Playing For Her Heart

by Megan Erickson

  “And we’re not suffering?” her mom asked.

  Chloe looked at her mother. Really looked her. Celeste Talley had always been a beautiful woman. Maybe a little regal. And now her hair was streaked with gray. Her face lined, the skin of her neck wrinkled and loose. Her hands—it was always the hands that showed age first—were lined with veins.

  Her father, Martin Talley, was the same—wrinkled face, bifocals resting on the tip of his nose as he eyed Chloe from across the table. He walked stiffer now, his back bothering him.

  They were good parents, if not a little strict. But they were still their own people. They weren’t perfect and they held grudges. And sometimes those grudges were against their own children.

  She wanted to yell at them, to tell them they weren’t following the script. That they should be gathering their remaining children close and cherishing them. That they were slowly killing Ethan. She hadn’t done any of that. She hadn’t told them the truth. She’d tried to shove Ethan at them, force-feed them a new relationship. And that wasn’t working at all. All she was doing was breaking her own heart in the process.

  She dropped her fork onto her plate and willed the tears to stay at bay. She couldn’t think of a single thing to say to her parents in that moment.

  The doorbell rang.

  Her father frowned and stood up. “I’ll get it.”

  Chloe watched her mother, who took a sip of her water, then touched her hair as if to compose herself.

  There was the sound of the front door. A murmur of male voices. Then her father poked his head into the kitchen. “Visitor here. For Chloe.”

  Chloe frowned. No one knew she was here. No one but Ethan…

  “Who is it?” she asked, wiping her mouth and standing up.

  “One of Ethan’s friends. But he says he’s here to see you.”

  Chloe tripped on the chair leg and had to grab the table to steady herself. Ethan had about two friends. Grant and Austin. And she doubted Austin was here to see her…

  When she walked into the living room, Grant was standing with his back to her, peering at the pictures on the fireplace mantel. She stopped abruptly and stared.

  She felt like a teenager whose prom date had just shown up.

  Except she was wearing a pair of cutoff jean shorts and an oversize T-shirt, he was wearing a pair of cargo shorts, and they’d previously had dirty sex in a nightclub supply closet.

  Okay, so maybe it wasn’t like the prom-date thing at all.

  She stood there frozen as Grant turned around to face her.

  Her parents were in the kitchen behind her, talking quietly, which was nice because it gave her a chance to greet Grant without an audience.

  It’d only been a couple of days since she’d seen him, but yet seeing his face made her want to leap into his arms. And it kind of hit her like a brick wall how much she wanted to do that as Chloe. Not in any sort of role, but as herself. She wanted to leap to see if he’d catch her.

  It’d been Grant who’d called her beautiful and Grant that made her come so hard she saw stars. And it was Grant who’d asked her for more. For a chance to try.

  It’d been a long time since she trusted her own instincts, before she allowed herself to do what was in her heart and not worry about everyone else. A minute ago, she’d wanted to cry. But just the sight of Grant was enough to flip her emotions to the other extreme. She didn’t know why he was here, but it didn’t matter because he was.

  And in that moment, her instinct was to grab Grant’s hand and kiss him hard. Really hard. And maybe nibble on that chin and chap her lips on his scruff. Yeah, that sounded good.

  She took off at a run in her bare feet. Grant’s eyes widened, but he must’ve known what was coming, because he braced himself with a foot behind him, his hands out, as she took a jump and slammed into him.

  He caught her.

  His arms wrapped around her, and she hooked her ankles around his waist.

  And then she was kissing him. She, Chloe Talley, was kissing the Ken-like Grant Osprey and it was everything she hadn’t imagined she’d ever have.

  Because Grant was kissing back, chuckling into her mouth, the vibration tickling her tongue until she was laughing herself.

  He pulled back, his eyes sparkling. “Goddamn, it’s good to hear you laugh.”

  She pressed her lips together, her shoulders still shaking.

  He raised his eyebrows. “And honestly, I think this should be a new rule.”

  “What should?”

  “Every time you see me, I expect a running leap.”

  “I did a pretty good job, didn’t I? Like a gazelle.”

  He threw back his head and boomed a laugh at the ceiling. “Exactly like a gazelle, sweetheart.”

  As he helped her down, he stepped back and surveyed her outfit. She stared at her bare feet, toenails painted a pale pink.

  “Damn you look sweet, Chloe.” His voice was a whisper, and she lifted her gaze to his.

  “You look pretty sweet yourself.” She brushed his hand with hers. “How did you know I was here?”

  He scratched the back of his head, his mouth quirking into a nervous grin. “I, uh, went to Ethan.”

  “Y-you what?”

  “Hey, don’t act so surprised. You beat me to the punch line by telling him about us.”

  “Wh—”

  “I went there, freaking out. Did this whole big-speech thing and then found out you’d already told him about us. You could have given me a heads-up,” he groused.

  He was pouting, just a little bit, and she found it adorable. “I’m sorry. I…had a lot to talk to him about.”

  He grabbed her hand. “It’s okay. I’m glad you told him. Because then I knew where to find you. Thought you’d throw me out, so the leap thing was welcome.”

  “Why’d you come?”

  “Because…” He squeezed her hand. “I can’t imagine how hard this is for you. Ethan not speaking to your parents. Being here, where you grew up. And…Samantha.” He blew out a breath. “I wanted you to know that I’m thinking of you. And you’re not alone. And if there’s anything I can do, I’m all yours.”

  I’m all yours. His warm hand grasping hers, his voice, his smile, everything reminded her of why she was here.

  “But why?” she asked. “Why do you want to be there for me? I’m a mess.”

  He squeezed her hand. “Because I care about you.” He kissed her forehead. “Because I think you have the biggest heart of anyone I’ve ever met.” He kissed each eyelid, then the tip of her nose. “And I tried so fucking hard not to, but I think I’m falling in love with you, Chloe.”

  She sucked in a breath at his words, reeling from what they all meant. When she spoke, her voice shook. “You’re falling in love with Sari and Sara. Not Chloe.”

  He sighed, and his lips twisted into a small smile. “They’re all a part of you. I’m not separating them. Chloe, I don’t give a fuck what roles you played with me. That was your body and your mind and that was all you, the same woman who loves her family so much she’s placed all their problems on her shoulders. The woman who does penetrative testing.”

  Chloe pressed her lips together to suppress a smile. He must have caught it because he grinned and kept talking. “The woman who drives me out of my mind. They are all you. And I’m falling in love with every piece of you.”

  Never in her life did Chloe think that was a speech she’d hear. Not by a man as good as Grant, as amazing as Grant. Her whole body felt hot and electric, like a live wire. And really, the only way to celebrate was to…well, kiss him.

  As Chloe.

  So she grabbed the back of his head and didn’t let go. She parted her lips and the kiss deepened. And then she…lost it. Because this was her, Chloe, pouring her heart into his mouth, down his throat. He clutched her to his chest and held her face in the palm of his hot hand. And he returned the kiss as passionately as she was giving it.

  And fuck, if this was how they kissed as Grant and Chloe, s
he couldn’t wrap her brain around how they’d make love as Grant and Chloe. She wanted to get naked now, and might have if she wasn’t standing in her parents’ living room.

  She broke the kiss and Grant panted against her lips. “Tell me this isn’t just me. Tell me you’re falling for me, too, Chloe.”

  When she licked her lips, her tongue touched his. “It’s not just you, Grant. It’s not just you.”

  His fingers flexed against the skin of her cheek “You working on reclaiming your heart for yourself? Because it’s yours, Chloe. It’s yours and not anyone else’s.”

  “You still want some of my heart if I give it to you?” she asked.

  “I’ll just borrow,” he said softly. “And I’ll take good care of it.”

  “There’s one thing yet I have to do,” she said, slowly separating her body from his. “I’m sorry because I don’t know if it’s fair to ask you to wait—”

  “I’ve waited thirty-two years for you. I can wait a little longer, okay?”

  He was better than Ken, way better. “Okay.”

  He gestured toward a foil-covered dish on the coffee table. “Those are from Sydney. She made chocolate-chip-cookie bars. I’ll, uh, leave them here.”

  “You don’t have to leave, I—”

  “I’ll say hi to your parents, and then I’ll leave. It’s okay. There are some things I can do in town before I head back tomorrow. I’m staying over at the Comfort Inn off Monroe Street. I just wanted to see you.” His lips quirked. “Touch you.”

  “I liked seeing you and touching you.”

  He smiled and pressed his forehead to hers.

  Her parents wandered in from the kitchen then, and she introduced Grant as “the man she’d been dating.” Which sounded lame and was slightly inaccurate, but she didn’t have a better explanation, or one she could say in front of her parents.

  But now Chloe thought maybe…they had been dating, just in a very unconventional way. Despite their roles, she felt like she knew Grant enough to want to know him better. And she figured that was half the battle with dating anyway.

  Then tension in the room lingered, especially when Grant mentioned he owned a business with Ethan.

  Months ago, even weeks ago, Chloe would have been embarrassed at her parents’ reaction to Ethan’s name. She would have tried to smooth it over while her heart cracked under the strain.

  But Grant was there, his hand in hers, his presence reminding her that it was time to give up the responsibility she’d unnecessarily taken on herself. It wasn’t about her, what happened between Ethan and her parents.

  When she walked Grant to the front door, he kissed her, a chaste one on her lips. “I’ll wait for you,” he said quietly. And she nodded, barely restraining herself from running after him as he walked out the door.

  But she needed more time. And she wasn’t finished with her parents yet.

  After Grant left, Chloe wandered into the backyard of her parents’ house to look for her parents. They lived on an acre of property. When she was little, her mother’s backyard garden had been small, mostly located along the back of the house, so that the kids could play in the rest of it without messing up Mom’s flowers.

  Once all three children left the nest, her mom had reclaimed the backyard. The entire backyard. There were a couple of stone paths and some trees with patches of grass surrounding the base but the rest of the backyard was full of flower beds. Some were full of wildflowers, free and without too much fussing, while other beds were carefully laid out and tended to.

  Chloe ran her hand over a tall bunch of zebra grass, the blades tickling her palm.

  “So you’re happy in Willow Park?” her mom asked, perched on a stone bench along the edge of the walk.

  “Yes, I like it. There’s a great market where I can get fresh produce grown locally. I might sign up for a CSA next year.” She was kind of babbling. “And I like being near Ethan.”

  Her mother turned away.

  Chloe took a deep breath, remembering Grant’s hand in hers. She needed to take back her life, her heart. And she had to be honest. “Mom, you’re losing Ethan, you know.”

  Her mother didn’t move, not even a twitch, as she gazed away from Chloe, looking over her garden.

  “You and Dad know that, right? You lost a daughter, and by continuing this…silent treatment, you’re losing your son, too.”

  A muscle twitched in her mother’s neck. It was something.

  Chloe stepped forward and sat on the bench beside her mother. “I’m sorry for that. I’m so sorry this all happened, but it did. Samantha’s gone.” Her mother’s body shuddered and Chloe placed her hand over her mother’s where it rested on her thigh. “I can’t do this anymore, though, this running around, mending holes in this family, because no matter how hard I try, I’m not the one who can fix it.”

  Her mother finally turned her head. Pale eyes watery. “I know you’ve been trying, Chloe.”

  “You do?” Resentment bubbled up, but she forced it down. “And you let me scramble and stress and worry?”

  Her mother shook her head, blinking rapidly now. “I thought that’s what you wanted, that it gave you a purpose—”

  “Sure it gave me a purpose, but it was also slowly chipping away at me. And it took a hell of a lot for me to realize that if I didn’t stop taking on this responsibility, that’d it would kill me.”

  Her mother turned then, her eyes wide I alarm. “I had no idea it was like that for you.”

  “Well now you know. And unless you want to lose me, too, I’m done. I’m done trying to fix you and Dad and Ethan. I can’t control that. I can control me, though, and I’m taking back that control so I can finally be happy.”

  “I want you to be happy, I…” Her mother seemed at a loss for words.

  “This is why I avoided saying all this to you, and to Ethan. Because the last thing I wanted to do was add more guilt and more sadness and more emotion, but I can’t do it anymore, Mom.”

  Her mother embraced her. “I’m sorry.”

  Chloe closed her eyes and hugged back. “I am, too.” She pulled back. “So you and Ethan…I’m stepping away from it. I love you and Dad. I love Ethan. I can love you separately.”

  Her mother’s lip shifted. “It’s complicated. I…don’t know what we’re able to do. The pain is too much still.”

  Chloe knew all about pain. “I know, Mom. I know.” Her parents weren’t going to repair their relationship with Ethan for her. They had to do it because they wanted to. So Chloe was done trying to mend holes with thin threads that broke every time she tied them.

  When she left her parents’ house that evening, she was still in mourning, but at least she was doing something. Chloe mourned her sister, she mourned the death of the family she once had. Samantha’s death had ripple effects Chloe wasn’t sure anyone was prepared for. And now Chloe realized she had to let go. Release her fingers where she’d been white-knuckling her hold on the family she had before, the family she’d never get back. And she had to fall.

  She hoped she landed on her feet. And she hoped Grant was there at the bottom like he said he’d be.

  Time to find out.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Grant leaned back against the pillows on the hotel bed that night and flicked through the channels. The remote wasn’t working well; the batteries were probably dying. He smacked it a couple of times on his palm. He stretched his arm over his head and crossed his legs. He’d changed into a pair of sweatpants and nothing else, determined to lay on this bed and do absolutely nothing until he fell asleep.

  There wasn’t much on TV—movies he’d seen a dozen times, a baseball game he didn’t care about. If he hadn’t just hung up the phone with Sydney, he’d call her again. Except that was pretty lame. She was in the middle of movie night with Ethan, so she didn’t need her bored dad cramping her style.

  He knew now that it was the right decision to go after Chloe today. The look on her face when she’d seen him… He wished he’d
had a camera. And now, he’d give her time. She hadn’t pushed him away, she’d given him hope. So he’d head home tomorrow, and hopefully Chloe would show up. Hopefully.

  There was a knock on his hotel room door. He frowned and then climbed off the bed to pad toward the door. He didn’t remember ordering anything. He had plenty of towels.

  He opened the door a crack and peered out into the hallway.

  His heart soared quickly and then plummeted just as fast.

  Sari stood in the hallway. She wore the same lace-up boots. That same skirt with the slit up the thigh. That same corset that made her breasts look fantastic. Her hair was long—fake this time—and her eyes were rimmed with a thick layer of eyeliner.

  Except…he didn’t want Sari.

  He wanted Chloe.

  “Can I come in?” she asked.

  His heart hurt. She didn’t get it. She still wanted games, but he was tired of them. After all they’d said to each other, after he’d chased her three hours to her parents’ house, she still showed up at his hotel dressed like someone else.

  He thought about closing the door in her face. He almost did. But instead he hung his head and stepped back, letting her pass.

  When she walked by him into the room, he smelled strawberries. And that hurt even more.

  He closed the door behind her and rested his hand against it, head bowed. This wasn’t what he wanted, not at all.

  There was a thump and he looked up. She dropped a leather bag on the bed and looked at him, twisting her hands nervously. “Hello.”

  “Hi,” his voice cracked. “Look, I—”

  “So I’m Sari,” she said.

  He swallowed, clenching his fists at his sides. He wanted to yell, to kick her out. But there was something in her voice…something he couldn’t place, which made him do nothing but nod.

  “This is Sari,” she said again, gesturing to her clothes.

  He nodded again.

  And that’s when she reached up and took her wig off.

  He couldn’t breathe; he couldn’t do anything but stand there as that black mop of hair fell to the floor at her feet. Then she took off her boots, slowly, unlacing them until they lay slumped under the desk and she stood in bare feet. The corset came off next, which she did herself this time, reaching behind her back, her brow furrowed as she unlaced it. That went on the desk carefully.