by King, C. M
“Thanks,” I muttered. He was trying his best to lift my mood, but right now it was on the floor.
“You’re welcome, now come on, I’m cooking you a bacon sandwich to get some proper food into you.” He headed towards the kitchen.
“I am rather peckish now.” My stomach grumbled in agreement as I followed him.
“Well, let’s get this thing going.”
“Don’t you have to be back at work?” I asked confused.
“I got an hour off, the pub is quiet. They can cope, you come first. I was going stir crazy calling you and when you didn’t pick up I thought the worst.”
Now I felt bad.
“Sorry, I silenced my phone before I went in and forgot to turn it back on,”
“Well, at least I know you’re fine.” He turned back to pull out the plates from the cupboard.
“My ego may be a little bruised. I just really wanted it. I thought this was my chance. I don’t know. I’ve been really down about all the other failed auditions, and then this came along and gave me renewed hope but I just feel like I’m back to square one.”
“Something else will come along you’ll see.”
I clenched my teeth in anger. “Please stop saying that. You don’t know that, this could be it for me just an endless line of failed auditions, never moving forward, just stuck working behind a bar.” I wanted to cry at just the thought of it.
“There are far worse jobs, you know,” Joel snapped, looking annoyed.
“Joel, I didn’t work hard for three years to pull pints. I want more. I need more.”
So much more.
“Thanks,” he added, turning back in a huff.
“Oh don’t take offence, I just meant …”
“Yeah, I know what you meant. But it’s how I pay my bills and I love socializing, seeing the regulars, it’s a good job to me,” I could hear the bitterness in his voice.
I frowned at his tone. “I’m not saying it isn’t, but I want—”
“More, yeah, I get it loud and clear.” He grabbed the bread and proceeded to ignore me.
“Joel.”
“It’s fine, Iz, let me make you that bacon sandwich before I return to my dull job.”
“Joel, please.” My heart sunk at the prospect that I’d really wounded him. I wasn’t saying that I was better than he was, but I needed more. This could not be my life, I had not busted my guts to work behind a bar, it had to be all for something else. It was one big cruel joke.
I walked over and wrapped my arms around his middle sighing into his back, he soon turned and pulled me in close.
“I’m sorry,” I murmured into his chest and he pulled me in tighter.
“It’s fine, Iz.”
“No, it’s not, I didn’t mean to ridicule your job. You do it well.”
“It doesn’t take that much to run a bar really, anyone with half a brain could do it.” He shrugged.
“Don’t put yourself down. The regulars come in to see you, for the banter. You know how to work a bar, you brighten it with your personality. Some people just don’t have the confidence but you have it all, especially the charm. You know how to put people at ease to make them smile, you are the perfect barman.”
Joel smiled at my words. “Thanks, I guess.”
“You know it’s true, you have everyone under your spell.”
“Does that include you?” he asked, looking amused.
I pulled him in closer. “Do you even need to ask?”
“Well, I always like to check, you know for reassurance, that I’m keeping my girl happy, wouldn’t want you looking elsewhere.”
“Like I could get better than you.”
“So am I prime rib?” he asked, winking.
I rolled my eyes. “Trust you to bring meat into it.”
“You know I do like a good steak.”
“You are more than I could ever wish for, sometimes I have to pinch myself to check that this is real.”
Joel grabbed me, pinching me hard as I squealed in pain.
“Ow that flipping hurt,” I huffed, slapping his chest.
“I’m still here, baby.” He grinned.
“I’m glad about that. Maybe you could serenade me later. Sing one of your songs dedicated to me, you know that might cheer me up,” I suggested, hoping he’d say yes.
“Anything to make you smile.”
“Have you got any more gigs lined up?” I asked, grabbing a mug as I clicked on the kettle to make us some coffee.
“Lee is ringing ’round lining some up. They are only small pubs but it’s a start, and he’s started to do all of our social media. He’s setting up Facebook and Twitter, so we could do with a hand just bringing in some numbers then hopefully as we go along the numbers will continue to increase.”
“I can get Elijah to do that, you saw what he did with the YouTube video. Have you got anyone to record and upload onto there? You never know, it could bring in more jobs.”
“I’m not ready for YouTube just yet, I’d be embarrassed to see myself on screen.” He blushed a little just at the thought of it.
“Err why? You’re smoking hot and talented.” I was pretty sure all eyes would be on him once the video was put online.
“You’re just biased that way,” he winked, turning over the bacon.
“Seriously, Joel, I’d never bullshit you. Sometimes I don’t think you see how much talent you really have. I’d like for this to become bigger, for you to have something more.” I wanted him to have an interest that he enjoyed and was good at.
“Than the job I’m in?”
“Joel.” He was taking my comments personal again. I just wanted him to be happy doing something he loved.
“It’s fine, Iz, maybe it might take off. I don’t know, but rock bands are ten a penny, everyone is out there trying to get noticed. I just like to do it for the enjoyment, I’m not looking for fame.”
“If this whole thing does take off you’d better not get all big headed and dump me for some bimbo with massive boobs.” I pouted, feeling annoyed at just the possibility.
“Hey, more than a handful is a waste.” He winked and I rolled my eyes.
“Just remember you’re mine.” I walked over and my arms encircled him from behind.
“Well I have the tattoo to prove it.” He turned to face me as I unbuttoned his shirt and placed a kiss on my name that was written in beautiful script along his heart, my most treasured possession.
“I love this tattoo. I still can’t believe you got it.” I never got tired of looking at such beauty.
“Well, I’m planning to be with you for the rest of my life so it seemed like a good plan, but if it all goes kaput, I can easily get it removed.”
I could hear the humour in his voice, but I wasn’t impressed even if it were a joke. “Joel,” I pouted, feeling wounded at the very idea he could erase me so easily.
“Stop taking me seriously, Iz. I’m joking, you, me forever, right?” He pulled me into him.
“I hope so,” I mumbled into his chest.
“I know so, but right now I need to get back to this bacon, so sit your pretty little bum down and let me feed you.”
“Yes sir, I like it when you get all masterful.”
He winked and proceeded to take out the bacon, quickly buttering the toast and making the coffee. For the next hour he would more than keep my mind off the situation before he returned back to work and my mind would wander to that dark place again.
* * *
“So how did it go?” Elijah asked, barely through the door.
“Oh seriously don’t ask.” I wasn’t in the mood to discuss it, but I was certain Elijah would not let me off so easily.
“That bad, huh?” He frowned taking off his jacket.
“Not really, in fact I probably danced the best I ever have.”
He looked at me confused. “Then why the long face?”
“Because when I finished they just stared at me with no indication of if they liked it, in fa
ct the look on their faces told me they didn’t like it at all.”
“It’s their loss, they’d be lucky to have you.”
“I know but I wanted it so bad. I thought that maybe this was my moment, my time to shine. I’ve been so down lately, I needed this but I guess it’s like all of the rest of the auditions, I just wasn’t good enough.” I sighed. I had to face facts I was just not good enough.
“Oh come on, Iz, you know you are, but maybe they were looking for something different. We can scrutinize all day long, and we still won’t know why. You’ve just got to take it on the chin and move on, or else you’ll go crazy,” he replied, giving me a hug.
“I think I’m half way there now,” I mumbled into his chest.
“I don’t think so.” He kissed me hair before stepping back.
“I downed a three quarter tub of Ben & Jerry’s without barely drawing breath,” I admitted, feeling extremely guilty.
“Without me?” he whined.
“You were at work and I was freaking out, so I couldn’t wait.”
“Damn, you know I love hanging out with those guys.” He actually looked sad.
“And I watched The Notebook without you,” I whispered, scared of his reaction.
“I know you were in slight shock, Iz, but you know the rules, we share Ryan.” He narrowed his eyes in annoyance.
“I know, I know. If it’s any consolation, I wasn’t really watching it. I had a cry and then fell into an ice cream coma. The next thing I knew Joel was waking me up.”
He pulled a face looking deep in thought. “Well, what can we do to cheer you up?”
“Maltesers and hot guys are always a great place to start,” I suggested, winking.
“Lucky I packed those, go grab the pizza menu, we’re going all out. My girl needs cheering up, so if I have to eat carbs then so be it.” Yeah, like he was really going to force himself.
“You can watch me eat the pizza and then you’ll still be in a carbs free zone,” I suggested, knowing what the answer would be.
He pulled a face. “Screw that, I haven’t had pizza in six weeks, I deserve a meat feast after all this denial,” he protested, looking like he was ravenous.
“I want chicken and sweetcorn,” I mused. It was always my go to pizza.
“Are we going half and half?”
“You read my mind, I don’t want to overdose on carbs, got to leave room for the Maltesers too.” There was always room for chocolate.
“Now which DVD?”
“Crazy Stupid Love,” I suggested. I needed more Ryan in my life.
Elijah’s face immediately brightened. “Ahh, great choice.”
“I need Ryan to cheer me up. I think I need to overdose on him today.” It might just be the only thing to get me though this day.
“Well, if there’s anyone guaranteed to put a smile on your face, it’s him.”
“I know, please order the pizza and then we can get this cheer Izzy up underway,” I suggested handing him the phone.
“Coming up and I might see if Dan can deliver, you know just on an eye candy basis.” Elijah winked.
“Oh he is cute, Joel caught me looking and got real mad, but his punishment was something I’d do over and over.”
Yeah I maybe should have kept that part to myself.
“Oh me and Sam equally perv over Dan that way, I would love to eat pizza off that body.” He was practically salivating.
“He is a treat for the eyes and that body. He would make a killing as a topless pizza guy. I swear he gives Channing a run for his money.”
“He may be even better. When I get him up close and personal, it’s all I can do not to drool. Oh please let him be free.” He clicked on the phone quickly dialing the number. Answering, he asked the inevitable question and then his face dropped. I guess Dan was not part of the plan tonight then.
“No Dan?” I asked, when he got off the phone.
“No, he changed shifts.” The look on his face was priceless.
“How inconsiderate,” I muttered.
“I know, right?” he asked looking overly annoyed.
“I guess we’ll just have to make do with Ryan tonight.” I sighed.
“Well, that isn’t all bad. Pizza, Ryan and my bestie, that sounds about perfect.”
And I couldn’t have agreed more.
Chapter Fourteen
After our Ryan marathon, Elijah left just after eleven. He had done a great job of cheering me up, and of course, was around to flirt with Joel the moment he arrived home from work. Joel really didn’t appreciate his playful ways. The next day I was back at work, serving up pints when I stopped to go have my break. It was a sunny day so I left the confines of the pub to sit nursing a lemonade in the beer garden, taking advantage of my precious fifteen minutes. I clicked on my phone only to find a missed call from an unknown number. There was a voice mail. I patiently waited for it to connect. My eyes almost bulged out of their sockets when the familiar voice filled my ears.
“Hello Izzy, this is Lorna, we’ve spent a lot of time discussing all of the auditions, and I’m pleased to tell you that yours was an outstanding performance and we were all in agreement that you got it hands down. We have so much to discuss if you choose to sign up. I need to talk you through the schedule for practicing and then walking you through the tour. If you can give me a call back then we can finalise everything. I’m going to be in a meeting for the next two hours after that I will be contactable on this number. I look forward to hearing back from you.”
I clicked the end button in disbelief. Was I dreaming right now? I sat there in complete trance trying to just process the message I’d just heard. There were no words. I had gotten the job, I had freaking gotten the job. Everything I had worked towards had finally paid off.
Then I had a freak out. I would be on stage with hundreds of eyes on me, the thought alone made my stomach churn but just getting to perform for an audience was enough to send a wave of butterflies through me. This was it, the dream was happening and yet I was still stunned to even move. I knew I needed to tell Joel, my mother and Elijah, but I couldn’t move. It was all too overwhelming. Then a voice brought me out of my trance.
“Iz, break time’s over,” John said, smiling.
I quickly snapped out of my head and back into the present looking at my watch. Shit, I was ten minutes over. “Sorry John, just enjoying the sun, I lost track of time.”
He smiled pulling out his phone, automatically texting as I headed back inside. I didn’t know what I was going to say to Joel. Would I just blurt it out like ‘surprise, I got the job, in a month I’ll be touring and leaving you on your own?’ I knew he would he happy that I got it, but I couldn’t help but think that he was going to take it hard. His mind instantly went to that dark place when he felt like he was being left alone. It was something that scared me, but I hoped we’d come far enough for him to understand this was part of the job and even though I would be leaving for three months, we would still talk several times a day. I may not be physically there in person, but I’d still make sure that the distance between us was not one that was going to cause a rift between us.
“Hey, there you are,” Joel remarked, finishing off pulling a pint. The bar was starting to fill up now that we weren’t far from the lunch rush that was due shortly. This was when we needed all hands on deck. I quickly took the next order and set about filling the glasses and taking payment. Joel smiled in a grateful way, it was all heavy going around this time. As more people came walking through the door, John joined us, and we all managed to make the drinks and take food orders in a reasonable time.
When the lunchtime rush was finally over, I went into the kitchen to collect my order, a tuna baguette I was just about ready to devour. At least the rush had kept my mind off things. Joel was still serving so I decided to break the news to him tonight when we would finally have some peace and quiet. We needed to discuss it in length without people constantly interrupting, and there was a part of me that was
wary of his reaction. I didn’t want him flipping out in front of the customers. So I decided to keep a lid on it till it was the appropriate time. This was going to be one long afternoon.
* * *
After work I made us a stir-fry, we were both bushed and just needed something quick and easy. Joel went and had a shower while I got dinner going. I didn’t have much of an appetite wondering what Joel’s mood would be like once I gave him the news. I just prayed he would take it as an amazing opportunity for me and not see it just as something that would keep us apart for the next three months.
It didn’t take him long to demolish the plate in front of him, and he even finished off the majority of mine. There was never any food waste in this house with Joel around. I quickly set about doing the dishes but was soon pulled back into his hard chest as his lips gently sucked on my neck.
“Iz, are you okay? You’ve been quiet all day, what’s wrong? I know you’re sad about the audition, but something good will come along soon, I’m certain,” he soothed.
Oh god, it was now or never.
I turned to face him. “I got the job. They called me earlier to tell me.”
“What? That’s amazing, why didn’t you tell me?” I could see a look of confusion cross his face.
I bit my lip biding for time. “Because I was nervous about how you were going to react.”
“What do you mean?”
“I know you weren’t ecstatic about the three month touring part. I wanted to get you on your own to tell you so that we had a proper chance to talk without people interrupting.”
“Well yeah, I can’t say I’m thrilled that you’re leaving me for three months, but this is what you’ve worked hard for I knew this when we got together. You have to take whatever opportunity that comes along. I want to see you happy, not worrying about me, I’ll be fine.” He pulled me into him as he hugged me hard.
“But will you—I don’t want you to think that I’m abandoning you,” I mumbled into his chest, feeling tears fill my eyes.