Lovestruck

by Bronwyn Sell

  He shrugged. Like he’d told Cody, he and Katie had a perfectly adequate catch-up over dinner, and he got the feeling that if he’d made a move something would have started, but all he could think about was the way Sophia lit him up. Like Sophia said, there had to be a spark, right? You couldn’t make it work with the wrong person in the right circumstances any more than with the right person in the wrong circumstances.

  ‘I’ve never seen you react like that to being roasted. Something’s got you on edge.’

  ‘I liked you better when you were in nappies and all I had to do was stop you shoving sand in your mouth.’ He linked his fingers and stretched his arms up. ‘I don’t want to disappoint her when it doesn’t work out. She doesn’t need that, even if maybe she thinks she does. That doesn’t make me a hero.’

  Amy said nothing. A full half a minute later, she grunted.

  ‘Is there a whole other conversation going on in your head? You’re miles away, suddenly.’

  ‘No, it’s just I had a similar conversation this morning, about not wanting to break anyone’s heart.’

  ‘You’ve been talking to Sophia?’

  She patted his knee. ‘I’m loving how adorably hopeful you look but no, sorry, not Sophia. Josh. He said nearly the same thing to me. We may have kissed.’

  Harry swivelled and brought his legs up, mirroring her posture. ‘Really? Good work, little cuz.’ He detected a wince. ‘Or was it not good?’

  ‘It was good in a way I don’t want to talk about with a guy who’s related to me.’

  ‘He’s about to be related to you.’

  She swiped at Harry. ‘That’s the number-one problem, doofus. He desperately wants a family—our family, not his own—and he doesn’t want to mess that up. And by the way? Nobody knows about the kiss. Not even Carmen.’

  He made a mouth-zipping gesture. Josh seemed cool but he should do some recon there. Take the guy out on the boat.

  Hmm. Maybe Amy was right about the father-figure thing. She didn’t need him doing that. She already had a father. Amy spun again, to look out over the bay, and he copied, leaning back on his hands. He could smell the coming rain.

  ‘Wait,’ she said after a while. ‘Shouldn’t it be your own choice whether you’re prepared to risk getting hurt?’

  ‘Are you talking about your situation, my situation or hypothetically?’

  ‘Mine? Both? All of the above? It seems like we’re all preemptively making decisions for the other person rather than letting them decide. What’s with that? Shouldn’t everyone just decide for themselves and respect each other’s calls? We’re all busy going, “I don’t want you hurt you,” and, “Well, I don’t want to hurt you”. But maybe Cody has a point—and do not tell him I said that.’

  ‘Your secret’s safe with me.’ Harry raised his chin. ‘Okay, convince me.’

  ‘Uh, what am I convincing you of?’

  ‘That I should go there with Sophia. Or at least give her the choice rather than take the decision away from her because I think she’s too vulnerable.’

  ‘Ohhh, I see what this is about.’

  ‘What is this about?’

  ‘You want me to convince you, in which case you’ve already made up your mind and you just want me to second the motion.’

  He stared at Amy’s profile. ‘Uh.’ Had he? Did he?

  ‘You wholeheartedly and unreservedly have my permission, if that’s what you’re seeking. But if I convince you to go there with Sophia, then where does that leave me and Josh, if we’re following the same logic?’

  ‘And just like that, we’re back to you,’ he said, earning another swipe. ‘This is the second-worst pep talk I’ve had in my life.’ But she might be right about his mind being made up about Sophia. Damn straight he wanted to go there. This was all going downhill fast, but it felt so good.

  Amy sighed. ‘So, what now?’

  ‘With your situation, or mine?’

  ‘Maybe we can solve each other’s problem, since we seem incapable of making our own calls. You delegate your decision to me, I’ll delegate mine to you. If you hate my idea, you’ll know it’s not right for you, and vice versa.’

  ‘Ripper. I’ll start. How about you give him the option of going double or nothing? Actually, more like double or half.’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘Well, he seems like a cool guy and he’s fitting in, so he’s already got his wish to have a family. He’s already halfway there. But maybe he could have you too. Maybe it’s not an either/or.’

  ‘If he wants me.’

  ‘He kissed you, didn’t he?’

  ‘Oh yeah,’ she said breathily, which was more detail than he wanted from his cousin. ‘But just now, it was like he was pushing me away. He said some things.’

  ‘What things?’

  ‘It was more the way he said them. I’m not even sure he meant them, but I’ve had enough guys push me away to know what that feels like.’

  Harry might have to revise his opinion of Josh if he kept that up. ‘Or maybe he’s feeling what you’re feeling, and fighting it?’

  ‘That did occur to me. It was like he was trying to pick a fight.’

  ‘Let’s take it for a fact that Josh …’ He couldn’t say wants you. Not about Amy. ‘That he likes you a lot. But my take? I reckon deep down you’re more worried about hurting yourself than him. Maybe this whole protecting-him thing you’re going with is just a big old excuse.’ He shrugged. ‘Just a theory.’

  ‘Are you saying I’m being selfish?’

  ‘Not selfish. Self-preserving, which is a good thing, to a point. But you might regret not taking the risk more than you regret taking the risk.’

  She screwed up her face, back to the kooky little kid for a second. ‘Is this my situation, your situation, or hypothetical?’

  He laughed. ‘All of the above.’

  ‘Let me put this together,’ she said, rocking side to side and slipping her hands under her legs. ‘I just delegated my decision to you and your advice is to delegate my decision to Josh. That’s pathetic. We are pathetic.’

  ‘That may be so, but you’ll still have to tell him that you’re good with it if he’s good with it.’ Stealing the words right out of Sophia’s mouth.

  Uh, Sophia’s mouth …

  ‘Harry?’

  He shook himself. ‘Thing is, you still have to whack the ball into his court. And it’s not your job to make the decision for him by avoiding him or protecting him or whatever. And tell him he doesn’t get to make the decision for you.’

  ‘He did make it pretty clear he didn’t want to go there.’

  ‘By kissing you?’

  ‘I mean after that. And before that. Many times.’

  ‘But he still kissed you, so I’m not buying that he doesn’t want to go there. No guy kisses a woman he doesn’t want to go there with. But maybe he’s conflicted, like you are. Worst he can say is no, right? And if he does, you have to respect that and move on. No harm done. Well, not in the long-term. Hopefully.’

  She blew out a breath. ‘And it’s not like I haven’t heard “no” before. Not that I like hearing that word.’

  Footsteps shook the platform. Carmen, creeping up on them. ‘There you guys are,’ she called. ‘Main course is almost finished. You still good to do your toast after dessert, Harry? And your version was fine. Great, in fact. I was just being a bit, you know, me.’

  Amy looked across at Harry. The first fat drops of rain splatted onto the shade sail. ‘Shall we brave it?’

  ‘If we have to.’ He jumped up, then crouched back down. ‘What exactly are we braving?’ he said in an undertone. ‘You made it all about you so we never got around to me.’

  ‘I did not. Er, we’re braving being brave? Or in your case, being un-gentlemanly. In a consensual, twenty-first century way.’

  ‘Got it.’

  She was right. He knew just what to do about Sophia, who’d already lobbed her ‘You know where to find me’ comment into his court. It
was right now hovering in front of his racquet. Hell, he really was going to take Cody’s relationship advice. He checked his watch. Carmen had arranged an early dinner so guests could get a good night’s sleep before the wedding, so if he left straight after the toasts it wouldn’t be too late to knock on Sophia’s door.

  Because this was definitely the kind of risk he would regret not taking.

  Trip Review: Curlew Bay

  Rating:

  Review: We left our insect screen open while we were at dinner and the room filled up with bugs. We moved rooms but the same thing happened!

  29

  Amy

  So Amy had finally resolved to stop avoiding Josh and let whatever might happen happen, and now Josh was avoiding her, even while sitting beside her to eat. She saw his avoidance tricks for what they were because they were the same as hers—seemingly developing a bladder condition that warranted multiple bathroom visits, downing a drink in a hurry and departing for the bar for an urgent refill, remembering he needed to check on a scheduling detail with Carmen, paying meticulous attention to Harry’s every word.

  Even so, Amy was getting a hit of something every time they accidentally (or otherwise) looked at each other, every time they accidentally brushed each other. A something that made the air thicker and intensified The Pull. No matter how hard she and Josh tried to stay apart, those magnets wanted to snap together—hers did, anyway, and when it came to magnets, like people, it took two. Pure science.

  Or was he the magnet to her powerless, pathetic flake of steel?

  No. Not after that kiss. This went both ways.

  Finally, Carmen dinged a glass and asked everyone to take their seats.

  ‘Cheers for the toast, man,’ Josh said to Harry as they took their places beside Amy. ‘Means a lot.’

  ‘Uh, I haven’t given it yet.’ Harry pulled out Carmen’s speech notes, the printed white card rumpled from his pocket. Josh pulled his out of his jeans and unfolded them.

  ‘Call it an educated guess, seeing as I’m supposed to say …’ Josh flicked his notecard. ‘… Sanjay and I are humbled by your kind words and at being welcomed by your generous family.’

  Amy leaned over to look at Josh’s notes. ‘Carmen is seriously making you say you’re humbled?’ Josh tipped the card her way so she could read it. ‘Don’t feel compelled. I love Carmen to pieces—tiny little ones—but she’s organising this wedding like it’s a movie and she’s the director, and the scriptwriter.’

  ‘I don’t mind. I am humbled. Hand on heart, I can’t believe how lucky I am to be part of this family.’ Amy could swear he shot her the briefest of meaningful looks. And I don’t want to mess it up by going there with you. Or was she reading that into everything he did or said?

  ‘And we’re happy to have you,’ Harry said. ‘You’ll see we’re a take-you-as-you-are family. Unconventional relationships are all good here. There are no rules.’

  Amy delivered Harry a glare. I can fight my own battles. Harry replied with an expression that could equally have meant I’m pretending I have no idea what you’re communing, or Remind me to check on the rat traps. Amateur. Josh looked from Harry to Amy and back, perplexed, and she shrank a little, cradling in both hands the vodka and tonic she’d been toying with for an hour. She took a sip, pretending it wasn’t warm and diluted, happy for the excuse to put her back to Josh as Carmen welcomed everyone. Harry dutifully read his speech as scripted, but too fast, either oblivious to or ignoring Carmen’s gestures to slow down, then lowered his notes to finish off-script. ‘Fair warning—once you’re inducted into this family, you’re here for life, no matter what, and whether you like it or not.’

  Geoff and Sanjay laughed heartily but Amy knew Harry’s real target.

  He introduced Josh’s toast, and Amy resisted looking as the chair behind her squeaked. She detected Josh rising to his feet as if she were tracking him with a thermal sensor, his shape pulsing in red and yellow and green and blue—but mostly red. Josh walked to the head of the table and shook Harry’s hand. As Harry returned to his seat, he squeezed Amy’s shoulder. She swatted him away.

  Josh lingered over his speech, which gave Amy’s gaze a chance to linger over Josh. He wore an open-necked shirt that struck the perfect note between dressy and casual. Ye gods, the guy could wear clothes. Across the table, Carmen’s lips moved in sync with Josh’s words. She frowned when Josh launched into an ad lib.

  ‘I know I have the best stepdad and stepsisters—and whatever the rest of you are to me—that a guy could wish for and that’s not something I will ever take for granted. In all sincerity, it’s a sacred thing.’ He pressed his fist to his chest. Across the table, Carmen did the same with her palm, evidently forgiving his detour. ‘A gift that I will treasure for the rest of my life.’

  As applause erupted, Amy caught a grunt from Harry. She met his grim look. Yep, he’d heard Josh’s real meaning. Sacred as in off-limits.

  Carmen got up again to share some excruciatingly detailed ‘housekeeping matters for tomorrow’. Josh made an excuse to go to the bathroom, and Amy scooted into his seat.

  ‘What was with your toast?’ she hissed at Harry. ‘You were just complaining to me about our family getting under your skin, and now you’re meddling?’

  ‘What can I say? I’m on Team Amy and Josh.’

  ‘Why are you still here, anyway? I thought you had a ball to hit back.’

  He nodded toward Carmen. ‘I might miss some essential information.’

  ‘Go. I’m going to head off soon too.’ Maybe even before Josh came back from the bathroom.

  ‘With Josh?’

  ‘After that toast? No. I’m officially chickening out.’

  Amy tapped her foot on the floorboards as Carmen ran through evacuation procedures and checked off the various emergencies they might face.

  ‘Is she for real?’ Harry muttered. ‘A tsunami?’

  ‘It wouldn’t dare show up unscheduled.’ Amy craned her neck to gauge how far through the list Carmen might be. All she could tell was that the font was one point off unreadable without a microscope, and there were a lot of words on the card.

  As soon as Carmen dismissed everyone, Amy and Harry shot to their feet.

  ‘Not at all suspicious,’ Harry said.

  As they headed for reception, Josh stepped out from the bathrooms, almost colliding with Amy.

  ‘Hey there,’ he said. ‘I think I might call it a night.’

  ‘Good timing,’ Harry said. ‘Amy and I are taking an early mark too. Maybe you could walk her home?’

  Oh, for the love of vodka.

  ‘Uh, sure,’ Josh said, sounding far from it.

  Behind them, Carmen called out, ‘Harry, would you mind helping me with some tables for the reception?’

  Harry’s nostrils widened as he turned back. ‘I’m not scheduled to do that,’ he said, and Amy knew he was joking-not-joking. ‘Easy, tiger,’ he added as Carmen stiffened. ‘As if I’d say no.’

  Josh stepped forward. ‘I’ll help too. Aims, don’t wait up. I know you have an early start tomorrow.’

  Amy had seen it coming a mile off but the rejection-in-advance still hurt.

  ‘Amy, why don’t you help, too?’ Harry said. ‘Many hands and all that.’

  Carmen pushed her palms together in prayer. ‘That would be great, thanks guys. The restaurant staff were supposed to get to it today.’

  ‘Imagine what their schedules look like,’ Josh murmured as they followed Carmen into the other half of the pavilion.

  After they’d arranged the tables, there was no gracious way for Amy to avoid walking home with Josh, though they kept as far from each other as was possible without stepping off the boardwalk into the gardens. The rain earlier had given the air a musky, earthy weight. As they passed the water sports shed, Cody jogged up from the staff quarters. Amy had heard the chopper land while they were unfolding the tables.

  ‘Have you seen Harry?’ he said breathlessly. ‘He’s not at the restaurant
or his apartment.’

  ‘He was helping Carmen out with the wedding tables a few minutes ago,’ Amy said, gesturing toward the pavilion. ‘Everything okay?’

  Cody had already run off.

  ‘What was that about?’ Josh said.

  ‘No idea. It’s not like Cody to get that wound up.’

  Amy took a step, but her foot plunged into space. She got that sickening falling feeling again, and then Josh’s arms were around her waist and he was yanking her back onto the boardwalk. ‘Mate, stop trying to maim yourself,’ he said, righting her. She clutched his forearms, not sure if it was for balance or just so he’d keep his hands on her.

  ‘Sorry, I keep …’ she said, but she wasn’t sure how the sentence ended. ‘Maybe I have an inner-ear blockage.’

  He glanced at her chest, which was heaving more than it should be. His arms were tenser than they needed to be too.

  You might regret not taking the risk more than you regret taking the risk.

  Screw it. She eyeballed him. ‘Josh …’

  ‘Yeah?’ he said eagerly, his eyes huge in the light from the garden.

  The words wouldn’t come. She hadn’t planned this far ahead. She brushed her thumbs across his muscular, corded forearms, swallowing. He tightened his grip on her waist.

  ‘We can do this,’ she gushed, ‘without it meaning anything. I mean, of course it would mean something, but it doesn’t have to mess anything up, if we’re careful, if it’s just a one-night thing, a get-it-out-of-our-systems thing.’

  ‘Just blowing off steam,’ he said with a touch of desperation, ‘just like the kiss.’

  ‘Yeah, just like that.’ She wasn’t about to point out the obvious flaw in that logic. ‘And afterwards we’ll be just like the millions of people who’ve had a one-night stand and moved on and stayed friends—or in this case, stayed step-siblings.’