Christmas Daddies

by Jade West

  “Is that a compliment?”

  He smiled. “You’ve always made me so proud, Katie, from the very first moment I saw you. I just regret you never got to realise.”

  Tears pricked, but I didn’t let them fall. “This has to be slow,” I said. “I just… I don’t know how this could even work… after all this time…”

  “However you want it to. You call the shots. Not like last time, this time it’s all at your pace, Katie, whatever you want.”

  “I didn’t think you gave a shit last time.”

  “You have no idea how much I gave a shit. No idea at all.” His words were raw and choked.

  I felt awkward again, scratchy in my suit, small in the big leather swivel chair. “I’d better go,” I said. “I told Carl I’d only be an hour.”

  He smiled. “I hear how well you’re doing. I check in every day.”

  “I know,” I said. “He tells me.”

  “He does?”

  “I’d better go.” I got to my feet, held out a hand, and it felt stupid. He took it anyway. “I’m sorry,” I said. “For my part. For not giving you a chance.”

  “You have nothing to be sorry for. Nothing. The apology is all mine.” He squeezed my hand so tight. “I’m sorry, Katie.”

  My breath was sore in my chest. I nodded. Smiled. Shook his hand.

  And then I pulled away, walked to the door, brushed aside a tear before I stepped into the corridor, but there were footsteps, a hand on my arm.

  “Katie…” he said, and then he didn’t say anything at all. He pulled me into him, and held me tight, and I was so rigid, so scared. “I am so sorry. I’m sorry about your mother, I’m sorry for what I did, I’m sorry I wasn’t there.”

  I nodded, held my breath to stop the tears.

  “I love you, Katie, you’re my daughter. I always loved you.”

  And I couldn’t say it back. No matter how much I wanted to, no matter how much I wanted to believe him, wanted to believe I had a dad, and that that dad loved me, had always loved me. No matter how much my heart thumped in my chest and my stomach pained with all the hurt and all the forgotten dreams, I just couldn’t say it back.

  I didn’t know him enough to love him.

  Didn’t know him at all.

  But maybe one day.

  I wrapped my arms around my father’s shoulders, and I stayed there, just long enough to count.

  And that would have to be enough.

  For today.

  The tears pricked again as I pulled up outside the Cheltenham office, and underneath them my thoughts were all fucked up. Sadness, and shock, and a glimmer of hope.

  And anger. There was anger there.

  Not at my mum, who’d done her best despite a few wrong calls. Not even at my dad, who’d let her down and made a few wrong calls of his own. Epic style.

  My anger was at Verity.

  The cold steely determination in my belly turned hot, and it spat and spluttered. Maybe if she hadn’t been so cruel. Maybe if she hadn’t made me feel so worthless, so unwelcome. Maybe then, I’d have been able to stay, just enough to get to know him, just enough to know he didn’t hate me.

  Maybe things would have been different.

  I sighed to myself. What did that really matter now?

  I breathed out all my hurt, all my anger, breathed out all the bitterness and confusion, and fear. And what was left was me, just me, the same me I’d always been.

  Except now I knew the truth.

  Finally, after all this time, and all this hurt, I knew the truth.

  Carl pulled me aside on my way in, but I shook my head.

  “I’m alright,” I said, and brushed his hand from mine. “I’m good.”

  “What did he say?”

  “Lots,” I shrugged. “Nothing. Everything.”

  “Want to go talk?” His eyes were so hard on mine.

  I shook my head again. “I want to work, Carl. I need the headspace.”

  He nodded. “Alright, Katie, whatever you want. I’m right here.”

  “I know,” I said, and I did know.

  I hammered the fuck out of my calls that afternoon. I was on a mission, consumed by nothing other than the desire to forget it all and fly high on the leaderboard. I chased up all my prospects, closed everything I could into an opportunity, and those leads clocked up for me. Even Ryan looked confused.

  “Who put the steam in your kettle today?”

  I shrugged. “Just my lucky day, I guess.”

  He reached out to me, pretended to bathe in my glory. “I hope it’s contagious.”

  “If this is luck, you’re welcome to it,” I said, and gave his arm a friendly slap.

  I was making a coffee when Verity clacked her way into the kitchen behind me. My skin prickled. Wondering what she knew. Wondering what she’d heard. Wondering if she knew anything at all.

  She appeared at my side, reached up for a coffee mug, and she was stewing, I could tell.

  “Hey, Katie,” she said, like she ever made casual conversation. She turned around, leaned against the counter, looking anywhere but at me. “I know we don’t… speak.”

  No shit.

  “…but I just wanted to…” She sighed. “Good leads today. So many of them.”

  “Yes,” I said.

  “I’ve been meaning to say. For a while. You, uh, you sure know how to make those calls.”

  I didn’t even know how to reply.

  Her earrings sparkled under the florescent light, and so did her lip gloss. She was so preened, so perfect, so stylish and groomed and well-fucking-educated.

  But she was nervous, a little bit hollow. She felt like glass. I could tell.

  “Look, Katie, I, um…”

  “You, um?”

  She shot me a half smile, like she was crazy and she knew it.

  “Ruth and Sharon and I are meeting up at Cheltenham Chase, before the event kicks off. I was wondering if you would… if you wanted to… I dunno… meet us? I have a spare trailer, if you…”

  “I have my own trailer,” I said.

  And she looked disappointed, like I’d lashed out and stamped on her olive branch. It felt so surreal.

  She pinked up, and shrugged. But she wasn’t hostile. She didn’t attack.

  “Ok,” she said. “Well, I guess we’ll see you there. Dad’s coming. Seb and Dommie, too. And Mum.”

  I watched in silence as she made her coffee, dumbfounded beyond coherent speech. She dropped the teaspoon in the sink and shot me a final look before she walked away.

  “Hey, Verity,” I managed, as she reached the open door.

  She turned, stared right back at me.

  “Thanks,” I said. “For the offer.”

  She shrugged, offered me a small smile. “No problem,” she said.

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Carl

  Bagels were off the lunch menu today. I felt uncharacteristically nervous as I gave the training suite a final onceover.

  It had come around so quickly, the end of the telemarketing phase of the internship programme. As of Monday, my group of twenty would be fractured into smaller teams, assigned to different departments of their own choosing. Some into the account management teams, some into back office support, Ryan was heading for the field sales division, shadowing one of our Northern Territory sales managers.

  Katie and Verity had both opted for the marketing team, and there would be just four of them heading in that direction.

  Maybe it was their shot to find some common ground, without the background noise of a busy calling regime.

  I hoped so. As much as Verity Faverley had been a self-righteous, bitchy little pain in the ass for the vast majority of the time I’d known her, I still hoped they’d find some way to forge a relationship of sorts. Verity had surprised me, and as much as Katie hated to admit it, she was surprising her, too.

  I’d seen it for myself, the little olive branches Verity was holding out. Little comments in the team meetings, a genuine smile as K
atie claimed the leaderboard for the day, an offer of a trailer for the Cheltenham Chase by all accounts.

  I didn’t push it. Partly because fragile flowers need space to bloom, and partly because I doubted poor Rick could take another round of my brutal honesty.

  I’d done more than enough of that for the time being.

  David and our senior management team were due at our Cheltenham office for the Friday afternoon festivities. We had champagne and celebratory cake, and a buffet from outside caterers. Hell, we even had balloons.

  I suspected we’d also have a fresh round of golden envelopes, but that wasn’t my call. I’d presented the final leaderboard figures with my recommendations, but the final decision on bonuses would be down to David and the finance team.

  “It looks amazing in here,” Katie said. Her smile was bright and her eyes were happy. She took a seat at her old desk. “I can’t believe this is the last time I’ll be sitting here, it’s come to feel so comfortable, you know?”

  “You can always come back and pick up the phone, for old time’s sake. It’s only over if you want it to be.”

  She shrugged. “I dunno, Carl. Maybe I’ll lose my touch.” She looked up at me. “Maybe I’ll be a marketing whizz instead, have you thought of that? Maybe I’ll join Rick in his little design empire and have my own ads up on the kitchen wall.”

  I put my hands on her shoulders, gave her a squeeze. “The world is your oyster, Katie. Nothing would surprise me.”

  “We could give ourselves a cool funky name. Kat-rick, it’s a bit like hat trick, no? Three in a row. That could be us.” She laughed. “You’d have to join then, though.”

  “Unlikely.” I smiled down at her. “Anyway, Rick would want something abstract. Indigo Trout or some crap like that. You know what he’s like. Any excuse for a hip rebrand.”

  “I like Kat-rick.”

  “So do I,” I said, and tipped her face up to mine.

  “Smooching in the office is a no-no, Mr Brooks, very unprofessional.” Her eyes mocked, but her lips were open.

  I leaned in further, until I could feel her breath, and she blushed.

  “Carl, seriously. What?”

  “It’s a celebration,” I said, and kissed her.

  I kissed her like we weren’t at work, like it was just us, alone, like it had become so natural to do. She wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled me close, and moaned into my mouth as I moaned into hers, and it was perfect, so perfect.

  But it was a mistake.

  A cough from the doorway doused us with cold water, and my eyes crashed into the stare of Evan Michaels, Finance Director.

  “I apologise for the… interruption,” he said, and there was a barb in it. “I was hoping for a word, Carl, about next month’s projections.”

  I nodded, gestured to our meeting room. “Of course. Be my guest.”

  I flashed Katie a smile as I went, mouthed it’s ok in response to her horror.

  But the clock was ticking.

  It seemed my brutal honesty would likely get another outing after all.

  It came even sooner than I expected. The buffet was in full swing when David’s hand slapped on my shoulder, and his expression was friendly but serious.

  “We need to talk.”

  I nodded. “Yes. We do.”

  Katie’s eyes followed us as we left the training suite, and this time it was for another meeting area, far away from inquisitive ears. I closed the door behind us, and David remained standing. I did, too.

  “I know I don’t need to ask you for honesty, Carl.”

  “No,” I said. “You don’t.”

  “I’ve heard a rumour…”

  “Yes,” I said. “Katie and I are in a relationship.” I met his eyes, held firm. “I wanted to tell you. I’m sure you understand why I didn’t. The secrecy didn’t rest easy with me, I can assure you.”

  He paced. Nodded his head. “How long?”

  The admission was the only thing that made me uncomfortable. “Before she joined the programme. Before I knew she was your daughter.”

  I could see the shock in his face. “That’s quite some time, Carl.”

  “I know,” I said. “I’m sorry this is the first you’re hearing about it. Genuinely, David. But with Katie being your daughter, with your relationship being as it was, and her participation in the internship programme complicating matters, I felt it best to let time… take its course.” I sighed. “I wasn’t hiding things with any subversive intent, David. I’m not ashamed.”

  “I had my suspicions,” he said, and his eyes pierced me. “Is it serious?”

  “Very.”

  He nodded again. “You’re a good man, Carl. I have nothing but respect for you, and under the majority of circumstances I would wholly support your relationship with my daughter.”

  Such a mix of emotions churned in my stomach, but his praise hit hardest of all. “Thank you,” I said. “That means a lot.” I paused. “What do you mean by the majority of circumstances?”

  He didn’t sugarcoat the issue. “Rick,” he said. “Where is Rick in all of this?”

  I didn’t sugarcoat the issue, either. “Exactly where you’d expect,” I said. “Rick is very much in all of this.”

  He raised his eyebrows. “What is this? Some kind of… orgy?”

  I shook my head, unable to resist a smirk. “It’s no orgy, David. We’re a polyamorous couple, Rick and I, have been for years.” I stared at him. “You know that.”

  “Yes, I know that.” He sighed. “But I didn’t… she’s my daughter, Carl.”

  “I’m aware of that.” I didn’t break eye contact. “I always felt you supported mine and Rick’s relationship, David. We both count you as a friend.”

  “And I am a friend, of both of you.” He took a seat, and I followed his lead and took one, too. “You know I like Rick, Carl. I’ve always liked Rick. I like both of you.”

  “But?”

  “But I’m not sure…” he sighed again. “This isn’t what I imagined for my daughter. It makes it…”

  “Different?” I raised an eyebrow. “So, you support our relationship just so long as it doesn’t involve a member of your close circle, is that what you’re saying? That it’s conditional, David? Do what you want, just so long as it’s not in my backyard?”

  “No,” he held up his hands. “That’s not what I’m saying.”

  But he was saying it, that’s exactly what he was saying.

  “We love Katie very much,” I said. “Both of us.”

  “And she feels the same?”

  I smiled. “I would hope so. I certainly believe so. Feel free to ask her for yourself.”

  He fixed me in a stare. “Would you not consider making a choice, Carl? If you chose to be with Katie, I’d be very happy about the situation.”

  I stared right back. “I’m not even going to grace that question with an answer, David.”

  “You must understand,” he said. “She’s my daughter, Carl, she’s my little girl.”

  “And she’s very happy. We’re all very happy.”

  He sighed. “You’d understand,” he said. “If you had a daughter.”

  “With all due respect, I wouldn’t,” I said. “Love is love, David. Commitment is commitment. Integrity and consideration and communication, honesty and genuine care, compassion, support… those are the things that make a worthwhile relationship, whether that’s two people, or three people, or ten people.” I willed him to listen. To understand. “We have all of those things, so no, David, I wouldn’t understand the preference of the status quo over a situation where three people have found genuine happiness. I’m sorry if our relationship disappoints you, honestly I am, your opinion matters to me very much, but I am not ashamed of loving your daughter, and I’m not ashamed of loving Rick. I’m not ashamed, David, and I have no intention of leaving either one of them.”

  He pointed a finger in my direction, smiled. “This is why you’d make such an excellent partner for my daughter,
Carl. You have such integrity, such honour. I’ve always respected that in you.”

  “I hope I do make an excellent partner for your daughter. Maybe you should ask her before you come to any conclusions about our situation.”

  “Maybe I will,” he said.

  “Please do.” I got to my feet. “We have a celebration to attend, if we’re done?”

  He waited, staring up at me. “I can’t say I’m alright with this, Carl.”

  “So don’t. Don’t say anything until you know what you can say.”

  He rose from the table, and I looked at the man I’d come to respect to highly. He was still a strong man, still proud. His grey hair was thinner than it once was, but he was still an attractive man, still a charismatic, dynamic, driven leader. He held out a hand and I took it.

  “Please don’t feel this is a reflection on my feelings towards you, Carl. I respect everything you’ve done for me, not least for building bridges between Katie and I. I know that was you, I know what you did for me.”

  “I did that for both of you,” I said. “And maybe that’s where you should be putting your attention. We’re really no threat to Katie’s happiness, Rick and I. We’ll do the right thing by her, always.”

  “I know,” he said. “I just need some time, to make sense of my outlook.”

  “Take all the time you need, David. We’ll all be right here when you want to talk.”

  He nodded, and I opened the door.

  “Psst,” Katie said. She had a party hat on her head, a golden crown with garish glitter stars. I raised an eyebrow and she smiled. “Ryan brought them in. Mine’s the queen one, isn’t it cool?”

  “Very.”

  She took a breath. “What did he say? My dad, I mean. What was all that about?”

  “He knows,” I said, and her eyes widened.