The Road to Pemberley
Page 45
Miss Bingley: We must away to London at once!
Bingley: Why?
Miss Bingley: The Bennets are nothing more than scheming chits!
Bingley: Well, technically, they’re gentry, and we’re little more than middle class until I buy an estate. Darcy?
Darcy (stops daydreaming about Elizabeth): Their mother is detestable and their sisters little more.
Bingley: Well, am I marrying the hot, sweet girl I love or the mother? Or the sisters?
Darcy: Oh right. Yeah, um…let’s give it another week or two. Until it gets really cold. You know.
(Bingley gets the hint that Jane isn’t timid and marries her.)
Darcy: Well, have to run. Family stuff.
(Kent)
Elizabeth: Mr. Darcy!
Darcy: Miss Bennet!
Elizabeth: What are you doing here?
Darcy: You know how you have to hang around with annoying relatives during the holidays?
Elizabeth: Oh, right.
Colonel Fitzwilliam: And I’m his cousin! Darcy is so awesome. And dreamy.
Darcy: Shut up, plot device character who exists solely for us to have a reason to awkwardly flirt. (To Elizabeth) Marry me?
Elizabeth: Yes!
(The double wedding)
Vicar: Do you take—
Aunt Catherine: No! This cannot be! Darcy, you must marry your cousin, which I will remind first-time high school readers is an acceptable custom at this time period!
Darcy: Hmm. Maybe me not marrying her for the past five years hasn’t been enough of a sign. Well, this is will be. I do.
Colonel Fitzwilliam: No! Jane!
Jane: Who are you?
Colonel Fitzwilliam: I’m the guy who’s like Bingley, only less dorky and with no money to support you, whom many people think you should marry because I was cast well in the BBC miniseries!
Bingley: Hey! I’m a lovable dork.
Jane: And I’ve never even met this guy.
Elizabeth: And isn’t the whole principle behind your character, aside from spreading good and bad gossip about Darcy, is that you need to marry rich?
Colonel Fitzwilliam: True love will show the way!
Darcy: I call Fuck with Canon. Anyone?
Bingley: Totally.
Jane: Who is this guy?
(Colonel Fitzwilliam is thrown out of the church, and everyone is married and lives happily ever after.)
Other Ulysses Press Books
The Ballad of Grégoire Darcy: Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice Continues Marsha Altman, $14.95
This riveting sequel to Pride and Prejudice captures Austen’s style and wit, and brings old favorites and new characters to life. When Fitzwilliam Darcy discovers he has a long-lost illegitimate brother, he feels compelled to help his new sibling find a place in the world. Meanwhile, Elizabeth finds herself pulled into a web of commitments when her sister Mary Bennet finally falls in love.
Darcy’s Passions: Pride and Prejudice Retold Through His Eyes
Regina Jeffers, $14.95
This novel presents Darcy as a man in turmoil. His duty to his family and estate demand he choose a woman of high social standing. But what his mind tells him to do and what his heart knows to be true are two different things. After rejecting Elizabeth, he soon discovers he’s in love with her. But the independent Elizabeth rejects his marriage proposal. Devastated, he must search his soul and transform himself into the man she can love and respect.
Mr. Darcy Presents His Bride: A Sequel to Jane Austen’s Pride & Prejudice
Helen Halstead, $14.95
When Elizabeth Bennet marries Mr. Darcy, she’s thrown into the exciting world of London society. Elizabeth is drawn into a powerful clique for which intrigue is the stuff of life and rivalry the motive. Her success, it seems, can only come at the expense of good relations with her husband.
Darcy’s Temptation: A Sequel to Jane Austen’s Pride & Prejudice
Regina Jeffers, $14.95
By changing the narrator to Mr. Darcy, Darcy’s Temptation presents new plot twists and fresh insights into the characters’ personalities and motivations. Four months into the new marriage, all seems well when Elizabeth discovers she’s pregnant. However, a family conflict that requires Darcy’s personal attention arises because of Georgiana’s involvement with an activist abolitionist. On his return journey from a meeting to address this issue, a much greater danger arises. Darcy is attacked on the road and, when left helpless from his injuries, he finds himself in the care of another woman.
Mr. Darcy’s Decision: A Sequel to Jane Austen’s Pride & Prejudice
Juliette Shapiro $14.95
Mr. and Mrs. Fitzwilliam Darcy begin their married life blissfully, but it is not long before their tranquility is undermined by social enemies. Concern mounts with the sudden return of Elizabeth’s sister Lydia. Alarming reports of seduction, blackmail and attempts to keep secret the news of another’s confinement dampens even Elizabeth’s high spirits.
To order these books call 800-377-2542 or 510-601-8301, fax 510-601-8307, e-mail ulysses@ulyssespress.com, or write to Ulysses Press, P.O. Box 3440, Berkeley, CA 94703. All retail orders are shipped free of charge. California residents must include sales tax. Allow two to three weeks for delivery.
Acknowledgments
I would like to thank the entire team at Ulysses Press: Keith, Bryce, Alice, Claire, Karma, and various people whom I’m sure had an unseen hand (from my perspective) in the creation of this anthology.
I would also like to give a special thanks to Victoria Claughton for creating the searchable Jane Austen fan fiction index, and therefore cutting down my work by about a thousand hours. She also provided help contacting authors I could not reach myself.
Finally, this could not have happened but for the inspiration from the great Jane Austen herself. In this book we are proud to honor her literary legacy in our own weird ways.
1 “Robin Hood and the Scotchman” from Francis James Child’s The English and Scottish Popular Ballads (Child Ballad No. 130B).
2 “Robin Hood’s Delight” from Francis James Child’s The English and Scottish Popular Ballads (Child’s Ballad No. 136).
3 “Robin Hood and Maid Marian.” Edited by Stephen Knight and Thomas H. Ohlgren, originally published in Robin Hood and Other Outlaw Tales, Kalamazoo, Michigan: Medieval Institute Publications, 1997.
4 “Robin Hood’s Delight” from Francis James Child’s The English and Scottish Popular Ballads (Child’s Ballad No. 136).
5 “Robin Hood, A Child” by James Henry Leigh Hunt.
6 “Robin Hood and Queen Katherine” from Francis James Child’s The English and Scottish Popular Ballads (Child’s Ballad No. 145B).
7 “The King’s Disguise, and Friendship with Robin Hood” from Francis James Child’s The English and Scottish Popular Ballads (Child’s Ballad No. 151)
Compilation copyright © 2011 Marsha Altman. Design © 2011 Ulysses Press and its licensors. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the publisher.
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eISBN : 978-1-569-75993-6
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