Lovestruck

by Bronwyn Sell

  ‘That captain can pick me up in his lifeboat any day,’ Geoff said, linking arms with Amy.

  ‘You’re so embarrassing. How did you ever land Sanjay?’

  ‘Joking aside?’ he said, his eyes going all filmy. ‘I ask myself that question every day.’

  ‘Aw. I love you, Dad.’

  He squeezed her arm. ‘Me too, sweetheart.’

  ‘And he’s the lucky one.’

  ‘For real, guys,’ Carmen said. ‘I can’t see Mika.’

  Rosa came out from the pavilion, exaggeratingly pointing downwards. ‘Under the stairs,’ she part-whispered, part-mouthed.

  ‘Mika!’ Carmen said, dashing down. Her ankle turned on the bottom step. She wobbled, and righted it. ‘Darn it,’ she said, her teeth clenched. Amy exchanged a look with Geoff. Darn it was foulmouthed for the mother incarnation of Carmen. ‘Mika, come out here right now.’

  ‘You want some help there?’ Geoff called.

  ‘No, I’ve got it!’

  Rosa gave an uh-oh smile as she linked arms with Geoff on the other side. He kissed her cheek. ‘You look stunning, as always,’ he said. ‘You don’t know how much this means to me.’

  Rosa patted Geoff’s hand. ‘Don’t cry now, G.’

  ‘I’m not crying, you’re crying.’

  ‘Well, don’t make me cry!’ Amy said, though that was a done deal. She always sentimental-cried at weddings, even when her best friend had married her former best friend-with-benefits. ‘Jaz would kill me for messing up my eyes.’

  ‘How’s that rash of yours?’ Rosa said, peering at Amy’s chin.

  ‘Fine, and please don’t say that again in front of anyone else.’

  ‘Oh no, no, no. Look at your dress now,’ Carmen cried, from under the stairs. ‘I knew I should have ordered two, just in case. It’s what all the blogs said to do. Come. Here. I can’t reach you there.’

  Along the beach, the music began—their cue to start walking. Amy peered through the gaps in the planks of the steps but couldn’t make anything out.

  ‘Pay sops, Mummy?’

  ‘We are not playing shops. We’re going to the wedding, remember? Where you get to be a pretty princess.’

  ‘Yucky wenning.’

  ‘Mika. Come on.’

  ‘Ooh, here they come,’ Rosa said, craning her neck. Sanjay and the groomsmen were walking from the northern tip of the beach, per the plan. Amy tiptoed in her flat sandals but she could catch only tantalising glimpses through the palms. She’d thought it ridiculous to force the men into suits for a beach wedding, but that was before she’d seen Josh in one. She filled her lungs. Oh, to peel that off at the end of the night. She puffed out the breath.

  ‘You’ll be fine, sweetheart,’ her father whispered.

  ‘Sorry, what?’

  ‘Just breathe normally.’ He patted her hand, like Rosa had done to him. He thought Amy’s sudden breathing difficulties were groomswoman nerves? Believe me, Dad, I don’t need your sympathy. He extracted his arms from Amy and Rosa, and jogged down to join Carmen, peering under the stairs. ‘Who knew a kid could fit in there?’

  ‘Yucky wenning. Dumb, dumb, dumb.’

  ‘I’ll signal Cody to stop the music,’ Geoff said. ‘We can wait until she’s ready.’

  ‘No, we can’t. The first round of canapes is coming out in exactly thirty-eight minutes.’

  ‘How about if I carry her?’ Amy called. ‘Mika, Aunty Aims carry you?’

  ‘No! Aun-y Aims pay sops.’

  ‘How about we play shops after the wedding? I have lots of money.’

  ‘Pay sops here.’

  On the beach, the three men finally emerged into an unimpeded view. Even though Amy was expecting it, she got a kick. How did she get so lucky—and so goddamn unlucky? She nudged her mother. ‘It’s basically a Versace ad.’

  ‘Oh my stars,’ Rosa said. ‘Uh, Carmen? Sanjay’s almost there.’

  A wail, which turned out to be Carmen, not Mika. ‘This wasn’t supposed to be a groom-waiting-at-the-altar wedding. It was supposed to be a grooms-meeting-at-the-aisle-as-their-life-paths-join wedding. I timed it perfectly. I measured everyone’s stride.’

  Wait, did this mean Amy and Josh would no longer be walking down the aisle together? That was good. It would be hard to keep up the haven’t-had-sex expression with everyone watching and her arm linked with his and him dressed like that.

  ‘Sweetheart,’ came Geoff’s muffled voice, ‘it doesn’t have to be perfect.’

  ‘What do you know?’ Carmen said. ‘Oh, I’m sorry, Dad. I just … I wanted this to be perfect for you. And get out from under there. You’re getting cobwebs on your suit.’

  ‘It is perfect. Give it another few minutes. Make Sanjay sweat. He’s been far too cruisy about this whole wedding, thanks to your fantastic organisation.’

  Rosa leaned in close to Amy. ‘Aims, I’m sensing something going on with you and Josh.’ Amy tore her eyes from the Versace ad. Uh-oh. If her mother had figured it out, everyone would have. ‘Is everything all right? Dad and Sanjay swore you guys would get along like a house on fire.’

  What did that mean? ‘Am I the house or the fire?’

  ‘Just please make an effort to get along, for Dad’s sake. He and Sanjay really want you guys to be close. I’ve noticed you barely say two words to each other anymore. It’s such a shame—you dance together so well.’

  Amy’s head involuntarily twitched. ‘I love you so much, Mum. Never change.’

  ‘Aw.’ Rosa looked back out over the beach—at Viggo, no doubt. She looked … sad?

  ‘Ah, Mum? Everything okay? Is it Viggo?’

  Rosa lifted one perfect shoulder. ‘I really don’t know. You know how you have the beginning of a relationship and everything’s going so well but then you sense something—something you can’t put your finger on—but when it’s all over you look back and recognise that was the moment things started to go downhill?’

  ‘Not really, but go on.’

  ‘I think I felt that moment this morning, when I left his villa.’

  ‘I’ll kill him,’ Amy said calmly. ‘I’ll push him off Cody’s helicopter into a feeding frenzy of tiger sharks.’

  Rosa closed her hand over Amy’s. ‘I adore how protective you and Carmen are of me but there’s no need. It is what it is.’

  Amy turned her hand and squeezed back. It shouldn’t be like that, not for her mum.

  Rosa frowned. ‘Carmen,’ she called, releasing Amy’s hand, ‘what canapes are we serving after the ceremony?’

  ‘You thinking of poisoning Viggo?’ Amy said. ‘That escalated quickly.’

  ‘Rice paper rolls, bocconcini, salmon sashimi on pumpernickel,’ Carmen called back. ‘Why do you want to …? Ohhh. Hey Mika, sweetie, you know what we’re going to eat when we’re on the beach? Salmon sashimi. Raw fish.’ Mika attempted to repeat the world ‘sashimi’ but it came out in what Amy could only imagine was a spit shower. ‘How about I carry you down there and we watch the wedding and you can have lots and lots of sashimi afterwards?’

  ‘Yots and yots?’

  ‘As much as you want.’

  ‘’kay,’ Mika said. There was a swishing and scraping and Mika crawled out one side of the stairs and started running down the beach, ignoring Carmen’s calls to wait.

  ‘Oh my goodness,’ Rosa said, choking on a laugh. ‘Her dress!’ What had been white was brown, the sash around her waist had unravelled and was dragging along the sand, and her little matching slippers were gone. ‘Aims, she looks just like you at that age!’

  ‘Looks like we’re off!’ Geoff said, chasing after Mika, laughing.

  Rosa jogged down the stairs after him, Amy following.

  ‘Dad! We’re supposed to go first,’ Carmen cried, grabbing Amy’s arm, then running back to retrieve Mika’s basket of flowers, yanking Amy with her. ‘And now Dad’s going to get all sweaty.’

  They caught up with Mika at the top of the aisle and managed to coerce her into walking ahead. She wad
dled along, pelting the flowers overarm at the giggling, cowering guests as Amy tried her best to restore decorum by stepping down the aisle in time with the music, Carmen whimpering beside her.

  ‘Nan-nan!’ Mika called, stopping as she came to Nan in the front row. ‘S-see-me. Yots and yots.’

  Amy was crying by the time she reached the altar, but with laughter. Jaz would not be impressed with the tears dislodging her makeup, especially as Pippa was standing a metre away, snapping about fifty photos a second. Josh caught Amy’s eye and grinned the most gorgeously indulgent grin and she wobbled a fraction as she took her place, but at least it stopped her laughter. For a second, it turned into their wedding, Josh smiling in wonder as she took her place across from him at the altar.

  She pressed a palm to one cheek in a subtle slap.

  A different type of tear pricked Amy’s eyes as her parents walked down the aisle, Rosa trying her best to keep Geoff in time. Pippa stilled. She lowered her lens and stared wistfully at them. Amy glanced at Josh and he caught her eye, grimly. He too had noticed his mother’s moment.

  After the ceremony, as the dads walked back up the aisle and Amy wiped a whole lot of makeup from under her eyes, a foghorn blew from the bay. The noon boat, just pulling away from the pontoon, with a single passenger aboard. She sought out Harry, who wasn’t quite pulling off the suit like the others. He just didn’t suit clothing that required footwear. Less Versace, more Billabong.

  ‘Is that Sophia on the boat?’ Amy said. ‘Is she going for a day trip?’

  ‘She’s leaving. She said to say goodbye to you, and to thank you.’

  ‘Oh, no! I heard her ex turned up last night. But I also heard you guys got it together?’

  ‘You heard right, and then you heard wrong. She just needed some space from him, and naturally Nan directed her to mine. I slept on the sofa, for the record. How about you? Did you tell Josh how you feel?’

  ‘I may have chickened out.’

  ‘There’s still time.’

  ‘Nah, that moment’s past.’ She wasn’t lying, exactly. But she wasn’t brave enough to admit to Harry that she’d caved and slept with Josh without coming clean. And the moment had passed. She just wasn’t sure yet what moment had replaced it.

  Harry greeted a waiter who was circulating with a tray of champagne. Amy placed her posy on a chair and took two flutes. ‘Wait,’ she said as the waiter turned. She passed the two glasses to Harry and grabbed two more.

  ‘You know what we have to do, don’t you?’ Amy said.

  Harry’s forehead creased, then he laughed. He held up both flutes and clinked with both of Amy’s.

  ‘To being jilted by the jilted bride,’ Amy said and downed the first glass, as beside her Harry did the same.

  ‘To chickening out,’ Harry said, and they downed the second. ‘I really want to know what happens next for her,’ he said, his eyes back on the boat.

  ‘Will you keep in touch?’

  ‘Nah. You know what it’s like up here—you never find out what happens to people when they leave. You get the ones who say they’ll keep in touch, but they never do. If people connect with me on social media, I usually accept, but we gradually fall off each other’s radars and that’s the end of it. Different lives that maybe weren’t meant to cross over more than once.’

  She grunted. It was true. The resort wasn’t like a faceless hotel. The family got to know guests on a deeper level and developed genuine relationships, even just for a week, but unless the guests came back for a repeat stay, that was where it ended. We give little bits of ourselves away to everyone who comes through, Rosa liked to say.

  ‘Wait,’ Amy said, ‘you’re doing that if-you-love-someone-let-them-go thing. It’s bullshit. If you love someone, shouldn’t you fight for it?’

  ‘Like I did with Rachel? No. I wasted too many years on that bollocks.’ The boat disappeared around the headland. ‘Anyway, the timing was all wrong with Sophia, not to mention the logistical incompatibility, and the fact we’ve only known each other a few days.’

  ‘A week,’ Amy corrected. An important distinction. ‘More or less.’

  ‘Yeah, but we’ve only been on the same landmass for a few days of that. And I’m not counting the night I met her because I’m pretty sure she doesn’t remember it.’

  ‘But is there ever a perfect time and a perfect situation? Maybe you have to take the opportunities when they present themselves.’ It was like her mother had said about Viggo, before the bad vibes had hit. I’m old enough to know that this feeling doesn’t come along often. ‘How many opportunities—genuine opportunities—do we get in a life? You look at Dad. He’s only really been in love once, if you don’t count Mum. And I’m not sure Mum’s ever been in love, if you don’t count Dad, though she’s had boyfriends since.’ Amy threw up her hands, sprinkling the last drops of champagne on her dress. ‘But what would I know? I’m always confusing friendships with something more, apparently.’

  ‘Steady on. How many champagnes do I need to drink to get to that level of thought?’ He pointed a glass at Amy. ‘Not that I’m telling you off for drinking. I’m not your big brother. Not now that you have an actual big brother.’

  Ugh. ‘You’ll always be my big brother, Harry. And yes, I may have had a few sneaky champagnes and now I’m getting all mopey. Come on, let’s get some of that s-see-me before Mika eats it all. You’re right. I need to pace myself. It’s hours until the dance.’

  Eek, the dance. Getting all close and personal with Josh, with everyone watching, with all their various suspicions and opinions.

  They’ll know you’ve either just slept together or are just about to, or both.

  And which would it be?

  Trip Review: Curlew Bay

  Rating:

  Review: Our one-bedroom apartment was much smaller than the two-bedroom one next door.

  37

  Josh

  As the afternoon drifted away, Josh couldn’t stop staring at Amy in that dress that shaped her into a goddess, couldn’t stop thinking about peeling off the nanna knickers he knew were underneath and revisiting the heaven of that morning—especially once she swapped her flat shoes for silver heels that sculpted her legs into works of art. To compensate, he made it a challenge to not look at her, let alone speak to her, even when they were forced together for photos, even when Geoff insisted on a ‘sibling photo’ and Josh had to stand there with one hand on her lower back and one on Carmen’s, feeling Pippa’s disapproval radiate from the lens as she ordered them to stop looking like they were in front of a firing squad.

  What had Amy said all those nights ago about how he wanted to belong but didn’t want to let down his guard and take a risk?

  He’d taken a risk all right. Just not the right risk.

  Avoiding Amy was harder than he’d anticipated. So many times, he had the urge to share an observation with her, or laugh over some funny thing that happened, or tell her she had a smear of makeup below one eye, or pull her into the storeroom or some other secluded space and pick up where they’d left off. He successfully made small talk with everyone else, including his new step-grandparents and their respective spouses (technically step-step-grandparents), who all thought he was ‘handsome’ and ‘charming’, for the win. But with his parents occupied—Sanjay with guests and Pippa with photos—he felt … lonely? The stranger at the wedding who didn’t really fit, no matter how welcoming Amy’s family were. She was the one he wanted to stand next to, sit next to, experience this day with. He’d never felt that before—that urge to have a partner, a significant other. Was that what regular people felt? Was that why people did it, this marriage thing? He’d always thought that being part of a big family would be enough, but even if you had that, your family wasn’t on the same journey with you, were they? Not like a partner, not like kids of your own. They were a bunch of lives that intersected, sure, and they cared about each other, but you were still alone on your little path. Unless of course you all lived on an island.
r />   After dessert, he drifted out to the deck and down to the beach, contemplating losing the shoes so he could feel the sand between his toes. Could he get away with a sneaky swim before the dance? A familiar voice coasted over from a palm tree, a frustrated voice. Sanjay.

  ‘I just want you to be happy,’ he was saying.

  Josh could make out only his dad’s outline, silhouetted against the bay. Was he berating Geoff just hours into their marriage?

  ‘No, you want you to be happy. You want your conscience cleared.’ Pippa. Of course. The first time in years the two of them had been in the same place and already they were arguing. Parents. Who needed them? ‘You don’t want to feel responsible for me anymore? Then stop feeling responsible for me. There, simple. Done!’

  ‘That would much easier if you took responsibility for your own happiness.’

  ‘What exactly do you think I’ve been doing for the last twenty-three years? And what about Josh?’

  ‘What about Josh?’

  Josh silently groaned. Don’t make this about me.

  ‘You haven’t noticed how miserable he is? How he’s putting on a brave face while you completely ignore him, as usual?’

  ‘He’s having a great time. Every time I look at him, he’s chatting to someone, laughing. Mr Popularity. He’s perfectly at ease.’

  ‘You’ve always been so blind when it comes to him. When it comes to anyone but yourself. Is it this girl he’s seeing, Geoff’s daughter? Is that the problem?’

  Oh, no. No, no, no. Josh loudly cleared his throat. ‘Pippa! Sanjay! Can we not do this today?’

  ‘Josh!’ Sanjay turned to him. ‘Is that true, you and Amy?’ He didn’t sound mad, exactly. He sounded wounded, which was worse.

  ‘I am not getting into that with you.’

  ‘You know he tricked me into coming?’ Pippa said to Josh as she emerged from the shadows. ‘He never had a photographer—that much has become clear. Taking tactlessness to a whole new level. Like I don’t already look like enough of a fool.’