Unholy Birth

by Andrew Neiderman

  “Not yet. I will when I get home.”

  “You’re going home?”

  “Yes. I’d better take it easy nevertheless and besides, the way you’re going here, I’d be starved to death by the time you decided to eat.”

  She laughed, hugged me, kissed my cheek, and whispered, “My beautiful prospective new mother.” She kissed me again and returned to her work. I told myself I should be grateful she was so busy she couldn’t be despondent about my failure to get pregnant and my need to continue this insemination process. I had half expected her to throw up her hands and say forget it, it ain’t meant to be, but she had yet to even suggest such a thing.

  My drive home was uneventful, but I did drive faster than I normally did. As soon as I got home, I looked for the meat loaf, smelled it, and smiled. The aroma was delicious. I got started on reheating it and changed quickly into a robe. My skirt actually made pink ripples in my skin. How could I have grown too wide for this skirt so quickly? I wondered. My stomach hadn’t receded either. The bloating was not a simple, temporary event. I was actually showing like someone who was pregnant, I thought, and now my legs looked bigger, too.

  A thought occurred to me so fast I wondered why I hadn’t considered it before. I went right to the phone and called Dr. Aaron. As soon as she picked up the receiver, I rattled it all off to her and ended with, “So, do you think it’s possible you misread the results?”

  “I don’t think that’s possible, Kate. We don’t read them once only.”

  “But…”

  “Please come see me. I can feel your anxiety and I’d like to help relieve your tension. Will you come tomorrow?”

  “Yes,” I said, and she gave me an appointment.

  I couldn’t help feeling a deeper disappointment. I had harbored the hope that she would tell me it was possible, the results could have been misread. She would retest and then a wonderful thing would occur, my pregnancy would be confirmed. Another fantasy, Kate Dobson? I asked myself, and turned to my dinner.

  Normally, I hated eating alone. For one thing, when I ate alone, I usually ate too quickly. It was more like eating than dining, doing something necessary for life and health and not something enjoyable. Willy loved to make that distinction with the hope that our work, our catered food was treated with respect and not brought in and eaten “like some fast-food take-out.” In fact, although she was disdainful of religion, she was fond of saying that good food was a gift from God. The one and perhaps only thing she liked about the world’s various religions was the emphasis their holidays put on festive dining, convivial dining wherein families, friends, anyone was brought closer together because of the food.

  “Take all the hocus-pocus out,” she told me, “and all the holidays make sense.”

  “If you take out what you call the hocus-pocus, you take out the reason for the holidays.”

  “Food should be reason enough,” she quipped. She loved goading some of our more religious friends into these arguments.

  I thought about all that as I sat alone in our dining room and began eating the meat loaf Eve had prepared. It was so good, I really thought it was like a religious experience. I had to give the devil her due. I would have to compliment her. She had definitely outdone anything I had created or prepared.

  I drank some wine and had some of the honey-wheat loaf we made in our own plant. I was enjoying my meal so much, I didn’t even consider that I was eating alone. Strangely, I felt as if I weren’t alone anyway. I even talked to myself aloud just the way I would if someone was sitting across from me. Was I becoming a schizophrenic? I laughed at myself, drank some more wine and definitely overate or what I would normally consider overeating. It was weird. I didn’t feel full. I stopped because the sight of most of the meat loaf already gone surprised me. Once again, I had eaten so ravenously, I had lost track of what I was consuming.

  Maybe I have been overeating, I thought. Maybe what I told Dr. Aaron wasn’t entirely true. There was a logical reason for my weight gain. It was all going to my midsection. After all, if I put together the calories of the bars I ate at the plant, the food and wine, I was way beyond my usual intake. There was nothing mysterious here, I told myself. You’ve become a little hog.

  I rose and cleaned up and then poured myself something I never cared to have before, a créme de menthe over a scoop of vanilla ice cream, and went out to the pool to lounge and relax while the night sky gave birth to more and more stars. For a little while, because I was so contented, I felt guilty about enjoying myself so much while Willy worked slave hours at the plant. Before this, neither of us would ever think of leaving the other behind to work and work while she relaxed unconcerned.

  It was easy to rationalize away the guilt, however. I had been undergoing a very traumatic experience. I had been on an emotional roller coaster and it had and continued take a toil. Willy would just have to put up with my self-centeredness for a while. After all, when the insemination took, we would become more than a couple. Both of us would have to make sacrifices. No matter what she said at the end, she apparently had come to the point where she wanted this as much as I did, I thought and closed my eyes.

  I almost fell into a deep sleep, but the phone rang. We had extension line outside so I rose and, feeling a little groggy, went to the receiver hanging on the outside wall. It’s probably Willy checking up to see if I was okay, I thought, and smiled to myself as I said hello.

  “Get an abortion,” I heard.

  “What?”

  “Before it’s too late. Get an abortion.”

  Even though I heard the caller hang up, I shouted, “Who the hell is this?”

  I stood there with the receiver in my hand, my heart pounding.

  And then I felt it again.

  A stirring in my abdomen as if there really was a fetus developing within me and it had heard the threat and woke with terror inside my womb.

  12.

  WILLY AND EVE WERE THERE so quickly I thought they must have broken a speed record on their way home. I had retreated to our bedroom and closed the door. I was actually shivering and had a blanket wrapped around me. They both stood in the doorway gaping in at me. I was sure I was a sight, my hair wild, my face flushed.

  “What happened?” Willy asked. I had babbled it so quickly and incoherently when I called her that she didn’t fully grasp what I was saying. She just said she would be right home.

  As calmly as I could, I described the phone call and the warning.

  “You didn’t recognize the voice?” she asked.

  “No. Who do we know who would do such a thing anyway? One of your many jealous admirers, maybe?” I asked her, my voice dripping with sarcasm.

  She smirked and glanced at Eve.

  “Don’t be a cunt, Kate,” she said.

  “Well, who would do it?” I screamed back.

  “My sister-in-law had something similar happen to her,” Eve told me in a little more than a whisper.

  “What? Why do you mean something similar?”

  “They really should warn you about it before they sign you up,” she added. She looked at Willy. “All these insemination companies are aware of them.”

  “Of whom?” I demanded. I could feel the strain in my neck. “What the hell are you talking about?”

  “Take it easy,” Willy said, moving closer to me. “I’m sure you’re making much more of this than needs to be and you’re going to get yourself into a terrible state.”

  “I already am in a terrible state,” I said. “It wasn’t just what he said. It was the way he said it. That voice…like a voice from a nightmare.”

  “Kate…”

  “No, Willy, you didn’t hear it. I did.”

  “Okay, okay, I believe you.”

  “So aware of whom?” I asked Eve, trying to sound a little less frantic.

  “There’s some right-wing religious group who believes this whole insemination process, using sperm like this, is unholy. They’re a branch of the same people who fight abor
tion, stem cell research, et cetera, fanatics who have gotten a taste of power and have become bolder and bolder. They threaten everyone, doctors included.”

  I thought for a moment, wondering how she knew all this, and then I widened my eyes with suspicion.

  “Could they have had anything to do with what happened to your sister because she went through a similar insemination process? Could they have anything to do with her dying in childbirth?”

  “Kate.”

  “Let her speak,” I snapped back. Willy actually took a step in retreat.

  “I told you about that, Kate,” Eve said.

  “You didn’t tell me why she died, just that she died in childbirth. I should have asked for some details, but I didn’t want to hear anything that would change my mind,” I admitted. “So? What happened to her, exactly?”

  “She died of an aneurysm bursting as a result of her efforts with the delivery. It happens rarely, but it happens,” Eve said softly, looking to Willy as she spoke. I had the sense that they had spoken of this before and Willy knew all the grisly details. They had decided they would avoid telling me probably for the very reason I avoided asking about it, but Eve obviously felt that telling me now was the lesser evil. “As far as I know, no one can induce such a thing.”

  “How often did they…bother her?” I asked.

  “I don’t know. My brother didn’t know all of it, perhaps. My sister-in-law wasn’t the type to panic or put any worry on anyone else,” she added.

  I couldn’t help but feel it was a little dig at me. She saw it in my face.

  “Not that it was a wise thing for her to do,” she added quickly. “She should have spoken up more often and not taken so much on herself. The stress didn’t do her any good, I’m sure. Besides, we’re here to help. We’re your fortress, Kate,” she added. “It’s not going to happen to you. We’ll make sure of that.”

  Willy nodded.

  Since when did Eve take such a commanding position? I wondered, but I did like what she was saying.

  “I’m not even pregnant!” I cried. “Why would they call and say such a thing?”

  “How would they know if you were or weren’t?” Eve said softly.

  “She’s right, Kate. They just assume.”

  “We find out who did that or see someone bothering you, that person will be dog food,” Eve said.

  “I wouldn’t do that to a dog,” Willy said.

  “Food for worms, then.”

  I felt myself calming. The shivering stopped so I lowered the blanket and sat up to run my fingers through my hair and brush back the strands dangling over my face.

  “How did they, could they have found out about me?” I asked.

  Willy shook her head and looked at Eve, who had suddenly become our resident expert on fanatics.

  “They might have spies, someone on the inside in these places or maybe someone you’ve spoken to here blabbed it openly in a public place and one of them happened to overhear it. Then their attack dogs were triggered.”

  “You make them sound like the CIA. They’re that organized?”

  “Apparently,” Eve said. “I really don’t know all that much about them, Kate, just the little I was able to glean from my sister-in-law.”

  “What about now? Are they still bothering your brother?”

  “He hasn’t said anything about it to me.” After a moment she added, “Remember, I told you he remarried and then soon after that, he moved.”

  “Moved?”

  “Even with a new wife, he had a hard time remaining in the same house, the memories. So, he picked up and took his family to Wyoming. He’s living in Jackson. I haven’t spoken to him for a while.”

  “So you don’t know if they followed him there or if they are still bothering him?”

  She stared, silently.

  “If this happens again, we should call the police,” Willy muttered. “Harassment.”

  “Never mind that. Eve’s right. Why didn’t Lois Matthews tell us about them?” I wondered aloud.

  “Maybe her company hasn’t had any problems with them,” Willy said. Eve nodded.

  “I doubt that. Genitor seems to be growing more and more according to what she told us. They stand out and if these people are targeting such companies and women who use their services, she must know about them. It’s upsetting to know she knew but didn’t at least give us some warning, Willy.”

  She sighed and nodded.

  “Don’t jump to conclusions. I’ll get on the phone with her.”

  “Let me make you some herbal tea,” Eve said. “Just try to relax you.”

  I leaned back on the pillow and then I sat up quickly.

  “Wait. What about that man?”

  “What man?”

  “The man in black, the one who stepped in front of me when I was driving, the one I saw at Roger’s, the one who almost ran Eve over at Dr. Aaron’s? Could he be one of them?”

  Willy shook her head.

  “Bastards. See what’s happening? They’ll turn her into a paranoid,” she told Eve.

  “As far as I know,” Eve said, “they just try to intimidate. They haven’t hurt anyone physically.”

  “As far as you know. You did say you don’t know all that much about them and your sister-in-law hid most of it.”

  “What do you want to do, Kate, go into hiding until you get pregnant and give birth, for Christsake? We’ll make sure to stick closer to you.”

  I looked at her.

  “Call Lois Matthews,” I said. “See what she tells you now.”

  “All right. Make her some tea,” she told Eve, and walked out.

  “Sorry,” Eve said. “Sorry these people have risen so boldly in this country.”

  “How do you know it’s only in this country?” I muttered.

  “I don’t. I’ll make you some tea,” she said, then left.

  The movement in my stomach hadn’t reoccurred, but I did want to discuss it with Dr. Aaron. I just didn’t want to do it in Willy’s presence. She thought I was neurotic already as it was. A minute or so later, she stuck her head in the doorway and told me to pick up the phone.

  “Lois wants to speak with you.”

  I picked up the receiver next to me and said hello.

  “I’m so sorry, Kate. I should have warned you about the possibility. We haven’t had anything like this happen for a while so I thought these people had gone on to plague some other company. We’ve assured ourselves that there is no one working for us that is in any way connected with them, but when you deal with so many different people…some relative of one of our clients could be involved, for all we know.”

  “At least if I had known they existed, I wouldn’t have been so upset by the call.”

  “Yes, of course. It’s all my fault. We’ve discussed this before at Genitor and my colleagues are willing to provide you with some security.”

  “Security?”

  “Absolutely. I’m going to have someone see you tomorrow to set up surveillance and give you some peace of mind. I know how trying to become pregnant can make you anxious in and of itself, much less have something like this occur.”

  “So no other client of yours has had this happen recently?”

  “No, not for some time actually. If she has, she hasn’t let us know like you did.”

  “I just thought that…”

  “Not that I’m complaining. I’m grateful. The quicker we show these people they can’t intimidate us, the better it is for my company as well as for our clients. We have a big interest in your success, remember?”

  “Okay.”

  “There’ll be someone there first thing in the morning. Let me know if there is anything else I can do. Don’t hesitate for a second.”

  “Thank you,” I said.

  “No, thank you, Kate. It’s disgusting. It makes me sick to my stomach. I’ll be up to see you soon. I have another potential client in Palm Springs.”

  “Oh?”

  “That’s all I can say
about her.”

  “I understand.”

  “Except it has something to do with you indirectly. As I was hoping it would. Word of mouth is the best advertising.”

  “Word of mouth? I can’t recall telling anyone any details about my insemination, much less mentioning your company, Lois.”

  “No mystery. She heard you were trying to get pregnant through insemination and went on a search to find us. See you soon,” she added. “And once again, I’m sorry about all this.”

  “Thank you,” I said.

  “Well?” Willy asked seconds after I hung up.

  I told her about the security company being assigned to me through Genitor.

  “That’s only right,” she said. “I like Lois and was just as disturbed as you were that she hadn’t mentioned the lunatics,” Willy said.

  Eve came in behind her with my cup of tea.

  “I put a little honey it for you,” she said.

  “Thanks.”

  “Genitor is assigning some security to us,” Willy told her.

  “Great. My sister-in-law never mentioned anything like that. I don’t think she was with a company half as efficient or as responsible.”

  I sipped my tea.

  “Lois told me they have another client from Palm Springs. She thought it had something to do with us, word of mouth. Did either of you mention Genitor to anyone?”

  “Not me,” Willy said.

  “No, but they’re becoming more and more well known in the field.”

  “Yes,” I said. “Lois thinks she found them on the Internet because we did reveal I was trying to inseminate.”

  No one spoke for a moment.

  “You guys should eat dinner,” I said.

  “Meaning you have already?”

  “That meat loaf was delicious, Eve.”

  “Oh, I’m so glad.”

  “I’m afraid I didn’t leave much.”

  “We brought home some steaks,” Willy said.

  “I’ll get right on it,” Eve said, and left.

  Willy came to the bed and sat at my feet.

  “I don’t know why people just can’t leave other people be. Freedom and independence is in a life-and-death struggle in the one place the world thought it would flourish. How did this all turn?”