Deny Me

by Fiona Cole

  His hands came up to my shoulders and pushed me back. I looked up into his dark eyes that radiated with disapproval. My chest tightened, not understanding why he seemed so angry.

  “Sorry, Ev-ieeee,” Luella called to me, stretching my name out like she always did when she drank and wanted me to forgive her. “I was in the bathroom and drunk and I just wanted Jack to hold me up because the room wouldn’t stop spinning,” she rambled. “Apparently all the guys were out together and came to get us. I didn’t mean to ruin the night. Forgive me. Pleeeeeaaase,” Lu whined, pressing her palms together, begging for forgiveness.

  In all fairness, the night was probably done anyway. We were all reaching the point of no return. I looked at Gwen and Victoria and saw them also hanging on their husbands. And, bonus, we didn’t have to pay for a cab ride home. “Of course, babe!” I blew her kiss. She caught it and pressed it to her lips like we did when we were younger.

  “Come on, Evie. I’ll take you home,” Jack volunteered.

  We made our way through the crowd and out into the fresh, cool air of the night. Goose bumps broke out along my bare legs and abdomen. It was late February, but none of us had worn jackets, not wanting them to ruin our outfits. But it didn’t seem to matter to the others because their husbands had taken off their coats and draped them over their wives. Everyone was all paired off. I looked back for Jameson, so I had someone to walk with.

  It was then that I noticed the tall, leggy blonde next to him, her arm threaded through his and speaking quietly as they walked behind the group. That must’ve been Jennifer. The more-than-a-couple-dates girl.

  I almost tripped over the step as a heavy feeling settled into my stomach, seeing them together. I had seen Jameson with other women, but for some reason tonight—being as drunk as I was and watching everyone pair off—it hurt.

  Noticing I’d stopped, they both looked at me. In that moment of shock, it was easy to fall back into our comfortable ways.

  “You gonna introduce me, Jameson? Or are you worried I’ll spill all your secrets?” I teased.

  The blonde laughed and it was perfect. She didn’t look like one of the dumb, fake girls Jameson was caught hanging out with before. She looked well put-together, and serious, and traditional and like she had forever written all over her. My insides churned for reasons I wouldn’t admit. I wouldn’t even have been feeling that way if I wasn’t so drunk. I didn’t know what the hell was wrong with me.

  Maybe it was my month of celibacy.

  That was it.

  Either way, I didn’t like the feeling.

  She held her hand out and shined her perfect white teeth at me. “Hi, I’m Jennifer.”

  I grasped her hand in mine and took in her jacket. Gah! She even had impeccable taste! She was wearing the dark floral coat I had designed for an online shopping site. Pretending I wasn’t losing my mind inside, I smiled. “Hi, Jennifer. I’m Luella’s friend, Evie, and I’ve known this guy forever. Good luck,” I muttered from the side of my mouth.

  She laughed, even getting my sense of humor. Why did she bother me so much? Why did her arm wrapped around Jameson’s so securely make me wish it was mine instead?

  Fuck! I was drunker than I thought. Wanting away from the confusing situation, I turned and walked ahead of them, catching up with the other couples. Jack had Lu on his back in a piggyback ride and was working his hand up her thigh getting closer to her butt as she kissed up and down his neck.

  I decided to stay back to offer them some privacy. But when I looked around, everyone was paired off. For the first time in my life, I felt uncomfortable being alone, and didn’t know where to walk as we strode through the parking garage.

  When we reached the car, Jack walked Lu over to her side, but got caught up kissing into her cleavage.

  “Ooooh-kay, then” I backed up from the car.

  Jameson, who was stepping up to his car to get in, grimaced at seeing his sister getting mauled. “Come on. I’ll give you a ride home.”

  I agreed, deciding I would give the two lovebirds some privacy to get as crazy as they wanted on the way home. Lu owed me for my sacrifice to sit in the car with Barbie.

  I walked over and let myself into the back seat of Jameson’s truck, saying a quick, “Thank you.”

  He nodded his head without a response and got in. Jennifer was already in front and turned to give me a smile. “You girls looked like you had a good time. I’ve been to Mynt and it’s a lot of fun.”

  Relaxing back into my seat, I let out a long sigh as the exhaustion settled around me. “Yeah, it was a fun night.” Thinking about the turn of events that got me in a car with Jameson and his date, I asked, “How did you end up here with all the guys? Did you take them on your date with you?”.

  “We ran into each other at the bar and I was around with Jack got the call. Thought I would come make sure Lu was okay.”

  “Over-protective brother to the rescue.” I joked.

  Jameson didn’t respond. He turned on the radio and we all sat in silence as we pulled out of the parking spot. I thought I was going to fall asleep when Jennifer asked, “So what do you do, Evie?”

  “I’m a clothing designer.”

  “Oh really?” she asked, shifting in her seat and looking over my outfit.

  I lifted a finger to point up and down at her jacket. “Well, I designed that jacket you’re wearing.”

  “Really? This is your brand? That’s amazing. I love these clothes,” she exclaimed with wide, excited eyes.

  A feeling of satisfaction pulled a smile to my lips. I didn’t know what I was winning, but it felt good. “What about you?” I asked to be polite.

  “I’m an elementary school teacher.”

  I snorted and though “Of course you are.” What I said was a neutral, “That sounds nice.”

  Jameson’s eyes flicked to mine in the rearview mirror, like he was warning me to be nice. I just leaned my head back and closed my eyes. My insides were doing crazy things I didn’t understand in my drunken state, and I just wanted to sleep. I didn’t want to delve too deeply into why I was so bothered by this perfect girl Jameson was on a date with. I didn’t want to think about why I felt uncomfortable being the only person who didn’t have a partner tonight.

  I tried to remind myself that I had myself, and my job, and all the freedom I could ask for. So what if I thought Jameson would be the last hold-out with me, and we would stick together in our solitude. So what that he was apparently looking to settle down and had Miss Perfect sitting in the front seat with him.

  I was irritated with my thoughts. I was irritated with Jameson for bringing his date and rubbing her in my face. Okay, so he didn’t rub her in my face, but it sure as hell felt like it. And it was making me angry because of the emotions it was stirring up.

  Would he stop rising to all my challenges? Would he stop finding it funny when I messed with him? If he paired off, how much would things change? He looked at me in the rearview mirror again and I rolled my eyes, feeling disgusted by myself.

  When the car pulled to a stop, I tossed a quick “nice to meet you” before getting out and slamming the door behind me, letting some of my built-up aggression release.

  My heels clicked on the sidewalk leading to my condo in the dark night. Another car door slammed and I looked back to see Jameson following me up the sidewalk.

  “What the fuck is your problem?” he growled when we reached my front door. The porch light barely illuminated him, and half his face was cast in shadow, making his anger more prominent. “A thank you would have been nice.”

  “You want me to thank you for interrupting your perfect date?” I asked with sarcasm. I didn’t need to answer to him; I answered to no one.

  “What the hell crawled up your ass tonight?” he asked again, angrier than the first time.

  I didn’t know how to answer him because I wasn’t sure why I was acting like such a bitch, but he didn’t look like he was backing down without an explanation. I paced my small stoop tr
ying to find the words to give him. I stopped, whipping around with the first question that came to mind. “Am I going to have to stop messing around with you now that she’s around?” His face twisted in confusion. I didn’t blame him. I was drunk and not making sense. But I had let my thoughts loose and there was no stopping them. I strutted closer to him. “Am I going to have to stop torturing you with my tits bouncing in your face? Stop walking around with my long legs always out while you imagine them spread and wrapped around you?” I threw the words from the storage closet back in his face.

  The muscles in his jaw twitched from the tight clenching in his jaw. “You’re drunk,” he accused, trying to explain away my actions.

  He was right. I was drunk, and I was just as confused and frustrated as he was by my attitude. But I refused to back down. I needed some comfort in the familiar tonight. So I would find it in teasing him.

  “C’mon, Jamie-Boy,” I taunted, stepping back into his space. “Will she be mad if we play our games?” I reached up, placing my hands on his hips. “Would she be mad if I continue our game of sexual chicken?” I teased. His hands gripped my wrists and pulled them between us, locking me in place.

  My heart stuttered in my chest when I saw him lean down in my space, eyes blazing with anger. “You know what your problem is, Evelyn?” The anger was roaring off of him in waves. “You want to fuck me. But that’s all you want, and you know I won’t accept just a quick fuck. But god-fucking-forbid I find someone else to be with. Someone who isn’t just a casual fuck.” His words pierced me like bullets. We had always danced around the subject of our attraction. It was there, we both knew it, but neither of us had ever talked so openly about it. He leaned in, his mouth at my ear. “You know what you are? Fucking jealous.”

  I wrenched my hands out of his grasp and stepped back, raising my chin. I was not jealous. But all I mustered was a low, “I am not.”

  Real strong, Evelyn. Way to prove a point.

  “Think what you want. But just because you like to fuck around and don’t give a shit about who you’re dating,” he said with a sneer, letting me know what he really thought about my dates, “doesn’t mean I don’t respect the women I give my time to. So don’t fucking touch me right now.”

  He took the two steps down off my patio, glaring at me over his shoulder, making me feel about two feet tall. Jameson and I bickered and fought like siblings, but we had never been intentionally mean to each other. He was being intentional with his words.

  “Have some respect and get your shit together, Evelyn, or you will be alone forever.” He turned to walk back to the car, but delivered one last parting blow. “Just because you want to whore around forever, doesn’t mean we all want to.”

  I stood still, shock reverberating through my body from the blow he’d just landed with his words. Rage boiled up in me that he’d talked to me like that. But when it mixed with the drunkenness, all that came out was a screeching, “Well, fuck you, Jameson King!”

  He didn’t turn back, and I made sure he heard the slam of my door as my last weak parting shot.

  Seven

  The roar of the airplane’s engine had faded about three hours ago and left me surrounded by some soft snores and the crinkle of wrappers from the peanuts or pretzels the crew tried to pass off as a snack.

  It was the Thursday before Luella’s wedding, and we were all on our way to the beautiful island of Jamaica. According to the app on my phone, we had about thirty more minutes until we landed. Thank God!

  I had booked my flight late and missed sitting next to the rest of the wedding party. Instead, I was squished against the window next to a large man who smelled like a mixture of curry, alcohol, and B.O. I had become a master of breathing through my mouth and subtly pulling up my sweater to cover my nose. At least I had the window. Instead of pulling out a book or my computer to work, I gazed out at the scenery and the blue ocean stretched beneath our plane. It was gorgeous.

  But I still missed my friend. It was the last time we would have together as single ladies together before her wedding on Saturday. But she was up front with Jack, his family, his best man Shane, and Jameson.

  Jameson.

  Things had been tense to say the least over the last month. Thank goodness for Luella’s wedding. It had been one of the few things to keep me distracted from thinking about how uncomfortable things felt between me and Jameson.

  I had finished the designs for the website, and of course they loved them. So I had a lot more free time to sit around and think, because apparently my mojo had faded that month also. It was a sad, sad month to be me.

  No sex. No designing. Only two dates, both of which ended in kissing I could have done without.

  Having more feelings than I wanted to deal with.

  No more family lunches.

  I’d stopped going because I couldn’t take the tension. Lu kept casting nervous glances my way through the awkward silence that sat around my neck like a too-tight turtleneck.

  She still kept me in the loop about Jameson since I stopped attending on Sundays. It was her subtle way of letting me know she knew something was going on between Jameson and me and that if I wanted to talk, I could. I didn’t. Not even when she informed me that he had stopped dating the Barbie.

  And then since all my obligations were done, we all decided to extend our stay in Jamaica for a mini-vacation. I wasn’t sure we planned it together as much as Lu peer pressured everyone into making the trip worth it. I knew she felt bad about making everyone fly to Jamaica for her wedding. I sure as hell wasn’t going to argue.

  Jameson had even agreed to leave the bar in the safekeeping of his manager Eric, but he bitched and moaned about it the whole time. Poor Eric probably got a hell of a sit-down lecture with an extensive list of things not to do, starting with “do not have fun” at the top.

  Even Jack’s family and his detective friend, Shane, were staying for a few extra days.

  Not that Jack and Lu would be around. They were staying in a secluded cabana with a private beach all week. Luckily it included a butler to bring food, because I wasn’t sure they would put on clothes long enough to leave the room.

  The thought brought a smile to my face. Lu deserved to be happy. Maybe I could find myself an island man at this resort. Get over the dry spell I’d been in.

  Soon, land came into view and we were touching down at the airport. Thank Jesus my time next to smelly man was up.

  Dragging my carry-on behind me, I spotted the rest of the group and quickly averted my eyes when they collided with Jameson’s. The way we walked out of the terminal caused us to all pair off, and Jameson and I dragged behind the pack. I was so aware of him next to me, he could have been mashed against me rather than the two feet away. I missed him. I missed teasing him. I missed laughing with him.

  I couldn’t help but dip my head and glance in his direction, watching the way his muscles moved under his shirt as he dragged his suitcase. I wondered if he was sad about the Barbie. I wondered if he missed me too. His cheek jerked up into a smile when I let my gaze linger too long, and he began shifting toward me, but before his eyes could meet mine, I jerked my head back. That jackass knew I was staring and found it funny. I wanted to be irritated that he was laughing at me. Instead, his humor wrapped around me like an old familiar blanket, making me feel better than I had in weeks.

  Thankfully, Jack had scheduled a large van to pick us all up and take us to the hotel. Unfortunately, Jameson and I were still firmly in our awkward silence on the bench seat in the back. Lu and Jack were cuddling in front of us and Shane and Jack’s sister, Juliana, was in front of them. It was interesting to see how eager Juliana was to claim her spot next to Shane. They would make for some entertainment this weekend. Jack’s parents sat up front pelting the driver with questions about the island and its culture. It was over an hour drive to the hotel, so I was sure all their questions would be answered. Poor driver.

  Resting my elbow on the edge of the window, I watched the pal
m trees fly by. The ocean rolled off in the distance and the scenery was filled with splashes of colorful buildings. For the first time, my heart raced with excitement over the fact that I was in Jamaica.

  At least, until I looked over to find Jameson riding the edge of the seat, trying to get as far away from me as possible. But as I looked up his strong torso, encased perfectly in a tight white t-shirt, I caught him staring at my thighs and the way my romper rode up almost to my ass cheek.

  I couldn’t help myself. Old habits emerged, and after he had laughed at my staring earlier, I had to repay him. I let the words spill out. “See something you like, Jamie-Boy?” I asked, hiking my hem up a little higher.

  His eyes flicked to mine guiltily and dropped back down to my almost exposed cheek and back up again. I cocked my eyebrow and waited for him to say something back. It was a pivotal moment. We hadn’t teased each other in one long month, which was not our normal dynamic. The last words we flung at each other were angry and mean. In that moment he would either accept my olive branch or not. My heart beat through my whole body as I waited for his decision.

  What I got was a twitch of his lips on one side and a laugh. He shook his head at me and made himself more comfortable on the bench seat next to me. Removing himself from the edge.

  Things were going to be okay.

  When we got to the hotel, it was more than any of the pictures could have prepared us for. The lobby was open to the central garden that looked like a tropical jungle filled palms. My wedges clicked on the white tiles as my eyes scanned the bamboo furniture.

  We ended up walking through the beautiful garden/jungle to be shown to a section of isolated, first floor rooms that each had verandas that opened to the beach.

  Before walking into my room, I couldn’t help but notice that Jameson’s room was only three doors down on the end. Not that it mattered.