by S. J. West
“I don’t know if I can make it without you,” I said, tears writing the depth of my sorrow down my face.
“Baby, you are stronger than you know. That’s how I raised you and don’t you dare disappoint me. You’ll find a way to stop him. I know it.” Utha Mae looked at Brand. “You have a good man by your side and as long as the two of you stick together, there’s nothing you won’t be able to do.”
When Malik came back with the dumplings later that afternoon, Utha Mae made him and Tara sit with her too.
She took one of Tara’s hands and placed it in one of Malik’s.
“You finally found your Prince Charming,” Utha Mae said to Tara. “And I want you both to know you have my blessing when you decide to marry.”
“Grandma…” Tara said, like what Utha Mae was saying didn’t have a chance in Hell of happening anytime soon.
“You know you’re Grandpa Harry was a lot like Malik. I see the same love in his eyes for you that my Harry had for me when we were together. And you,” Utha Mae said looking at Malik. “I want you to promise me you’ll look after my grandbaby when I’m gone. Can I trust you to do that?”
“Yes, ma’am,” Malik was quick to promise. “I’ll look after her as far as she will let me. But you know how stubborn she can be sometimes.”
“You’ll find a way to get past that part of her. She’s built her wall so high only a man who truly loves her can find a way through it. But, I know you will.”
“You two do realize I’m still sitting here, right?” Tara said, laughing through her tears.
“Baby, you let this man help you when you need it. He’s a good man. And I’m just thankful he’s here for you now. I’m glad I got to meet the love of your life before I have to go.”
The last person Utha Mae wanted to speak with was Will. She asked that we all leave the room then, not wanting us to hear their conversation. When we were called back in, Will had tears in his eyes and left the room, saying he needed some time alone and would be back later.
“Is he all right?” I asked Utha Mae. “Do I need to go after him?”
“No, baby. I think he’s just relieved he doesn’t have to lie to me anymore.”
“Lie about what?”
“Lie about who he really is. I think we all knew our Will died the night he rescued you out of that lake. I’m just glad I could tell the Will we know now that I forgive him. If he hadn’t taken over, both you and Will would have been lost to me forever. He did what he had to do even if it was for the devil. But, I think the devil is going to regret sending Will in the end. He’s not the same person he used to be, and I think me, you and Tara had a hand in changing him.”
“Did Lucifer tell you everything?” I asked, not seeing that there was anything left secret to Utha Mae.
“No, not everything. I know he plans on trying to use you in some way but he didn’t reveal how exactly, baby. I’m just glad I know what I do so I can bring you peace of mind before its time for me to go.”
“I wish you would stop saying that,” I said, selfishly wanting to keep Utha Mae with me forever. She had been a part of my life ever since I could remember.
“You know it’s true just like I do, child. And don’t be sad for me when I’m gone. I’ll finally be with my Harry. You just don’t know how long I’ve waited for that.”
Utha Mae’s health deteriorated quickly after that. The doctors called the time she was awake and talking the surge, a time when a patient has one last bit of energy left to say their goodbyes and make their peace with death.
That night Utha Mae’s breathing became shallow and we were told there wasn’t anything to do but try to make her as comfortable as possible. Not caring that my mother was in the room, I let my power burn freely, holding onto Utha Mae’s hand hoping she could feel the peace I knew my touch would bring to her. If God loved anyone on Earth, I knew he had to love Utha Mae. A faint smile graced her lips as she took her last breath.
On the other side of the bed from me, I saw two shadows appear. As they became more distinct I saw the ghost of eight year old Will and a handsome man I had only seen in photographs but knew instantly to be Utha Mae’s Harry. They looked down at Utha Mae before looking over at me.
“We have her from here,” Harry said to me, reaching down to take Utha Mae’s hand and raising up a younger version of the woman I knew. She was as pretty as I always knew she probably was in her youth. She smiled at us all.
“Don’t be sad for me,” she said, taking her husband’s arm. “I’m finally going home.”
The ghost of our loved ones faded as they walked away from us, leaving us to deal with our sorrow.
Brand took me home after that. I cried until I had no tears left and fell asleep in his arms.
The next morning I walked over to the house we had been building for Utha Mae. The construction crew wasn’t there because there was no longer a need to keep building it. I knelt on the cold concrete staring up at the two by fours which had just been erected to frame out the walls of the house. A sense of loss overwhelmed me as my heart felt like it would explode with grief. Before I knew it, the power of my grief ignited what remained of Utha Mae’s home sending whirls of flames and smoke in every direction around me. The fire didn’t burn me but I felt my clothes melt away making me feel even more naked and vulnerable to my sorrow.
I distantly heard Brand yelling my name but didn’t have the strength to open my eyes and answer him. I felt him cradle me to his chest and phase us back home. He kissed my tear swollen eyes desperately asking what he could do to help me. I didn’t have an answer for him. I just clung to him until I cried myself to sleep once more.
When I dreamt, I didn’t find myself in my Colorado home like I usually did. I was standing in front of someone else’s house. It was a small white clapboard house in the middle of Dalton, but it wasn’t the Dalton I had grown up in. Cars you see in old movie set in the 1950’s dotted the street and the air smelled a little cleaner than usual.
“She wanted to see you one last time,” I heard God say beside me. “She doesn’t like to see your suffering so she thought it might help if you saw where she was now.”
He pointed to the front of the house.
“I’ll be right back, Harry,” I heard Utha Mae say as she walked out the front door dressed in only a white silk robe.
“Well hurry back here woman, I’ve been without you long enough!”
The young Utha Mae walked to me with the happiest smile I have ever seen on her face. When she reached me, she pulled me into her arms and hugged me tightly to her.
“Baby, you need to stop all this crying and be happy for me.” When she pulled away, I could see my sorrow was dampening the joy she felt. “I can’t take you being so sad when I’m so happy.”
“I just miss you,” I said, realizing the sorrow I felt was completely selfish.
“I know you miss me, but you need to know I haven’t really left you. Why even little Will never really left you when he died. We’ll always be watching over you no matter what.”
“Always?” I asked slightly concerned Utha Mae might see things I didn’t want her to see, like moment’s when Brand and I were alone.
“Oh, not those times,” Utha Mae giggled, seeming to know exactly what I was thinking. “But I’ll be there when you need me. All you have to do is think of me, baby. But stop mourning. There’s no need. I’m as happy as a junebug on a summer day. And we’ll all be together when the time is right. He’s told me that.” Utha Mae looked over at God and smiled.
“Now you go back and have a happy life. That’s my last wish for you.”
Utha Mae hugged me and turned to go back to her Harry. When she reached the first step of her house, she looked back at me over her shoulder.
“I’ve met them you know,” she said, completely confusing me as to who she was talking about.
“Met who?” I asked.
“Your children,” she answered, a warm smile lighting up her face. “They are somethin
g to behold, Lilly Rayne. You take good care of them like I took care of you.”
Utha Mae winked at me and continued walking back into her house.
When I woke up, my tears were gone. I knew Utha Mae was where she was meant to be.
I got out of bed and went to the bathroom. I opened up the medicine cabinet and found my birth control pills. One by one I punched the pills out of the packet and watched them drop into the toilet. I flushed them down and threw the empty packet into the trash.
The funeral was something I don’t think anyone in Dalton had seen for a long time. There were at least as many, if not more, people at Utha Mae’s funeral as there were at my wedding. Over a hundred cars lined up to follow us to the gravesite after the funeral ceremony inside Utha Mae’s church. I hoped Utha Mae was watching from Heaven but knew if she wasn’t she was spending some well deserved time in the arms of her Harry.
Tara was as strong as ever, never letting her emotions get the best of her when we put Utha Mae’s casket in the ground. When we went back home, I pulled her aside and told her about the conversation I had with Utha Mae the night before.
“I had a similar dream,” she told me. “Was it real?”
“Tell me what happened.”
“Well grandma was dressed in a white robe and this man told me she wanted to talk to me one last time. She told me not to be sad for her because she was where she wanted to be. She said to watch over you because you would be facing some hard times but that you would pull through them.”
“Describe the man you saw,” I said.
From the description Tara gave me I knew it had been God.
“You’re pulling my leg right?” Tara questioned after I told her who the man was.
When I shook my head, I thought she might fall out. I supposed realizing you had seen God could be like that if you weren’t used to it happening every other day of your life.
“You know, I never realized my grandma was such a looker,” Tara said.
“Or someone who’d ever had sex,” I said.
When Tara and I looked at each other, we started to giggle. Before we knew it we were crying for a completely different reason and it felt good.
Chapter 19The day after the funeral Malcolm came to our house to tell us about the new developments which we had been oblivious to.
“Have you not seen the news recently?” Malcolm asked gently, knowing we had been busy dealing with the aftermath of Utha Mae’s passing.
“The news?” I asked.
Malcolm found the TV remote and searched until he located one of the cable news stations.
A male news caster was interviewing a woman in Rome with the Vatican in the background of the shot.
“And who did you see?” the newscaster asked.
“I saw my mother,” the woman said, holding the back of a shaking hand to her mouth, preventing a sob. “She looked so beautiful, like she did when I was a little girl.”
“And when did she die?”
“Two years ago,” the woman completely lost it then and had to be carried away by a man I presumed to be her husband or boyfriend as the camera zoomed in on the newscaster.
“It’s the same thing we’ve been hearing all over the world for the past couple of days. People are seeing dead relatives and friends even having conversations with them and holding them. Unfortunately, not all the reunions are happy ones like the one this woman experienced with her mother. We have heard tales of, what I can only call evil spirits, visit their victims and family members with deadly consequences.”
News footage of a bloody crime scene filled the screen.
“It’s the end of times,” a man was screaming into the camera. “The ‘dead shall rise’, that’s what the Bible says!”
“This scene is the latest in a string of murders attributed to malevolent spirits. The police say they’ve never had so many unsolvable murders one right after the other.”
Malcolm turned the TV sound down to a minimum.
“I don’t understand,” I said, remembering my own experience with the ghost of Will, Harry and Utha Mae when she died. “What’s going on?”
“I’ve consulted with the Watchers who are experts in such things and they all came to the same conclusion,” Malcolm said. “The veils are weakening.”
Brand’s body went stiff beside me.
“Are you certain?” Brand asked, one of the few times I’d ever heard true fear in his voice.
“It’s the only explanation that makes sense,” Malcolm said.
“Ok, you guys are scaring and confusing me,” I said. “What are the veils and why are you guys so scared that they’re weakening?”
Malcolm looked around the kitchen and picked up a roll of paper towels. He tore off one towel and laid it on the kitchen island in front of me.
“Think of the universe as being different layers,” he told me. “Let’s say this first layer is the world you know.” He tore off another towel. “This layer represents a multitude of alternate realities, universes similar to your own but slightly different in some way.” He tore off another towel. “This layer represents Heaven.” He tore off another towel from the roll. “And this layer represents Hell. Each veil is protected from one another by a strong magnetic field. They’re never supposed to meet but now they are. They’re converging in on one another.”
“Has this ever happened before?” I asked.
“Never to this degree,” Malcolm said. “The universe is in a constant flux of destruction and renewal. Usually it’s kept in balance with neither one occurring more times than the other but according to the other Watchers there’s been more destruction happening than renewal. The energy released during the destruction of a planet or galaxy has been building up over the past few years and that’s what’s causing the veils to thin out.”
“When did this start to happen?” I asked. “Do they know?”
Malcolm looked to Brand. “Could we speak in private for a moment?”
“Why?” I demanded. “What are you afraid to say in front of me?”
“Dearest, please…” Malcolm begged, looking away from me, not wanting to meet my eyes.
“Say it Malcolm.”
Malcolm looked up at me and I knew he didn’t want to speak his next words.
“The Watchers have calculated the exact day and time the universe began to fall apart. In your time, it was February 20, 1994.”
I stared at Malcolm sure I had heard him wrong but knowing in my heart I hadn’t.
“That’s my birthday,” I said.
“Yes,” Malcolm said. “It is. You are something which shouldn’t exist, yet you do. Your birth was like throwing a monkey wrench into the gears of the universe. The longer you remain here, the more damage is done.”
“But even if the veils are thinning, they should hold,” Brand said. “They shouldn’t break.”
“No, they shouldn’t break,” Malcolm agreed, but not sounding convinced of his own words. “They are almost at their weakest points now, but we believe the universe will correct itself and start to heal in time. The universe will adjust around you, dearest, and things should almost return to normal.”
“I feel like you’re leaving something out,” I said. “What aren’t you telling us?”
“I’ve told you everything I know for sure,” Malcolm said. “But we are fairly certain Lucifer plans to use Lilly to tear a hole in the all the veils while they are weakened. We’re just not sure how he intends to harness enough power to do it. It seems to be the only conclusion if you add in the vision Lilly saw when Lucifer touched her. The ribbon of light you saw yourself making in the sky had to be the beginning of the tear in this world. And like we’ve always assumed, Lucifer will use Lillith’s power to phase himself to Heaven to finish the job.”
“What will happen if he succeeds?” I asked.
“Complete annihilation,” Malcolm said, not trying to hold anything back from me now. “The universe, as we know it, won’t exist anymore.”
“Well, I’m not about to let that happen,” I said, finding strength from an unknown source within myself. I stood straighter with my shoulders back. “What are we going to do now? How do we make sure Lucifer’s plan fails?”
“We’re working on it.” Malcolm looked pointedly at King Solomon’s ring still wrapped around my thumb. “Are we certain that ring helps you control Lucifer’s actions?”
“I can’t say for sure, but it seemed to work for me when I last spoke with him at the hospital. As far as I know, he hasn’t tried to contact my mother or anyone else that I know of.”
“Well, it either works on him or he’s trying to lull us into a false sense of security,” Malcolm said. “Our next step is to figure out what he intends to use as a power source. If we can figure that out, maybe we can destroy it before he’s able to use it.”
“And if we can’t?” I asked.
“All of the Watchers are all willing to give their lives to keep the universe from being destroyed,” Malcolm said. “Lucifer can’t fight all of us at once without diminishing his power with each death. It might be enough to bleed him dry before he’s able to do anything. We simply need to figure out exactly when he plans to set his plan into motion to make our deaths effective.”
“That’s not much of an option either,” I said. “There’s no way I’m losing any of you.”
“It’s a last resort maneuver, dearest. Hopefully, it won’t come to that. But rest assured, we won’t let him win, no matter what the cost.”
I knew I couldn’t argue with either of them. Hadn’t I just made Brand promise to kill me if Lucifer gained possession of me? We would all do what needed to be done to stop Lucifer. No matter what the cost.
Chapter 20After Malcolm left, Brand took me into his arms and whispered, “Where is the one place you would go if this were our last day on Earth?”
“Besides our bed?” I said, kissing his neck lightly.