Rogue Countess

by Amy Sandas

  “If we must,” she answered as they maneuvered around the first group of guests. She kept her voice low so only he could hear her. “Though I am sure I have no idea why you are suddenly such a glutton for attention.”

  Rather than responding to her open-ended comment, Jude grinned with quiet confidence and nodded politely to a passing acquaintance.

  The ballroom was already filled to the limit and even a walk around the perimeter required careful maneuvering through the crush of guests. After nearly twenty minutes spent weaving in and out of the well-dressed crowd, Jude spotted an empty corner and led them in that direction, pausing to sweep a couple of glasses of champagne from the tray of a passing footman.

  “Time for a reprieve,” he said as he tucked Anna in against the wall of the small alcove and handed her a glass of the sparkling wine. He positioned himself at her side, leaning his shoulder against the wall at her back. The glance he cast over the ballroom was filled with a mixture of amusement and incredulity.

  “How anyone is supposed to enjoy themselves in such a mess of bodies is beyond me,” he commented.

  “I am not exactly convinced that you are supposed to enjoy yourself,” Anna answered with earnest consideration. “These types of events are more of a trial to be overcome.”

  Jude looked at her with lifted brows. “You don’t like going to parties?”

  “Not in particular,” she answered as she lifted her glass to take a sip of the champagne.

  “I thought all young women loved the opportunity to take a turn about the dance floor on the arm of a handsome beau.”

  Anna looked at him oddly before replying. “Aren’t you forgetting something?” When he cocked a brow in question, she continued. “When I was the age of the young women you see out there—” she nodded in the direction of the dance floor, “—I had already been married for two years. There was not much reason for me to parade about in fancy finery, and by then I already knew that I much preferred the quiet of the country.”

  “You did not socialize?” he asked.

  Anna looked at him. Could she trust the honest interest she heard in his voice?

  They stood alone in their private corner of the world and his nearness discomfited her. His broad shoulders curved toward her and his golden head tilted slightly as he waited for her response. Her eyes dropped to his strong hand that held the delicate stem of his champagne glass with effortless grace even though she knew those fingers had been roughened and callused before his return to England. He was such a contradiction.

  Her enemy. Her only love.

  She took another sip of her champagne and hoped he wouldn’t notice how her hand shook just a little. Time for courage, she told herself.

  “No,” she finally answered after lowering her glass. “I did not socialize.”

  “Why?” Jude pressed, as she knew he would.

  His penetrating blue eyes were fastened on her face, watching every twitch of her expression, studying every nuance of emotion as it brushed across her features. She felt exposed and vulnerable, but she couldn’t evade his questions forever and she no longer wanted to. Finally breaking free from the long reach of old hurts that had held her so strongly in their grip had also given her the courage she needed to be open with Jude when it came to at least some of the shadows she had harbored within.

  If she was going to bare her soul to him, it may as well be right here in the middle of a crowded ballroom.

  She cleared her throat. “After you left, I was content to live quietly at Silverly. I still had some growing up to do and the earl and countess never pressured me to participate in the many events held at the estate in those days. By the time I finally decided to enter society after I turned eighteen, I found myself unprepared to handle the talk that inevitably circulated around the dinner table.” She smiled to try to balance out the dark tone she couldn’t quite keep from her voice. She glanced up at Jude. “You were a favorite topic of conversation for quite some time, you know. It was always the same. Someone would start with the latest bit of news about the dashing young Lord Sinclair and then others would try to top the on-dit with something else they had heard. It was almost a game to see who had the most scandalous story of your adventures to regale for the masses.”

  Jude frowned. “You do realize that most of their tales were likely fabricated or exaggerated for effect.”

  “But not all of them,” she replied stiffly, and a moment of silence followed in which they eyed each other intently. Anna’s nerves hummed with the delicate expense of effort she maintained to keep from bowing her head under his perceptive regard.

  “Eventually, someone would remember that I was present and the talk would cease. Some people had the awareness and the manners to at least try to appear embarrassed. But there were others who seemed to enjoy my discomfort. Their ugly sneers were what finally convinced me that I had no desire to be a part of a society that took pleasure in another’s distress.”

  “So you hid away,” Jude offered.

  “If you want to put it that way,” Anna answered with a stiff jut of her chin. “I tried to make Silverly feel like a home to me. Your father showed me more kindness than anyone ever had in my life. He listened to me as if my opinions and thoughts and dreams mattered. He talked to me about his horses and taught me about the intricacies of developing an enviable collection of horseflesh and praised me for my aptitude for retaining information on the subject. And after a time, he reminded me that I had a life to live as much as anyone else. I will forever be grateful to him for that.”

  Anna finished speaking and met Jude’s gaze with anxious defiance, expecting him to attack her words as somehow being false.

  “And what about your own father?” he asked.

  Anna stiffened. “I didn’t see my father again after the ceremony that bound me to your family. He died four years ago.”

  Jude scowled. “He never came to visit you at Silverly?”

  “Once, about six months after the wedding, but I wouldn’t see him. He didn’t come again.” She had no wish to say any more on the subject.

  Jude looked at her in silence and she could see he was trying to understand. He was trying to connect the pieces of what he knew with what she had just told him.

  “It’s not going to fit, you know,” she said.

  “That’s what I’m afraid of,” Jude muttered in a low voice as if he knew exactly what she was referring to. “And why is that?” he asked.

  She wanted to answer honestly and bravely. But then, as if the fates conspired to remind her of what she had to lose, an exclamation of surprise and a flurry of pink silk and lace suddenly interrupted their intimate conversation.

  Anna stepped aside as Olivia threw her arms around Jude in an effusive and improper embrace.

  “My goodness,” Olivia breathed with throaty appreciation and her eyes flashed as she stepped back to peruse Jude’s tall muscled form. “Don’t you look more the handsome devil than ever. I cannot say how excited I was to hear of your return. I kept expecting you to call on me, but you never came by.” A pretty little pout and a flirtatious glance from beneath her lashes accompanied her accusation.

  Anna’s stomach clenched and twisted with old feelings of jealousy and despair. She couldn’t bring herself to even glance at Jude’s face, afraid to see the familiar besotted smile and the glowing adoration in his eyes. She took a long drink from her champagne and looked to the side, scanning the ballroom with unseeing eyes, wishing she were far away and completely unaware of the reunion between the two people at her side.

  “Good evening, Your Grace,” Jude replied. Anna couldn’t tell by the formality suddenly present in his voice what he might be thinking. “It’s a pleasure to see you again.”

  “Oh, come on, you don’t have to be so formal with me,” Olivia teased as she patted Jude’s chest with her slim hand. She slid a sideways glance toward Anna and greeted her with a tight smile and a silky voice. “Hello, dear. I wouldn’t have thought this type of thing
would be quite your venue.” She gestured toward the full ballroom.

  Anna considered just walking away. She could cut a straight path through the dance floor and be out the door in a matter of minutes.

  “Good evening, Olivia,” she replied.

  “What a lovely gown,” Olivia commented, and Anna tensed for what would undoubtedly come next. “It always surprises how well you manage to clean up after spending the day in the stables. Too bad you can’t quite wash all of the horse stench off your skin,” she finished with a delicate wrinkle of her nose.

  There it was.

  Anna released her breath slowly. Not as bad as it could have been, she supposed. She took a sip of her champagne and glanced away with a contradictory combination of relief and dread as Olivia turned her attention back toward Jude.

  “Do tell me what you have been up to since your return,” Olivia continued in syrupy-sweet tone, “and what possibly could have kept you from paying your respects to an old friend like me.”

  It was too much.

  Without a word, Anna stepped past Olivia. She kept her gaze trained forward as she headed for the open doors about twenty paces ahead of her that led out the terrace. She felt sick and feared she may vomit. In her mind, she could hear Jude explaining how he had been too busy trying to get an annulment out of his unwanted wife to visit his former love. Perhaps with her gone, they might even set up an appointment for a private and romantic rendezvous. Olivia had never been faithful in her marriage and there was certainly nothing preventing Jude from rekindling the old flame.

  Passing through the doors, she was relieved to find the terrace empty. She continued until she found a spot along the stone rail nearly in shadow. The night air was cold on her bare shoulders, but she welcomed the chill that raced over her skin. It allowed her to feel something other than bone-aching jealousy.

  She hadn’t expected to have such an overwhelming reaction to seeing the two of them together. She tried to resist the sadness that threatened to overcome her as she stood staring out at the darkness, still holding her champagne glass in cold and stiff fingers. Something precious had been within her grasp for one terrifying and electrifying moment only to be yanked away by the one person she had never been able to compete with.

  Strangely, along with the sadness was anger. Anger at her sister for always needing to have the best of what everyone else had. Anger at Jude for not seeing the truth when it stood right in front of him.

  The start of the evening had been a teasing glimpse of what life could have been like if she and Jude hadn’t had so many obstacles between them, if they hadn’t already reached an agreement to go their separate ways. Being on his arm had been far too lovely after the last weeks of quiet distance. She hadn’t wanted to admit it until now, but she had missed him. She had missed the way the corners of his eyes crinkled when his smile was genuine, how his teasing comments sometimes infuriated her, as well as the way a simple but striking glance from him could inflame her awareness to the point that her every sense focused upon him.

  Deep down, she knew better than to build dreams on false hopes. Even if there had been a chance of something developing between them as a result of the physical attraction that was still strong and vibrant, it could be nothing more than a temporary arrangement. And though a part of her dreamed of his kisses and pulsed with the desire from his slightest glance, her heart very simply might not survive such intimacy with him.

  No, in order to retain her sanity she needed to keep him at a distance.

  Unless…

  Unless, she fought for him as Leif had suggested.

  If she managed to convince him of her innocence in the plot that forced their marriage, it might help him to see her differently. But what if his feelings for her were strictly sexual in nature with none of the more tender feelings that tormented Anna? What if he still wanted the annulment? The idea caused a cold fist of fear to wrap around her heart.

  The declaration of her innocence may not have any particular influence on his decision, and then Anna would have put her business and future on the line for nothing. No, more than that, she would have traded it all for a freshly broken heart, as Jude would be put into a position to reject her yet again.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  A footstep sounded on the terrace behind her and Anna stiffened in irritation. Couldn’t she claim just a few moments alone to compose herself?

  She forced her tumultuous thoughts aside as she turned to the intruder, prepared to utter a quick pleasantry before excusing herself. But the words stuck in her throat when she saw Jude standing a few paces away.

  She peered past him, expecting to see Olivia tight at his heels.

  But he was alone.

  Her heart thudded and she quickly blinked away the moisture blurring her vision. She should say something light and flippant to distract from the dark emotions that burned inside her, but nothing came to mind.

  After what was probably only a few seconds, though it felt like near to an eternity, Jude spoke in a warm and even tone. “I thought you were long past hiding, Anna.”

  “I’m not hiding,” she denied. “Was it difficult seeing Olivia again?”

  Jude arched a brow in surprise at the abrupt inquiry, but then shrugged. “Not in particular.”

  “But you loved her once,” Anna insisted.

  He dipped his chin and gave a light shake of his head. It was hard to tell by his expression whether he was irritated or amused by her intrusive curiosity.

  “It was many years ago, but I certainly believed myself to be in love with her at the time.”

  “Were you very devastated when you heard of her marriage to the Duke of Clavering?”

  “No, I was not.” Jude’s smile twisted with a subtle hint of self-mockery. “Which was probably my first indication that my feelings for her were not of the enduring kind.” He tilted his head. “Why so much concern about Olivia?”

  Anna waved her hand through the air in a gesture both dismissive and helpless as she glanced away from the intensity of his probing gaze.

  “I…I would understand if you wanted to spend some time with her. Don’t feel like you must stay by my side. You likely have a lot to say to Olivia after so many years,” she finished.

  Jude approached her slowly until he stood in front of her. His broad shoulders blocked out the light flooding from the ballroom. They were standing on a cliff at the edge of everything she had thought she needed to be happy and the one thing she had never expected to have.

  She tipped her face to look up at him.

  When she met his gaze, sensation flew through her body, as if she were waking up after a long numbing sleep. Every nerve suddenly tingled and her mind jumped back to the times when Jude had held her with passion and desire.

  He no longer looked at her from the cold distance of distrust. His jeweled eyes burned hot with emotion as they peered past her shield of false indifference.

  He shook his head slowly as his gaze swept over her defiant posture.

  “Actually, I have nothing to say to her,” he replied in a low murmur, as if he were thinking out loud. “And for some reason, I find myself wanting to be alone with someone else entirely.”

  Anna’s eyes widened in stunned astonishment as Jude lifted his hand to wrap around the back of her neck and cup the base of her skull. With gentle but insistent pressure, he urged her closer. Instinctively, she dropped her head back and tilted her face up to offer her lips. Before claiming her mouth, Jude looked deep into her eyes, searching and questioning.

  Frightened of what he sought and what he might see, Anna lowered her eyes until her lashes swept over her gaze like a veil.

  Then his smooth and firm lips pressed to hers.

  It was so very different than the other times he had kissed her. Those times had been an expression of passion and lust and underlying anger. This time, he seemed to be seeking something in the gentle pressure of his mouth over hers. He didn’t touch her anywhere else than with the hand tha
t secured her. He moved his lips very carefully across the surface of her mouth before he attempted entrance with the decadent glide of his tongue against the seam of her lips. She parted on a sigh and her knees nearly buckled beneath her as her stomach erupted in a flutter of delicate sensation. He was patient and attentive with his mouth, tasting her in delicious sweeps and teasing darts of his tongue. He surprised her with a gentle and seductive clasp of his teeth over the fullness of her bottom lip. And he swallowed her gasp of pleasure as his mouth covered hers once again with warm possession.

  They were both breathless and light-headed when he finally ended the slow, drugging kiss. Still holding her solely by his hand at the back of her neck, he smiled at her in a way that made her feel like she had entered some alternate dream world where love could exist without pain and despair. She had a thousand questions flying through her mind, but couldn’t bring herself to voice a single one. She was afraid the sound of her voice might break the strange and delicate threads that seemed to tie the two of them together in the intimate aftermath.

  “Now it is my turn for a question,” he muttered in a smooth intonation that melted over her senses. “Why do you let your sister belittle you in such a manner?”

  Anna tensed at the unexpected query. But Jude still held her with the hand behind her neck and he would not allow her to retreat.

  She licked her lips before she replied. “It’s complicated.”

  His eyes showed his disappointment in the evasiveness of her answer, but he did not press her for further explanation. Instead he lowered his head and met her eyes intently. “You have much to be proud of.”

  Anna was too stunned by the compliment to reply. His father was the only other person who had ever deigned to say as much. And Jude was the last person on earth she would have expected to acknowledge her success.

  As she stared at him with wide eyes, he chuckled, then brushed a gentle kiss across her parted lips.

  He slowly released his grip at the back of her neck, then trailed the back of his hand down the side of her throat, across the softness of her bare shoulder and down the length of her slim arm until he lifted her gloved hand in his. He followed the path of his fingers with blue eyes that were dark and deep. Returning his gaze to her face, he smiled again with a half-cocked brow and a roguish gleam in his eye.