Counting Goodbyes

by Whitney Cannavina

  I notice at the corner of the counter is Timothy, the same sad boy from one of my classes. I don’t know his story, but I hope he can overcome whatever it is that is hurting him. He huddles over a mug just staring into it like there isn’t a soul around. When he glances up at the ringing of the bell, he looks my way and I offer a small wave and a smile. His eyebrows rise in surprise before dropping into a scowl and turning away. I don’t take offense because I know there is a story there that I don’t understand.

  “Do you guys know that boy in the corner?” I point to Timothy when I ask my parents the question.

  “I don’t know the boy, but I do know his parents. Or I used to. His dad was a mean drunk and used to hit his wife. I’m not sure what brought it on, but after many years of abuse, she finally killed him. Claimed he went after her and she feared her and her boy’s life, so she shot him. Since then, I haven’t seen much of her or her son. I think she is in prison still and he is living with a foster family.”

  Being a little boy, witnessing the emotional and physical abuse must have been difficult to comprehend. If he watched his mom kill his dad, I’m sure that would have really screwed him up regardless of how much his dad hurt his mom and maybe even him. I couldn’t imagine how anyone could get over that and not have issues.

  After receiving our food, we dig in and talk about our week of school, what our plans are for the next week, and other miscellaneous topics. The conversation stays light and we all arrive home ready to relax and watch television. I decide to take the time to call Lacy since I hadn’t spoken with her more than a few texts these last few days due to school and work for the both of us.

  “I feel like I haven’t spoken to you in years!” Lacy’s dramatic answer causes me to laugh out loud. I miss my best friend. I could really use her this year. Bobby is amazing, but Lacy knows me inside and out.

  “I’ve got so much to tell you.” I begin to tell her every little thing from the start of my date where Beau met my dad, to the very end and everything in between the rest of my week on my classes, the students, and what I’ve been working on for class. Lacy tells me a shorter version of her week with little of anything exciting, mostly complaints about some of the customers and how she can’t wait to be out of school because this year she got the teacher who seems to waft off the scent of whisky that everyone knows he sneaks sips of throughout the day just to get through the myriad of students and classes.

  We catch up on everything, and after three hours of this, I am ready to call it a night.

  “I’ll call you tomorrow. I am super exhausted and need my beauty sleep.”

  “Beauty sleep, my butt. Whatever. You better call me, or I will be blowing up your phone.” I quickly agree knowing she’ll follow through.

  We hang up and I ready myself for bed. After turning my light out, I roll over and find my comfortable spot when the vibration of my phone earns a groan.

  Austin aka Gorgeous: Hey beautiful. What are you doing?

  Me: Going to sleep.

  Austin aka Gorgeous: I heard you’re mad at me. Is that true?

  Me: Why would I be mad at you?

  Austin aka Gorgeous: I don’t know. Just thought I’d ask and see if it were true. I have been nothing but nice to you.

  Me: No, I am not mad at you.

  Austin aka Gorgeous: Ok. Good. I would hate it if you were because then who would talk to me during class?

  Me: Oh, I don’t know, maybe the myriad of girls that flaunt themselves at you on the daily?

  Austin aka Gorgeous: That hurts.

  Me: You know it’s true.

  Austin aka Gorgeous: Are you jealous? ;)

  Me: No. Just stating a fact.

  Austin aka Gorgeous: You’re jealous. You have made my night, Makayla.

  See you Monday morning.

  Goodnight beautiful.

  Feeling confused by Austin’s texts, I decide to worry about them tomorrow. I’m too tired to analyze why he was so worried about me being mad at him. I’m not mad at him. I was mad at how he approached the situation with Beau both times by asking me out as a ploy and for butting in because Beau and I went our separate ways. But that was then. I’m no longer mad at him, instead feeing angry with myself for how I gave myself hope when I knew I’d be let down.

  I’ll just ask Lacy for her opinion on the impromptu texts in the morning. Lacy always has an answer, even if her answers are ridiculous sometimes.

  Chapter 13

  I am here

  to live out

  loud

  -Emile Zola-

  “The world is full of chaos and no matter how hard you fight for peace, you will always be fighting and therein lies the chaos.” Reading what I wrote out loud in regard to life, no truer words were said. In creative writing, we are doing a training exercise in how to create impacting quotes, and next we will be learning to create an impacting story.

  “That was really good. Although, maybe try rewriting it so that the quote flows more effortlessly. It makes sense and I get where you’re going with it, I just think maybe wording it slightly different. I don’t know. I suck at this.” Carrie, my assigned partner for this activity critiques my work and I wonder what I need to change in order for it to really grab you when reading it. I know it lacks something, but what, I can’t figure out. I spent Sunday writing quote after quote and this one is by far my best work and that’s not saying much. My other ones tend to go more like, ‘when turning left, always use a signal’, and another winner is, ‘the world is full of Smurf’s, you just can’t see them unless you fall down Alice’s rabbit hole’. And my favorite quote that I believe is the top of the chain of horrible quotes because I was just too tired to go on goes a little something like this; ‘Sleeping is like death. You can’t escape sleep just as you can’t escape death. It’s inevitable’. Oh yeah. I really know how to write inspirational quotes.

  “Alright. I’ll just work on these later. Let’s see yours.” Just before I get the chance to read over what Carrie had changed since I critiqued her at the beginning of class, the bell rings signaling the end of class and beginning of lunch period.

  “Class. Work on your quotes tonight. I want a final draft turned in tomorrow. You will be using these quotes to help you write your inspirational story. They will be the theme of your story so choose wisely what quotes you want to use and what they will bring to your story.” The class groans in unison as we pack our bags and head out the door like a heard of sheep.

  “Hey Kayla.” Bobby sidles up to me as I walk out the door while we head to the cafeteria to grab lunch.

  “Hey Bobby. I’m starving.”

  “Hey Kayla, Bobby. What’s cookin’ goodlookin’?” Beau squeezes between us with a mighty grin, throwing an arm around our shoulders like a pimp.

  “Hi Beau.” We say in unison.

  “Did anyone ever tell you that your eyes sparkle like a thousand galaxy’s? Gorgeous!” Beau throws out his one liner to no one in particular causing me to snicker.

  “Oh, Beau. I think maybe you should try just saying hi and leaving it at that. There’s no need for the pickup lines.” I think Bobby secretly crushes on Beau because every time he flirts, she flushes pink. She may act like she’s not interested and pretends his words don’t faze her. However, I think maybe she’s just not ready to admit her feelings, too afraid that she’ll be turned down if she told him. Beau and Bobby would make a cute couple for sure, and I hope that they both take a chance and just go for it.

  “You love my pickup lines and you know it.” Beau says with confidence.

  Grabbing my tray, I load it with a salad bowl and every vegetable I can find before adding cheese and croutons. Once I am satisfied with my toppings I begin to pour a bucket of ranch on top, Beau and Bobby look at me like I lost my marbles.

  “What?”

  “Is there any salad under all that other crap?” Bobby questions.

  “That’s no way to diet.” Beau jokes.

  “I’m not on a diet and don’
t knock it till you try it.” Heading to our usual table with the same students, I try to hide my surprise when I see Austin sitting at our table chatting with the rest of the group as if he’s been there since day one. There’s nothing wrong with other’s joining our table. I’m not the table police but this is the first time he’s sat with us this year. Even though it’s only been a week, Austin has always sat at the table next to us, or technically behind us with the other football players and cheerleaders. Austin, Beau, Evangeline, her posse of three, and about five other football players whose names I don’t know sit together daily and pretty much ignores us. The only one who ever really makes the effort is Beau. We usually joke around and chat, and now it seems as if Austin wants to do the same.

  “Austin, I’m surprised to see you over here. Won’t your girlfriend be jealous?” Bobby’s teasing earns her a scowl from Austin.

  “Evangeline isn’t my girlfriend.” Glancing at me as if to see my reaction, I keep my face neutral and take a seat toward the opposite end of Austin, where Bobby, then Beau slide in to keep that space between us.

  “Oh, I didn’t know we were sitting with the lepers today.” Evangeline’s dig causes Bobby to practically shoot flames out of her ears.

  “I didn’t realize the porno convention was in town. Don’t they need you on your back somewhere for filming?” Evangeline scoffs at Bobby’s insinuation that she is a whore. Beau and I cackle out loud while Austin snickers, turning away so she doesn’t notice.

  “The only girl getting screwed seven ways from Sunday is…” Just as she is about to accuse me of being said girl, Beau interrupts.

  “Evangeline. Why don’t you can it already.”

  “Austin,” she whines. “I have to talk to you about something private.” Sighing, Austin nods his head and leaves the table after Evangeline. It’s sad to see he is so completely wrapped around her conniving little finger.

  “One day I’m just going to throat punch her.” Bobby seethes.

  “Hold up there, Rocky. No need to get hostile. She’s not worth it. She only says that crap to get a rise out you.” Beau tries to calm Bobby down, but she looks to me with venom in her eyes and I know the next time Evangeline crosses the line, she’s getting decked.

  “I’m pretty sure she was trying to get a rise out of our girl Kayla, here. She has some vendetta against her after she assumed she was after Austin. Now she can’t seem to back off and leave Kayla alone.” Bobby pronounces.

  “If you are going to beat her up, I want to watch.” Beau declares excitedly. He’s practically bouncing in his seat at the chance to see Bobby throw some punches. I have no doubt she could take Evangeline down with just one throw. Bobby looks like she doesn’t care about getting her hands a little dirty.

  “No doubt. I’ll need back up to pull me off her.” Bobby pretends to throw punches in quick succession as if she’s a heavy weight boxer warming up for the main event.

  “If she’s just starting crap because of me, maybe we should just leave it alone. I already told her I wasn’t going after Austin and that she could have him.”

  “What?” Beau’s high-pitched question has me wrinkling my brow. “You mean, you actually turned down the high and mighty, swoon worthy, star quarterback Austin James? Do you carry kryptonite around in your back pocket to weaken his abilities at luring women into his trap?”

  Chuckling, I wonder where the hell he comes up with this crap.

  “There is no kryptonite. I just know that I’m not on his level when it comes to datability, and I know that Austin and Evangeline are much better suited.”

  “Babe, you are high on your rocker if you think for one minute you’re not as good or as pretty as Evangeline. You’re all-natural baby and it is sexy as all get up.”

  “What Beau said.” Bobby eagerly nods her head in agreement.

  “Whatever. I’m just saying, I’m not the popular, stunning woman that a guy like Austin is seen with. He’s gorgeous and I’m well…I’m average. It doesn’t make sense.”

  “He told me he asked you out after I did. Said he asked you to cancel our date and go out with him.” Beau isn’t telling me anything I didn’t already know; however, I am surprised Austin told him he did this.

  “Yeah. He already told me he was making sure I was good enough for you. Something about not wanting me to be a flake and break your heart.” Digging into my salad, I fail to notice the look Beau and Bobby exchange at my admission.

  “Austin wasn’t asking you out as a test, Kayla. He was asking you out because he likes you.” Beau states. Chewing on the mouthful of vegetables and ranch, I try to hide my shock by wiping my mouth of the invisible crumbs with my napkin.

  Swallowing, I reply. “Trust me, that wasn’t it. He was sort of pissed when he thought I ditched you at the party.”

  “What do you mean?” Beau questions curiously. I explain our conversation, or argument, however you want to look at it, surprising Beau.

  “Weird.” Shrugging, I dig into my salad glad to have this conversation finally over. It’s bad enough I’m about to have class with the source of our conversation. I need to clear my head of our issues, or my issues before seeing Austin.

  Hearing the bell, Bobby, Beau, and I drop our lunch in the trash and head to our lockers. Gathering the books, we need, and putting away the ones we don’t. Bobby and I wave our goodbyes to Beau before heading to class. Taking our seats, the combination of relief and utter disappointment at seeing Austin’s desk empty confuses me. I shouldn’t care if Austin is in class or not. He’s just a friend. If it were anyone else, I would just be curious as to why they are missing.

  Just as the late bell rings, Austin slides through the door hurrying to his seat.

  “What took you so long?” I whisper angrily.

  “Evangeline.” Just hearing his gruff whisper speak her name guts me. Of course, he was with her. What else should I have expected? They left together so it only makes since that she was who made him almost late to class.

  “Listen up class. You need to study during class with your partner. I want you to go over everything you read in the first ten chapters of the Scarlet Letter. Our first test is tomorrow the minute class starts. I hope you’re ready.”

  “Did you finish the chapters?” Austin asks while I pull out my notebook that has our notes on what we’ve read so far.

  “Yeah. I finished it last night.” I clip.

  “Great. Let’s swap notes. See if we are missing anything important.” Shrugging my shoulder, I hand Austin my notebook and take his in return. Going over what he has written down, there isn’t much he missed. Our notes are about the same noting for each chapter all the significant moments that turned Hester into a so-called sinner, blah, blah, blah. Oh, if only the early Americans could see women now, they’d think we all rose from hell to seduce and ruin men.

  “Do you have any idea what we are supposed to be studying?” Bobby turns in her seat and whispers her question to Austin and me. I understand the reason for studying, but what exactly are we going to be asked? What did she wear? Why she wore it? What color is her hair? There are just too many questions that could come up; some relevant and some not.

  “Just stick to the basics I guess. Start with the plot, and then look at what started the chain of events and how Hester felt during all of this. I just hope she doesn’t throw out a question that asks something completely irrelevant like what color her eyes were.”

  “You really think a question like that could come up?” Bobby chews her lip nervously. I highly doubt our teacher could be so conniving, but I’ve had it happen.

  “Probably not, which is why I’m thinking just go with the most relevant of events and thoughts.”

  “Smart.” Bobby points at me with a smirk as if I just gave her the secret code to man.

  “Want to come over later and study?” Disbelief encompasses me over Austin’s request.

  “Um.”

  “I promise no funny business.” Austin raises his hands to show
his innocence, but it doesn’t matter. I have no means to start any issues with Evangeline. There’s already enough drama there that I hadn’t earned. No reason to stir the pot even more.

  “What about Evangeline?”

  “What about her?”

  “Look. I’m not really sure what’s going on with you two and I don’t quite care. However, I don’t want to cause more drama and that’s all Evangeline has been and I haven’t even done anything.”

  “Is she causing you problems?”

  “No…”

  “Yes.” Bobby pipes in as I turn and glare at her to shut up.

  “What did she do?”

  “It’s nothing. I swear.”

  “Bobby, what did she do?” Bobby looks to me worrying her bottom lip. She knows I don’t want to stir up any more drama but her belief that Austin likes me seems to be making her judgment on this matter turn on the side of confiding in him.

  “She’s just been giving our girl here a hard time. Basically, she’s claimed you for herself.”

  “I’ll set her straight. I’m not hers to claim. Never have been. Never will be.” Austin stares into my eyes to prove he’s serious.

  “It’s fine. I don’t need a knight sweeping in and saving me from the evil queen. I just want to be left alone in the forest with my friends.”

  “Well, when the evil queen brings you the poisoned apple and you take a bite, I’ll be sure to kiss you awake from your eternal sleep.” The husky words that spill from Austin’s mouth stop my heart in fear and longing. Did he really just say he’d kiss me awake? Did I seriously just reference my life to a fairytale princess?

  “I uh…I… what?” I stutter unsure of what it is I want to ask and having no idea what to say.