“Then let me go with you.”
“No, I need to do this myself. You stay here. If anything happens to Utha Mae while I’m gone, come and get me.”
With that I left the room and saw Lucifer strolling down the hallway whistling like he was on a pleasant walk through a field of daisies instead of inside a hospital where people lay dying all around him.
I phased in front of him bringing him up short in the empty hallway.
“What did you do to her?” I demanded, daring him to try to lie to me.
“Nothing time hadn’t already prepared her for,” he said smirking.
I grabbed him by the throat suddenly igniting my power forcing him to feel the Touch.
He grimaced for a moment but then started to laugh. Angry, I flung him away from me letting the fire of my power ebb.
He held a hand to his throat.
“Did you really think that was going to hurt me?” He asked. “You’re not dealing with some Watcher, Lilly. You’re only half arch angel. I’m the real deal. I feel what he thinks of me every day of my existence.”
“How do you live with yourself?” I said. “Knowing what a disappointment you are to him.”
“Well, if he hadn’t disappointed me first,” Lucifer spat, “it might affect me more.”
“You haven’t learned anything while you’ve been on Earth. You still hate humans as much as you did when you first gave God your ultimatum.”
“If it’s possible I hate you more than I did then.”
“Why?” I asked. “Why do you hate us so much?”
“Because you have everything,” he stormed, “yet you do nothing with it. He handed you the universe on a silver platter and still some of you spit in His face. He touted your free will in front of us like it was some grand design but all I see are your flaws. He should have let us destroy you when we had the chance. You’re nothing but a virus on this planet, spoiling the gifts He gave you for your own selfish wants. How can He love you more than His first born? How can He still love you more than me?”
“How can you think He loves us more? He showed me the day you gave Him your ultimatum in the Hall of Angels. If you hadn’t been so blinded by your hatred for humanity, maybe you would have seen how much it pained Him to exile you here. For some reason, He thought living among us would show you how wrong you were. He wanted you to share in His joy at his creations but all you wanted to do was destroy us and force Him to admit He made a mistake when he made humanity. You let your jealousy get the better of you Lucifer. Don’t you think it’s time to let go of the pain? Why can’t you just admit you made a mistake?”
“Because I didn’t,” Lucifer hissed, making me scared for my safety for the first time around him. The hatred and anger he felt seemed to be blinding him. I wasn’t sure if he intended to take it out on me or not. “I didn’t make a mistake. He’s just too stubborn to admit He shouldn’t have made you things at all. But I’ll have the last laugh because I’ll destroy everything He loves and He’ll be helpless to stop me.”
“Faust told us what you have planned,” I said, hoping the little bit of information I had might make Lucifer slip up and tell me more.
Unfortunately, Lucifer didn’t look surprised. “I know what he told you, but you don’t have the whole truth of it and don’t stand there and think a mere human can out wit me. I’ve lived longer than this universe has been in existence. Do you really want to try and have a battle of wits with me?”
“Then tell me how you plan to do it. If you don’t think we can figure out a way to stop you, what will it hurt to tell me what I want to know?”
Lucifer shook his head. “Do you really believe I’m that stupid?”
“No, I don’t believe you’re stupid at all. But I think your vanity is begging you to tell me everything just to prove how smart you are.”
Lucifer walked so close to me I could feel his hot breath on my face. “You’ll know soon enough, dear Lilly. It’s almost time for you to serve the purpose you were born for.”
Lucifer turned away from me intent on continuing to walk down to the cafeteria.
“Stop,” I ordered in a soft voice.
Lucifer stopped dead in his tracks like he’d hit a brick wall.
“Turn to face me,” I said.
Lucifer turned on his heals and looked directly at me defiantly.
“Your plan will fail,” I told him. “Or did you forget I have King Solomon’s ring?”
“No, I didn’t forget,” Lucifer said. “But when the time comes, even that little trinket won’t be able to protect you from me.”
“Tell me what you did to Utha Mae,” I demanded.
Lucifer smiled. “I showed her what I truly am.”
“A monster?”
“Among other things. Poor thing just couldn’t take knowing the truth about angels and demons. Even for all her Bible thumping she wasn’t able to face the truth even when it was standing in front of her. Such a shame too. I had planned to make her watch what I do to you but for some reason I just couldn’t control myself. I guess I wanted to hurt you more than I wanted to hurt her.”
“Leave this hospital and don’t come back. Don’t contact my mother. Don’t even look in her general direction again. Now leave,” I ordered, causing Lucifer to instantly phase from the hallway. I turned back towards Utha Mae’s room now knowing Utha Mae’s final moments had been filled with terror. I was filled with a new determination to find a way to show her peace.
Chapter 18For the next five days, Tara, Will and I took turns watching over Utha Mae. We only left when we needed to go home and change clothes. Brand stayed by me, never leaving my side for one second. I forced myself not to cry because all that did was cloud my thoughts and make it more difficult to do what needed to be done.
Malcolm came to the hospital. He told us not to worry about the anything concerning the Watchers. He would be our eyes and ears while we spent time with Utha Mae. Brand and I thanked him. He gave me a hug and kissed my cheek before he left, telling me to be strong and that if I needed him for anything to just call.
I made several attempts to bring Utha Mae into my dream world but nothing I did worked. I had almost given up hope until I was finally visited by the one person I knew could help me.
I dreamt of sitting on the porch of my Colorado home swaying back and forth on my swing when He finally arrived.
“Where have you been?” I asked.
“Watching and waiting,” He an
swered.
“Waiting for what?”
“Waiting for you to ask for my help.”
“I thought my power was strong enough to bring her here,” I said looking over at Him next to me on the swing. “But I can’t. Can you do it?”
“Yes.” He sat there silently looking out at the snow capped mountain. “But maybe you should allow her to show you what she is thinking instead. She is at peace with her coming death but you aren’t”
“How do I do that? How do I go into her mind?”
“You can’t,” God answered, taking my hand. “But I can.”
I suddenly found myself standing in the trailer park in front of the old trailer my mom and I had when we first moved to Dalton. I watched as my mother drove up to it, so young and innocent looking. When she got out of the old red and white Dodge Plymouth, her first car, she opened up the back door behind the driver side and pulled out a crying baby.
“Oh come on Lilly Rayne, don’t cry. This is our new home. It’s a happy day not a sad one.”
My mother tried her best to sooth my tears but nothing she did seemed to be working.
“Can I hold her?”
My mom looked up and found Utha Mae smiling brightly at her from the front porch of her trailer.
“I don’t know why she’s so upset,” my mother said, walking up to the porch. “She’s usually such a quiet baby.” My mother held her hand out to Utha Mae. “Hi, my name is Cora Nightengale. I guess I’m your new neighbor.”
“I’m Utha Mae Jenkins and welcome to Dalton, Cora Nightengale. Now, who is this little bit of preciousness you have in your hands?” Utha Mae asked, stretching her arms out to take me.
“Lilly Rayne,” my mother said handing me over to Utha Mae.
Utha Mae held me in the crook of her arm like it was the most natural thing in the world for her to do and began to rock me. I instantly stopped crying as I stared up at her.
“How did you do that?” my mother asked in amazement.
“Oh, I’ve had a lot of practice with babies,” Utha Mae answered. “Now, why don’t you just go ahead and get your stuff settled inside your home. Me and Lilly Rayne will be just fine. I’ll take good care of her.”
“Are you sure?” My mother asked. “I don’t want to impose on your hospitality on my first day as your new neighbor.”
“Lord, child, this little baby is a gift directly from God. I can see it in her eyes. You go on now. Lilly and I will be just fine. And come on over when you’re done, I’ll have us a nice lunch prepared and you can tell me what’s brought you here to Dalton. We don’t get a lot of new people around here.”
My mother walked off smiling, and I could tell she was happy she’d found someone who was willing to help her out when she needed it the most.
“Now,” Utha Mae said, looking down at a now gurgling baby in her arms, “let’s me and you go make your poor momma some lunch. I have a feeling we’ll be seeing a lot of one another, little Miss Lilly Rayne Nightengale.”
The scene changed to one I remembered well. I was seven years old. Tara and I were chasing each other around Utha Mae’s trailer when I saw my mother step out of our trailer all dolled up to go out with her latest boyfriend.
“Now you be good for Utha Mae tonight,” my mother called to me as she slipped into the driver side of her car.
I ran up to her window staring at her until she lowered it to speak with me.
“What Lilly?” my mother asked, clearly agitated at me delaying her.
“I thought you would stay with me tonight,” I said, not understanding why on this of all nights she would decide to abandon me again.
“Lilly, I have a date. I need some alone time every once in a while you know. You’ll be fine with Utha Mae. She always takes good care of you.”
“But…”
“No buts, now move away from the car, sweetie. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
I watched as my mother drove away.
“Where is she going?” Tara asked. “She don’t remember what today is?”
I shook my head, tears of sorrow streaming down my face. Tara put her arms around me. “I swear, Lilly. I really hate your mom sometimes.”
“Lilly! Tara! Y’all come on in now, it’s going to be getting dark soon.”
“Come on, Lilly Rayne. Grandma needs us inside.”
I followed Tara into Utha Mae’s trailer wiping the tears from my face, refusing to let Utha Mae see me cry yet again because of something my mother did.
When I stepped inside, Utha Mae and Will sprang out from behind her couch and yelled, “Surprise!”
They had spent the time while Tara and I were outside to decorate Utha Mae’s trailer with streamers and balloons. A chocolate birthday cake lit with seven pink candles was sitting on the kitchen table. I burst into tears.
“What’s she crying for?” Will asked, completely confused by my reaction.
I felt Utha Mae come pick me up and hold me in her arms. “Baby, don’t cry,” she begged, which made me cry even harder.
“Do you know what she’s crying about?” I heard Will ask Tara as he came to stand beside her.
“Her good for nothing momma just left to go on a date.”
“Tara Jenkins,” Utha Mae said, a warning in her voice. “I’ve told you not to talk about Lilly’s mom like that.”
“But she just left!” Tara protested hotly. “I don’t even think she remembered it was Lilly’s birthday!”
“We don’t know what other people go through in their lives,” Utha Mae said. “Don’t judge until you have all the facts.”
“I agree with Tara,” Will said, anger in his voice. “Mothers aren’t supposed to forget your birthday. That’s just not right.”
Utha Mae rubbed my back and hummed a hymnal until my tears stopped flowing.
When I finally lifted my head from her shoulder, she looked at me with more love in her eyes than I had ever seen in my own mother’s.
“Why doesn’t’ she love me?” I asked, my voice breaking over the question.
“Oh baby, she loves you. She just has a hard time showing it I think. Now you dry those tears up. I made you my special double chocolate cake and you have to blow the candles out and make a wish.”
After I blew the candles out, I twitched my little finger to make Utha Mae lean down so I could whisper in her ear.
“I wished that you were my real momma,” I said to her.
Utha Mae hugged me and I knew then she would do everything in her power to make my wish come true.
The scene changed to my wedding day to Brand. Utha Mae was welcoming guests which were mostly made up of all of her friends.
“I can’t believe she’s all grown up,” Ms. Ida, one of Utha Mae’s closest friends said as she entered the church.
Utha Mae smiled. “Me neither Ida. Time sure does fly. My baby will be having babies of her own soon.”
Ida laughed. “I swear you’ve been more of a mother to that child than her own.”
“She’s been like the daughter I never had. Both her and Tara have. I’m not sure I would have made it without them all these years. You know how hard it was for me when Harry died. Those babies gave me the will to go on. If it hadn’t been for them, I’m not sure what would have happened to me.”
“Well good luck marrying off that hell raiser you have for a granddaughter,” Ida snorted. “It’ll take a strong man to tame her heart.”
Utha Mae smiled. “Oh, I don’t know. I think she’s closer to finding Mister Right than even she realizes.”
“Well, I hope you’re right,” Ida said. “Ain’t neither one of us getting any younger, Utha Mae. It would be nice to leave them knowing their taken care of.”
Utha Mae nodded. “Yes it would, Ida. Yes it would.”
I found my self back on the swing with God.
“That’s what she’s thinking about right now?” I asked, wiping the tears from my cheeks.
“Yes. She’s reliving a lot of memories from her past like mo
st people do during this time. Almost all of them center around you, Tara and Will. In her heart, she always felt like your mother. She loves you that much.”
“Will I be able to say goodbye to her before she dies?”
“There will be a time when you can all make your goodbyes. She won’t leave this world without seeing you all one last time.”
“Can’t you heal her?” I asked, knowing what I was asking wasn’t a fair question. “She’s been a good person. She’s always had faith in you.”
“It’s her time to go, Lilly. Don’t ask me to take that away from her. She’s waited a long time for this moment.”
“When will I happen?”
“Soon.”
The next day Utha Mae finally woke up. She was smiling and talking with us like nothing was wrong. She even asked Malik to sneak her in some of his chicken and dumplings. It made me wonder if God had changed his mind and decided it wasn’t time for Utha Mae to leave us just yet. Maybe he realized I still needed her help to see me through the next few days.
At one point, she asked Brand and I to come sit on either side of her. She placed one of her hands on Brand’s arm and the other on mine.
“Now, I want you two to promise me that you will never let the sun set on your anger. There will come times when you get angry with each other because that’s just what happens when you care about someone more than you do yourself. But don’t let that anger sit too long. When I look down at the two of you, I want to see happy faces.”
“You’re not going anywhere,” I told her squeezing her hand.
“Oh baby, we’re all going at some point. I think my time is coming sooner rather than later, and I’m just fine with that. I’ve lived a long full life. That’s more than a lot of people can say. I don’t have any regrets to take with me. But promise me one thing: get your mom away from that devil.”
“What did he show you?” I asked, needing to know what Lucifer had done to Utha Mae.
“I know what he is,” she said, and I could see in her eyes she fully understood the truth of things. “And I know what you are, child.” She lifted her hand and cradled my face. “I knew you were an angel the moment I saw you as a baby.”