The Bartender (Modern Love World)

by Piper Rayne

  As her unicorn van weaves its way through the city streets I gaze out the window, happy to sit in silence while the scenery passes me by. My mind wanders back to Cole, like it always does, and the heavy weight of disappointment and loss perches itself on my shoulders. The weight is now so much a part of me that it feels like something is missing in those rare moments it’s not present.

  I become cognizant of our whereabouts when Lennon pulls the vehicle into the parking lot of Rock Hard Whiskey and I whip my head around in her direction. “What the hell are we doing here?”

  She presses her lips together, but says nothing as she finds an empty spot and parks. I realize that the parking lot is packed. Who do all these cars belong to?

  Panic flares up inside and I try to slow my breathing but it feels like there’s a heavy brick lying on my chest.

  Lennon removes the keys and tosses them into her purse. I can’t believe I was so dense. Looking at what she’s wearing, I know it should’ve been more obvious to me that she had a plan in place. Gone is the graphic tee and jeans she’s normally wearing and in place of it is a pair of black cigarette pants and a fancier cream tank with black leather jacket over the top. Jeez, am I blind or what?

  “So… before you lose your shit on me let me just say something. You need closure. Regardless of how things turn out between you and Cole you need to talk to him, let him explain himself and figure it out from there.”

  Feeling defensive, I cross my arms over my chest. “What I need is to get away from here.”

  “Whit, you didn’t get to say anything to Cole when he stood you up at that restaurant all those years ago, and look where that got you. You were wrong about the kind of person he was and you ended up falling in love with him. What are the chances there’s more than meets the eye here now?”

  She waits patiently while I mull that over. Lennon isn’t saying anything that hasn’t already crossed my mind in the weeks since our big blowout. Still… I haven’t wanted to go there because being hurt once was enough, thank you very much. I’m not going to willingly set myself up again. Which is why every time Cole called or showed up at my grandparents’ house, I refused to see him. Nothing can change the fact that he knowingly lied to me.

  “And if I talk to him we can leave?”

  She reaches forward and squeezes my arm. “Yes! You hear him out and if afterwards you want to go get plastered at the bar, I’m game. I’ll even hold your hair back from your face while you’re puking.” She winks.

  I draw in a deep breath. It’s gut check time.

  I suppose I knew this would all come to a head at some point, but now that it’s here my flight response is kicking in hard. I chew on my bottom lip for a second and tell myself it’s all going to be okay. I’m a big girl and I’ve dealt with worse. I’ll get through this. I can do this.

  I don’t speak as I open the door and step out of the van. Lennon walks beside me as we head toward the building, a silent pillar of support. A low beat of music comes from inside the building.

  “What’s going on here tonight?” I ask.

  “I’ll let Cole explain.”

  It’s like a tiny fist reaches into my chest and squeezes my heart when I hear her statement. Not because I’m jealous, but because I’m supposed to be the one who knows what’s going on in Cole’s life. I should be the one he’s telling—not her.

  “Wait.” My hand stills on the door handle. “What about Tahl? Does she know about this?” I can’t help but feel like a traitor by cracking the door open even a little and allowing Cole the opportunity to explain. What if he wedges his foot in and before I know it the door blows wide open?

  “She knows we’re here and she wants you to be happy. If that means being with Cole she’s fine with it, so long as she doesn’t have to see Chase. Obviously.”

  I nod and pull open the door, sucking in another deep breath to calm my nerves.

  It’s clear there’s some type of event being held here tonight. The sound of music and the murmur of a crowd echo out of the door leading to the main part of the distillery. I lead us past the reception area, through the doorway, and straight into the middle of a party in full swing.

  Not only is there a party here where there was once an empty warehouse, but the entire ambiance of the space has changed. Strings of clear lights have been hung way up on the ceiling in a criss-cross pattern, giving a warm glow over the space. People are seated at the round tables that dot the room and others stand on what I’m assuming must be the dance floor. A sound system has been set up discreetly along the perimeter of the space and the decor on the tables matches the feel of the many whiskey barrels stacked along the back wall—sort of a country chic.

  I remember back to when we were checking out venues for Tahlia and Chase and how Cole had a million questions for the woman at the Bluxome Street Winery. It all makes sense now.

  “Let’s grab a drink.” Lennon motions over to a bar that’s been set up on the far side of the room.

  I follow her and we weave our way through the crowd, none of whom I recognize, though. I think I might have spotted Ashley and Brady over in the far corner. No sign of Cole yet. My pulse thrums in my ears as I stand in line at the bar waiting to order a drink, waiting to see Cole again for the first time in weeks, waiting to hear what he has to say. All of it this time around.

  I feel him before I smell him.

  I smell him before I hear him.

  I hear him before I see him.

  “Ladies, glad to see you here.” His deep timbre rings out from behind me like it’s in a vacuum. He’s all I hear. The constant murmur of the crowd around me and the baseline of the music evaporate into nothing. I brace myself as I turn in his direction.

  One thing I’ve realized through all of this is that just because someone hurt you doesn’t mean that you get to stop loving them. On the contrary, it only hurts because you do still love them so much. Love isn’t a switch that you can turn on and off at will, which is why as Cole stands there feasting his gaze upon me in a fitted charcoal suit with white dress shirt open at the collar, my heart flips in my chest. Because the sight of him still draws a reaction from my body even though I swore I never wanted to see him again.

  My breath hitches and my voice locks.

  “Whit, you look devastating.” He leans in and places a kiss on my cheek. It’s quick, but it has its intended effect—both reminding me of and leaving me longing for the days when being close to him was a given. “Lennon, thank you for bringing her.”

  “Well, you’re on your own now. My work here is done.” She turns and reaches for the drink the bartender just placed down in front of her. “I’m off to mingle like I’m single. Which I am.” She shrugs. “Whit, come find me when you want to go.”

  “Okay,” I say, my eyes unwavering from Cole’s.

  Then she turns to address Cole, her expression as hard as steel. “If one of you Webber boys hurts my friends again I’ll strap you down and tattoo the fuck out of your testicles. Got it?” She raises a brow at Cole. His jaw twitches, but he nods. “Good boy.” She pats his chest and then disappears into the crowd.

  His attention lands back on me and I shift my weight onto my heels. “She’s a good friend.”

  “The best,” I agree.

  “When I called her she made me jump through a bunch of hoops before she agreed to try to get you here tonight.”

  “Good.” I cross my arms in front of me, causing my cleavage to push up out of the low-cut V shirt that Lennon forced me to wear tonight. Cole’s gaze dips to it for a second and my nipples pebble.

  Jeez, didn’t my nips get the memo? We are not having sex with this man again.

  “Can we go somewhere more quiet to talk?”

  I know quiet must mean alone and alone is not good. Alone means there’s the possibility of the two of us being tempted to be physical and right now I feel like a starving woman at the world’s largest buffet and Cole is the mile-long tray of éclairs, cakes and ice cream.

&n
bsp; “Let’s talk here. Say what you have to say so that I can leave.”

  “Sweetheart…” He reaches forward and cups my cheek and that’s all it takes. One face-cupping and I’m putty in his hands.

  “Fine. Let’s get this over with.” I lean away from his touch. This is already hard enough.

  He clenches his jaw, but he doesn’t say anything, instead motioning for me to follow him. Which I do. He leads me to a door in the back corner of the room where he holds it open and lets me walk through. It opens to a tall set of stairs that must go up to the roof.

  “Are you planning to throw me off the roof?” I deadpan as I take the first few steps up.

  “Hardly. I’m taking my own life in your hands by leading you up there,” he says, following me. “I just figure this is the only place we can get away from the music and have some privacy.”

  I reach the top of the long flight of stairs and push the door open. We are indeed on the flat roof of the building and not too far ahead of me is a fur blanket that has been laid out with a few more blankets tossed to the side of that one. Surrounding those are a handful of candles in glass mason jars. It’s a full moon so I’m able to make out quite a bit, even without the added light. The entire set-up screams romance and I turn to give Cole a questioning gaze.

  “This seemed like a really good idea when it was in my head, but looking at it now I can see how you might have the wrong idea.” He looks flustered and he walks forward, blowing out a couple of the candles before I stop him.

  “It’s fine, Cole. Just leave them.”

  He turns to face me and wrings a hand through his hair. “I swear I don’t plan on seducing you. I just wanted you to be warm and comfortable. All I want is to explain everything.”

  I nod and shiver a bit, images of Cole’s seduction coming to mind. He mistakes the action for me being cold.

  “Come have a seat. Use a blanket to warm up.” He bends over and picks up one of the beige fur blankets and holds it out for me to take.

  It’s late fall, but the weather tonight is mild. Chances are it’s probably in the low to mid-fifties, but I don’t argue, stepping forward and taking the offering from him. I slip my heels off and step onto the blanket, the soft fur slightly cool underneath my feet. Once I’m seated I wrap the other blanket around me and watch as Cole follows suit and removes his shoes then sits directly across from me.

  My heart is pounding like a bass drum in my chest and each beat reverberates against my sternum.

  “I’m not even sure where to start.”

  “The truth would be a good spot.”

  A crease forms on his forehead. I can tell this isn’t easy for him, but I won’t allow myself to care. I refuse to.

  He picks at the blanket for a moment before he draws in a breath and begins. “Back in college I became friends with a guy named Stefan. We met at a frat party and hit it off. Mostly because he wasn’t a pompous asshole like a lot of the other kids there who’d grown up with a silver spoon in their mouth—myself included. His dad was in finance on Wall Street and when Stefan graduated he came into some of his trust fund. Rather than follow in his father’s footsteps he decided he wanted to do something good with the money.”

  He glances up at me from where he was looking down at the blanket to see if I’m following along.

  Which I’m not.

  I mean, I understand everything he’s saying, I just have no idea where he’s going with this. Regardless, I nod for him to continue.

  “Stefan moved to Florida and started up a shelter for battered women. Since college he’s been helping women leave abusive relationships and resettle into a new life. Part of the process is giving these women a fresh start. To do that he relies on myself and a few other college buddies to provide them with a job and help settle them in a new city far away from the reach of their abusers.”

  My mind runs over all the women I’ve met at Cole’s various businesses and I wonder which of them fall into the category of victim.

  “That’s what Chase was talking about when he threatened to tell your dad about the women…” I’d meant only to think it, but before I can stop myself the words are flying out of my mouth.

  Cole nods. “Chase overheard a conversation I had with Stefan on the phone one day and put two and two together. He’s threatened a few times to expose my secret to my dad. He has no idea and if you knew my dad you’d know that he wouldn’t want anything to do with it. My dad’s the kind of guy who throws money or a charitable donation at a problem. He’s not an in-the-trenches guy.”

  A few things that have bothered me since our break-up click into place. “That phone call you took that day when you had to leave abruptly…”

  “One of the women was scared. She thought she heard someone out back of her place. It was nothing, but it took me a while to calm her down.”

  My shoulders hunch as a little of my indignation leaves my body. My biggest issue was Cole not telling me what Chase was up to, but I’d be lying if I pretended that the little incidents with the women hadn’t bothered me. I’d wondered more than a few times whether something had happened with Cole and someone else when we were together.

  I pull the blanket tighter around myself. “Why didn’t you just tell me?”

  “I couldn’t break their trust. They’re here to leave the past behind them. Not only is it not my story to tell, but if you knew you’d no doubt look at them differently and they wouldn’t want that.”

  I guess that makes sense. “That still doesn’t change the fact that you lied to me about Chase. You knew my best friend’s fiancé was cheating on her and you didn’t say anything.” My tone grows heated.

  “Whit, I couldn’t tell you. Chase was threatening to out me to my dad, which would’ve meant all these women might lose the jobs that are keeping them afloat. My dad legally owns all those businesses I gave them jobs at. Not only that, but a new woman was coming the next week and if Chase had exposed me she would’ve had nowhere to go.”

  “So what? You were planning to stand beside your brother as his best man while you knew he was screwing around?” I’m angrier now.

  “No!” He scoots forward and grips my shoulders over the top of the blanket. “I was trying to get him to do the right thing and tell Tahlia what had happened. That’s why he barged in that night, because we’d just had it out and I told him he had until the end of the week.”

  I don’t know what to think. Sincerity and frustration are written all over his face. But I’m not sure I can get past the fact that he knowingly lied to me. Over and over again.

  “Cole, I think what you’re doing for those women is honorable and I understand why you didn’t want to tell me… wait. Why are you able to tell me now?”

  “I spoke to everyone involved, told them what happened and they all agreed that it was okay if I confided in you. I think they’ve watched me mope around and be miserable for the past month and they’re sick of it.”

  A small laugh escapes me, much to my own annoyance.

  “There were so many times I wanted to tell you… I just… it wasn’t just about me or me and you. If it were I would have been honest with you from the start.” He leans in and kisses my forehead. I don’t pull away. I can’t. Once again, I’ve made Cole out to be some type of monster in my mind when he’s not.

  When will I learn? When will I trust someone and stick around to give them the chance to prove themselves in good and bad times?

  I exhale and feel like I’m releasing all the toxic emotions I’ve bottled up since I disposed of the man in front of me.

  He pulls back and searches my face. The blanket falls from my shoulders and I wrap my arms around his neck.

  He pulls me closer so that I’m sitting on his lap.

  “I know you don’t have any siblings, Whit, but he’s my brother. I felt loyal to you and to him. We may not be the closest, but I wanted to believe that he’d do the right thing—eventually. I know he loves Tahlia. I thought maybe… maybe he just had cold fe
et about the wedding and would sort his shit out. Chase has always been a little pompous and self-entitled, but it’s hard to accept that he’s the kind of person who would willingly hurt the woman he asked to marry him.”

  Cole’s right. I don’t have a sibling, but I do know what it’s like to come to the realization that a member of your family may not be the type of person you expect them to be. I had to come to grips with the fact that both of my own parents didn’t want me.

  “There’s something else you need to know.”

  His voice is low and serious. It makes my entire body tense, waiting to hear what he says next.

  “I want you looking at me when I say this.” He pushes my shoulders back and cups my face. “Sweetheart, I am so in love with you. It’s been hell without you and I don’t want to do it anymore. I need you in my life and I’m not going to take no for an answer. You may not forgive today, or even tomorrow. But I’ll be here waiting for you the moment that you do.”

  He leans forward and places his lips on mine and I open to him immediately. Nothing has ever felt so right as when this man kisses me. Our slow and sensual kiss turns heated right away and before I know it I’ve shifted myself on his lap so that I’m straddling him.

  His hard cock pushes into me from below and I’d give anything right now to get rid of all the fabric between the two of us. I grind down on top of him, anxious for any friction I can get—desperate having missed this so much.

  “I can’t be without you anymore, Whit.” He trails his lips down my throat and his hands reach for the hem of my shirt and in one fluid yank it’s up and over my head.

  “I can’t either. Even when I was mad at you I still loved you.”

  He stills below me and pulls back to pin me with an intense stare. “You feel the same?” he asks in almost a whisper.

  I bite my bottom lip and nod, the corner of my mouth creeping up.

  A slow grin transforms his face and I’m not sure I’ve ever seen him look so happy. “You realize that I’m never letting you go. No matter what bonehead move I make in the future, you’re still mine. You’ll always be mine.”