Designer Baby

by Aaron Elias Brunsdon

  “I rang All IVF and there is a recorded message. I read he has left the country.”

  The same day, 9 August, Lindsay Murdoch from the Sydney Morning Herald reports that pregnant surrogates fearing prosecution will abort babies, especially after losing support from the clinic.

  “Could this get any worse? What are you thinking, God?”

  Lindsay claims there are an estimated fifty couples who have current agreements with our clinic.

  I am shaking at the awful thought of Porn aborting my half-formed child to save her skin. At least we aren’t alone, but our position feels a hell of a lot worse than “alone”. It is petrifying and disastrous.

  Sam reasons that we will be fine since neither the surrogate mothers nor any of us intended parents were committing a crime under Thai law when we started the process. He asks me to try not to stress. “There is a solution to every problem.”

  In the same Sydney Morning Herald article, Sam releases a statement calling on the Thai government to respect the rights of well-meaning Thai surrogates, intended parents and babies, and on humanitarian grounds to ensure that all surrogates currently pregnant continue to have access to appropriate obstetric care, and he calls for the protection of clinic records.

  Two days after All IVF is shut down, 60 Minutes secures an exclusive interview with the Farnells. I had guessed this would happen as by this stage there is an international witchhunt for their whereabouts. That Sunday night, more than a million viewers hear the Farnells tell their side of the story.

  Jayson has finally arrived in London. I am relieved he is by my side. We are researching frocks at London’s upmarket and trendy department store, Selfridges. We stop at the seventh floor restaurant where there is Wi-Fi and connect online to watch the recorded 60 Minutes segment.

  Tara Brown, the 60 Minutes host, is amazing. She grills the Farnells and we watch the truth unfold naturally. The poor father sheds tears, and I feel sorry for the man. I sympathise with their predicament – a hard one, ridden with such difficult choices to make amid such turmoil. Though, if I was in their situation, I would never have left Thailand without both the kids. But that’s just me, all go or none go.

  One thing I am only too well aware of is that despite a surrogacy contract in place between him and Januba, at the end of the day, the child and the decision to keep the child lay solely with Januba under Thai law.

  This is something we have been conscious of. There are no laws preventing any surrogate from keeping a child despite lacking a genetic link to the child. In simple words, if our surrogate decides to keep our baby, there is nothing much we can do. According to Thai law, the birth mother is the legal guardian of the baby and only her name will appear on the birth certificate.

  Each day, baby Gammy takes centre stage with his story, and Thai surrogacy issues make more front-page news.

  When he was in Sydney, Jayson was unable to attempt a trip to the cafe without seeing something on Gammy. His story blitzing the press made our baby’s safe return home to Australia seem more and more in serious jeopardy.

  Jayson tells me his phone kept ringing and ringing in the days when the story of Thailand’s surrogacy crackdown and Gammy broke in Australia. Several calls were unidentifiable, the caller’s identity shrouded in mystery. He didn’t dare pick up. Two journalists with common decency leave return numbers but don’t say what they want to speak to him about. I guess they had a tip off. Jayson ignores them all. He locks himself in the apartment all week, fearing being a press target, leaving the house only when necessary. He avoids the gym, the office, public places and the Myer Spring Summer 2015 Fashion Launch held at Carriageworks. The event is attended by every single Myer designer but the entire Australian press, media, paparazzi, gossip columnists and journalists in attendance are searching for a story, a juicy one to blitz their newspaper.

  “Not a chance!” Under no circumstance would I allow him to attend. I did not want to place Myer in that position. To run the risk of a story appearing the next day on Jayson and his surrogate baby was the worst thing anyone would ever want. He was not to take centre stage away from the press and media opportunities Myer rightly deserves for their brand. The headlines “Myer designer in the middle of surrogacy crisis in Thailand” could likely become a reality.

  It is a tricky situation, one we have to be transparent about with the Myer executives. I make an initial call from London to the Myer Public Relations Manager, Melissa Templeton, to discreetly discuss Jayson’s attendance at the show. After making her own calls to Myer top executives, she concludes that it is too risky for Jayson to attend. His peace of mind is more important to them. The decision means the world to us.

  Each piece of news adds to our fears. Apparently parents with young babies are stopped at Bangkok airport. It is hard to ignore the developments because the grapevine is rampant. Throughout the whole first week of August, I am on the phone to other intended parents, all of whom are in damage control. We offer each other hope and consolation. We discuss the daily news and coverage.

  “Nothing is positive,” I tell Jayson. “I am so over it.”

  Another email arrives from Sam Everingham.

  “Would you consider releasing a statement for the Sydney Morning Herald either officially or unofficially about what it means to have your baby stuck in Thailand?”

  The request further unnerves us. We have no intentions of being “poster boys” for this and under no circumstances do we want to talk to the heated press.

  “We are crazy to even consider fuelling them,” Jayson says. “Some things are better not said.”

  Things feel risky, like the media is already getting a whiff of our baby. They would pounce on the story.

  “We must sit tight. I am not sure if we have a choice in the matter. It’s world news,” Jayson warns. “We can’t aggravate them,” he stresses further.

  Anger has taken over me. I am angry for being discriminated against for our sexuality once again. “Haven’t we suffered enough?” I say. We endured the fight for our survival for decades. Then we fought again for acceptance from family and communities that never ceased to make us feel like second class citizens.

  I keep asking myself the questions, why is it OK for a heterosexual married couple to do this and not us? What is so wrong with us, apart from the fact that we sleep with the same gender? Isn’t it obvious discrimination when the world allows heterosexual people, even those who in some cases have been subject to child protection orders by the court because of their apparent neglect, to legally qualify to engage in surrogacy, and not us? All these double standards because we are homosexuals. Where is fairness?

  We need to make a stand but the time isn’t right. At the moment, our baby’s safety is more important. We will wait a while longer and when he is home in one piece, that’s when we will act.

  Though Australia is a progressive nation, it is still difficult to enter into a surrogacy arrangement here. It forces our hand to enter into offshore arrangements. Why, in order to do something so natural like being a father, must we be painted to be such criminals? It is simply disgraceful!

  But in the meantime, intended parents like us will be treated as human traffickers until surrogacy is banned for good. Sad to think anyone would want to classify us as such.

  We can’t bring our baby home, at least not without major difficulty. The threat of having your child taken away from you is the worst nightmare any parent could face. What they are intending to do is simply against humanitarian principles. No sensible democratic country or people with power would even think it is OK to initiate such an order. Can they be that stupid?

  It sends us both spiralling down like crazy when we realise the seriousness of our situation. What we need is a saviour, someone to free us from the junta’s monstrosities. I pray for the Messiah.

  Julie Bishop it is – Australia’s foreign minister – who comes to the rescue. Ms Bishop is a chic, well-dressed politician seen mostly wearing designer Collette Dinnigan.
/>
  In another article by Lindsay Murdoch in the Sydney Morning Herald on 11 August, I discover the diplomatic Bishop has approached Sihasak Phuangketkeow, permanent secretary of Thailand’s Foreign Ministry, to ask for a transition period to allow intended parents to leave Thailand with their surrogate babies on humanitarian grounds.

  “Australia does not support its citizens travelling to Thailand to get surrogate children and Thai officials have full authority to deal with the industry according to local law,” Ms Bishop tells reporters. “My concern… is to ensure that any legislation the Thai authorities are considering takes into account those Australians who already have arrangements in place.”

  She not only becomes our saviour, she convinces the warlord General Prayuth and his military officials to soften on the issue.

  News reaches us overnight. “Thai authorities will not allow babies out of the country unless we have a court order that may take months to process.” The order is necessary before our baby can be issued with an Australian passport. The Thai authorities will not budge, nor do they want to set an easy path for intended parents.

  We consult Joseph, a lawyer friend of ours who specialises in immigration and citizenship. I ring him, asking for his take on the situation.

  “The mission to exit Thailand with your baby must not be treated complacently,” he says. “A court order, from my understanding, is no easy task in Thailand. It is a long and arduous process and the judicial system, from what I hear, is rigid.”

  “Do you think we have to live in Thailand till the order is granted? The money isn’t the problem but living there for months is.”

  It could take up to six months, I anticipate.

  This new requirement shows its teeth when a same-sex family is stopped at Bangkok international airport and not allowed to return home. They have not only exhausted all personal funds but are living in a cheap hotel they can’t even afford. Their struggles are portrayed on TV as they manage their baby and young daughter in a room barely the size of a cupboard.

  “Bugger! Their jobs back home are at stake because of this damn court order.”

  In truth, the waiting had already caused them and their babies enough pain. Couples can break up when one partner returns to Australia because of work and the other stays back in Thailand. It’s hard all round for everyone.

  “It is a big mess the junta will create for us.” Surely they didn’t want us there for this length of time either.

  We are in Milan at this stage and our fears continue to rise. Every day there is something new and I am almost over it. Blow after blow, I feel like a punching bag. We have not even begun to relax. We just can’t with everything that is happening around us. The holiday will be in vain because we are stressed to the max. Adding to our worries is the lack of communication from Kay. There has been minimal contact from her in the last two weeks. I worry Thai authorities caught up with her and shut down her business. We are even more concerned for Porn and her family, probably in hiding themselves. Who knows anymore?

  Jayson suggests we go to Lake Como for a beautiful lunch to celebrate my forty-second birthday. “It is a good opportunity to forget what is happening and for us to enjoy the day. Maybe something visual will inspire us. Just let it all rest for a bit,” he says.

  It is true we haven’t stopped worrying for two weeks. Tomorrow we are leaving Milan for a week’s holiday on the island of Mallorca. We had planned this earlier in the year to celebrate both our birthdays, as well as the babymoon. But we hadn’t expected any of this to happen. I go downstairs, to the lobby of the glamorous five-star Westin Palace hotel, to have a cigarette. I have been chain-smoking these last few weeks. While I am having one, I stop to worry about my baby’s NIFTY test.

  I wonder what my reaction will be if the results came back positive on top of everything else. I realise with a jolt that the test results will arrive any day now.

  I guess it will be another challenge to face, and one we will most probably face for the rest of our lives. I have to stop worrying about it and settle my mind with happy thoughts of the holiday ahead in Mallorca, where we can relax.

  There is not a single day we don’t pray to the universe for a healthy baby and to bring him home safely.

  I go back upstairs. Best to check my emails before we leave for Lake Como – the opportunity may not present itself again during the day. I see a message from Kay, the first in two weeks. I stand in silence as it downloads and my body language changes so rapidly that Jayson notices.

  “Good news, you have a healthy baby and no risk of Down syndrome.”

  The NIFTY test is accurate and confirms that our baby doesn’t have the condition. I burst into tears, uplifted by the news. Jayson hurries over to read the email. He hugs me almost immediately. It is everything I want for a birthday gift, to know my child won’t have to adjust to a society that makes little allowance for him.

  We come home from Spain after ten days of bliss. We should be preparing for our baby’s arrival, but with all the upheavals and uncertainties, we have given up on planning. It is Jayson’s fiftieth birthday.

  “I don’t want a party and I don’t want anyone to put attention on this birthday,” Jayson warns, preferring a time of reflection instead. “The best birthday present I want is my son to come home safely.”

  We are nineteen weeks pregnant by this stage, halfway through our nine months. We receive a new monthly report for Porn, who is now with a new doctor and a private hospital called Pyanthai, apparently much more progressive than what we had before. The report is detailed, with a picture showing a prominent change in her belly size – the belly of the heavily pregnant woman. The dealings between Kay, Porn and us are now conducted discreetly.

  “Mum’s the word,” I tell Jayson when I notice Porn wanting to be known as Fon.

  “She does not want people to know. She is afraid of junta,” Kay tells me, explaining the name change.

  We figure a lot of surrogates will now be going incognito and practising utmost discretion. Thai people prefer a “don’t know, keep quiet” attitude when problems arise.

  “If you don’t say anything and pretend you don’t know, no one will bother you,” Kay quips about her current situation.

  Jayson is going through a difficult phase, brought on by his milestone birthday. He feels consumed with worry, contemplating the responsibilities that lie ahead and being a father at this age. We talk daily about it and he often shares his concerns about being a seventy-year-old father when his son turns twenty-one.

  “I’d hate it if people thought I was our child’s grandfather, and this could easily happen in twenty years’ time,” he says. This is happening a lot to an older couple friend of ours with their children.

  He feels alienated from his imminent role so he plunges into books with self-explanatory titles like Being Dad and Baby’s Best Care. He loves French Parents Don’t Give In, and revels in the author’s 100 parenting tips from Paris.

  On another part of the globe, issues are far from stopping. More couples are given hell at Bangkok Airport and forbidden from taking surrogate babies from the country without the damn court order. It is frightening.

  One couple flatly refuse a demand to sign a letter at the airport. The letter contains an admission that their baby wasn’t the result of any surrogacy arrangement, when in fact it was. Not signing means a return trip to the hotel until they can find a new exit strategy. But they are smart not to have signed the letter, which could have led to a conviction for human trafficking.

  Another couple escape to Singapore, where they spend a few days before returning home. They are missed at the busy airport because they part ways at check in. Smart move! It is a close call, though. Cases keep pouring in, receiving night-time coverage on Today Tonight, with other current affairs shows and TV documentaries also showing struggling couples on the wire. We watch the couples’ attempts to leave Thailand, sadness and grief overshadowing the supposedly joyous time as they battle with Thai authorities
.

  One such Australian couple brings me to tears. The couple and their newborn twins aren’t allowed through the airport security checkpoint because the custom officials are waiting for the surrogate to arrive so she can verify the exit permit was bona fide. The surrogate is running late, stuck in Bangkok traffic. The flight gets closer and closer to taking off. Finally the biological mother is allowed past customs’ watchful eyes but she witnesses in anguish her husband and their crying twins waiting on the other side for their surrogate. Not knowing what to do while her children cried inconsolably for her settling arms. Her poor husband haggles with the customs officials, showing them all the relevant paperwork. They disregard the screaming babies.

  I dread the thought of our exit out of Bangkok. I personally wouldn’t know what to do if I was on one side of customs like the poor mother while Jayson and my baby got stuck on the other end, so I try not to think about it. Let’s not jinx it.

  There are also shows like SBS’s Insight, the Australian equivalent to BBC’s Hardtalk. A panel consisting of parents with babies born through surrogacy in Thailand and India, industry experts and advocates debate the topic of surrogacy.

  One woman voices rather strong opinions, saying surrogacy goes against women’s fundamental rights. “It’s reproductive prostitution where basically women are turned into breeders when children are bought and sold.”

  Another panellist, lawyer and surrogacy campaigner Stephen Page (my favourite blogger), who has helped many parents with surrogacy issues, says that although the law in some Australian states restrains people from engaging in commercial surrogacy, it is clear that hundreds are going down this road and no one is being prosecuted or penalised for their actions. “Why is the law in place then?” He presumes it is to prevent exploitation of women overseas. “But if you’re not serious about prosecution, why not get rid of it completely? It’s just crazy wanting to turn people who want to be parents into criminals,” he chastises.

  I myself would like to know why can’t we have one law for the whole country, a legal regulated system. I read once that some religious sects believe that people who engage in surrogacy should be shot. Our conduct is seen as an irresponsible act, a despicable one based on exploitation of innocent and helpless women. Some strongly feel the government should not encourage or assist us in any way because the fault lies with us for our own stupidity. It is hurtful and sad that society allows such bigotry a voice. Why would anyone go down this route, cause upheaval in our contented lives, rock our peace of mind and sanity for the mere reason of exploiting innocent women? What about our love for children, our innate fulfilment?