Defining Riley

by JJ Ellis

  A woman he hadn’t seen sitting on the couch stood and walked over to him. “I’m officer Peterson. Are you Riley Johnson?”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  “Your father failed to appear for his drunk driving citations. We’ve called your uncle and he’s willing to let you stay with him until your dad comes home.”

  “What the hell. What drunk driving citations?” he asked quietly more to himself that anyone else.

  Officer Peterson spoke into her mic then turned back to Riley. “Your uncle will be here in about twenty minutes. You should probably pack a bag.”

  Riley just nodded and wandered off to his room. What would happen now? They would lose the condo and his dad’s income. They’d have to start all over when he got out of jail. Again. At least his uncle Johnny was willing to help out despite the fact that Riley had a recent habit of calling Adella derogatory names. Maybe he knew that it was his dad who put him up to it and if he didn’t obey...In all actuality, Adella was sweet. It was going to be strange living with them. And going to stay with his Uncle Joseph was out of the question. He didn’t speak to Terry or Riley anymore.

  “Mr. Johnson, are you ready? Your uncle is here,” came officer Peterson’s voice from down the hall.

  Riley zipped up his bag and headed out to the living room. His uncle stood by the door with a calm look. Johnny Johnson was one imposing man. Riley was just over six foot and his uncle towered over him with muscles to match. But that quiet calm was always there.

  “Hey, Ri.”

  “Hey, Uncle Johnny. Are you sure this is okay?”

  “You’re family.”

  “I know, but my dad...”

  “Come on, sit down,” Johnny said motioning to the arm chair across from the couch. “I don’t know if you remember but when you were a little boy you guys used to come to Denver.”

  “Before my mom died.”

  “Yes. You and Addie were inseparable. You used to protect her from the neighborhood boy when he’d call her names.”

  “And now I call her those same names, yet you’re still willing to take me in.”

  “Your dad and I were best friends too. I was his protector. But then...” When Johnny paused just a moment too long, Riley’s curiosity got the best of him. “But then what?”

  “Something happened that changed my life forever. I was no longer capable of protecting or being a friend or brother to anyone.”

  Riley’s demeanor suddenly turned ice cold. “So, you’re saying you owe my father and taking care of me repays that debt?”

  “No, what I’m saying is that you’re my nephew and I love you despite the sins of your father and since he no longer wants my protection and since I’m capable, I’m offering it to you.”

  Riley couldn’t quite bring himself to look at his uncle so he set his gaze on the snag in his jeans. “But you don’t even know me.”

  Johnny chuckled knowingly. “I know more than you think. Between when you guys stopped coming to Denver when you were six and when I moved home a few months ago, I was in almost daily contact with Uncle Joseph. I arranged for food baskets and grocery store gift cards, Angel tree nominations, and visits from social workers to make sure you were properly taken care of.”

  “I...what? Why?”

  Johnny shrugged and stood up. “I don’t know. I maybe couldn’t stand the thought of the little black-haired boy with sad eyes who used to crawl into my lap for story time going without. Maybe I missed my own child when her mother took her away. And maybe it was just time to help and be a part of the family again.”

  “Thank you.” It was a whisper so soft that only way Johnny knew it was real was because he saw the gratitude in his nephew’s eyes. “Come on, let’s go get you settled at the house then I’ll take you to lunch.”

  “But what about your job?” Riley asked as he followed his uncle outside.

  “That’s the good thing about being my own boss. I get to call the shots. Adella and her boyfriend are taking care of the office and she’ll call me if they need me.”

  Riley didn’t even want to know what his cousin would say about him living at her house. Especially since her boyfriend was Harper’s Rock High’s new quarterback, Ben Croft.”

  They’d had more than just the one recent confrontation – which made Terry happy, himself guilty, Ben angry and Adella hurt. And now with the booze, he was well on his way to becoming his own father. He figured the guilt would be erased sooner rather than later.

  “THANKS FOR BRINGING the trailer to transport my motorcycle,” Riley said after they’d settled in and ordered their food at Harper’s Rock Diner.

  “No problem. I figured you’d want it. It’s not like you’ll be a prisoner in my house.”

  The waitress put their food in front of them and left. Instead of eating, Riley stared out the window at the people on the street. He had some questions for his uncle but wasn’t sure where to begin.

  “What’s on your mind, son?”

  “I...I was just wondering if there are some specific rules I should know.”

  Johnny took a few bites then looked at his nephew. “Well first, there will be no name calling.”

  “Yes sir,” he answered looking down at his plate to hide his red face.

  “Second, let me know where you are and what you’re doing. I don’t like to worry.”

  Riley nodded and started to eat. Now that the name calling issue was out of the way, he felt he could relax.

  “Third, help out around the house when asked and fourth, I could smell the alcohol on you. I don’t keep any in my house and would appreciate if you didn’t bring any in.”

  “Yes, Sir. I...I was just thinking I should stop. I’m slipping into my dad’s bad habits.”

  Johnny smiled at his nephew. “As much as I love your father, I think it would kill me to see you follow in his footsteps.”

  “I don’t want to be a bartender,” Riley said with a sly grin. Hopefully, his uncle would realize he was just teasing and having some fun.”

  “Now there’s some of that good ol’ Johnson spirit. I hope we can help you find some more of it.”

  “Me too,” Riley mumbled around a bite. “Me too.” And he meant it. For the first time since Samantha died. He didn’t feel like he was drowning.

  The two sat in silence, concentrating on their lunches until they both pushed their plates away. “Can I ask you something?” Johnny inquired.

  “You can ask...” Riley responded with a raised eyebrow

  “Was there a reason you started drinking in the first place?”

  Riley tried to decide if he wanted to answer. What if his uncle thought it was stupid. But in the end, he thought maybe it would help to talk. “My best friend died shortly after I hurt her and I never got a chance to apologize.”

  Johnny tossed his nephew a sympathetic look. “Guilt. It can eat away at you and turn you into a monster. But it can also change you for the better if approached right.”

  “I...he stopped to take a deep shaky breath. “I feel stuck. I need her to know and realize how stupid I was and how sorry I am.”

  “Do you believe in God, Heaven, an afterlife?”

  Riley looked long and hard at his uncle trying to figure out an answer to his questions. “I...yeah. I mean I don’t know a lot about it but I know there’s something, someone out there.”

  “Then just talk to her, tell her how you feel and know that she can hear you. Go somewhere you feel close to her or even to her grave site and tell her.”

  “I don’t know.” Riley hid behind his water glass while he contemplated what his uncle had advised. “Do you really think it would work?”

  “It can’t hurt. I know people who do it all the time. And truthfully, I need to do it. If you decide to go, I’ll come with you and mend some broken ends too. Deal?”

  Feeling a bit lighter, Riley shrugged. “Sure. It’s a deal.”

  9

  GRIEF ARRIVES

  AS OCTOBER WORE ON, Riley settled in as
much as he could. His uncle was strict but kind and Adella and Ben accepted him while he was at the house. But there was always an underlying current of mistrust. It was hard to set guilt aside when it smiled and said hello over breakfast and dinner every night. And when it invited you to join in homecoming dance festivities.

  “Hey, Ri,” Adella said when he walked in the front door.

  “Hey, Addie...what’s going on?” the living room was over run by garment bags, makeup cases, and girls.

  “We’re getting ready for the homecoming dance.”

  A momentary look of pain flashed in his eyes. “Well, have fun.”

  Adella followed him into the kitchen and waited as he grabbed a soda from the fridge. “Would you like to come?” The shy, awkwardness her autism brought to many situations was absent.

  “No...uh, thanks for the offer.”

  “Are you sure? It’s a group of six of us and we’d love to have you along.”

  “That sounds like three couples and one third wheel. I’ll pass this time.” He paused and pulled out his phone. A smile crept across his face. “I just got invited to hang out with a friend I haven’t seen in a while. Thanks anyway, cousin.” He kissed her cheek and was gone.

  Riley couldn’t believe his luck. Aidan was supposed to be out of town but his dad had gotten stuck at the oil field. So now, his mom was out with her friends and they could spend some time alone. He popped his head in his uncle’s office to say goodbye then took off for his boyfriend’s house.

  The door was opened on the first ring of the doorbell and Riley found himself in the comforting arms of the boy he loved. “I missed you so much.”

  “I missed you too. I’m sorry I haven’t called but I figured you might need some time after...after Samantha died.”

  Riley looked into his eyes trying to discern if he was telling the truth. It was hard to read him, though. Something was off about his demeanor. “I wish you’d texted or something. I could have used some comfort and companionship.”

  It was Aidan’s turn to study Riley. “I just thought that maybe you needed to keep me separate from...from that part of your life.”

  “I don’t want to have two separate lives anymore,” Riley murmured as he kissed his boyfriend. “I want you to be there for everything that happens, and I want to be there for you.”

  Aidan smiled and pulled Riley over to sit next to him on the couch. “I want that too. But you do realize that you’re still living a double life.”

  “Yes, I know but...”

  “Listen,” Aidan said, cutting him off. “That’s actually part of why I wanted you to come over tonight. I had an idea.” His excitement was palpable.

  “Okay. I’m listening.”

  “Why don’t we go ahead and come out as a couple tonight at your homecoming dance.”

  “No...I...”

  “Just hear me out,” Aidan stressed. “I was thinking that this would be the best time. Your dad is in jail so there’s nothing he could do to you and by the time he gets out he’ll have had time to accept it.”

  Riley was laughing but stopped when he saw the hurt look on Aidan’s face. “You just don’t get it, A. My dad will never accept it. He’ll get out of jail and I’ll be sent right back to him.”

  “How do you know. Maybe you could stay with your uncle or maybe your dad will change.”

  “Seriously, Aidan, guys like my dad rarely change. He’s proven that time and time again. It’s just not going to work.”

  “But it has to. I’m tired of always feeling like I’m overlooked, like I’m second best.”

  Riley pulled him close. “You’re none of that. You’re the only one I care about.”

  “Samantha,” Aidan said angrily.

  “That was different,” Riley said. “She was my best friend and she’s gone now.”

  Aidan pulled away. “I don’t know why I love you so much. You’re so selfish. And it’s not like there aren’t other guys that I’m attracted to.”

  Riley stood up and started to pace. “Are you telling me that either I do what you say or you’ll find someone else? Or are you trying to tell me you’re already cheating on me?”

  “I’m not...”

  “Because if you are cheating on me I’ll kick his ass. You told me when we first got back together that you didn’t mind me being with Sammi and keeping us a secret. Why are you doing this?”

  “Because I’m starting to see what a selfish prick you can be. Every time I see you, I see more and more of your father in you.”

  Riley was stunned silent. Aidan had some gall. Sure, when he’d been drinking he’d felt like he was getting lost in his dad’s shadow but that was only one thing. He was nothing like Terry Johnson. Was he? “How dare you. I’m nothing like him.”

  “Yes, you are; selfish, violent, self-absorbed. Next thing you know, you’ll be a fall down drunk cokehead.”

  As the anger built inside Riley, he felt it coming, riding his nerves, sparking his nerve endings until it burst out through his fist, knocking his boyfriend to the ground. And in a single, silent moment that anger was replaced with regret. “Oh, my God. You’re right, I am just like my father. I’m so sorry, Aidan. Lord, what have I done?” And then he turned and fled.

  RILEY GOT ON HIS MOTORCYCLE and rode, unsure of where he was going. As the cold, late October air cleared his head he found himself parked outside the mini mart liquor store on the edge of town. Old Jim was standing at the side of the building waiting for some teenager to pass him twenty bucks to buy them some booze. Riley could see him shivering in the cold. If he was so much like his father all he had to do to finish his transformation was ask the old man to buy him a bottle of something wicked and strong. So, that’s what he did.

  As he drove down the main drag with a bottle tucked tightly inside the inner pocket of his leather jacket, he wondered about the quiet. Weekend nights were usually busy in small town Wyoming. And that’s when he remembered the dance. What better way to prove that he’d become his father than to cause some trouble at the long awaited, oft postponed school dance. So what if it got him kicked off the football team. They hadn’t had a full game in weeks because of weather delays and this was their bye week. There wasn’t much season left.”

  By the time he parked his motorcycle under the bleachers and stewed for an hour while drinking over half of the bottle Old Jim had graced him with, he had a plan that included specific targets. It was time to raise some hell.

  It took his eyes a few moments to adjust when he entered the dimly lit Gym. The flashing lights from the dance floor flirted with the whiskey in his system to make him gloriously dizzy, if only for a moment. When he focused again, his targets were across the room to the left and they were all together.

  As he walked, putting one foot in front of the other in as straight a line as he could manage, the sense that his father was with him grew and he felt safe and sheltered. Ben Harper, with Adella, and his twin Michael with his pregnant girlfriend Sadie were dancing near the far wall so he wound his way between the two couples and made himself known. “So, Croft brothers,” Riley grumbled. “Which one of you is going to let me have a go at your date. Do I get to dance with the whore or the retard?”

  Riley knew what would happen next but that didn’t prepare him for the force of it when Ben Croft lifted him by the collar and thrust him against the wall. His twin was right there next to him too. Riley wasn’t sure if it was the alcohol or disinterest in what was being said but all he heard was blah blah blah until Ben’s father, who was the Journalism teacher, and the principal got involved.

  Too soon, the chaos was over, and Riley found himself sitting with Mr. Croft waiting for his uncle to show up. This wasn’t how he’d imagined things going down exactly but his buzz was dying leaving him feeling a bit sick. In hindsight, he should have stood away from the twins when he spoke so he could have made a getaway. And then suddenly he didn’t care.

  Sitting in a chair against the gym wall, he watched his uncle come in a
nd have a bizarre exchange with Mr. Croft. It wasn’t until Adella joined the conversation that Johnny spoke directly to him. “You called my daughter that name again, boy?”

  Riley mentally blacked out, hearing only bits and pieces of the words his uncle said about dealing with him himself because his father was out of town. What, was he going to start hitting him too?

  Johnny dragged Riley out of the dance and to his truck. “What in the hell got into you?”

  “Whiskey,” Riley answered with a harsh laugh.

  “Enough!” Johnny raged before calming himself. “You were doing fine and now you’re drunk off your ass.”

  “Whatever. Just take me home and ground me or beat me or whatever you’re going to do.”

  Johnny climbed into the truck next to his nephew. “You’re forgetting that my number one rule is no booze in my home. You’re drunk as hell so I’m not taking you there until you sober up a bit. And I would never lay a hand on you.”

  “Then where are you taking me?”

  “We’re going to visit a friend of yours.”

  “What the hell does that mean?”

  “Watch your language. We’re going to the cemetery.”

  Riley laughed. “Oh, so we’re going to go talk to dead people so you can feel less guilty about the screwed up part of your life?”

  “You’re going to talk to dead people too – for similar reasons.”

  Riley sobered just a bit. “This isn’t about Samantha.”

  “I bet if you dig deep enough it’s either about her or it’s something only she can help you sort out.”

  The truck was quiet for the rest of the trip to the cemetery at the edge of town. “I’m not going to do this,” Riley grumbled as he got out of the car.

  “In the end, that will be your choice,” Johnny stated. “But in the meantime, you’re going to accompany me while I make peace with Ben Harper.”

  “The Ben Harper?” Riley asked, suddenly interested in what was going on. “As in your daughter’s boyfriend’s biological father?”