by Fiona Cole
“My mom is coming to town for my birthday in a couple weeks,” I announced hesitantly. We didn’t talk about my mom much. But we didn’t have a reason to, so I tried to avoid the topic, remembering how poorly it went in Jamaica. I knew he was curious after the way Lu left last week when she asked how my mom would feel. But somehow we both settled on not talking about it.
Until she let me know she was coming to town and I knew I had to prepare us in some way.
“I know I’ve met her briefly, but it will be nice to get to know her more now that I am dating you.”
“Yeah,” I spoke softly. I loved and respected my mom with every bit of my heart. But I knew she would worry about me if she knew I’d been dating someone for a long time. She could be short-sighted when it came to relationships. She was always looking at the end and how it would hurt and damage me if I let it get too far. At least, that was what she told me. I’d never been a relationship before, so we hadn’t had to face it.
Jameson shifted to look down at my face. “Why do you sound so scared about it?”
“I’m just nervous.” I took a deep breath and prepared myself for trying to explain to him. “She just doesn’t want me to get hurt. She can be a like a pit bull with a bone when she is encouraging me to be successful.” I was rambling and doing a poor job of explaining the tightness in my chest. “I’ve just never been in a relationship and I don’t know how she will react. I didn’t even have to be in a relationship for her to drill in my head how important I was and that I needed to take care of myself. I can only imagine what it will be now.”
“I don’t get scared easily. She can come up with a thousand reasons it won’t work and I’ll give her one reason why it will.”
My heart skipped a beat and my scalp tingled wondering what he would say. Surely he wouldn’t say love. Fuck, fuck, fuck. “Wh- What’s that?” I stuttered out.
“Stubborn.” I let out the heavy breath that had been sinking in my lungs. “We are both too damn stubborn to give up and end this without a fight.”
“You’re probably more stubborn,” I countered, childishly.
“Evelyn…” He cocked an eyebrow at me, calling bullshit.
“I know. You’re right. I would totally kick your ass in stubborn.”
We let the conversation end and I let the music and the sounds of his heart soothe me. This was more comfortable than I ever imagined I’d ever be. I couldn’t help but wonder why I fought so long.
“Why did you always hold back?” The question popped out.
His chest rose on a deep breath. “You know, you’re always the kind of woman I pictured myself with.”
At his admission, I lifted myself up with wide eyes. “What?” I gasped.
Laughing at my exaggerated response, he pulled me back to his chest. “Don’t act so surprised.” He placed a soft kiss to the crown of my head and continued. “I lost a lot of my wild side over the years. The more I lost, the more I imagined settling with a woman who would bring it back out of me. Watching you through the years made me realize how much I wanted someone to balance out my seriousness.” I made an affirmative noise, letting him know I was listening, but I didn’t want to interrupt. Instead, I rubbed my hand up and down along his chest and abdomen. “But you were always out of reach with your inability to settle down.” Even though it was true, I couldn’t deny the irrational pinch in my chest at him not being able to have me. Emotions seemed to hit me from left field ever since I let Jameson in. They didn’t usually make sense, so I kept them to myself. “And I didn’t want to change our dynamic for one night. No matter how much you tempted me.”
“I didn’t always tempt you,” I teased.
“Your existence tempted me. Your free acceptance of life wrapped up in that sinful body was more temptation than a man should have to endure.”
“What changed your mind in Jamaica?”
A single laugh shook his chest. “Hell, I don’t know. Maybe I was drunk.” His hand tugged my hair and pulled my head back to look up at him. “Maybe you pulled out enough of my wild to say fuck it and finally have what I’ve wanted.”
“And what is it that you want?” I asked teasingly.
“I vaguely remember you saying something about riding my face,” he said, turning so he was hovering over me. “Or was that all talk?”
“Oh, I never say anything I’m not ready to back up.” Holding his challenging stare, I reached down and began undoing my pants.
“Good.” He leaned back on his haunches and yanked my pants down. “Because I’ve been jacking off to that for years. It’s time to back it up.”
After Jameson and I had thoroughly christened his new bar, we laid partially naked on the blanket letting the cool air from the vents dry the sweat from our skin. Remembering the email I received earlier, I decided it was as good a time as any to bring it up while we were relaxed and sated.
“I’m glad we have this time. I’ve been meaning to tell you something. I didn’t mention it before because I never thought anything would come of it. But then I got an email this morning.” I took a deep breath and looked up to find his eyes squinted in question. “I applied for an internship in Italy on a whim a few months ago and I never thought I would get it… But I did. They offered me a two-month long internship in Italy. Maybe longer if they like my work.”
Jameson pulled his arm from around me and sat up. “What?” he asked softly.
I sat up too, pulling my shirt to my chest. “It’s a huge opportunity. I would get to meet huge designers and get my name out there. It’s only two months. It would open so many doors,” I rambled nervously.
He dug his hands roughly through his hair and squeezed his eyes shut. “What the hell, Evelyn? It’s two months. We’ve been together – what? One month? So you’ll be away more than you’re with me?” I knew he wouldn’t be excited about me leaving, but I didn’t prepare myself for him being that upset. “What happens when you get back? Will you leave again?” He asked roughly.
I felt my defenses rising. “You knew this about me.”
“I didn’t know you wanted to leave,” he yelled, throwing his hands out wide.
“Don’t yell at me, Jameson,” I ground out. I held my ground staring at his pinched lips and clenching jaw. I figured he wouldn’t have been happy, but I wasn’t going to sit there and let him lose his temper with me. In that moment of our stare-down, our breaths coming heavy, I heard my mom’s words. Don’t ever sacrifice your dream for a man. You take care of you, Evie. Biting my lip, I looked away trying to push the words from my mind.
“Listen,” he broke into my thoughts. “Let’s just stop. This just came out of left field and blindsided me. I wasn’t expecting it and I reacted badly.” He pushed a hand through his hair and looked up at me with soft blue eyes. “I’m sorry. I know this is a big opportunity and you know I support you. It just makes me nervous.”
I heard his apology and I appreciated it. But the words of anger were said and planted. I wanted to push them out but knew it wouldn’t be that easy. Conceding for the night, I spoke down into my fidgeting fingers, “Well, I haven’t accepted yet.”
His strong arm came into view before wrapping around me and tugging me onto his lap. I straddled his hips and wrapped my arms around his neck as he kissed up my sternum to my neck. He began whispering small apologies with each soft press of his lips. My body relaxed into his embrace and nodded my head, letting him know I accepted his apology.
He bit my bottom lip and pulled back. “Would it be selfish if I asked you to stay?” His smirk let me know he was joking. But I still heard the hint of sincerity, too.
I didn’t answer. I managed to lift one side of my lips with a forced smile and leaned in to kiss him more to hide the fear that question instilled in me.
Fear at how it made me feel when he asked, because a part of me wanted to go home right then and reject the position just so I wouldn’t lose the feel of his arms around me.
And that scared me.
What other sacrifices would I make? Is this what it was like? Was my mom right?
Twenty-One
“Hey, sweetie! How have you been?” my mom’s voice floated throughout my car via Bluetooth.
“Hey, Mom. I’m good. Busy. Sorry it’s been so long since we’ve talked.”
“It’s okay, baby. I know how successful you are and how busy all the success can keep you.” Her words dripped with pride in me. My mom was always my biggest supporter, believing in me even when I didn’t was something that pushed me to be better.
“Speaking of success…” I paused, letting the suspense build.
“Well, don’t stop there. Tell me.”
“I got a phone call this week about the internship with Lana Designs in Italy. She saw the work I did for that international online retailer and loved it so much she offered me the two-month trial period after she looked through my application. I would be working on a specific line with her, but if things work out, she might offer me an extended position.”
I laughed when all I heard was excited squealing from the other line. “I am so damn proud of you.” Her squeals turned to choking back tears. “Tell me more about it.”
“Well, it’s in Milan. It’s a huge stepping stone, more like a rocket ship to better opportunities. I would get to meet bigger designers and maybe start working on my own line. It could be amazing.”
“So, when do you leave?”
“Umm…” How did I tell my mom I hadn’t accepted yet? I couldn’t even explain to myself why I’d held back. I was so excited when it was a possibility, but once it became tangible, I hesitated. But at the thought of leaving Cincinnati, my heart pinched. “I haven’t accepted it just yet.”
There was a pause. “What?”
I felt her disappointment as if she was sitting right next to me. I was taught to take an opportunity and never doubt a decision that made me a more successful woman. Accepting the position should’ve been a no-brainer.
“I haven’t accepted it yet,” I repeated quietly.
“Why?” Her proud, excited voice had turned hard and skeptical.
“I don’t know, Mom. I just need a minute to think about it. Cincinnati is my home and I have family here.”
“Evelyn.” Just my name and I felt the reprimand for having any self-doubt. “You are your home. You are your own family. Not even your own mother should tie you down. You are Evelyn Valero; you wait for no one.”
Her familiar mantra washed over me, making me even more confused about why I felt so hesitant to accept the position. Jameson’s face flashed in my mind, and the way he jokingly asked me to stay. But I couldn’t mention him then and associate him with the reason I wasn’t jumping all over the position. I could only imagine how my mom would handle that.
Thankfully, I pulled up to King’s for our Sunday lunch so I had a valid excuse to get off the phone without further discussion.
“Yeah,” I threw away, lacking any commitment to accepting her words. “Thanks for your support, Mom. But I’m pulling up to where I need to be. I’ll call you again soon.”
“Oh, one more thing. I booked my flight and will be in late Friday night for your birthday. I can’t wait to see you. I miss you.” Her excitement was back. My mom rarely took time off from work, so her doing so for me made my heart fill with gratitude.
“Yay! I can’t wait to see you. It’s been a while.” We had done Thanksgiving, but she was on a business trip over Christmas and then it was summer. I didn’t always, but at that moment, I missed my mom. “Just message me your flight info and I’ll come get you.”
“Oh, don’t be silly, Evie. I’ll hire a car to come get me. You know I can take care of myself.” My mom was stubborn about every aspect of her life. She was always in control. She didn’t even want to rely on her own daughter to pick her up.
“Okay, Mom. I’ll talk to you soon. Love you.”
“Love you, too. Think hard about this opportunity. Don’t ever question yourself.” And with that, she hung up.
Placing the car in park, I took a deep cleansing breath. The whole possibility of Italy filled me with both excitement and this odd heaviness that sat wrong on my chest. I needed more time to think about it.
With a death grip on the steering wheel, I looked up at the King’s sign and it lightened the load I was feeling. This was my home, and these were the people that made me feel better.
At least for the time being.
Walking in, I was greeted with everyone laughing over a story Jack was sharing. “What did I miss out on?”
“Oh, nothing. Jack was just telling us about one of his cases,” Luella explained. Jack owned his own security/private investigations firm and from time to time shared an interesting case he was dealing with.
“Ooo, was it a desperate wife who needed your help catching her cheating husband?”
“Ha! You know I don’t take those cases,” Jack laughed.
“You should. It would make stories at our lunches so much more interesting. Maybe you could catch a husband having sex with the lawn boy. Who knows?!”
“Maybe I’ll take one just for you.”
“You’re too good to me, Jack. Luella you’re lucky you snatched him up. I might have found him and forced him to take me on ride-alongs.” I winked. “If you catch my drift.”
“Hey now,” Jameson said, standing up from his chair, meeting me halfway. “I’ll take you on a ride-along any time you want.” His arms wrapped around me and he leaned down to place a slow, deep kiss on my lips.
“Damn, Jamie-Boy. You sure know how to greet a lady,” I said breathlessly.
“Gross. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to seeing my brother make out with my best friend.”
Jameson moved behind me, gripping my hips and pulling me back so he could mock-thrust against me. “Oh come on, Lu. Making out is the least graphic thing we do. Evie and I like to get freaky.”
Luella’s face scrunched up into one of horror before slapping a hand over her eyes. “Oh, God. Stop. Please, you win!”
With a laugh, I swatted him away and moved to our seats.
“This game became a whole lot more fun when I could actually get back at you,” Jameson said to Lu. “Now, if only I could do something to get back at you,” he joked, turning to me.
“Oh, honey. You’ll never be able to get me.”
He laughed and leaned in to kiss my temple and then whisper in my ear. “Oh, I already have you.”
“Alright, that’s enough.” Lu threw her hands, halting anymore kissing. “What’s going on with everyone? What’s new?”
“My sister, Juliana, is moving up here next month and will be staying with us while she looks for a job.” Jack piped in first.
“That’s exciting.” I said, and gave Lu a look in question.
“No, it’s great. We talked it over. I’m happy to help her out, and it will be nice to have another girl in the house for a little bit. Maybe it will keep Jack in line.”
“You can never keep me in line,” Jack growled, kissing Lu’s cheek.
Jameson rolled his eyes and changed the subject. “I’ve officially started looking at buildings to open a second, bigger King’s.”
I was so proud of him for taking the step toward a dream he’d had for a while. He had set up a meeting with the realtor to sign on the dotted line and had already began laying out a plan with the brewer to start getting things set up for their partnership. The owners of the building were pushing him to open sooner because his bar so close to the apartments made them more desirable.
My boyfriend was a hot commodity.
And that word no longer freaked me out. He was my boyfriend, and it was nicer than I was expecting it to be. Over the past month, he slept at my place on nights he didn’t work at King’s, and on other nights I would stay with him. But on the nights I needed space, he gave it to me. It was so much easier than I thought it would be. I had been sure I’d lose a part of myself when I started seeing someone, but instead I felt more co
mfortable in my own skin. He completed something about me that I didn’t know was missing.
Lu stood up from her chair and clapped excitedly as she moved to Jameson, falling forward to give him a huge hug. “I’m so excited for you. You have put off your own dreams for too long. I can’t believe King’s is going to expand.”
“Well, it hasn’t yet. We still have a lot of work to do.” Jameson laughed, returning his sister’s hug.
“We?” Lu questioned, moving back to her own seat again.
“Yeah.” Jameson’s hand reached for mine resting on the table. “Evelyn has helped me look at a couple spaces. I figure her eye for design could help me make a decision.”
“I tried to tell him, my fashion design wouldn’t help his interior design, but he refused to listen.”
“Don’t talk down about your skills. You’re amazing at seeing things in a new light. I need that when visiting a space,” Jameson refuted, warming my heart.
“So what about you Evie? What’s new with you?” Lu asked.
“Well,” I sat up taller, both excited and nervous about sharing my news. “I got a call from that huge designer that I told you about. She said she saw my online designs and liked my work and wanted me to come to Milan to work on a line with her. She said if it worked out, she would want to extend the internship past two months.”
Lu’s jaw dropped before spreading into a huge smile, her eyes filling with tears. “Evie.”
“Are you going to cry?” I asked, laughing.
“No. I’m just so damn proud of you. You are so amazing and that bitch would be lucky to have you. I just don’t know how I feel about her taking you away.”
“That’s impressive,” Jack chimed in.
Turning to see Jameson’s reaction, I was greeted with a proud smile. But when I looked deeper in his eyes, I saw fear. “It’s a great opportunity.”
But I heard it. The doubt and fear about what that would mean for us. I returned his smile, but I knew my eyes let on to how confused I was about my decision. “Thank you.”
“Have you made a decision yet?” Jameson asked, knowing I had been putting it off.