The Heart Series: Complete Boxed Set

by King, C. M

  “And when will that be?” B asked.

  “It could be days, weeks . . .” my mother replied, the tone of her voice was flat, like it hurt to even speak the words. She started to sob loudly, and my heart clenched at the thought of putting my mother through so much pain.

  “How could anyone do such a thing to my sweet boy?” she cried, almost choking on her sobs.

  “They are fucking animals, Auntie Pam. I swear I will chop their cocks off if I see them.” That thought alone made me inwardly smile.

  “Please don’t swear, Brianne. You know I don’t like it,” she urged. I had to give it to my mother even at times like this she still had the same response when it came to any form of swearing.

  “Sorry but I’m so fu–freaking angry right now. They could have killed him. What if he doesn’t wake up, what will we do?” she shrieked.

  Jeez, her voice was giving me a headache.

  “I can’t think of that right at this moment. We just have to pray that he does. God is good, he will help those who need it the most.”

  “Then where was he when they attacked him, beating him to a pulp and leaving him lying there in his own blood. If that dog walker hadn’t come along, he would have been left for sure to die.”

  “Brianne, please, I don’t need you reminding me over and over.” I could hear the horror in her voice over all she had been put through.

  “I’m sorry but it’s just—”

  “I know, I know, but he will make it through. My boy is a fighter. He’s always been a leader, never one to be led. He’s been strong throughout his life, and he will fight this. You’ll see, he’ll be okay because I can’t believe in my heart that he won’t be. I have to believe from this cruel act something good has to come from it and having my boy wake up and say my name is the only thing I can concentrate on. He is my life and without him, I am lost. We’ve always had a strong bond. He connected more with me than he ever did with his dad. We’ve been each other’s shoulder to lean on throughout all of this, seeing my marriage break down, the way his dad acted towards him when he finally came out and told him he was gay. I saw the light dim in his eyes that day, seeing his dad’s reaction, not accepting him for who he was. He fights hard to disguise the fact he’s not bothered that he’s never had his acceptance, but I know that it breaks his heart every time he gets pushed farther and farther away.”

  “Where is Dave?” B asked.

  “He’s on a fishing trip which is just like him, never around when I need him, but what’s new?” I could hear the agitation growing in her voice, which was weird, she was normally so mild mannered when it came to my dad, always quick with the excuses to defend him.

  “So is he coming to see him?”

  “Yeah, he’s making his way back now.” My mother sighed, I could hear how weary she was.

  “He always was a useless fucker, you are so better off on your own,” B added in her own diplomatic way.

  “Language, Brianne,” my mother scolded

  “Sorry.”

  “But yes I totally agree.”

  If I could have smiled right now I would have.

  “Will E want to see him though, when he wakes up?”

  “I don’t know, but right now he needs to be at his son’s side,” she sobbed.

  “Oh Auntie Pam, don’t cry. He is going to be sitting up, ordering us about before we know it,” B soothed.

  “I hope so. I can’t—he’s my only boy, my one reason for going on sometimes. I keep myself busy with all my treatments, but some days he’s the only reason I keep my spirits up, to give him the life he deserves,” she admitted and my heart sank.

  “And he knows that, he loves you so much. Most kids can’t bear the sight of their parents. Look at me, I can’t stand mine, but I’ve always had you and E; you were my family. You were the ones I relied on. I know I ran away, I had to. I needed to get my head straight, but I should have believed E. He’s never once lied to me before, so why would he now?”

  “He’s been so lost without you. I’ve seen such a change in him since you left. He’s lost his spark, and I’ve just felt like whatever I’ve done hasn’t been enough.”

  “It left such a big hole in my life, leaving him behind,” B admitted, her voice wavering slightly.

  “Well you’re back here to see him. I’m sure if there’s anyone that can rouse someone from their coma, it’s you,” my mother said, sounding a little brighter.

  “I’m sure there’s a compliment in there somewhere,” B replied sarcastically.

  I heard them both laugh, and I sighed softly. It was lovely to hear that noise I’d always taken for granted.

  * * *

  I woke a short while later, but once again my eyes appeared to be sewn shut. My eyelids felt so heavy. I just wanted to see the faces of the ones I loved. But then I heard a voice I hadn’t heard since my birthday. It was my dad.

  “I got here as soon as I could, Pam. I’m sorry but we’ve had a nine hour drive.”

  “Oh well, sorry for inconveniencing you to come to see your own son who just happens to be in a coma,” she retorted dryly. I have never wanted to high five my mother so much in my life.

  “Pam, please don’t make me feel as bad as I do already,” he groaned. Obviously shocked at my mother’s lack of sympathy.

  “You haven’t been here for him for a long time, even on his birthday you had to rub it in that you were going away with your family. He’s your family, your real family, and if you took the time to get to know your son, you would know that he is the most beautiful, attentive boy I’ve ever known. Some people his age are selfish and out for what they can get and have no time to spare, but Elijah has been my rock since you left. He has been the one thing that kept me going. I’m proud of my son, for everything. I’m proud that he had the courage to come out to be truthful about his sexuality, and the fact that you couldn’t handle it well speaks volumes about you,” she screamed.

  “I just needed time to get my head around it,” he muttered.

  “Why? He’s the same person, he hasn’t just suddenly changed because he’s gay.”

  “I know, but growing up we were taught it was wrong.”

  “By who your bigoted parents?” she shrieked, her voice couldn’t possibly get higher.

  “Pam—”

  “No, I’m talking. Any real man would stand up for their kid, would support them and you have shirked responsibility over and over. You are a coward, and you don’t deserve to have him as a son.”

  “I know,” he whispered.

  What?

  “What?” my mum asked surprised.

  “I know, okay. I’ve known for a while, but I just swept it under the carpet. It was my stupid pride getting in the way. I am proud of him and contrary to what you say, I do love him. I just don’t have a great way of showing it. I stupidly put my foot in it on his birthday. I thought I’d finally done something right getting him the laptop, but in my own typical fashion, I had to cock it up, hurting him again. I know I have another family now, but I want to make time for him. I want him to be a part of it, but I’m scared he won’t let me back in, that it’s gone too far and he’s done with me . . .” his voice trailed off.

  “Well you won’t know until you try,” my mother responded softly, the anger in her voice slowly subsiding.

  ‘But what if it’s too late?”

  “Listen, Dave, our son is a fighter and if I know him, he’s probably listening in on this as we speak.”

  Wow, my mother was good.

  “He will not give up without one hell of a fight. He’s battled to do normal things and hasn’t complained once. He just accepts it and moves on. Contrary to what you believe, he loves you. If he didn’t then he wouldn’t take each stinging word you say to him so hard. He has his pride, and that’s why he chose to keep his distance, so he could save himself from any more emotional heartbreak. If you want to be back in his life, you need to be there for him—a hundred percent. You need to stand by his side and
accept him for who he is, or you can just walk out that door and never come back because I won’t let you hurt my son again. Do you hear me?”

  Wow, my mother meant business.

  “Yes . . . I’m here. I know it’s taken me a long time but I’m here. I’ll always be here for him as long as he wants me.”

  “Then that will be for the rest of his life. I need to go stretch my legs. Will you stay with him? I don’t like leaving him alone. He might appear like he’s asleep, but I know he can sense when people are around. I see a slight flicker in his eyelids. It’s the only thing giving me hope right now. Elijah, I’m just going for a quick break. Your dad is here. He wants to talk to you, to make it right. Listen to him, son, I know he’s hurt you in the past, but he’s trying to make up for that now. I know you want this, and I know you’ll let him because your heart is too big to not. I love you. Please come back to us soon.” She pressed a sweet, soft kiss against my forehead, and I felt her lips shudder slightly. She was filling up, I could tell, and the tear that fell down onto my cheek confirmed it. “I won’t be long.” Her voice wobbled, and I heard the door bang shut behind her leaving me alone with my dad.

  After a few beats my dad finally spoke. “Hey son, I’m not good at this. Christ, I don’t know what to say. Oh shit, your mother would kill me swearing within two seconds, but I want you to know I love you, son. I know it might not seem like it, but I have missed you so much. I don’t show it because it was the way I was brought up. Your grandpa was the same way with me and instead of doing the opposite, I guess I never realised how much I behaved like him. Your mother said you’re doing well at school and that you’re top of your class. You get your brains from her. Your mother may seem a little eccentric at times in her beliefs, with her power to heal, but underneath all of that is a very wise woman. Hell, she outgrew me. I guess I knew that when we got together. I wondered what this smart, funny lady saw in me. I know the divorce was messy and you felt like you were left behind, but I carried that picture of you in my wallet. You know the one on the swings with ice cream down your face? That was such a great day. That picture never fails to make me smile. You were my boy, my only boy, and yes, I have another family but I want to make this right, to make you see that you’ll come first. I want this, Elijah, please wake up and let me back in. I don’t think I’d ever recover from this, if I’m not given a second chance. I love you, son. Please give me this one chance, and I will be the dad you always dreamed of having. Please wake up, son, please.” He bent down and sobbed so hard that my heart clenched at the thought of his own breaking right now. I could do this. I could wake up. Heck, the silence was killing me. Just open your eyes, I willed myself so bad, still nothing, but I wasn’t going down that easy. This must have been the longest time I’d ever been quiet, so that had to change.

  I just needed to concentrate. Open your eyes. I managed to slowly pry one open a fraction and then felt my fingers begin to get back some sensation. It was enough to just slowly open my hand and place it against my dad’s. He sat up right staring at my hand barely grazing against his. He stared deep into my half open eye. I was practically squinting, any moment it was about to slam shut and send me back into complete darkness.

  “Elijah—oh my god, you’re awake. Oh god, son, it’s so good to see you.” my dad rejoiced.

  “Yeah,” I mumbled, barely able to get out anything more.

  “Did you hear what I said? Did you hear me, son? I meant every single word. Please tell me you heard it all.”

  A soft smile touched my lips. “I did, Dad, and thank you.”

  “For what?”

  “For being honest and finally telling me how you feel. I’ve waited so long. I never thought I would see the day, but your words really got to me,” I explained.

  “Everything I said was true. I’ve been such a stupid, stubborn man but no more. They say you have moments in your life when reality hits you in the face, and this is mine. I never want to know what it’s like not having my son in my life. I want to know everything.” His face told me that everything he was saying was true.

  “Well it could take a while, sure you have the time?” I said sarcastically. I could feel my old self returning rapidly by the minute.

  “For you I will make the time. It’s so good to hear your voice. When I walked in earlier, just seeing you lying there . . . You’ve always been so spirited, and at times I’ve thought that was a bad thing, but after today I will never complain about how vibrant and loud you are. You are your own person and not afraid to let people know that. I wish I had had that about me when I was younger. I wished I’d stood up to your grandpa more. I was a coward and scared that your grandpa would bring it all back to me. He was always so critical about everything I did; nothing was good enough for him. In the end, I just stopped trying, but I should have fought harder for you. But you are so strong, I don’t think you ever really needed me.” His eyes suddenly turned sad, and I felt my heart sink a little at the fact he had thought that.

  “You’re wrong, Dad, contrary to what you think, there was a part of me that always sought your approval. You’re my dad, the one guy who was supposed to love me. And to think that you were ashamed of me, well, that hurt more than you’ll ever know. But when something like this happens it makes you question everything. When I laid there on the ground, a small part of me wanted to give up. It would have been far easier to let go and not have to put up with the day to day battle of being accepted by people.”

  “Don’t talk like that, son,” he pleaded, his eyes glazed over at my words.

  “Why? It’s true, even you turned away, repulsed by the idea your own son wasn’t normal.”

  He frowned. “I know, and it’s something I’ll regret for the rest of my life, but you must never give into these people. You have to live your life how you want. God only knows I didn’t, always seeking the approval of my dad, and where did it get me? Absolute nowhere. He has never shown me any praise my entire life. Nothing has ever been good enough, and yet I always had this drive inside me to gain his acceptance.”

  “I guess the apple didn’t fall far from the tree then,” I added, he had acted the exact same with me.

  His eyes dropped down in disgust. “I know and I’m ashamed of my actions, but I’m here to say that I want to change. I want to make amends for all the time I wasn’t there, just please let me show you I have changed.”

  “I don’t know, Dad. I don’t think I can deal with the disappointment again. There’s only so much I can take.”

  He grabbed my hand and squeezed it tight. “Please, just give me this one chance, and I’ll prove to you,” he begged.

  I stared deep into his eyes, ones that were filled with so much hope for me to say yes. I thought about all the hurt and the pain he had caused me with his actions over the years, and a part of me wanted to be cruel, to tell him no. That he’d missed the boat, that it had sailed so long ago, but there was something inside that was telling me to give him a chance to try. Everyone deserved a second chance, even him, but it would be the only one I would grant him. Anymore and I would just cut him off again and accept that it wasn’t meant to be.

  “Okay,” I murmured.

  “Thank you.” He surprised me by leaning over and slowly encasing me in a hug. I could barely move, but I sighed, feeling the warmth in just that one action. “I love you, Elijah, never forget that, please.”

  I nodded, it was all I could do. There were no words. The lump in my throat was way too big to allow anything to come out.

  “Elijah, you’re awake,” my mother shrieked.

  Sweet lord, my poor ears.

  But the look on her face told me I had probably aged her by a hundred years. My dad moved back allowing my mum to kiss me. She pulled back and stroked my face. I flinched slightly.

  “Sorry, but it’s so good to see you awake. There was a time where we were told to expect the worst, but I never believed it.”

  “Why can’t I open this eye?” I was barely functioni
ng with one eye squinting, but the other seemed like it refused to open.

  “It’s because of all the bruising and swelling. It will go down. You just need time, your body took quite the battering.”

  “I can tell, I can barely blink without hurting.” It hurt like hell full stop.

  She frowned at the thought of me being in so much pain. “Do you need more painkillers? I can get the nurse to—”

  “No! I don’t want to fall asleep again. I want to stay awake and talk to you all.” I was so over sleeping. I wanted to talk until the words no longer came. I always hated being a bystander, I liked to take charge in a conversation.

  “Ahh now we know he’s on the mend,” my dad added, chuckling.

  My mother smiled. “Oh yeah, my sweet little chatterbox, I always knew you were ill when you were quiet.”

  The cheek!

  “Thanks Mum.” I attempted to roll an eye, but it was far too impossible at the moment.

  “No, I hated the silence, it always told me there was something wrong. These last four days, the silence has been excruciating. I’d have given anything for you to speak, to tease me about everything, it’s the one thing that killed me the most.” Her eyes filled up again just at the thought of it.

  “I’m sorry for what I put you through,” I murmured apologetically.

  “Hey, none of this was your fault,” she soothed, stroking my hair tenderly.

  “But it was, I was drinking a lot, and I put myself in a dangerous position because I wasn’t thinking. I allowed him to do this to me, to hurt me, and he could have killed me. How could I have been so reckless? I’m so sorry, Mum, for all of this,” I sobbed.

  “Hey, shush, you’ve been in a bad place for a while now, and I should have recognised the signs.”

  I frowned at her trying to take the blame. “I hid them well. I only drank when you weren’t around. I just wanted to escape it all, but I never thought about the consequences of my actions would have on others.”

  “When you’re in that dark place, son, all thoughts go out the window. Trust me I know, I’ve been there. You don’t think about others, you just protect yourself, it’s not selfish, Elijah, it’s just the way you learn to cope with it all.”