Jake's Women (Wizards)

by Booth, John

  Esmeralda burst into the room followed by three anxious looking women and Thom. I’d long ago removed the magic that told her where I was on Salice, but she always seemed to know.

  She took in the tableau in one quick glance.

  “Anna has been pinned?”

  Urda looked up and nodded.

  “We shall have to amputate her leg. Above the knee, for safety’s sake.” Esmeralda turned to Thom. “Find a doctor. A good one, mind.”

  Thom turned and left.

  “Hold on a minute. Anna might like to keep the leg.” I knew I would.

  “It is already infected and you cannot use magic on it,” Esmeralda said calmly. I knew she wasn’t calm at all, but being the Heir had taught her how to fake it in times of crisis. “Would you have her die?”

  “Take the leg,” Anna said faintly. “I deserve that and more for betraying you.”

  “Nonsense,” I said in my best ‘don’t be silly voice.’ “On that basis I’d be reduced to just my head; I’ve made so many mistakes.”

  “I wouldn’t have kept your head, my Lord Wizard,” Esmeralda said quickly. “There are better parts.”

  “But my head has worked out a way to save Anna’s leg along with the rest of her.”

  “Did someone finally get your brain started? Perhaps with a hammer? I’ve often pondered if that might work”

  Ignoring the wife’s sarcasm, which we both knew was just there to defuse the tension, I continued explaining my plan.

  “I can take her to Earth. First to the Woodyard, where I can get everything off her, but the bolt. Then I shall take her to hospital. Modern Welsh surgery should get that bolt out of her. No magic required. We need to give Anna a false identity, but if I can’t manage that then what kind of a wizard would I be?”

  My wife gave me a look and I noted that her foot was tapping, never a good sign. Urda, on the other hand, was looking at me with open hero worship.

  Nobody had a better idea, so we got on with it.

  16. The Letter

  The new police headquarters was in a nineteen sixties office block some way from the center of town. Judged by the way police cars were parked over the pavement this was far from an ideal location and I wasn’t surprised that the sign said ‘Temporary Police HQ’.A bomb targeted at me destroyed the old one and I suspected that’s why I’d received a summons from Inspector Thomas. I still had no idea who those bombers were so he was likely to be disappointed. Jenny was coming home today so I was in a hurry to get this meeting over and done.

  The policewoman at reception was young and very pretty. Surely at nineteen I wasn’t old enough to start seeing police officers as young? She smiled invitingly and I smiled back.

  “Jake Morrissey to see Inspector Thomas.”

  She turned her attention to the computer in front of her and I looked around, noticing the camera pointing at me. I smiled at the camera. Why not?

  Whatever she read on her screen took her by surprise and she stood up as though discovering I was royalty in disguise.

  “Yes sir. You are to be taken through immediately.”

  As we walked to the lift she asked if I would like coffee or tea, or something else. I was tempted to ask for ‘something else’ just to find out what she had in mind, but I remembered I was in a hurry and told her I was fine.

  The detectives’ area was mainly open plan. The policewoman led me through a maze of desks and whiteboards to an office on the far wall. I saw Inspector Thomas just as he looked up to see me. His bulldog like jowls looked longer than usual. He looked tired.

  “Jake, good of you to come.”

  He held out his hand and I shook it. The policewoman dithered behind me.

  “It’s okay, Tonia. Go back to reception.”

  She left the room and wandered back between the decks, occasionally looking back at me. I continued watching her until she was out of sight.

  “What did you put about me in the records?”

  The Inspector shrugged. “Just to treat you with special care… and to follow any orders you give without hesitation.”

  I raised an eyebrow.

  “You never know when we might encounter another bomb, or worse.”

  “So if I ordered her to take off her clothes…”

  The Inspector sighed loudly. “As far as I can tell, women are willing to do that for you regardless of any orders I might give. How are Jenny and Esmeralda?”

  That brought me back from some enjoyable speculation. Constable Tonia was hot.

  “Both mothers and children and doing fine. I’m surprised you didn’t know about Jenny.”

  His jowls raised alarmingly as the Inspector grinned. “I did. Just making polite conversation. Did the Princess win the race to give birth?”

  “Dead heat.”

  The Inspector drew breath dramatically. “That’s you in the doghouse for a while then.”

  Everybody knew far too much about my marriages. I should never have invited him to the wedding. Then I remembered, I hadn’t.

  “Crashed any more weddings recently?”

  The Inspector coughed and I worked out it was time to move onto more serious matters.

  “I have no leads on the bomb that destroyed police headquarters. It doesn’t fit with any of my enemies. All of them are far too honorable to kidnap a child to use as bait. The one group who might have done it didn’t find out where Earth is until sometime later.”

  “That’s why I asked you to come in.” The Inspector opened a drawer in his desk and threw a piece of paper towards me. A touch of magic and it landed in my hand.

  Strange handwritten symbols filled the sheet. It was spaced like writing into words and somewhere around the middle of the sheet was my name.”

  “Can you read it?” the Inspector asked eagerly.

  “Only my name,” I said to his visible disappointment. I turned the page over to find it blank. Since it was a photocopy I asked the obvious question. “Is there more?”

  Inspector Thomas shook his head. “It came in a C5 envelope with one word written on it. ‘Bomb,’ I’ve got the original in a safe, just in case proximity to you triggers it.”

  “I don’t think even a wizard can turn a piece of paper into a bomb,” Though even as I said it I worked out a way to do it. “On the other hand, better safe than sorry.”

  “How can we find out?”

  That proved easy. I opened the safe while holding it in a confinement spell. Then I took the piece of paper in its plastic folder and hopped way off planet. I was back a few seconds later with the original in my hand. The Inspector let out the breath he had been holding.

  “I can’t tell anything from it,” I admitted. It hadn’t been owned long enough for me to hop to them, though I might try that later. There was another option, which I didn’t plan to raise until I found out what forensics had found out about.

  “Neither can we. Bog standard paper you can buy from almost anywhere. The writer used a pen you can buy four for a pound. No fingerprints and no DNA on it except for the police offer who opened it.”

  I raised a single eyebrow again.

  “Ed Willis. I believe you know him?”

  I nodded. It wasn’t written by him.

  “Various language experts suggest it might be a version of Ogham, but they can’t make it out.”

  “Ogham is?”

  “Irish Celtic, fifth century.”

  That didn’t seem likely.

  “Conclusions?” I asked.

  “Points suspicion at you, which makes it very likely it came from the bomber or someone who knows them. It may be a message or it may be rubbish to divert us. I was hoping your special skills might be able to find the writer.”

  I shook my head. “Not mine, but I know somebody with special talents… if I can borrow the original?”

  “Sure. It’s no use to us.”

  I put the letter back in the plastic evidence wallet.

  “I know about Anna,” the Inspector said. “She’s making a
n astonishing recovery since her operation. Has that got something to do with Bronwyn?”

  “I thought her documents were perfect.”

  The Inspector grinned. “They are. But I met Anna at the wedding and when a young apparently Polish girl arrives at Accident and Emergency with a silver rod through her leg. Well, I get reports on anything strange that happens around here.”

  “Urda is visiting her twice a day, which I’m sure you already know. She’s aiding bone regrowth, now that the silver’s been removed.”

  “You couldn’t remove it yourself, with your hocus-pocus?”

  “No. It was magic silver.”

  The Inspector nodded sagely. I suspect that if I’d said ‘Because of Quantum Fluctuations’ he would have made the same response.

  “And Bronwyn Mathews?”

  “Bronwyn is well, and possibly safe,” I offered.

  The Inspector took that in, including the ambiguity.

  “Do I need to put her parents under guard?”

  “She has her memory and powers back, but I think she’s on our side.”

  “You’re not sure?”

  It was my turn to sigh. “I am, but Esmeralda and Jenny are more cautious. In fact Esmeralda is positively hostile. Bronwyn killed a man who was like a father to her. But I cannot create a scenario that explains the help she gave me with her being a villain.”

  “You’ve told her parents?”

  “Three days ago.” Right after we left Anna at the hospital.

  “And I don’t have to go searching for a Cult that crucifies girls with magic silver?”

  “Not right now, hopefully never.”

  The Inspector sat down wearily and waved me towards the door.

  “Go to Jenny. She’s leaving Maternity in half an hour.”

  I walked to the door, where he called out to me.

  “Keep that cult out of Wales. I don’t care how you do it.”

  17. Valhalla

  Jenny and her parents were already on the move when I got to the ward. Merlin was in a carrycot held by Mrs. Owens. I surreptitiously placed a protective field around the cot so even if Mrs. Owens dropped it out of the window Merlin would be safe. Merlin gave a cry not unlike a giggle when it was in place.

  When we got into the car, we belted the cot into the middle section with Jenny on one side and me on the other.

  “Are you staying when we get home?” Jenny asked.

  It was a difficult question because while the answer Jenny wanted was yes, the actual answer was no.

  “The Progenitors are looking for me. I can’t risk them finding me near you and Merlin, or Esmeralda and Morgana for that matter.”

  Jenny gave me one of her best hurt looks.

  “How long are you going to keep running, Jake? Years?”

  “They should give up looking for me when the Conference ends, I think.”

  “You don’t even know if they’re still looking. They could have given up days ago.”

  Jenny wore her pleading face, which I find very difficult to resist.

  “It’s not like I can go and ask them.”

  “Can’t you get Urda to go to that place in hop space and take a look?”

  This was a good idea except for one minor little detail. “She doesn’t come from a world with a Representative. She wouldn’t be able to get in.”

  “So that leaves Bronwyn?” Jenny’s face lit up in a smile. “You could ask the Valhallans. You’re their Representative.”

  Did I mention the Valhallans are my favorite people? That’s me being sarcastic, by the way. Mainly known for their practice of sending out young wizards to plague undeveloped worlds and become their rulers, while back on their own worlds they act like butter wouldn’t melt in their mouths. What a bunch of hypocrites.

  Visiting them didn’t appeal for a number of reasons, the first one being the Valhallans have the most tiresome language in the multiverse. It can take a thousand words to say ‘hello’, and it’s considered rude to say anything directly. My other reason for not wanting to go was that after shaking hands with them you have to count fingers, toes and other appendages to make sure they haven’t nicked one.

  “Go on, Jake,” Jenny pleaded. “I’ll make it worth your while.”

  Jenny can’t do lecherous to save her life, but her attempts are so funny it’s hard to resist her.

  “Pretty please?”

  She fluttered her eyelashes and I kissed her forehead.

  “Okay, I surrender. But don’t expect me be back anytime soon. It could take a week to get through the pleasantries.”

  “You don’t do pleasantries, Jake.”

  And that was also true. I kissed Merlin and hopped.

  I only know the central world of Valhalla. I know they have a dozen others but I’ve never had reason to search them out. They have a parliamentary system with thousands of delegates, but all the real action takes place at the Council of Wizards. It was the Council that had tricked me into becoming their Representative at the Conference Between the Worlds. They must be gloating about all the new worlds open for them to rape. Locations they had been given the moment I arrived at the Conference.

  When they offered me sanctuary from those worlds hoping to kill me before the conference started, they had given me the location of the Council of Wizards, and it was there that I hopped.

  The room I arrived in was filled with curved tables arranged to form a series of concentric circles. The room was arranged like a theatre in the round with a stage at its center. It wasn’t a massive room and I doubted you could get more than a couple of hundred people in it. When I appeared there were less than twenty people present. I landed on the stage as per the coordinates I’d been given.

  Those present took one look at me and stood. To a man and woman they began to clap. One or two even cheered.

  A youngish looking man hopped to stand beside me. It took a moment to recognize Delft Lagan. He had died his hair black since I last saw him, though he had left his eyes blue.

  “Welcome Jake, we were wondering when you would arrive.”

  He spoke Salician, which was a welcome relief. I’d been constructing a sentence in Valhallan which went something along the lines of ‘May your lords, ladies, gentlefolk and all others of whatever designation and sexual orientation including hermaphrodites and other of genetic variation be…’ That was the limit of my thoughts and I was sure some of them would be offended by its brevity and directness.

  We had been joined on stage by Card Brindel and Meldar Lind. That completed the line-up of Council members who had tricked me into being their empire’s Representative.

  Card is a tall, wiry man who could be any age from 50 to 150. He smiled at me before solemnly handing Delft a heavy looking coin purse. This caused a second wave of applause and Delft bowed to our audience.

  “Let it never be said that a Brindel does not pay his gambling debts,” Card announced to another round of applause. “I can only conclude that Jake Morrissey is even more under the thumb of his wives than I had calculated.”

  I found my face going a deep shade of red, which naturally led to another round of applause. The two men stepped away to let Meldar Lind approach. I don’t know how old Meldar is, but my lower estimate is 150. There is an enmity between us going back to the things I did to her nephews, but right then she looked supremely happy to see me.

  “Thank you, Jake Morrissey, for restoring the pride of my people. As always you have achieved this in a manner which was a daring as it was foolish.”

  “You have the locations of the worlds you desired?” I tried to sound bitter, but her attitude and that of the others was confusing me.

  “That was never our purpose. Just the foolish misunderstanding of those worlds that had excluded us from their club for so long.”

  What? Now I needed an explanation.

  “Perhaps you could enlighten a poor native wizard?” I asked.

  Meldar waved her hand around the room. “Valhalla has been a great civili
zation for over twenty thousand years. There is no war here, no crime. Our young are among the most educated in the multiverse.”

  “Because you export torture and murder to the less developed worlds.”

  Meldar didn’t get cross, she sighed.

  “Young wizards have to get these things out of their system before they mature and return to us to conclude their training.”

  “Those they rule don’t quite see it that way.”

  “There are nearly fifty billion Valhallans. We do not wage war on ourselves, nor on others. We have a large number of wizards, but extensive studies have shown they kill, in total, less than a thousand people a year. Mostly they enslave and rule small non-technological kingdoms like Salice. They indulge their vices, but they rarely kill and most of the people they rule enjoy a good standard of living. No Wizard wants to rule a kingdom of sick starving people.”

  I couldn’t believe I was hearing this. She was saying people like Taldar Plath were a force for good.

  “I know the people they have hurt.” I couldn’t find the words to express how much I disagreed with her.

  “How many people die in wars on your planet, Jake? How many thousands are subject to the mass murder techniques that technology allows?”

  “But aren’t you going to do that to worlds of the Conference?”

  Again, there was laughter from the crowd. Worse, it was tinged with sympathy.

  “That is what I am trying to tell you. We wanted you as our Representative because we have never been admitted to their club. Now we have been; we have gained the respect we deserve. We never wanted to pillage their worlds. We let single wizards indulge their fantasies out in the hinterlands. They do not attack empires nor do they wish to create one. Empires of the conquered are hard work. We have no plans of conquest. Already the previously high and mighty come to us seeking treaties and good relations. That was all we wanted.”

  My mouth was open. I had been chased across the multiverse, been forced to kill far too many people, and committed some terrible acts just because Valhalla wanted a bit of respect from their peers?