One Night Only

by Stewart, Lynsey M.

  God, she was wonderful.

  ‘Is this a joke?’ she said, wide-eyed and lovely. ‘Are you joking right now?’

  ‘Hey, you,’ I replied as I leant against the doorframe, folding my arms cockily. I closed my eyes and thanked the higher source that was guiding us together. If this didn’t prove my point about fate and destiny, I didn’t know what would.

  ‘We really should stop meeting like this,’ she said, her beaming smile not helping the thud in my chest.

  ‘Never.’

  ‘Are you for real?’ The accordion blared out a noise as she leant her head on it. She snorted before covering her mouth. ‘Why are you here?’

  ‘I’m just—’

  ‘Are we getting a tune today, Stacey, love?’ an old fella said, looking back at me.

  ‘Who’s this geezer?’ another guy said as they joined hands, holding each other in a classic ballroom dancing pose.

  Stacey and I, we watched each other, the air crackling between us. A spark of something, a shiver. She shook her head, bit her lip, before she laughed in disbelief and held in her snorts. Fuck, she was adorable. And this? This was nothing else but fate.

  ‘Hayley, is that you?’ I turned to find my aunty Jean entering the room, supported by Beth.

  ‘Hi, Jean, sweetheart. How are you today?’ Stacey replied, like she’d known my aunt all her life. The guy sitting next to Stacey got out of his chair, allowing my aunt to sit down in his place. ‘Thanks, Dave. Jean can get a better view now, can’t you?’ she said, taking my aunt’s hand. ‘You look absolutely gorgeous today.’

  ‘Ooh, no.’ My aunt laughed, fucking laughed, for the first time in weeks.

  ‘Your lovely Beth’s with you today, I see.’ Stacey and my cousin smiled at each other like they were best friends, and this was proving too much for me to handle. I dragged my hand down my beard and watched in amazement.

  ‘Would you like me to play something?’

  ‘Yes,’ my aunt replied.

  ‘You like the oldies, don’t you? Well, hang on, because Matt here has made a request.’ Stacey pointed to me. ‘He wants “Perfect” by Ed Sheeran. Is that all right with you?’

  ‘Matt,’ my aunt said, looking up at me. ‘My little boy.’

  Stacey’s smile slipped into confusion as she looked from my Aunt Jean back to me.

  I crouched down in front her. ‘Not so little anymore, Aunt Jean.’

  Stacey mouthed, ‘Aunt?’

  ‘Hayley, is that you?’ my aunt said again as Stacey smiled.

  ‘Yes, Jean,’ she replied. ‘I’m still here.’

  I turned to her, puzzled as to why she was answering to the wrong name, before the pieces started to fall into place.

  ‘Hayley,’ my aunt repeated, nodding as she held my face with her hand. I knew what she was trying to say to me, couldn’t really believe it, but I knew. ‘Hayley.’

  ‘Does she always call you that?’ I asked.

  ‘Yeah,’ Stacey replied softly. ‘I’ve known Jean since she moved here. You like my music, don’t you, Jean?’

  I thought back to all the times she used to tell me about a girl who would be perfect for me. Hayley.

  ‘Remember when I told you my aunt had been trying to set me up with someone who works at her care home?’

  She nodded.

  ‘I think she meant you,’ I mumbled, shocked and moved and ready to stop messing around. Stacey and I were meant to be. How many more signs did she need? ‘Why don’t you correct her? Tell her you’re Stacey, Stace…Stash.’

  ‘The nurses told me to go along with the things they said. Conversations about long ago that never really made much sense. See Bill over there?’ I looked around to an old guy asleep in an armchair. ‘We got talking about music one day and he told me he’d seen Pavarotti sing when he was fighting during the Second World War. I didn’t like to tell him that Pavarotti would have only been about ten-ish when the war ended. He had a beautiful voice, but I don’t think he was that good.’ She laughed before returning her gaze to my aunt. ‘What would I gain from correcting them? It’s their truth, isn’t it?’

  I took her hand, the urge too great to leave her alone as I whispered into her ear, ‘You’re telling me this isn’t fate?’ She bit her lip. ‘This isn’t just chance encounters.’ I heard her jagged sigh against my heart, my cock, my everything. ‘Tell me you get it, now. Say you understand.’

  ‘Are we getting a song then, Stace?’ the two guys shouted, still ready for a dance.

  ‘Yes,’ she replied, her voice raspy and low as she sat back, the accordion balancing on her knee.

  She started playing “Perfect” and Ed Sheeran’s voice was singing in my head. I laughed at the frankly bizarre-as-fuck rendition that was everything I hoped it would be. Eccentric, full of love, beautifully done—just like her. I mouthed the words about diving in, following my lead, and she smiled. A guy next to me started moving his finger, his own conductor as he started la-la-ing to the music, and my aunt…oh, my aunt.

  I watched her as she started tapping her knee lightly. The tap transformed into a hand clap as her head moved from side to side, coming alive again as Stacey played. Another song started that I instantly recognised as ‘Blame it on the Boogie,’ and a party erupted. There were old fellas dancing around, the two men—one Stacey referred to as Fred—were swaying together, the laughter and fun infectious. My aunt clapped in time to the music and Beth got lost in the moment of happiness, having her fun-loving mum back with her, if only for a few minutes.

  ‘Come on, Matt,’ Stacey shouted. ‘Let’s see your moves.’

  I’d heard her say that before, just before I sank into her for the first time. She winked and I felt dizzy. Happy overall. To be here, with her, my aunt, people that fucking mattered. I held my hand out to a lady who was desperate to have a dance, sitting on the edge of her chair, tapping her foot like her life depended on it.

  ‘May I?’ I asked, and she looked at me like her day had become instantly better.

  ‘I thought you’d never ask.’

  * * *

  ‘He’s exhausted,’ I said, rubbing Reggie’s belly as he lay down across my feet.

  ‘I know, poor fella. Being petted all day must be exhausting.’ Stacey laughed as she put away her accordion into its beat-up case. Various stickers of rock bands long passed were flaking at the edges or partly ripped off.

  ‘Where did you learn to play that?’

  ‘My grandad was a music teacher at our local school. Very eccentric,’ she replied, smiling. Christ, that smile. ‘He used to go to Glastonbury every year wearing tie-dye.’

  ‘Why doesn’t that surprise me?’ She knelt down and gave Reggie a good scratch behind his ears. I placed my hand on the curve of her neck, threading it through her hair. Her sigh made me smile. ‘You know, I haven’t seen my aunt like that in months. Years, even.’

  ‘She’s always like that when I play,’ she said softly, her eyes closed, clearly affected. ‘The power of music is amazing, isn’t it? It must have been something she loved. The way she reacts to it. It brings her back to the present again.’

  I nodded. ‘When I was a child, we used to put on her CD player and dance around the living room.’

  ‘She’s got good rhythm.’ She smiled. ‘Did you see her foot tapping? Perfect timing.’

  ‘You brought her back to me, Stace.’

  She placed her hand over mine, the one still framing her neck. I sighed because it was all I could do to stop myself from breaking apart, the emotion of today too much to contain. The woman who thought of me as her own child and the woman I was sure I wanted to be the mother of mine shared a connection, a thread of hope. Stacey was encouraging her out again. Gratitude didn’t cover what I felt for her and neither did love. This was more than just ‘I love you.’ This was bone-deep adoration. She was magical and inspiring. Astonishing. More than I’d hoped for. More than I deserved.

  ‘Thank you.’

  ‘My pleasure,’ she whispered, holding
my cheek, watching my mouth, her thumb tracing across my bottom lip. I knew this moment would always be classed as nothing short of outstanding, no matter what happened when we left this room.

  A kiss would have been perfect, but Reggie gave a contented rumble, part-snort, part-cough. Various family members who’d been around for the afternoon waved to Stace as they left, breaking us apart, unwittingly chasing the perfect kiss moment away. She joined in their conversations, didn’t brush them off, gave them time. I watched as her hands moved around, seemingly helping her with the process of talking. She asked about their loved ones, made sure she talked to the children who had long since become bored and restless. They adored her for it. There was a confidence about her that only came from a lifetime of love and assurance. I wondered, if our background stories were so different, would we blow each other apart.

  ‘Sorry,’ she said as she came back into the room. ‘Where were we?’

  ‘I was asking you if you wanted to go on a date tonight.’ I took my chance and ran with it.

  She smiled. ‘Really? I don’t remember that.’

  ‘You said yes.’ She laughed but kept her eyes on Reggie, fiddling with his collar that was already perfectly straight.

  I noted the familiar reluctance, remembering that circumstances remained the same. I was still an escort despite fate throwing up fucking ginormous clues that led me to believe we were meant to be.

  ‘Still feeling like things haven’t changed?’ I pulled in my lips and nodded, already agreeing with my assessment before she could reply. ‘That’s getting old, Stace. Real old.’

  ‘You’ve chosen a career where you can’t have it all,’ she replied. ‘You told me that yourself.’

  ‘This isn’t a career, it’s a…moment. A necessity.’ I held her wrist and she finally looked at me. I had nothing to lose anymore, and was tired of holding back. ‘I haven’t chosen to do this. It’s something I had to do.’

  ‘Why?’ she asked, taking my face in her hands. ‘Tell me why.’

  I don’t know what made me lay out every detail for her to see. Perhaps it was the emotion of the afternoon, a mixture of family, memories, and new foundations I wanted to tack down. It could have been the anxiety of knowing that Dad would be leaving Merryweather tomorrow and I needed a surge of comfort, someone to tell me that things were going to be all right, we’d get through it, and the demons would be chased away. Maybe it was Anna’s proposition and what that meant for us?

  Or was it my need for her and the exhaustion of letting her go every time fate pulled us together again? She listened to every word like she was memorising them, deeply interested and certainly moved. Hand squeezes, sighs, tears—I got them all, and every one of her gestures reassured me I was right to tell her, that I should have done this the moment we met.

  ‘Do you know how wonderful you are?’ she said, shaking her head. ‘Everything you’ve done for him, everything you’ve gone through and still, you’re willing to fight.’

  ‘There’s no other option,’ I replied. ‘I’ve been fighting for him since I was nine.’ It was a natural instinct, now. A habit as big as his addictions. ‘He needs me, Stace.’

  ‘But who looks after you? Who do you need?’

  ‘Just you,’ I whispered as she wrapped her arms around me. She felt good there. I almost let myself believe we could work. I was tired of hiding myself away. I wanted her to see me. Really see me. The man who adored her, who would do anything to make her mine.

  ‘Why didn’t you tell me before?’

  ‘Tell you? Jesus, Stace. Imagine my dad if all that had gone into the article? He’s kept this secret for so long. Even our closest family doesn’t know. He would be devastated.’

  ‘I wouldn’t have put it in the article,’ she replied, pulling back. ‘I wouldn’t do that to you.’

  ‘I have to protect him.’ I sighed. ‘He needs support when he comes home, and that costs money.’ She watched as I took her hand, glancing at me briefly. ‘A lot of money.’

  ‘There has to be something else,’ she replied. ‘I can find out for you…get some advice.’

  ‘He’s on a waiting list for NHS support, but it could be six months before that kicks in. I can’t be there to watch over him twenty-four hours a day.’ She pulled away, sitting a few chairs away from me, and the distance killed me.

  ‘Does Beth know about your dad?’ she asked.

  ‘Not the full details,’ I replied, stroking my hand across my head. ‘I think my aunt had her suspicions.’

  ‘Could she help?’ she asked. ‘Maybe he could stay with her for a few weeks, so it’s not all left to you?’

  ‘He’s my responsibility, Stace.’

  ‘Tell her,’ she replied, squeezing my hand. ‘There has to be another way.’

  There is.

  I heard a cough behind us.

  ‘Fred and Donal are asking for you,’ Beth said as she waited by the door. ‘They’re getting quite…vocal.’

  ‘Never good,’ Stacey replied with a delicate smile I couldn’t look at. ‘I’ll be back in a minute, OK?’

  Beth watched Stacey as she left the room, finally sitting on a chair next to me. ‘She’s lovely.’

  I nodded in agreement, before resting my head on my hands.

  ‘Is there something going on between you two?’

  ‘It’s complicated.’

  ‘Try me.’

  ‘I don’t even know where to begin,’ I replied.

  ‘The start is always good.’

  So, I did. I started at the beginning, told her everything—more than I imagined I would. My conversation with Stacey that had been left in mid-air allowed me to spill the truth. The alcohol, the gambling, my dad’s steady decline until he faced losing everything. Escorting as a rescue plan. Rehab. Staring home rehabilitation in the face and being unable to look away.

  She didn’t respond at first, simply listened and shook her head at the right times. She admitted my aunt suspected Dad was losing the fight to alcohol and had tried to reach out to him, but when he ignored her attempts to help, she changed her energy source by inviting me to stay with her. A weekend reprieve, a school holiday rescue mission.

  But I didn’t want to end my story on despair and pain. I felt proud to tell Beth I’d started a Psychology degree, that I wanted to make more of myself than the escorting. I told her about my relationship with Stacey, that I’d met the woman I’d been wishing for, and all the chance encounters that felt more like fate. I told her the hardest part—Stacey’s reluctance to take things further because of the implications of my job, and how Anna had offered a bitter remedy to all of it.

  ‘I’m sorry things have been so difficult for you,’ Beth said. ‘If Mum knew the full story, she’d be heartbroken.’

  ‘Beth…no,’ I said, shaking my head. ‘She was the good thing in my life. I have nothing but great memories of my time with her. She made my childhood bearable. Gave me some respite.’

  Beth hugged me, then said something I didn’t expect. ‘Can I come and see your dad?’

  ‘Of course,’ I replied, noticing Stacey leaning against the doorframe, watching us with a smile on her face. ‘Avoid football matches if you want a conversation.’

  ‘Will do.’ She laughed. ‘I’d like to talk to you some more too,’ Beth said, taking my hand. ‘Call me and we’ll a rearrange a date when he’s found his feet.’

  She offered me another embrace and I gladly accepted, kissing her on the cheek before she turned her attention to Stacey.

  ‘Stace, give me a hug.’ She squeezed her tightly and held her hands as she pulled back, admiring her for a second. ‘Take care of each other.’

  I laughed as Stacey raised an eyebrow. ‘What have you been telling her?’

  ‘All good things,’ Beth said as she left on a wave.

  Stacey came closer, laughing as Reggie snored loudly.

  ‘Can I take you out to dinner?’ I asked.

  ‘Tell me what you said to Beth first.’

&n
bsp; ‘Nothing much.’ I pulled her to me, gripping her waist, and lowered my mouth to her neck as I whispered, ‘Just that I’ve met a woman who’s everything I crave.’

  I felt a shiver pass through her body, the pull of her breath, the push of her breasts as she fought to contain it.

  ‘Can I take you to dinner?’ I repeated against her skin. She smelt of citrus and wonderful. ‘This is the part where you say yes.’

  She sighed and took a deep breath, fighting with herself but losing. ‘Yes,’ she replied. ‘You can take me to dinner.’

  24

  Stacey

  Our fingers stayed entwined, my accordion case slung across his shoulders as we made our way to the Lanes, a vibrant part of Brighton I loved so much. A tiny seafood restaurant that was dog-friendly caught our eye and we were given a table in the corner, with two metal chairs, a paper tablecloth, and a tealight. Nothing fancy, but there was nothing else I needed. I had Matt and that was great.

  I agreed to dinner against my better judgement. I was a mix of confusion and tingly love sparks. Hearing his story had reignited everything I’d tried to diffuse. It was easier to do that. To dampen my theory that Matt was a great human who I could easily see myself falling for. Hearing his story propelled all of that, and then some, out of the stratosphere and into infinity. I wanted to be with him, wasn’t ready to walk away again, and I needed to hear more of his story, every last detail. The reasons, the why for’s, and the what happens next’s.

  Touching him made me feel present again, like a medicine healing me. An IV drip inserted into my skin, bleeding into my vein, my body, until I felt restored again. He looked at me like I was the answer to every question. Like I could restore the good in his life and already had. His father would be coming out of rehab tomorrow and foolishly, I wondered if that meant he could give up escorting, could concentrate on his studies, and get a job that didn’t involve body parts and emotions?