Defining Riley

by JJ Ellis

  “Exactly. Your dad was small, kind and somewhat submissive in nature but my father and oldest brother turned him into some kind of raving lunatic. Ben Harper’s suicide and meeting your mother tempered that somewhat but when he lost her...”

  “He found a certain sense of comfort in being the rancher kid.”

  “Yes. And that’s why those of us who escaped call it the rancher’s curse. Fathers teach their sons how to hate and who to hate and it was passed from ranch to ranch and generation to generation here in Harper’s Rock.”

  “Is that why ranching is dying off here?” Riley asked out of curiosity.

  “Yes. A lot of kids are escaping and moving to coal mine work or the oil fields or even to college where they are free to have tolerance for whoever they desire.”

  “Ben Harper’s Legacy.”

  “Yes. His family had ranched this land as long as anyone but after he died, and his uncle Jim passed away they gave up the ranch and the hate. The day he took his life, five rancher kids witnessed it. We all escaped. A few of our other friends who weren’t there that day ended up in jail, so yeah, Ben harper left a deeply tragic, deeply needed legacy for this town.”

  Riley hoped he was strong enough to heed the lesson. As long as life cooperated, he could very well see a bright future.

  11

  IS IT LOVE?

  A FEW DAYS AFTER RETURNING from the hospital, Riley was starting to feel normal again; except for the constant worry and fear over what life would hold. Living with Johnny and Addie was proving to be pretty cool. And he suddenly started having dreams of Samantha which were more healing than he thought they would have been. Most nights he couldn’t wait to fall asleep.

  Riley paced the drive at the family ranch. His best friend now girlfriend Sammi would arrive soon so they could spend the day together riding horses and hiking. And today was the day he was going to ask her if they could pull back on the romance thing and concentrate more on the friendship side of things. He’d been having crazy thoughts and feelings lately that he didn’t truly understand, and he needed to figure those out before he went further down the road to love with Samantha. But he was scared to death of ruining their friendship. It wouldn’t be an easy day.

  “Hey, Ri,” Samantha said as she climbed out of her mom’s car.

  “Hi. Uh...what’s up? You don’t look so good.”

  “Can we go into the woods. I need to talk to you in private.”

  “Sure, let’s go.” Riley’s heart was pounding in his chest as he and Sammi made their way to the woods, hand in hand. Something was seriously wrong. Maybe she was going to break up with him. Or maybe he was just reading too much into it.

  The minute they reached the woods, Samantha stopped and turned, wrapping her arms around Riley. “Oh, Ri, I’m so scared.”

  “Of what, Sammi? What’s wrong?”

  She led him over to the log they always sat on to talk. “I’m not sure how to say this but...Riley, I have cancer.”

  “Wha...uh...you have cancer?” How could that be possible? She was so young and full of life. “But you aren’t sick...I mean, are you?”

  “I am Ri. Remember all those things I kept getting and had a hard time getting rid of? And then I was having pain and Mama took me to the doctor. We just found out and they want to start treatment right away in Denver.”

  Riley knew tears were right on the edge but he worked hard to keep them from falling. “Denver? So, you’ll be gone for six weeks? That’s how long his grandmother was treated for.

  “No, Ri.” Tears streamed down her face. “My cancer is rare. I’ll need several surgeries, chemo, radiation; my mom thinks it’s best if we move there.”

  “But I don’t want you to go. You can’t go now. What if...”

  “What if I die?”

  Riley just looked at her sadly. He knew she could read him.

  “I don’t know. I’ll try to come visit as often as I can. And maybe you can visit me.”

  “It’s not fair, Sammi. Best friends should be together through stuff like this.”

  “I know, Ri. But I have no choice. I have to go.”

  Riley felt the anger building in him but he remained still and quiet. He wasn’t sure what to do with these feelings. “I don’t know what to do.”

  “Just be my friend and love me so I can fight this and win. I don’t want to die.”

  Riley gathered her in his arms and kissed her. He vowed, right then and there, that he would do whatever she asked if it would help her survive.”

  Riley gasped as he sat up in bed. She had asked him to keep loving her so she could fight her disease. His young, fourteen-year-old mind had run with that idea as if it were his only choice to see her survive. That’s why he’d done it even after he’d fallen for Aidan. And now, his seventeen-year-old mind knew the truth; breaking up would have hurt but it wouldn’t have changed what happened. If he hadn’t already apologized to Samantha, he would drive to the cemetery to do it now.

  A knock on his door brought him fully back to the present. “Come in.”

  “Hey, cousin would you like to come out to the Harper ranch with me. We’re going snowmobiling then we’ll have dinner with Ben’s family. It’ll be fun.”

  “Sounds cool but I promised Aidan we’d do something together today.”

  Adella laughed. “He’s invited too, silly. Please come. We always have so much fun.”

  Riley tossed his covers off and stood. “Where should we meet you?”

  “We could all just take my car. We’ll swing by Aidan’s house then head over to the Harpers.”

  “Sounds good. Give me twenty-minutes.”

  It wasn’t until Riley was getting out of the shower that he began to wonder how the Harper matriarch, Evelyn Harper, would take having a Johnson over at her house. But then again, she seemed to accept Adella who was the daughter of the boy who made her son’s life miserable. He decided not to worry about it and have fun with Aidan. They didn’t usually do more than hang out and have sex. He needed to be sure their relationship was more than just physical.

  “SO, HOW FAST CAN THESE things go?” Aidan asked Riley as he climbed behind him on the snowmobile.

  “Pretty fast if there is open terrain. You’re not scared, are you?”

  “Just a little apprehensive,” Aidan corrected. “I do stunts on bicycles, but it doesn’t require quite as much speed.”

  “Oh,” Riley murmured as the realization hit. “That’s why you won’t ride on my motorcycle with me.”

  “Yeah, something like that. Motorized vehicles somehow seem faster and more dangerous than my bike.” A blush colored his features. “It all just doesn’t mix for me, I guess.”

  “I’ll take it easy then. Are you ready?”

  “As ready as I’ll ever be.” Aidan closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around Riley as they moved away from the barn.

  Riley felt Aidan relax and hoped that meant he was enjoying the ride. Ben and Adella were keeping pace as they headed out to show Aidan the small lake that sat on the property. The rid was scenic and he hoped Aidan was seeing it. “Open your eyes,” he yelled above the engine’s noises.

  “I did!” Aidan yelled back. “This is amazing.”

  Riley just smiled and followed Ben until they came to a beautiful, mostly frozen lake buried in the trees. He let Aidan step off the snowmobile then followed him. “This is pretty damn cool. All we had on my family’s ranch is a dinky little pond way out on the eastern edge. My grandpa did always say that the Harper’s were lucky bastards when they got the best land in town.”

  “He was right,” Adella said. “This ranch is amazing. Would you two mind if Ben and I went to our special place for a bit?”

  “Go ahead,” Riley answered. He sensed that his cousin was having some issues, so he wanted her to do what she needed to do.

  “We’ll be back in a half hour,” Ben said as he grabbed Addie’s hand to lead her away.

  “Hey Harper,” Riley called. “I heard stories
about a fort built in a stand of trees. Is it still around?”

  “Yeah, you go fifteen minutes east then if you head back straight south it takes you to the ranch house”

  “Mind if we check it out?”

  “Nah, go ahead. We’ll meet you back at my grandma’s house in about an hour.”

  While Ben and Adella headed up into the hills on foot, Riley and Aidan got back on the snowmobile.

  “So...what is this place we’re going to?” Aidan asked.

  “It’s a fort that was built in the trees generations back. My dad and uncle used to play there with Ben’s biological father when they were in grade school.”

  “But Ben’s biological dad died...I’m confused.”

  Riley laughed. “It’s actually kind of simple once everting was explained to me. Ben’s biological and adoptive fathers, Ben and JC, were a couple. One time when they were broken up, the bio dad, Ben, slept with Jenny Lawson and conceived the twins. When he died at sixteen, JC married Jenny and adopted the boys.”

  Aidan was quiet for a while then he smiled. “You know, that’s kind of messed up but cool all at the same time. That someone that young would step up and take care of his boyfriend’s kids with another partner...I don’t know if I could do it.”

  “I know. They must have loved each other a lot.” And that is why he was here with Aidan, to see if they had any kind of love in their relationship, let alone one as strong as Ben Harper’s ad JC Crofts had been. “Let’s go to the fort and talk.”

  “Okay, about what?”

  “Anything and everything,” Riley yelled above the sound of the engine as they sped forward.

  “OH MAN, THIS WOULD have been so cool,” Aidan said looking around him. A broken swing hung by a thread from one of the trees that surrounded the fort. A big log ran right through the middle of the clearing and an old trunk sat tucked under some fallen branches.

  “Yeah, it would have.” Riley agreed. “Could you imagine being little and having shootouts hiding behind that old log or bringing lunch out here to eat while playing alien invasion.”

  “That would have been so cool! I wish we’d known each other then. I wonder if there is anything in that old trunk?”

  “Probably toys or something,” Riley said as he walked over to it and moved the branches away. “Well, well, what do we have here. I think someone used to come here to make out. There are blankets and ground tarps and candles.”

  “Ooh, I wonder if they used to have overnight campouts here?”

  “Here,” Riley said, handing Aidan a tarp. “Spread this out so we can sit on the ground.”

  “Wow, you’re getting comfortable. This must be a serious talk you want to have.”

  “Nah, I just want to do something new for us. Just talk. No sex.”

  “Sounds new for sure,” Aidan sat down on the tarp and pulled Riley down next to him for a kiss. “Share that blanket and start talking.”

  “You know, when you kiss me it’s hard to think straight”

  “This is truly a test for us, huh?”

  “Yes it is,” Riley said getting on the tarp and putting a blanket over their legs to protect from the cold December breeze that occasionally seeped in. “We’ve known each other for three years and I don’t even know your full name.”

  “Aidan Lucas St. George the third.”

  “Wow, that’s quite a mouthful.”

  “Yeah, that’s why I never shouted it from the rooftops.”

  “Well, mine’s a bit simple. Riley James Johnson.”

  Aidan moved his head over to rest on his boyfriend’s chest. “Are you named after anybody?”

  “One of my mom’s cousins, I think.”

  “I know you don’t like talking about her, Ri, but what happened to your mom?”

  “Car accident,” he whispered.

  “I’m sorry.”

  Riley pulled Aidan closer and rested his cheek on the top of his head. “They had a fight and my mom took off in a blizzard. She drove down an embankment off County Road.”

  “Did you blame your dad? Is that why you guys fight so much?”

  Riley pulled away and sat up. “At first, I blamed myself. They were fighting about me.”

  “Oh, Ri,” Aidan sat up and wrapped his arm around him. “Please tell me you don’t blame yourself anymore. It wasn’t your fault.”

  “I don’t,” Riley said with a smile. “The first time my dad called me useless, which was his favorite insult for her, I started to blame him.”

  “Forgive and forget?”

  “Maybe when he’s dead.” Riley felt Aidan tense behind him. He didn’t like making him uncomfortable but he also refused to lie. “So, tell me what it was like on the BMX circuit. Like, how did it make you feel, what did you like and dislike? Were you mad that you had to quit?”

  “I’ll tell you everything,” he whispered in his ear. “If you’ll take me for a ride on your motorcycle.”

  “Can we kiss a little first?”

  “Yeah, I think we should.”

  AN H OUR LATER THEY’D covered quite a few subjects they had only ever touched on before and decided that they truly did like each other enough to continue a relationship.

  “We should probably head back,” Riley finally said when there was a break in conversation. “We’ve been here a bit more than an hour.”

  As the boys were folding tarps and blankets, they heard a snowmobile approaching outside. “We aren’t late enough to warrant a search party,” Aidan chuckled stepping out of the trees.

  “Hey, you two want to race back to the house?” Ben asked from atop his machine.

  “You’re on!” Riley hollered, dragging Aidan over to their snowmobile. “On the count of four!”

  IN BED THAT NIGHT, Riley was comfortably tired. The fresh air, good food, and cold wind would help him sleep well. But before he allowed himself that luxury, he wanted to think about Aidan. It was almost like he’d met him for the first time that afternoon. He was warm and sweet and seemed very understanding. Riley felt hope for some real love in his life after all.

  “Samantha! What are you doing?”

  “I’m going to fly Riley.”

  “Come on, Sammi. You need to stop pretending. One of these days you’re going to fake flying right off the edge of that rock.”

  “You’re a spoil sport,” she said with a laugh as she jumped.

  Riley screamed until he noticed she was floating and changing from a little girl into the seventeen-year-old she was when she died. “What the hell?” he murmured.

  “It’s okay, Ri. You don’t have to save me anymore. Save yourself first, always. Then if someone you love wants to be saved help them with everything you have.”

  “I...I don’t understand. What’s going on?”

  “I forgive you, Riley James Johnson. But you need to put yourself first. Get Riley in order and the rest will follow. Love you, Ri Ri.”

  Riley reached for her but she faded out of view. “I love you too, Sammi.”

  A bright flash of light brought him to a sitting position in bed.

  12

  OLD RILEY NEW RILEY

  THE MORE TIME THAT passed, the more Riley realized that Samantha was right. He worked hard to put the old Riley behind him and it showed in his attitude, relationships and even school grades. He was happy and it showed.

  “So, are you excited about Christmas break?” Adella asked her cousin.

  “Yeah,” Riley answered with a grin. “I’m actually excited about Christmas this year. It’s probably the first time in years.”

  “You’ll love it at the cabin. This year I’m driving my friend Anna to Denver then I’ll meet you guys there.”

  “Yeah, that’s what Uncle Johnny said. You leave in the morning, right?”

  “Yep. I’m going to go get some sleep. I’ll see you in a couple of days.”

  “Okay, night, Addie.” Riley had a strange feeling and he wasn’t sure why. Maybe he was just worried about Adella driving to Denver. But s
he wouldn’t be alone so that was a good thing. And the cabin was only a half hour or so from the city. Or maybe it was just a sense of the unknown that was putting him off his game. He’d had his dad on his mind the last couple of days. He used to sober up the first part of winter break and take him ice fishing. There wouldn’t be any of that this year and he wasn’t sure he would miss it. He and Johnny would do some local winter events then head down to the cabin. Maybe for the first time since he was a little boy, he was going to be part of someone’s traditions.

  RILEY’S FEELING OF unease grew as they made their way toward Denver. This time was harder to shake than others. If he and Johnny got to talking he could forget for a bit but the minute things quieted down the sense of doom returned.

  “We’re about a half hour from the cabin. Adella should have the heat turned on for us by the time we get there. She’s afraid to mess with the fireplace when it hasn’t been used for a long time but I’ll get that going when we get there.”

  Riley sat staring out the window. He was aware that Johnny was speaking but wasn’t sure about what.

  “Riley! Is everything okay?”

  “What? Oh yeah, I’m fine, just thinking.”

  “Anything you want to talk about?” Johnny asked.

  “Nah. Just stupid little things,” he answered. “You know this looks familiar. I think this is where the Boy Scouts used to come for camp.”

  “Yep.” Johnny agreed. “This area has a boy scout camp and some rental cabins. Your dad always talked about buying the one with the red roof and the blue shutters for your mother.”

  “I never knew that,” Riley whispered. “He never talked about her much with me.”

  Johnny braked and turned onto a narrow side road. “That reminds me, I’d like to talk to you about your parents.”

  “Uh...sure, what about? Hey, wait, I thought you said Addie was afraid of starting the fire.”

  “She is...why?”

  “I swear there’s chimney smoke coming from over there.” By the time he’d finished his sentence, they were coming to a stop in front of the cabin where smoke was lazily rising from the chimney.