The Heart Series: Complete Boxed Set

by King, C. M

  “Joel’s gone to work in Manchester to manage a bar, and I don’t know when he’ll be back. It could be months. He dropped the bombshell yesterday and literally left an hour later. He said he would call last night, but he didn’t,” I trailed off, my eyes dropping down avoiding the look of pity contained in Elijah’s eyes.

  I had deliberately left out the Lauren part, too choked up to get the words out. I didn’t want to see the confirmation in Elijah’s eyes that this was bad. For now I just needed to lock that part away, to deal with it in my own way.

  He reached over, taking my hand, and stroked it soothingly. “He probably got down there to a load of chaos and then thought it was too late to ring. He knew you’d be starting back at college today. I bet when you get home, he’ll ring you then, or why don’t you ring him? The phone works both ways.” He smiled at the last part, and I rolled my eyes at him stating the obvious.

  “Yeah we’ll see, come on, we need to get back to class.” I cut the conversation promptly, to keep my mind focused on college. It would be a welcomed change for at least a few more hours.

  * * *

  I rebooted my phone the moment I walked indoors. I had knocked it off earlier to save myself from checking it every five minutes. When the screen finally loaded, it revealed a missed call and voice message from Joel. I activated the message feeling happier that he hadn’t forgotten me. I knew just hearing his voice would make me feel brighter.

  “Hey, Iz, errmm . . . I was hoping to speak to you, but you’re probably at college. Sorry, I didn’t ring last night but it was chaos. I didn’t want to text you in case I woke you up. Hope today has gone well.” He paused, and I heard a woman’s voice filtering through in the background.

  “Joel, the girls out front want to know when you’re bringing your sexy little bum back through.” He chuckled at the comment as my blood turned to ice.

  What the fuck?

  “Anyway, Iz, I’ll try again soon, but I really am busy at the moment, so can’t say when that will be—” He then became distracted by a guy’s voice in the background.

  “Joel, we need you man. It’s getting chaotic through here. Oh sorry, didn’t mean to interrupt an important phone call.”

  “Oh it’s nothing important. I’ll be straight through.”

  What?

  Nothing important?

  I gasped at his response. It was like a kick in the teeth. I’d barely got my head around his dismissive comment when he hung up.

  No goodbye. I love you. Nothing.

  Fucking fantastic.

  I instantly deleted the message. I’d rather stick pins in my eyes than hear his hurtful words ever again. I threw my phone down hard in a rage, watching it bounce along the floor. Well if his intention was to make me feel less than special, then he’d gone the right way about it. I guess I no longer factored in his life. I got that he was busy, trying to make a good impression. But going from being his everything to nothing within days—he had officially ripped my heart out.

  A million thoughts ran through my head. I grabbed and opened up my laptop, instantly clicking on Facebook. I knew I was crossing a line, officially becoming one of those people resorting to spying on their boyfriends. I felt a wave of guilt as I clicked on his profile. I had now officially become Joel’s stalker.

  I checked down his wall, but he hadn’t made any status updates for a while. He had been recently tagged in a picture with his members of staff. I clicked on the picture to get a more magnified view. My eyes took in the sight of Joel smiling huddled in the middle amongst them all. I gazed at him for a few moments, already missing him, but it was the sexy redhead beside him that caught my eye. She was gorgeous of course, her long, flowing wavy locks fell down to her waist. She had the whole Jessica rabbit figure going on, which in the past had always been Joel’s type.

  I hated her already.

  She had curves in all the right places, which were now pressed up tight against my boyfriend. She looked like the cat that got the cream.

  The bitch!

  I instantly clicked on her name and went straight to her profile. I knew it was wrong and ignorance probably was bliss, but in this moment in time, I needed to know. I couldn’t access all of it, but I could get into her photos. Most were bikini shots of her wearing skimpy outfits on a night out. I couldn’t say I was shocked, she had a great body, and she knew how to show it off. I clicked on her personal info and of course, she was single.

  My heart dropped.

  Fuck.

  I slammed the laptop shut. I didn’t want to see anymore. Joel was already making himself very welcome with the ladies, probably becoming the main attraction. He’d only been gone a day and we were drifting apart, in a few weeks we’d be dead. With no doubt Cindy more than eager to take my place. She looked like the type of girl that got the guy, where I was the kind just too insecure to fight. First Lauren and now Cindy. I didn’t think I had the strength to cling on to Joel, sometimes you just had to accept the inevitable. I was probably just a phase, a different type of girl. In then end he’d always go back to what was familiar and I’d be left shattered, nursing a broken heart.

  * * *

  The next few days passed by in a blur. I’d officially turned into a human robot, nodding and fake smiling my way through the day. I ate though it was merely to keep my body functioning. I was barely sleeping. Just about barely breathing.

  Joel hadn’t called, and I had finally given up the ghost and rang him, but it had eventually gone to voicemail. That was two days ago, and I was beginning to go crazy. So when his name eventually flashed up on my phone, I was less than happy to speak with him.

  “Hello,” I answered in a curt brisk manner already on the defence.

  “Hey, Iz,” he said brightly. “I finally get to talk to you. I have left messages but just been so busy you know.” I heard the chatter and music of the pub in the background begin to fade as he made his way somewhere quieter.

  “Yeah I know, I got your message, thanks for that. You know how to make a girl feel really special,” I huffed, the conversation now replaying again in my head.

  “What do you mean?” he asked with a touch of annoyance to his voice.

  Hang on he was now annoyed at me?

  “What did you say, my call wasn’t important?” I heard the blood pumping in my ears, waiting for his reply.

  He let out a long sigh of frustration. “I didn’t mean it like that, Iz. I meant it wasn’t a business call. You know you’re important to me.”

  “Hmm looks like it, you barely call me then tell me I’m not important on the message you leave. I ring you, and you haven’t bothered to ring back.”

  “Izzy, I’m sorry but it’s been manic here, I’ve barely had time to think.”

  Yeah whatever.

  “You’ve made time to get yourself acquainted with all the girls at the bar though. I bet Cindy is helping you to settle in.” I waited with bated breath to hear any sign of change in his voice.

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” His voice immediately sounded defensive like he had something to hide.

  “I saw the picture, Joel, she was cosied up nice and tight beside you. I guess it’s inevitable she’ll be my replacement no doubt.” My eyes filled with tears at the very thought.

  “Iz, have you gone totally crazy? You’re getting all this from a photo?” he snapped.

  My body flinched at his tone. “She’s your usual type, Joel. She’ll be in your bed before the week is out. I’ll make it easy for you, shall I? The break we’re having at the moment, let’s make it a permanent one.”

  He openly gasped before the line fell silent. My heart beat at twice its rate waiting for a reply. The eerie silence stretched out between us as the tears began to fall.

  I swallowed slowly waiting for my voice to correct itself, trying to sound less croaky. “I deserve better than this, Joel. I can’t live feeling worried sick about whatever skank you’re going to hook up with behind my back. So you enjoy yourself in Man
chester, ’cause I need to move on with my life, one that no longer involves you.” My voice broke at the last part, barely able to speak the words I knew would change things forever.

  “You’re right,” he whispered, and my heart plummeted. “I never deserved you, and I was a fool to believe what we had could work. I’m sorry if I hurt you, Iz, it’s probably for the best—I have to go, bye.” He hung up, and my heart immediately shattered.

  He didn’t even fight for me, just instantly surrendered.

  We were over. Finished. Done.

  I felt the bile rise as the reality of the situation hit me and ran full pelt to the bathroom. The tears flowed as I gripped the porcelain tight. After finishing I slid down the wall to sit on the cool, tiled floor. I was sinking into a black hole of grief, one I doubt I’d ever have the strength to climb out of.

  * * *

  It was a cold, grey, drizzly day in Manchester as I stood staring over at Joel’s pub. After a week of no sleep, no appetite, and constant Facebook twenty/four seven, I decided I needed to try to resolve this face to face with Joel.

  The sight of the pub alone was enough to make me smile. Just knowing I was within reach of Joel sparked a renewed hope inside.

  I drew my jacket tighter around me, stepping into the doorway of the shop opposite. I pulled out a mirror and grimaced at the reflection staring back. I’d put on some makeup to try to hide the prominent dark circles, but they weren’t so easily disguised. I smoothed my wind swept hair down, trying to steady my erratic breaths.

  It was time to face the music.

  Stepping away from the doorway, my eyes instantly widened in surprise and my breath caught in my throat. Joel was standing barely metres away. He had his back to me, but I would recognise him anywhere. My body instantly reacted to him. I felt my heart slam against my chest. All the air rushed out of my lungs, I was fighting just to breathe. I studied him for several seconds, biting my lip anxiously to compose myself before walking over.

  I motioned to walk forward on the verge of shouting his name, but suddenly my feet were frozen to the spot. Cindy was heading towards him smiling. I had seen enough of her photos during my many stalker sessions to know it was definitely her.

  When she reached him, she laughed and wrapped her arms around him, pulling him in close for a kiss. Tears instantly pricked my eyes. In my dark moments I had imagined this scenario, but seeing it in front of me was like a knife twisting in my heart. I jumped back into the doorway continuing to watch. She reached down and grabbed his bum, pinching it as he chuckled.

  Fuck.

  I wanted to fucking kill him!

  I wanted to tear him limb from limb and stomp on his lying, cheating heart. It had taken him less than a sneeze to get over me before Cindy was in his bed. I despised him with every fibre in my body, with every single last breath. His laughter crushed the last fragment of my heart, watching my worst fear brought to life. But deep down I knew this was my own doing, I had let this happen. I was the maker of all of this and had broken us up, so now he was technically a free man.

  Why was I so foolish to think he wouldn’t have moved on so fast? That he needed time. That for once I had meant something to him.

  Obviously not.

  I was less then nothing.

  I was forgettable. And from what I saw in front of my own eyes.

  Replaceable.

  I pressed my face up against the cold, hard glass as the tears began to fall. The expectation of what could have happened was dead and buried. No happy reunion or being swept away in his arms. No declarations of how much he loved and missed me. It was just me huddled in an empty doorway crying over a guy who had completely crushed my heart.

  When I looked out again they’d gone, the droplets of rain mingled with my own tears as I headed back to the station. I didn’t want to be in Manchester a moment longer.

  I hated Manchester.

  I hated Joel.

  * * *

  “Iz, dinner is ready.” Mike shook me awake as he switched on the lamp. His face soon dropped taking in my red swollen, puffy eyes. “What’s happened?” His concerned look brought on more tears.

  God, at this rate I was certain dehydration would end up being the cause on my death certificate.

  I poured out everything to him, the phone calls, the women, going to Manchester and seeing him with Cindy. He cradled me in his arms, and I sobbed into his chest.

  “I’m sorry, Iz, but this is who Joel is. That’s why I freaked out when you started seeing him. He is a player and always will be. You deserve better.” I clung to Mike, crying for several more minutes as he continually rubbed my back trying to soothe me.

  “Should I tell Mum you’ve got a migraine, so she won’t bother you?”

  “Please . . . Mike, thank you.”

  “Izzy, I’m your brother. I’m always going to look out for my little sis. You get some sleep, things will be better in the morning.” He pressed his lips against my hair before I watched him disappear out of the room.

  I switched off the light, welcoming the darkness.

  I was officially in hell.

  Chapter 17 – Big Mistake

  “Right, that’s it!” Elijah snapped. “You’ve been moping around for a month now since Manchester, and I can’t take anymore!” He slammed his hand so fiercely against my desk I jumped in shock as the wood reverberated beneath his fingers.

  He was right of course.

  I hadn’t been brilliant company. I just hoped I’d done a good job in hiding it well.

  Obviously not.

  The fake smiles and laughter I’d used as a mask hadn’t been as foolproof as I thought. But now I realised it wasn’t just affecting me. I was dragging others under with me, and I knew that wasn’t fair.

  I stood up to talk, to try to apologise, but my throat started to close. The month that passed had been long and dark. Every single second had been pure torture. I’d barely existed and that was no life at all, but it was hard to move on, to forget him, to actually begin to live again.

  “I know a way to snap you out of it, there’s a party tonight at Roxanne’s house, and we are going.” He glared when I opened my mouth to protest with a string of possible excuses.

  His look shot me down. “Don’t even think about coming up with an excuse. You are going. You need to dress up and drink, and forget about your broken heart for at least one night.”

  I groaned knowing it was futile to disagree. “Okay, I’m in,” I said with a sigh. There was no point protesting, he’d just make me go anyway.

  He smiled with delight. “Wow, I thought that was going to be harder, trying to drag you along. I’ll be round at six to check your outfit. We are going all out, I want you in a dress, no jeans.”

  I frowned, I didn’t want to wear a dress, and I was definitely not in the mood to flirt with anyone. I wanted to remain anonymous sipping on a drink, blending into the background. But I knew I owed Elijah this. He needed a night of fun after supporting me throughout the whole grief process. I had to be selfless and put his needs first, my own misery would take a back seat, if only for the night.

  * * *

  Elijah rang the bell at six sharp. I guess he really did mean business. I tottered almost comically down the stairs, going as fast as my heels would carry me. I decided it wasn’t worth the berating I would receive if I’d gone ahead and worn my jeans. I chose a simple floral summer dress I had bought weeks earlier. The weather was beginning to grow steadily warmer, so it was the perfect excuse to give it its first airing. It was another one of Elijah’s finds. I’d grown accustomed to receiving random snapshots of items of clothes on my phone, seeking my approval before buying.

  He looked me up and down with a smile and whistled his approval as his eyes lit up. “Damn, girl, you scrub up well,” he remarked, licking his lips as he shot me a wink.

  “I’ll take that as a compliment, shall I?” I playfully slapped his chest chuckling. He always knew how to make me smile.

  I’d alrea
dy applied my makeup, disguising my death-like pallor into something almost human. Even managing to disguise the dark circles that had become a permanent fixture of late. For a short amount of time tonight, I’d forget my own heartbreak and enjoy reacquainting myself with my good friends, vodka and tequila.

  As I was half way through curling my hair when the doorbell rang, I dragged Elijah back upstairs to let him finish my hair. He got more enjoyment from the actual process of getting ready rather than the actual party.

  When my hair was curled and fixed with spray, I scrutinised it in the mirror. For the last month it had spent the majority of the time tied up in a tatty bun. It was hard to believe the silky, wavy locks was the same hair. It deserved an outing to be treated better. I made an agreement in my head to take better care of it in the future. I already knew it would be back in the bun within twenty-four hours.

  Elijah finished applying my eyelashes. I fluttered them in the mirror, feeling mesmerised. They added just the right amount of oomph to my eyes.

  “Do you think I could get away with wearing some? As I really think they would open up my eyes.” Elijah asked, holding some up against his lashes.

  I stared at him in surprise.

  Was he being serious?

  “Please tell me you’re joking?”

  “What? You girls get to have all the fun, I think I would totally rock some amazing lashes.” He grinned and batted his own. He really was too cute and adorable, but could he rock some eyelashes?

  No. Just no.

  I looked at him, trying to be diplomatic with my answer. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. “I don’t think they’ll go down well at the party. You don’t want to lose your manly card sporting a pair of those.”