Tainted Bastard

by Terri Anne Browning

  Had anyone else bothered her while I wasn’t around to protect her?

  Fuck, I shouldn’t have avoided her for so long. If someone had tried to touch her, and I wasn’t there to save her—

  At that moment, she looked down at the front row, her smile easing a tightness in my chest and making it easier to draw my next breath. Roanna waved at Kin and Angie, and blew a kiss at Carolina, who was now standing right in front of Caleb to avoid the rowdiness of the group of guys directly behind them.

  Then she saw Jace, Kale, and Gray, and she winked seductively, just as I’d seen her do a dozen times before to any guy in the front row.

  My reaction was exactly the same as all the other times I’d seen her do that.

  I wanted to knock their asses out and leave them on the ground for the rest of the crowd to stomp on.

  Kassa standing between Gray and me had Roanna flinching, but the reaction was so minuscule, I wasn’t even sure I actually saw it. Her smile returned as if nothing had happened, but she didn’t look down at us again for the rest of the set. Instead, she focused on the crowd beyond the range of the light.

  Not liking that she wouldn’t even glance my way, I got more and more pissed with every song she sang, playing up to the crowd but completely ignoring me. I wanted all of her attention for myself, wanted those smiles to be mine alone, wanted her words to be directed at me and no one else.

  Kassa threw her arms around me, and it was only then I realized just how tense I’d become. “You okay?” she yelled so I could hear her, those blue eyes of hers full of worry. “Did someone piss you off? You look like you want to kill someone.”

  I gave her a one-armed hug in return, shaking my head. “I’m good.”

  “Liar,” she said with an adorable pout.

  “Kas,” Gray pulled her away from me, placing her directly in front of him.

  I laughed at the possessive way he blocked her in. He, of all people, should know I would never touch Kassa like his dirty mind was imagining. Kassa was safe with me, and I’d more than proven that when we were kids. She was more like a sister to me than anything else, and I loved that girl.

  The last song came to an end, and the lights went down while the band left the stage. I made a path, going after Roanna as she headed for the green room. But at the entrance to the hall, there were two new security guys blocking my path.

  “No way, man,” the guy to my left said, putting his hand on my shoulder. “No one but personnel past this point.”

  “Fuck that,” I told him, shrugging off his hold. “No one’s stopped me before. Ask Harris if it’s okay that I go back there. He will vouch for me.”

  “The boss isn’t here tonight. On vacation for the next few weeks.”

  Damn, I’d forgotten about that. Harris was chasing after Lucy, trying to get her back. “Then ask Tiny. He knows me.”

  The two men gave each other “yeah, right” looks, but the one on the right spoke into his communication device after asking my name. Moments later, they moved aside, letting me through.

  There were two more guys outside the green room, but they knew me. One knocked on the door as I approached, then opened it for me as I came closer.

  Walking in, I found all five Blondes changing. Most of them were already in jeans but still shirtless. My gaze barely skimmed over their faces until I found Roanna. My palms began to sweat when I realized she was the one with the least amount of clothes on. In only her bra and panties, she stood frozen with her T-shirt in her hand as she stared coldly at me.

  There was a birthmark in the shape of a crescent moon on her left breast and a small mole right between her tits. Other than those two marks, the rest of her body was flawless as far as I could see. Her stomach was flat with just the hint of abs. Her thighs were slightly thick, but I liked that. It would give me a little cushion when I was between those killer legs.

  I licked my lips, aching to kiss every inch of skin showcased to me.

  “Oh, it’s just you,” Genesis sneered from across the room. “Did you want something?”

  I didn’t take my eyes off Roanna. “The guys and I are hanging out upstairs. You should come join us. Jace’s sister got to town not long ago, and I’d like to introduce you.”

  “The hottie blonde with you tonight is Jace’s sister?” Aubree asked. “Gray was all over her.”

  “He was?” Roanna murmured, finally pulling her shirt over her head and reaching for her jeans.

  “Yeah. Sparks are definitely flying from those two,” the drummer said with a laugh.

  My eyes were glued to Roanna as she slipped into her jeans. “You should come upstairs. Later, we can get something to eat.”

  Her hair fell into her face as she bent to pull on her shoes. “We’ll think about it,” she said vaguely. “Right now, we need to hydrate. My throat is on fire.”

  “Yeah, we’ll think about it,” London growled. “See you later, asshole.”

  I ignored her and moved so I was in front of Roanna when she straightened. Pushing the hair back from her face, she stiffened at my nearness, and I wanted to punch something. That night in her apartment, she’d let her guard down. But now it was back up, and her walls were higher and stronger than ever.

  Fuck, I shouldn’t have pussied out after that night.

  “You should come hang with us,” I told her, keeping my tone soft and gentle, trying to show her there was no reason for her to be afraid of me. “You won’t regret it.”

  She pressed her lips together, quiet for a few long moments, during which I was practically begging her with my eyes to give me another chance. Finally, she shrugged. “Yeah, sure. We’ll come hang out with you for a little while. We need more friends anyway.”

  I stiffened at the way she said “friend,” and I knew she was including me in that category. I didn’t want to be her fucking friend, damn it. I wanted all of her. But there was determination on her face, and I knew if I wanted to be with Roanna, I was going to have to give her time.

  Grinning, I winked. The blush that filled her cheeks turned the grin into a smirk. She could pretend to be cool and immune to me all she wanted, but that blush would give her away every damn time. “We could all use more friends, sweet girl.”

  Chapter 8

  Roanna

  The gym was always full Friday mornings. I disliked coming Fridays unless my soul sisters could come with me. But everyone, with the exception of London, couldn’t be dragged out of bed today, and I was in desperate need of working off the cheesecake I’d eaten the night before.

  “Do you want me to run with you?” London asked as we finished putting our things away in the lockers we chose in the women’s changing room.

  I wanted to tell her yes, to beg her not to leave me with all those guys out there, but I shook my head, knowing she preferred to run the track rather than the treadmills and ellipticals I was more comfortable with for my cardio workout. “I’m good,” I told her, even though my palms were already beginning to sweat.

  Tossing me a bottle of water, she shot me a relieved smile and headed out the door toward the stairs. The track was on the second floor and overlooked the middle of all the workout equipment, so she would be able to see me, and I could see her.

  Fuck, it was like I was a little girl, unable to leave the sight of her mother for fear of the big, bad boogeymen who roamed the streets. I felt pathetic, but there was nothing I could do about it. My soul sisters were my security blanket. I knew they would save me, no matter what, but they needed their space, and so did I at times.

  I finished braiding my hair so it wouldn’t get in my face and headed for the cardio equipment.

  As I walked, I could feel eyes on me, and I lowered my head, determined not to make eye contact with anyone. If I wasn’t looking at them, then they couldn’t say I was singling them out and wanted their attention. That was what Sicko Stan always claimed when I tried to tell him no. I’d looked at him. He could see on my face that I wan
ted him. It was all my own fault, because I was leading him on with my eyes.

  I shuddered at the memories and found a treadmill in the back. There was an empty one between me and some chick who looked like she could easily dead lift both London and me simultaneously. Putting in my wireless earbuds, I dropped my water into the cupholder and started a brisk walk to warm up my muscles.

  Ten minutes later, I was already dripping with sweat, regretting every minute of that foodgasm I’d had the night before with the decadent cheesecake. It was my own fault. I let Sin talk me into going out for something sweet to eat with the others. Kassa St. Charles wanted Cheesecake Factory, and it seemed none of the guys with us last night could utter the word “no” to her, so that was where we ended up.

  I ordered the lemon meringue and moaned as soon as it touched my tongue. I ate almost all of it before Sin offered me a bite of his Cinnabon cinnamon roll cheesecake. That had been my second choice, and he’d watched with amusement while I struggled to pick. So, of course, he knew I would say yes if he offered.

  I let him feed me a bite of his cheesecake, and I was pretty sure I orgasmed from how creamy the damn thing was. Which meant I didn’t say no when he fed me a second bite.

  It was a stupid decision, one I was regretting today. Just as I was regretting letting him talk me into hanging out the night before. We had fun all evening, but it was as we were all paying the bill and getting ready to leave that Kale asked Sin if he was going to call that girl and her friend they’d hooked up with the night before, and I wanted to disappear.

  All evening, his attention had been on me, and I’d lapped it up like a thirsty puppy. Nothing had ever felt so good—so right—as just sitting beside Sin. Talking came more naturally with him, and he could make me laugh even when I just wanted to disappear.

  And though I’d told him we were only friends, deep down, I knew I was only deluding myself. I wanted more. Even though the idea of more terrified me, I still wanted it. But why would he want me if he could have anyone else? Someone who wasn’t scared of her own shadow or flinched away at the smallest touch.

  Friends were all we could ever be because I didn’t think I could give him the more I wanted. That just wasn’t fair to him, and I couldn’t have stomached him cheating on me just to get it.

  Slowing down so I could take a drink of water, in my periphery I noticed a guy had taken the treadmill beside me. I stiffened and snuck a glance at what the guy looked like, and I nearly tripped over my own feet.

  A strong hand shot out, grasping my arm even as he continued to jog, steadying me until I got my footing back. “You okay, sweet girl?”

  “I’m good,” I choked out with a nod in case he didn’t hear me.

  Slowly, almost reluctantly, he released me. “If I’d known you were coming in today, I could have picked you up on my way.”

  “I came with London. We’re usually in here every Friday. The times vary, though.” As in, I came earlier in the mornings instead of the afternoons now because I didn’t want to run into him. More specifically, so I didn’t see him leaving with whatever brunette in tight spandex. That seemed to be his type, though. Brunettes with surgically enhanced curves, who wore makeup to the gym and never sweated enough to have actually worked out. They were there looking for a hookup—or so London sneered at the women who just walked around in their tight-ass clothes, bending over to pick up something only when they knew guys were looking their way.

  Two other times I’d come with the girls at our usual time, that was exactly what I’d seen. The look on his face would tell me what he was thinking, and my heart would twist and jealousy would try to eat at my sanity. After that last time, I started coming earlier and earlier, hoping to avoid being put in a position where I would experience those unwanted feelings.

  “Mind if I work out with you?” he asked, his bottom lip pouted out as if he expected me to say no.

  I should have.

  But it was as if the smart side of my brain switched off the minute I looked at him. “Sure. Friends work out together, right?”

  I needed to keep reminding myself of that. Friends. We were just friends. That was all we could ever be. I couldn’t give him a sexual relationship, and he couldn’t give me commitment. He’d already shown me he wasn’t the type of guy who would be happy with just one woman.

  “Yeah,” he said, losing the pout. “Friends work out together.”

  I nearly laughed at how fast the amusement drained from his expression, replaced by that stoic look I saw on his face all the time when he seemed lost in his own head. I liked that he didn’t like when I mentioned we were just friends.

  Hiding my smile, I tried to focus on my cardio. That was hard to do with Sin running right beside me, however. Every few minutes, I would glance over at him, unable to stop myself, and find his eyes on me. He would wink or smirk, I would feel my face heat up, and I’d quickly look away.

  I spent longer on the treadmill than I normally did, not wanting to move on to something else if he wasn’t ready yet. But my legs started feeling shaky, so I slowed down to a walk. Sin did the same, and by the time I was ready to move on to the dreaded leg machines, he was too.

  As I got on the leg press, Gray and Kassa came in. “Yo, dickhead,” Gray said, slapping his hand on Sin’s back. “Thought you did legs yesterday.”

  “I could use a little more time on them,” he said with a shrug.

  Gray snorted, but Kassa elbowed him in the side. “We’re going to go eat in about an hour.” Her blue eyes landed on me, and she smiled warmly, including me in the conversation. “Do you two want to come eat with us?”

  “I have work,” Sin told her. “Maybe next time.”

  “Do you really have work?” she asked, her eyes narrowed. “Or are you just going to flake out on me and hook up with whatever chick catches your eye, like you did last week?”

  “Kassa,” Sin growled at the same time I locked the leg press and stood up.

  I’d already figured he’d hooked up with someone the week before, but to have Kassa confirm it made my stomach knot up.

  I opened my water, pretending like I wasn’t fazed in the least. “I see London trying to wave me down,” I told them as I grabbed a towel off one of the racks. “Enjoy your workouts. I’ll catch you guys later.”

  As I walked away, I heard Kassa apologizing to Sin, and Gray’s laughter at whatever Sin said to her. From upstairs, I saw London heading for the stairs and went to meet her.

  “What’s up?” she asked, using my towel to wipe the sweat off her brow. “Saw you were with Sin. You two working out together, or do you want to do legs with me?”

  “I think I’m just going to grab an Uber home,” I told her. Keeping my legs and ass in shape wasn’t nearly as important as getting away from Sin before I did something stupidly embarrassing—like cry.

  “Ro, come on. Whatever is wrong, you don’t have to leave. Stay and work out with me.”

  “Roanna,” Sin called from behind me.

  I balled my hands into fists, my nails biting into my palms. “Finish your workout, London. I don’t want you purging tonight because you didn’t get enough time at the gym.”

  “Only if you stay,” she negotiated. “Please? Don’t let whatever you’re upset about rule your head right now, babe. He’s not worth it. No man is.” She linked her arm through mine and forced me to turn and face Sin as he reached us. “Smile and tell him to fuck off, Ro.”

  “Look, Kassa was only playing around with me. She didn’t mean anything by it.”

  I pasted on the smile London commanded. “What did she say? I wasn’t paying attention.”

  The look on his face said he called bullshit, but I didn’t let my smile falter. “I didn’t hook up with anyone last week. There was a chick hanging around us, and she got annoying, so I walked her to her car and sent her on her way.”

  “Why would I care if you did or didn’t hook up with anyone?” I demanded, lifting my brow
s. “We’re friends, Sin. That’s it. I don’t know why you would think otherwise, but that’s all we are and all we ever will be.”

  “I’m already sick of that word,” he grumbled half under his breath before blowing out a hard sigh. “I just don’t want you to get the wrong impression of me, sweet girl.”

  “Okay, you can stop right there.” London jumped in before he could go on. “She knows exactly how you are, Sin. I don’t know what just happened in there, but I do know Ro has seen you leaving here with girls three different times. This place is like hookup city for guys.”

  “Wait, you have?” I shrugged, and he groaned. “Roanna—”

  “Please stop,” I cut him off. “You’re free to hook up with whomever, whenever you want. It has nothing to do with me. We’re friends. That’s all.”

  He swore something that sounded vicious, but I didn’t hear because it was so low. “Yeah, fine. What the fuck ever. We’re friends. Whatever you want.”

  “It’s what I want,” I told him, my nails biting deeper into my palms until I felt them pierce the tender skin.

  He stood there for a long moment, staring me down, and I dropped my gaze to the floor. We might have still been standing there if London hadn’t tugged on my arm. “Let’s finish up. I’m sure we don’t want to keep Sin from anything.”

  “I have work anyway,” he muttered, but he didn’t move.

  I let London lead me away. “Bye, Sin.”

  “Later, sweet girl,” he called softly after us.

  Chapter 9

  Sin

  Fifteen months later

  Something soft, warm, and squirmy shifted beside me, and my eyes popped open, only for my head to feel like someone was drilling straight into my eyeballs with a dental drill. Silky-soft hands touched my back from behind me, and I groaned as memories of the night before flashed before me like a movie on fast-forward.

  Going to some dumbass party with Cash. Getting drunk off my ass. Taking two skanks home from said party.

  Now I realized I had more to deal with than just the mountain-sized hangover that was currently making me feel like I was going to die.