by Tara Lain
She took a sip. “Jake, you need some time off?” It was half question, half declarative sentence.
He decided to take the question part. “No. I don’t need time off. What would I do? Shit, we’ve got tons of work—”
She held up a hand to stop him. “You have something you want to tell me?”
He stared into the chocolate eyes. This was the moment. He could declare his feelings. Let the chips fall. At least he’d know. Choose, dammit. Choose. “No.”
She stared a bit more, then shook her head. “Okay. I know you’re deeply troubled about something. I have no right to ask you what it is, but you know I’m here to listen if you need me.”
He started to answer, and she interrupted. “Is everyone in your family okay?”
“Yes.”
“Are you in love?”
He just stared at her, opened his mouth, and nothing came out.
She shook her head. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have asked. That’s your business. But, Jake, you’ve got to choose.”
Ice went down his spine. What did she know?
“You can deal with whatever is shutting you down and become productive again, or you can take time away and get your shit together. You’re no good to anyone like this.”
“Are you firing me?” He could barely say the words.
The frown creased her forehead. “Did you hear me say a word about firing you, Jake Martin? Jeez, who do you think I am? I do not kick a friend when he’s down, and I don’t plan to lose the best thing that ever happened to this research team. But you are stuck, my friend. I’ve watched you sit in catatonia for the last week. Sometimes the only way to get out of a stuck situation is to just do something—anything—but move on. Make whatever choices you have to make, take a trip, get drunk, or close yourself in a closet if you need to, but get on with it. Stuck doesn’t become you. Go home. Have a weekend.” She got up and started toward the closed door. “I better open this before Xuan and Jeremy have a caffeine attack.” She turned back. “Go home. Now, please.” She walked out. He’d been dismissed.
Sitting in his car in the parking lot of the university an hour later, Jake didn’t know where to go. Jesus, that was how stuck he was. Couldn’t even navigate a simple trip to his apartment. He had a whole weekend plus a Friday night. He hadn’t had that much time to himself since he’d started working for Em, and he didn’t know what to do with it. How does a stuck man get unstuck? Em said he had to choose, but what was he choosing? Between being gay or straight? Between Em and Roan? Those choices felt artificial; he couldn’t choose. There were too many “buts” and “ifs” to be that black-and-white, and he was the master of black-and-white.
For so long, he’d harbored this silly secret vision. He and Em, working side by side until the day she realized that they were partners in every way, and they married and lived happily ever after in genetic heaven. God, he was an idiot. More likely, he’d moon over her in unrequited love until he died an old bachelor. But what if his dream came true? Green eyes flashed across his mind. Nothing in his love life had worked for years—until he met Roan. Even sex with a woman had been great for the first time in ages because Roan was there. It was a freaky question, but could he have great sex with anyone without Roan? Shit, there was some serious self-doubt.
Jake shook himself and turned the key in the ignition.
His cell phone rang.
Putting the car back in neutral, he looked at the caller ID. Not Roan, as he’d thought, but his mom. He hit the button. “Hi, Mom.”
“Jakey?” The voice was tight. Scared? Mad?
“Mom, what’s wrong?”
“It’s Cal. He’s holed up somewhere raging drunk and says only you can come to his rescue.”
Ah yes. Both scared and mad. “What’s up with baby brother?”
Now she sounded pissed. “I have no idea. He won’t tell me. Says he’ll only talk to you. I must say, I had no idea you two boys were so close.”
Jake sighed. “It’s complicated, Mom.”
She made a snorting sound.
“Where is the runt?”
“He said you would know.” Worry overcame the anger. “Do you, Jakey? Do you know where he is?”
Jake leaned his head against the back of his seat. “Yeah, Mom. I know. Don’t worry. I’ll rescue the fair maiden.”
“Bring him here, Jake. And plan on staying. I suspect Caleb will need your help, and I want to see you.”
Oh really? She didn’t necessarily mean anything portentous by that remark. She always liked seeing her kids. “Okay, Mom. Get his bed ready. I imagine he’ll need it. See you in a while.” He disconnected.
He glanced at himself in the rearview mirror. Funny. He hadn’t known what to do with this weekend. It looked pretty damned decided to him. Was it a sign—or just more stuck bullshit?
Chapter Thirteen
Déjà vu all over again. Jake walked toward the Blue Flamingo, flapping his arms against the cold. It was early, but the parking lot was packed for happy hour, so he’d had to circle until somebody pulled out at the far end of the lot. Music blared louder and softer as patrons entered and exited the front door.
All the way over, he’d tried to think about Cal and figure out what his problem might be. No use. “I love you so much. I love you so much.” Roan’s soft voice bounced around in his brain over and over. Why did the idea terrify him so much? He’d never thought of himself as a commitment-phobe. His obsession with Em had consumed him for so long, it made him feel faithful. Until Roan. Roan. Roan.
He reached for the door handle and jumped out of the way as a couple guys pushed out the door. Oh yeah. Gay bar. Did he belong here? Whatever. He had the runt to rescue. He grabbed the door and stepped inside.
His senses were assaulted with music, heat, and the smell of booze, candle wax, and warm guys. Men stood body to body in two rows at the bar, every table and booth was jammed, and a few guys were getting an early start on some Friday night sex on the dance floor.
Jake got bumped by a warm body and recognized the young waiter who’d served them when he was here with Cal. He grabbed the guy’s arm. “I’m looking for my brother…for Caleb.”
The guy—Hal, was it?—gave him a sweet smile, then rolled his eyes. “Oh yeah. The boy is seriously wasted. Check the back booth. A couple guys are trying to take care of him.” He had to yell over the general noise.
Jake leaned in close to be heard. “Thanks, uh, Hal, I’ll find him.” He threaded through the crowd and spied Caleb half sprawled across a table, his head on his arm, in the same booth the two of them had been in. Two guys—one of them Joe Jack, the big man Jake had danced with—flanked Cal, preventing his escape from the booth.
Oh yeah, it only took a glance to know the boy was a mess. Jake nodded at the two babysitters and leaned over the table so he could be heard through the noise and drunkenness. “Hey, baby brother.”
Cal looked up but had trouble focusing. “Jake? Z’at you, bro? I knew you’d come get me. I told Mom. He’s my brother; he won’t leave me. He knows that I love… Oh shit.” He put his head back on his arm.
Joe Jack stood and put his big hands under Caleb’s arm. Though he was half a head shorter, the bulging muscles had some effect. “C’mon, Cal, let’s get you up.”
“Nope.” He shook his head and pulled back hard. When Cal put muscle into it, there wasn’t much chance of winning. “Not goin’ yet. Wanna talk to my bro.”
Jake leaned down and pushed some of the brown-gold hair out of Cal’s eyes. “C’mon, runt, we can talk in the car. We need to get you home. Mom’s really worried.”
“Nope. Gotta talk now.”
Faced with about 225 pounds of recalcitrant brother, Jake looked at Joe Jack and shrugged.
The big blond smiled. “I’ll go get you a drink to pull you through this.”
“Thanks. Just a beer will be great.”
Joe Jack headed to the bar, and Jake settled in his spot in the booth. The guy on the other side of Cal, a nice-
looking prep in a business suit, was already sliding out. Jake didn’t know him but smiled. “Thanks for helping take care of him.”
The guy nodded. “My pleasure. He’s a good kid.”
“Yeah.”
Cal raised his head. “Thash me. Good kid. Tell Charlie that…” Head to arms again.
Jake shrugged toward the preppy guy, and he chuckled and walked into the crowd. Cal turned his face toward Jake but didn’t raise his head. “Hi.”
“Okay, baby bro. It’s your dime. What the fuck is going on?”
“Charlie…” His face turned onto the arms again.
“Yeah, okay, so Charlie what? C’mon, Cal, I can’t hear you with your face buried. Sit up and talk to me.”
Cal sat up suddenly, looking a bit less drunk, and focused his bloodshot eyes on Jake. “He left me.”
“Okay, I kind of figured that. What happened? Another guy?”
“No.” Cal started shaking his head, and his eyes closed. “My fault. All my fault.”
Somebody turned up the music, which caused the whole noise level in the room to rise. Jake tried to speak over it. “How was it your fault, Cal?”
Words tumbled from him, and Jake leaned in to hear. “He says I’m ashamed of him. Says I don’t love him. Just ’cause I won’t introdush him to Mom and Dad or my coach. Tried to tell him it’s complicated, but he says he’s sick of being some assh I fuck. Oh, Jakey, I fucked it up.” The head dropped again.
Straight to the heart. Some ass to fuck. That was just how Roan must feel right now. Jake tried to focus on the big kid. “Did you tell him how you feel?”
Caleb’s head rose from his arms, tears running down his cheeks. “Oh, Jakey, he’s right. I don’t want to tell anybody about him. I just want to fuck him and treat him like a piece of meat. I’m an asshole. No, I mean he is… Oh, Jake.” Back to position one.
Close to fucking home, much? “C’mon, runt. Let me take you home.”
Cal turned his head a little. “What?”
Jake yelled toward the half-buried ear. “Let’s go home to Mom and Dad’s. C’mon, I’ve got the car. It’s a walk, but if I get some help, you can make it.” He pulled at the big body. “C’mon, Cal, get up…”
There was a sudden quiet. Music was still playing, but there were no voices or laughter. He looked up and found the people on the dance floor mostly stopped, staring toward the door. Was it police? A raid? Whispers started low, then escalated to hearing level.
“Is that…?”
“Could that be…?”
“Holy fucking God.”
Jake stood and tried to look through the crowd to the door. Too many bodies. The group began to part like the proverbial Red Sea. People stepped aside as if making way for a king. Ah, make that a queen. Roan walked toward them between a line of awestruck onlookers. That familiar shock of electricity raced through Jake’s gut. He was riveted. He stared as Roan stopped on the other side of the table.
“What are you doing here?” Nice going, Martin. Dumb-ass.
“Cal called me. Said he was in trouble, so I came.”
“Cal?” Jake looked at his brother.
The runt raised his head and then sat up, sporting a huge smile. “You are Roan fucking Black.” The whisper level turned to a general buzz as the identity of the man was confirmed.
Roan smiled, the crooked tooth flashing. “That would be me. And you’re the famous runt?”
Cal’s grin stretched even wider. “That would be me.”
Jake looked back and forth between the two smiling men. “Okay, you two. Since you clearly haven’t met, how the fuck did this kid manage to drag you here?”
Roan’s smile quieted. “Cal had my number in his phone, remember? And since he was personally responsible for the happiest time of my life, I figured I owed him one.”
The buzz escalated. Those close enough to hear—and that was a lot of people, since the room was still pretty quiet—clearly assumed that they had met before and that Cal had been Roan’s lover. That caused a serious stir. Jake knew better. He stared at the supermodel, knowing that the man meant his happiest days were those he’d spent at Jake’s condo, sleeping with him, making him food—being his wife. A strange, uncomfortable combination of heat and cold filled Jake’s belly.
Time to get the hell out. He dragged at the big body again. “C’mon, Cal. Move, damn it.” He glanced at Roan. “Thanks a lot for coming, but I got this. I’m taking him to our folks’. Move, Cal!”
Dead weight.
“Doesn’t look like you’re taking him anywhere.” Roan clearly suppressed a grin.
“Cal.” Jake pulled.
Cal pulled back and nearly yanked Jake off his feet. “Wanna see you dance.”
“What? Shit, bro, give it the fuck up. C’mon.”
“Wanna see you dance with Roan.”
“There’s no time for dancing. Mom’s worried. She’s waiting up. C’mon.”
“Not going.” The kid slid back into the corner of the booth and curled into a ball. A 225-pound ball.
Laughter resumed in the background. Some of the crowd had gone back to drinking and dancing, but a lot were still watching, including Joe Jack, who stood with the forgotten beer in his hand, tight denim stretched over powerful thighs. “I think you better give it up, Doc. Not gonna get him out of here till he gets what he wants. Hell, how hard can it be to dance with Roan Black? I’ll dance with him. Shit, I’ll dance with you, baby. But we already did that, didn’t we, beautiful?” Clearly trying for provocative, Joe Jack glanced at Roan. It worked. Roan looked like—despite the near hundred pounds Joe Jack probably had on him—he was willing to take him on.
Jake stepped forward and motioned toward the dance floor. “Okay, I give. C’mon.”
For a second, Roan stared at him like the asshole he was, suggesting that he only danced with Roan to get his brother to move. Then he flashed a little smile and walked out into the crowd. As the two approached the dance floor, men made way for them, a few hands reaching out to touch Roan on the arm. He smiled pleasantly but stayed focused on Jake. Jake fumbled for a second, but Roan took charge like the experienced gay man he was and moved into Jake’s arms, making Jake the lead.
Hearing the music, Jake began to move, and Roan followed perfectly, effortlessly. Oh God, the feel of him. The satin-over-marble of him. And the smell of cinnamon and man.
The green eyes gazed up at Jake, then Roan let his lips rest against Jake’s ear. “I know I have no right to ask, beautiful, but who the fuck is that Neanderthal with the tree trunks for thighs?”
Shivers went down Jake’s spine. “I came here with Caleb once, and Joe Jack asked me to dance.”
Roan pulled back and looked into Jake’s face. His voice was cool and silky. “I see. And you did it? Seeing how the other half lives?”
Jake looked away. Those green eyes were too intense. “Sort of. Cal thought I should have the experience.”
“You’ve been having all kinds of new experiences lately.”
“Yeah.”
Jake felt more than heard Roan sigh. “And I guess your most recent experience was one too many?”
“What do you mean?”
“Me. Alex. Surely you haven’t managed to forget that already?”
Jake stiffened his spine and looked straight into the very sarcastic expression. “I’ll never forget that experience. It was incredible in every way.” But one. He didn’t say that.
“Sure didn’t look that way, straight boy. You couldn’t get out of there fast enough.” Their dancing had slowed to a shuffle that still rubbed their cocks together on every second or third step. Both rock hard, they were doing a pretty good job of ignoring it.
Jake looked off to the side. “That’s not why I left.”
“What? I didn’t hear you.”
Maybe they had to have this discussion. Turning his head back to him, Jake said more clearly, “That’s not why I left.”
Roan seemed unconvinced. “The ménage is not why you
ran out?”
“No. I loved fucking you. I even loved fucking Alex with you watching. It turned me on.”
“So, what then? You just get tired of me?”
“Shit, no.”
The green eyes didn’t waver. A few dancers were watching them, and Jake was vaguely aware of Joe Jack and Cal gesturing in conversation while staring at the dancing couple. Tough forum for this talk. Guess there was no escaping. “You said you loved me.” He knew Roan was not going to be able to hear that whisper.
“What? Tell me, Jake.”
“You said you loved me.”
Roan stared, the full lips slightly parted. “And this was a shock to you?”
“Well…fuck, yeah.”
“It never crossed your scientist brain before that moment that I was falling in love with you? Like maybe when I kept coming back to see you, redid your home, cooked for you?”
When he put it that way… “No.”
“You never imagined that I had any other men to choose from, but I kept coming back to you because I cared about you? This was news, you asshole?” His voice rose, and more people stared.
“I know I was just kidding myself, but I didn’t think of it. Stupid, yeah. Sorry.”
“And my loving you is a deal breaker, is that it?”
“I just didn’t realize… Shit, I don’t know.”
Roan reached up and pressed on his cheek until Jake looked at him. “I never said you had to love me back, Jake.”
A beefy hand grabbed Jake’s shoulder, yanking him from the green-eyed world he was living in. Joe Jack turned him a little. “Hey, Jake, I think Cal’s satisfied with the dance thing, and pretty soon we’re going to have to carry him to your car, he’s so sleepy.”
Roan grabbed his cell from his pocket. “I’ve got my car and driver. I’ll tell him to pull up out front.”
Jake shook his head, trying to get with the new mood of urgency. “I brought my car.”
Roan was already talking into the phone. He put his hand over it. “Just tell my driver where to take him. You can lead us in your car. It’ll be easier, and we’ll have William to help when we get to your parent’s house. That boy’s a handful.”