Rogue Countess

by Amy Sandas

  The door closed behind her and the smell of the dinner being brought into the room caused her stomach to groan. She turned around as she finished fastening the last of the buttons and her mouth went suddenly dry as Jude approached the bed with the tray. His blue eyes were intent and direct as his covetous gaze swept over her. And her hunger suddenly had very little to do with the food.

  He smiled with a devilish curve to his lips, as if he knew what she was feeling, as if he were intentionally taunting her ability to control the passion that still burned in spite of the deep sexual satisfaction he had just given her.

  God, she hoped it would always be like this. The lovely ache between her thighs, the deep warmth of love in her chest.

  Of course, she could happily do without the subtle awkwardness in their newly established physical intimacy and the emotional uncertainty that held fast to her psyche. If all went well, those two issues would be resolved—one over time with repeat familiarity, and the other through the course of the conversation that inevitably must take place. And soon.

  “I hope you’re hungry,” he said as he sat on the bed and set the tray before him. She looked to him in surprise. He intended for them to eat right here, in the middle of the bed, practically naked? His smile indicated that he did as he lifted the lid on the food. Anna’s stomach clenched in reaction to the release of light and savory aromas.

  “Starving,” she murmured in deep appreciation as she forgot her hesitation and came forward to crawl back onto the mattress.

  Set beautifully on a large platter was a whole trout, smoked and seasoned to perfection, surrounded by small garlic potatoes and various roasted vegetables in a light buttery sauce. There was even a small dish on the side filled with a rich creamy pudding that smelled of chestnuts and cherries.

  “You requested all of that just for you?”

  “Not exactly,” Jude answered as he stretched out on his side, propping himself on an elbow. “I was hoping I would have some company to share it with.”

  Anna had been trying to find a modest position in which to sit for the strange and wholly welcome meal, but she paused in her movements when she heard his response.

  “You were that confident I would come to you?” she asked in curiosity, not certain how she felt about the idea of him being so sure of her.

  “No,” Jude answered. His expression, as he met her questioning gaze, made the butterflies dance again in her low belly. There was an odd vulnerability in his sapphire eyes that she had never seen before. “I planned to request that you join me,” he added.

  “I might have refused,” she said, thinking of how he had behaved toward her during the final events at her father’s house.

  “I know,” he replied.

  Anna watched him in silence for a few moments as he looked away from her and turned his attention toward sampling some of the food. She couldn’t get a good grasp of his mood. He seemed relaxed but anticipatory, at turns amused, then thoughtful and distracted.

  His throaty moan of satisfaction drew her from her thoughts and she blinked in fascination as his eyes drifted closed at the taste of the fish.

  “I don’t know if the cook decided to outdo himself out of appreciation for the ordeal we endured today, or if it is just because I am so hungry that this simple dish tastes like heaven. Whatever it is, you have to try some.”

  He didn’t even wait for her to respond before he took another bite.

  Worried he might eat it all before she had a chance to get her share, Anna grabbed a fork and stabbed a potato. As soon as the food hit her tongue, she understood what Jude was saying. The next thirty minutes or so were spent in relative silence and they both ensured they got their fill of the delectable feast.

  When the platter was nearly cleaned off, with only the fish bones remaining, Jude slid the tray to the side and reached over the edge of the bed to set it on the floor. Then he turned to face Anna, now with nothing between them.

  “Anna,” he started in a hesitant tone that caught her attention, “I have a confession to make, and I suspect you aren’t going to like it. Which is why before I tell you what I’ve done, or rather, what I haven’t done, I first need to explain something.”

  He was nervous. It was obvious in the way he glanced to the side as he spoke and in the low halting timbre of his speech. The realization made her ill at ease. This was not how she foresaw this conversation proceeding. The reason she was here in his room was so she could finally bare her soul to him and reveal the secrets she had kept from him for far too long.

  What on earth did he have to be nervous about? And what in god’s name did he have to confess?

  “Jude, I think you may be confused—” she began, but was swiftly interrupted.

  “No, Anna,” Jude said. “Finally, I am thinking clearly on this whole regrettable mess.”

  Anna eyed him warily as he shifted on the bed, rising to a seated position. She narrowed her gaze on his face and was surprised at the furrowed lines of distress that bracketed his mouth and pulled down between his brows.

  “Anna, I owe you a sincere apology.”

  “What?” She was confused and unnerved by his earnest expression. “I am sure I don’t understand.”

  “Earlier today, in your father’s house, it took me a while to release the ropes that bound my hands.” He spoke slowly, keeping her gaze locked with his. “I was conscious for much of the conversation between you and Olivia.”

  Understanding dawned and a frisson of apprehension danced coldly down her spine.

  “You heard what she said about…” She had to pause, unsure of the best way to refer to the events of the past.

  “The circumstances that resulted in our marriage,” Jude provided with a growl of anger.

  He raised his hands to push them back through the tousled locks of his hair, grimacing as he passed over the tender wounds. His brows were so low his eyes were nearly in shadow, and she had never seen his jaw clenched so tightly, even during the recent times when he had been yelling at her. He looked so distressed that Anna felt an urge to reach out to him, to reassure him in some way.

  But she didn’t.

  He rose from the bed, his agitation pushing him into a pacing stride alongside the bed.

  “I was the perfect fool, believing so readily in the lies Olivia and your father fed me. If I had stopped to consider all of the details from that morning, I might have known…” He stopped and looked at her. “Do you remember very much about when you woke up that day?”

  Anna had been watching him with wide eyes, unsure and wary. She could understand his frustration. For him, it was like being betrayed all over again. All she could do was answer his question truthfully.

  “Not really. I remember a lot of yelling, a horrendous headache and the expression of revulsion on your face.”

  Jude’s head dropped for a moment, and when he lifted his eyes to her again they were dark and sad with regret.

  “Why didn’t you come to me? You had to have known what was being said, what you were being accused of. Why didn’t you declare your innocence in those days before the wedding?”

  “My father made sure that wasn’t possible. I wasn’t let out of my bedroom except for those few wedding preparations that absolutely required my presence. And Father or Olivia was always with me.”

  Anna shifted on the bed to face Jude more directly as he stood unyielding at the foot of the bed.

  “Jude, please understand what it was like for me back then. In my entire sixteen years, I was given very little opportunity to learn to trust in my own strength and judgment. I was convinced with unrelenting criticism and manipulation that I would never do anything, have anything, be anything that went beyond the express wishes of my family.”

  “Why? How could they justify such treatment?” Jude’s righteous anger was evident in the tightly uttered words.

  Anna shrugged. It was a question she had never been able to answer, but she tried so he might better understand.

 
“My mother died giving birth to me. They both loved her very much and the loss devastated them. My father turned all of his focus upon Olivia. He obsessed over the drive to ensure that she was always happy. To both of them, I became a constant reminder of my mother’s death and the cause of it. They never got past it.”

  “That is not natural, Anna,” Jude commented softly. “You know that, right? You understand you are not to blame for your mother’s death.”

  The open and generous concern in Jude’s face made Anna uncomfortable. She was not accustomed to sympathy.

  “Yes, intellectually, I do know that. But for so long, I didn’t believe I would ever be free of my mother’s ghost. Once I found out that I was to marry you, a part of me was thrilled beyond belief. It was my chance to escape the home that never had a place for me. I had no idea you were so resistant to the marriage until your mother told me after you had left.” Anna half-rose up on her knees, holding her hands out in supplication. “I swear to you, Jude, if I had known all of that I would have tried to do something. And I expected to have the chance to explain it all to you once I was away from my father’s house, once we were married.”

  “But I never gave you the chance,” Jude added as a shadow of anger settled over his features. “You must have hated me for my callous treatment. You were just a child and I left you to face my family and an unknown future all alone.”

  “I think I wanted to hate you,” Anna admitted. Shoring up her courage, she kept her gaze level with his. He had to know it all, no matter how difficult it was for her to admit. “I spent many years focusing on my hurt and anger. I allowed my pride to color everything I heard about you. But the truth is my life was better after our marriage. In a way, I was given a valuable opportunity to discover what I was capable of.”

  “Did my father know you weren’t to blame for being compromised?”

  “A few days after the wedding he did ask me what happened and I told him the truth, or as much of it as I understood at the time.”

  Jude approached her then. When he stood in front of her, he reached out and trailed the back of his fingers down the side of her face. Anna remained unmoving as he traced her features. The delicate sensations of his touch caused goose bumps to rise on her skin. His eyes were full of regret and self-imposed shadows, but when she met his gaze the jolt of connection between them was bright and instantaneous.

  She wet her lips and took a deep breath. “I have come to understand why you left, Jude, and really I cannot blame you for reacting as you did.”

  Jude shook his head with rueful sadness and he framed her face gently between his hands. “I have never been more regretful of my behavior as I am for that self-righteous decision to leave you at Silverly that day. When I think about what you endured in your young life only to be discarded so callously…it ties my stomach in knots.”

  The sober self-recrimination in his expression reached deeply into her soul and wrapped around her heart. Here was what she had always thought she wanted from him, a true understanding of how his actions had injured her. She had expected this moment to feel like a vindication of all the humiliation she’d ever experienced as the abandoned bride. But his obvious remorse only made her feel worse.

  His hand dropped back to his side as Anna rose up, kneeling on the bed to bring herself more to Jude’s eye level. She lifted her hands to rest them on his broad shoulders and met his eyes with keen determination.

  “Please don’t,” she urged. “More than enough time and focus has been wasted on the past. There is no going back. Trust me,” she said with a small twist to her lips. “I came by that realization the hard way. I only wish I had told you the truth weeks ago.”

  “Yes, you should have,” Jude agreed as he settled his hands about her waist. “But you didn’t trust me to protect you, and I can accept that.”

  His smile then was slow and confident and held a hint of mischief that immediately had Anna’s sensitive nerves at full attention.

  “There is something else you should have told me weeks ago.”

  She instinctively tried to retreat, but he tensed his hands around her waist, keeping her in place. She met his gently amused gaze.

  He was going to make her say it again. She nearly groaned. There was no getting out of this now.

  It wasn’t that she didn’t want to say it. She did. But it was not an easy thing to do when she had a chance to contemplate it. The sentiment had been held close and protected for so many years. To just say it, openly, freely, right to his face…

  Her dismayed reluctance must have shown because after a moment Jude chuckled softly. He slid his hands around behind her back and drew her in to his body until her belly was flush with his and her breasts pressed to his chest. She lifted her arms to encircle his neck as warm joy spread through her limbs.

  Joy and something more carnal.

  His smile was easy and confident as he gazed down into her face.

  “I suppose I should have expected this to be difficult for you,” he murmured. “Maybe I can make it easier and go first. I love you, Anna.”

  Her heart came to a sudden and shocking stop as her mouth dropped open. Surely, she hadn’t heard him right? Her eyes flew across the details of his face, looking for evidence of falseness, but there was none.

  “That’s not possible,” she whispered without thinking.

  Jude laughed again and his arms tightened around her to the point where she couldn’t draw a full breath and feared she may faint. Or maybe it was the unbelievable wealth of emotion making her head spin.

  “I assure you, it’s very possible and very true.” He sighed. “I have not allowed myself to be concerned for anyone else for a long time. But when Olivia stood in your study and pulled the pistol on me, the only thing I could think of was what I needed to do to keep you safe.” His voice lowered roughly. “And then when I regained consciousness to the disturbing image of you facing down that very weapon…”

  His gaze was almost painful in its raw expression of emotion. It communicated to her in a way soft words couldn’t because it showed the exact fear she had known when she saw Olivia turning the gun on Jude as he wrestled with the coachman. All doubt fled from her heart then.

  Unbelievably, he loved her. She felt giddy and light and wondered how she hadn’t started floating with the buoyant joy that filled her.

  “I swear I wanted to strangle you for putting yourself in danger like that,” Jude admitted.

  Though he looked at her with a noble stoicism that warmed her heart, Anna couldn’t suppress her wild happiness, and she grinned back at him with unabashed pleasure.

  “Is that why you wouldn’t look me in the eye afterward? Why you retreated from me so harshly? You were angry because you feared for me?”

  “I have never been so terrified in my life. Promise me you will never rush at a person holding a gun ever again.”

  “I can’t promise that,” she said with bright honesty. “I would do it again in a heartbeat if it meant I might keep a bullet from flying your way.”

  A growl rumbled from Jude’s chest.

  “Foolish, brave, impossible woman,” he muttered just before he lowered his mouth to hers.

  The smooth contours of his lips slid over hers gently, almost reverently. The kiss was sweet in its simplicity, but still managed to bring a flush to Anna’s skin and awaken a now familiar ache in her body. She roamed her hands over the smooth skin of his muscled back and darted her tongue out to tease at the seam of his lips.

  He pulled back then with a quiet groan of regret as he cleared his throat.

  “Hold on a moment. There is one more thing,” he explained and released her to turn away from the bed.

  Anna admired the masculine strength of his body as he walked away from her. There was something so wonderfully hedonistic in the image of a fine-formed man wearing only the narrow swath of a white towel low around his hips.

  Sitting back on her heels, Anna scowled in confusion when Jude reached the pile of cl
othes he had discarded on the chair.

  He was getting dressed? She was hoping things would go in the other direction.

  She tried to be patient as he fumbled with his coat for a few minutes before turning to face her with his hands behind his back.

  “You remember I mentioned earlier that I had a confession to make.”

  Anna nodded. He had mentioned something about that, but she couldn’t imagine for the life of her what he might have to confess. Her anxious gaze followed him as he approached the bed. She leaned to the side, trying to see what he held behind his back. When he turned in reaction, keeping his hands out of sight, she tilted her head back and gave him her fiercest frown.

  She did not do well with surprises. She hated the anticipation of knowing something was about to happen, but not knowing what it was or whether or not she would like it. She much preferred to have all the information up front.

  “What is this about?” Anna pressed.

  He smiled at her impatience, but his firm gaze indicated he would not be rushed.

  Jude sat down next to her on the bed and reached out to cup her face in his hands. Without a word, he drew her forward and kissed her. This time opening to the play of tongues and teeth. Anna threaded her fingers through the pale curls at the back of his neck, holding him to her. It was not long before she was breathless with the need to get closer to him, to have more of him.

  She would have shifted then to bring her body more fully in contact with his, but he chose that moment to pull back. His hands fell to her shoulders and he held her away from him so he could look into her face.

  “I want you to be my wife,” he said then.

  Anna blinked.

  “I don’t want an annulment or a divorce or a separation of any kind,” he continued. “That day when you agreed to end our marriage, I know you expected me to take the necessary steps to see it done.” He swallowed. “But I didn’t.”

  “That is your confession?” Anna asked, biting her lip against the amusement that threatened to bubble forth. She could see how important it was to him to be up front about the minor deception.