Victoria Connelly - The Rose Girl

by Unknown

  ‘Maybe we should hang it there,’ she said at last.

  ‘It’ll look good,’ Evie said. ‘We should celebrate it being home.’

  Celeste watched Evie as her face slowly sank into something that looked like melancholy, her beautiful eyes cast downwards.

  ‘Evie?’ Celeste began, remembering their aborted conversation in the hallway and that she hadn’t had a chance to talk to her sister since. ‘Are you okay?’

  Evie sighed but didn’t look up. ‘Why does everybody keep asking me that?’

  ‘Maybe because we know that something’s wrong,’ Celeste said.

  ‘And how would you know that?’ she said defiantly.

  Celeste raised her hands in the air. ‘Because of comments said in exactly that tone of voice,’ she said.

  Evie groaned.

  ‘And groaning,’ Celeste added, ‘and moping around the house looking pale.’

  ‘I’m not pale and I haven’t been moping anywhere.’

  ‘And talking in secret to Esther,’ Celeste said.

  ‘Ah!’ Evie said. ‘Now we’re getting somewhere. You think there’s something wrong with me because I’ve been having a perfectly normal conversation with Esther rather than talking to you. Is that it?’

  ‘No, that’s not it at all.’

  ‘No? Because you seem to still be upset about that,’ Evie said pointedly.

  ‘I’m not upset. I just want to help.’

  ‘There’s nothing to help with,’ Evie insisted.

  ‘Then what were you talking to Esther about?’

  ‘Does it matter?’

  ‘It matters to me,’ Celeste said. ‘I’m your big sister.’

  ‘Exactly,’ Evie said.

  ‘What does that mean?’

  ‘It means that you’re my sister. You’re not my mother.’

  ‘I’m not trying to be your mother,’ Celeste said. ‘Is that why you turned to Esther? As a substitute mother?’

  Evie’s eyes widened and suddenly seemed full of fear. ‘What a thing to say!’

  ‘Is it true?’

  ‘I don’t need to substitute mother. I’m twenty-one!’ Evie said. ‘Anyway, nobody could replace Mum.’

  ‘Okay, okay!’ Celeste said. ‘I’m just trying to understand what’s going on.’

  ‘Why? You’ve never been interested before.’

  ‘Evie!’ Gertie said, turning around from the kitchen sink.

  ‘What?’ Evie snapped. ‘You’ve said the same thing, too.’

  Celeste’s mouth dropped open. ‘What have you said about me?’

  ‘Nothing,’ Gertie said. ‘I’ve said nothing.’

  ‘Really?’ Celeste said, not sounding convinced. ‘It doesn’t sound like nothing. What have you two been talking about?’

  ‘Just drop it, Celly,’ Evie said. ‘Just run back to your study.’

  The kitchen filled with a terrible silence.

  ‘Is that it, then?’ Celeste asked after a moment. ‘You think I lock myself away in there for fun? You think I shut you two out, don’t you?’

  ‘Well, don’t you?’ Evie said.

  ‘If I do, I don’t mean to,’ Celeste said in a very little voice. ‘But it was you two who asked me to come back – begged me to come back.’

  ‘We wanted our sister back,’ Evie said.

  ‘And I am back, but you saw the state of the study. What am I supposed to do?’

  ‘Talk to us?’

  ‘That’s what I’m trying to do now!’ Celeste said hopelessly.

  ‘You just don’t get it, do you?’

  ‘Get what? Tell me what it is I’m not getting because I really want to know.’

  ‘You can’t just come marching back here after three years and expect us to open up to you all of a sudden. Relationships don’t work like that, Celeste!’ Evie said. ‘You managed to escape – you weren’t around for the end and you’ve no idea what that was like. You were off with your fancy man in your new home, weren’t you?’

  ‘You think my marriage was an easy option?’ Celeste said breathlessly. ‘Well, it wasn’t. It was the biggest mistake of my life and I did it just to get away from here. I thought it was the right thing to do at the time. I was desperate and I knew I couldn’t go on living here.’

  ‘We know that,’ Gertie said, trying to calm things down between Celeste and Evie. ‘We’re not blaming you for leaving.’

  ‘Aren’t you?’ Evie said. ‘Don’t speak for me because I blame Celeste.’

  Celeste shook her head. ‘Don’t say that, Evie. You don’t blame me – not really.’

  ‘Why do you say that? Why are you two always putting thoughts into my head and words into my mouth? You don’t know what I’m thinking or feeling.’ Evie’s face had gone from being as white as a Boule de Neige rose to as red as a Munstead Wood in a matter of seconds.

  ‘I’m just trying to work out what’s going on here,’ Celeste said. ‘With both of you. Neither of you talks to me about the things that really matter. I know something’s been bothering you, Evie, but you just won’t give me a chance, and Gertie’s been hiding something too.’

  ‘What do you mean?’ Gertie said.

  ‘You’ve been doing a lot of this midnight baking and you only ever do that when you’re upset about something. I wish you’d tell me what it is.’

  Gertie went very tight-lipped and refused to maintain eye contact with her sister.

  ‘I know I don’t spend enough time with you guys,’ Celeste said, ‘and it really hurts me that I’ve hurt you, but please talk to me about it. I really need you two.’

  ‘No, you don’t,’ Evie said. ‘You’ve never needed anyone. You just lock yourself away from everyone, don’t you? You’re so cold, Celeste. I’ve never known anyone as cold as you.’

  ‘Stop it, Evie!’ Gertie shouted. ‘You always go too far.’

  It was then that Esther walked in. ‘What do you think you’re doing shouting in the middle of the night?’

  ‘Keep out of this, Esther,’ Celeste said.

  ‘Don’t you dare talk to her like that,’ Evie said.

  ‘This has nothing to do with her, Evie,’ Celeste said, a warning tone in her voice. ‘This is between you and me.’

  ‘You think that’s for you to decide, do you?’ Evie retorted. ‘Well, I’m fed up with you thinking you can tell me what to do all the time. You can’t do that to me anymore.’

  Esther listened to the words flying between the two of them and then raised one of her small, bony hands. ‘Girls!’ she said. Her calm voice seemed to do the trick because they stopped fighting for a moment and turned to look at her. ‘Now,’ she said at last, ‘I’m not sure what’s caused this little scene tonight but I think I have an idea of what might be behind it.’

  ‘Well, I’m glad somebody does,’ Celeste said sarcastically.

  Esther glared at Celeste and then turned her attention to Evie once again. ‘I think you should tell them, Evie,’ she said, ‘don’t you?’

  27.

  Tell us what?’ Celeste said. ‘If there’s anything to tell, then I think you should get it over and done with now.’

  ‘Yes, what’s going on?’ Gertie said. She had joined them at the table and watched as Esther took a seat next to Evie and the two of them looked at each other for a long, silent moment.

  ‘Go on, my girl,’ Esther said, gently patting Evie’s hand.

  Celeste looked from Esther’s face to Evie’s and couldn’t help envying them their obvious closeness. When had all this happened, she wondered? And how could she not have noticed their developing friendship?

  Evie took a few slow breaths. ‘I’m pregnant,’ she said at last and gave a little shrug of her shoulders as if she had confessed to no more than forgetting to take the bins out.

  ‘Pregnant?’ Gertie said. ‘Are you sure?’

  ‘Of course I’m sure,’ Evie said. ‘I’ve been sure for some time now. It’s due at Christmas.’

  ‘A Christmas baby?’ Gertie said and Evie no
dded.

  ‘Goodness!’ Gertie said, a little smile breaking across her face, but Evie wasn’t smiling because Celeste had yet to respond.

  ‘Celeste?’ It was Esther who spoke.

  Celeste bit her tongue to stop herself from screaming. She wasn’t going to scream. That would be too much like Penelope and she wasn’t ever going to be like her, was she?

  ‘Are you going to have it?’ Celeste said at last.

  Evie’s mouth dropped open and her eyes filled with disbelief. ‘Of course I’m going to have it. Why wouldn’t I?’

  ‘It’s just –’ Celeste paused. What was it she was trying to say exactly? ‘I’m finding it hard to believe you’d want to bring a baby into this dysfunctional family.’

  As soon as the words were out, Celeste realised that she shouldn’t have said them. Three pairs of eyes stared at her from around the table, nobody daring to say a word.

  ‘I can’t believe you just said that,’ Evie said a moment later, her voice a horrible whisper.

  ‘I didn’t mean it to come out like that,’ Celeste said, shaking her head. She turned to Gertie as if expecting some words of support from her, but the wounded look in her eyes told Celeste that she would not be getting any backup from her.

  ‘Then what did you mean?’ Gertie asked her.

  ‘I mean . . . I meant . . . are you sure this is the best thing for you – for the family?’

  ‘For you, don’t you mean? You’re not worrying about me, are you?’ Evie said. ‘You’re worrying about the possibility of more responsibility falling on your head.’

  ‘I didn’t say that,’ Celeste said.

  ‘You didn’t have to,’ Evie said. ‘It’s written all over your face!’

  ‘Evie,’ Esther said, her voice still calm and her hand still resting on Evie’s. ‘Hear Celeste out.’

  Evie turned to look at Esther, her face full of betrayal.

  ‘It’s just – well – I guess I can’t imagine anybody wanting to bring a child into this house. Not after what we all went through with Mum,’ Celeste said. And there it was. Finally out. The sisters had never talked about it together before. It had just hung there between them with each of them thinking thoughts and feeling emotions that were never fully expressed.

  ‘Why should that make a difference to me?’ Evie said.

  Celeste studied her sister’s young face, wondering at her innocence. ‘Aren’t you scared?’ she asked her.

  ‘Of what? Giving birth?’

  ‘No,’ Celeste said. ‘Of turning into Mum.’

  Evie frowned. ‘I loved Mum,’ she said. ‘I know she had her faults. Everyone does. And I know you had issues with her, but why should that affect me now? Anyway, if anybody’s likely to turn into Mum, it’ll be you, not me.’

  ‘Don’t say that,’ Celeste said.

  ‘But you’re just like her – spending hours in that study and never really knowing what’s going on with us.’

  ‘Evie!’ Gertie said in warning, but Evie wouldn’t be stopped now.

  ‘What?’

  ‘I am not like Mum,’ Celeste said, her dark eyes suddenly filling with tears and her voice wavering as something inside her suddenly cracked. ‘Don’t you ever say that to me again!’

  ‘But you said –’

  ‘You have no idea what I went through with her!’ Celeste cried. ‘What I’m still going through. No idea at all. She made me feel – so –’

  ‘What?’ Evie said, her voice still filled with fury.

  ‘Useless,’ Celeste said, the tears coursing down her face. ‘I could never do anything right. I was always, always wrong and it hurts so much to hear you say I’m not doing a good enough job too.’

  ‘But I didn’t,’ Evie said.

  ‘You’re so critical of me, Evie.’

  ‘Celly, I’m not. I just – I don’t like you shutting us all out. You’ve always done that and I hate it.’

  ‘Because that’s what Mum did to me,’ Celeste said, wiping her eyes with a tissue that Gertie had passed to her. ‘She never let me get close to her. She never wanted to know me.’

  The room was silent for a moment. Evie was the first to speak.

  ‘She never wanted to know me either,’ Evie said.

  Celeste frowned. ‘But you two were so close,’ she said.

  Evie shrugged. ‘No,’ she said. ‘Not really. I thought we were, but it wasn’t closeness, exactly. It was something else.’

  ‘What?’ Gertie asked.

  ‘Her vanity, I think,’ Evie said. ‘She loved to dress me up and parade me about. I was like a doll to her. A pretty little girl to spoil. But it was never love. I’m beginning to see that now.’ She turned briefly to Esther, who gave her a little smile and patted her hand.

  Celeste looked across at Evie and the two sisters exchanged a look, and a new understanding seemed to dawn between them.

  ‘She made life pretty tough for all of us,’ Gertie said.

  Esther, who’d been watching the scene before her, cleared her throat and, squeezing Evie’s hand, spoke.

  ‘Your mother was a very difficult woman to get on with,’ she told them. ‘She was ambitious and stubborn and, yes, she could be cruel. I was a victim of that cruel tongue of hers on more than one occasion and I can only imagine what Celeste and you two have gone through, but I also believe that she did love you. In her own way.’

  ‘Do you?’ Celeste said, her eyes still shiny with tears.

  Esther nodded. ‘I do.’

  ‘I’m not so sure,’ Celeste said, her voice full of bleakness. ‘I never felt it.’

  Gertie reached her hands across the table and took Celeste’s.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ Evie said. ‘I didn’t mean to make you cry.’ There were tears in Evie’s eyes too now.

  ‘It’s okay,’ Celeste said.

  ‘I guess we’ll never really know what we all went through with Mum.’

  ‘We will if we talk about it more,’ Celeste said.

  Evie gave a tiny smile. ‘I’d like that.’

  Celeste took a deep breath. ‘I didn’t mean to sound so disapproving of your plans for the baby. I’m thrilled for you. I really am. It’s just –’

  ‘What?’ Evie asked, her voice gentle now.

  ‘I just can’t imagine having your optimism,’ Celeste told her. ‘Not after everything we’ve been through as a family.’

  ‘Well, perhaps this baby will make things better,’ Evie said simply. ‘Maybe it’s time to make things right.’

  They all exchanged looks, softer this time. The fight seemed to have gone out of them.

  ‘You mean play at happy families?’ Celeste said.

  ‘Why not? It would make a nice change, wouldn’t it?’ Evie said.

  Celeste couldn’t argue with that, but the enormity of the situation still hadn’t really sunk in. A baby. Was Little Eleigh Manor really ready for a baby? A little child toddling around the crumbling rooms and tumbling into the moat? And babies were expensive, weren’t they? As it was, the three of them barely had enough money to take care of themselves. But Celeste had the good sense not to voice these qualms.

  ‘Do you know who the father is?’ Gertie asked.

  ‘Of course I know,’ Evie said, frowning at her sister.

  ‘It’s Lukas, isn’t it?’ Gertie said. ‘I’ve seen the way he looks at you.’

  ‘Even I’ve seen the way he looks at you,’ Esther said, and everyone laughed, instantly lightening the mood.

  ‘Does he know?’ Celeste asked.

  ‘No,’ Evie said, looking down at the kitchen table and drawing a little circle with her fingertip around a rough knot.

  ‘So you’ve only told Esther?’ Celeste asked.

  ‘Don’t start again,’ Evie said.

  ‘I wasn’t starting,’ Celeste said. ‘I’m just trying to get things clear, that’s all.’

  ‘I think she should tell him,’ Esther said, and everyone looked at her. ‘I know I’m not family –’

  ‘You’re fa
mily to me,’ Evie said and, once again, the two women exchanged a look that made Celeste feel like an outsider.

  ‘But you should tell him,’ Esther finished.

  The four women around the table looked at each other in turn.

  Gertie nodded. ‘He’s a sweet guy,’ she said. ‘He should know.’ She then turned her gaze to Celeste, as did Evie and Esther.

  Celeste cleared her throat. ‘I agree,’ she said. ‘He should definitely know.’

  Evie sighed. ‘It’s not what I wanted,’ she said.

  ‘What did you want?’ Gertie asked, leaning forward slightly as if trying to get closer to the truth.

  ‘I wanted something of my own. Something that nobody could take away from me.’

  ‘You think he’ll try and take the baby away from you?’ Gertie said.

  Evie shrugged.

  ‘You’re thinking of Betty, aren’t you?’ Celeste said.

  ‘Who’s Betty?’ Esther asked, and Celeste couldn’t help feeling just a little smug that she knew something about her sister that Esther didn’t.

  ‘Betty was Evie’s kitten. It was a dear little thing. Totally white but with a tiny patch of black over her left eye,’ Celeste said. ‘She was given to Evie by one of our gardeners, I think. His cat had had a litter and he was desperately trying to find homes for the kittens. Well, Mum had always hated cats so we decided not to tell her about it and kept it hidden in the north wing.’

  ‘We did a really good job too,’ Gertie piped up. ‘We fed it and let it out in the garden where we knew she wouldn’t be seen.’

  ‘But then I came back from school one day and she’d gone. We looked everywhere for her and finally had to ask Mum,’ Evie said. ‘I’ll never forget the look of triumph on her face when she said she’d discovered our little secret and that she’d punished us for not telling her. I just couldn’t understand it.’

  ‘But that’s crazy,’ Gertie said. ‘You can’t not tell a father he has a child just because Mum got rid of your kitten years and years ago. Lukas isn’t Mum, for a start.’

  ‘But how will I know for sure that he won’t try and take her away?’

  ‘It’s a her?’ Celeste said.

  Evie nodded. ‘I think so,’ she said. ‘I don’t know for sure but I think of it as a her,’ she said, resting a hand on her belly. ‘Anyway, it’s not just the kitten. Mum used to come into my room all the time. She’d sometimes take things too.’