Our world was shrouded with a loss I’d never felt before, let alone imagined and yet with Hudson so close like this, I knew we’d be okay.
Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow, even.
But we still had something to fight for.
Something beautiful.
Something honest.
Something unending.
We were unending.
Him and I.
Epilogue
Hudson
One Year Later
“You’re home.” Her sweet voice met my ears mere seconds before long, slender arms wrapped around my neck and the soft, lush lips of my wife lifted to ghost over mine.
Damn, I thought to myself as I bound her to me with one arm while the other resting over her stomach, where I could feel the slight bump of her little belly underneath her sundress. Smiling against her teasing kisses, I smiled like the fool she made me.
We were having a fuckin’ baby.
We’d only found out a few weeks back, when my beautiful girl got car sick on the way to my parents house for Christmas dinner. She said it was nothing, that it would pass but something inside of me, I wasn’t sure what- had me insisting on making a stop at her doctors office to be sure she was okay. Thank God I had, because if not, I was sure we wouldn’t have caught on to her pregnancy until her next missed period. And we wouldn’t have this happiness like we had, now.
“I love that smile, Hud. Am I the one that put that there?” Her mouth was on my ear, teasing me with the warmth of her chest against mine and her sweet, vanilla scent wrapping around me, calling me home. Nodding, I dragged a hand through her short, blonde hair, loving the feel of the soft strands beneath my fingers. Shortly after finding out about her pregnancy, I’d finally done what I’d intended to do since our fight shortly before our wedding ceremony and quit my job at the station. Instead, I decided that I would stay home with our little babies, being a stay at home dad, just as my father was to me.
I remembered having my father at home as a boy and how he’d been there, every day. Never missing a moment. Never failing to show up when I needed him to. And seeing how driven my beautiful girl was in her nursing career, I wanted to give her the freedom to pursue it, even after our baby was born and any more we were blessed to have.
Thankfully, Emberly agreed to my plan and had even told the hospital of her plan to return to work full time at the hospital after our little baby was born.
“ How’s mama feeling today?” I asked lowly, tugging her hair back with one hand, I let my other splay over her cheek, needing those pretty eyes on me, again.
“Better now.” She sighed the words and frowning, I knew what that meant. Ever since we found out, she’d been having what one would call morning sickness. The thing was, it wasn’t just in the mornings that I’d find her sick and frail, in the bathroom that connected to our bedroom where she’d normally just tell me not to worry; that she’d be okay. I found her like that at all times of the day, at times and I hated it. Everything inside of me told me to do something in order to stop her sickness, no matter what it was.
I wanted to march her to her doctors office and demand that she be given something to stop the nausea and the recurring headaches she was plagued with. I wanted to protect and shield her from anything, absolutely anything that caused her even a little discomfort but my stubborn girl wouldn’t have it. And so, I just shook my head, bewildered and held her that much closer, thanking my stars that I’d found a woman as strong as her and knowing that no matter what laid ahead for us, we were blessed.
“Love you, Hudson.” She whispered in my ear, her head resting in her spot against my chest, right where she belonged. Forever.
“Love you, too, Mama. Now let me get you fed, yeah?”
Looking up at me with those bright, shining eyes filled with the love I never thought I’d be capable of, she just nodded.
Fuck, how I loved her.
Hudson
Eight Months Later
“I can’t wait to meet her.” Emberly said as I rubbed slow, little circles on her pregnant stomach, hoping it would help calm her nerves, even just a little.
“You mean him, Darlin’. You know I’m right.” Teasing her about the sex of our little baby had become my favorite past time over the length of her pregnancy and watching the spark of fire in her eyes made it well worth any sass she’d throw my way.
“Don’t you start, Hudson. I know it’s a girl, I dreamed it.”
“And if you dream something like that...”
“It comes true. Exactly.” She smiled wide as she finished my thought, something we’d started doing recently and though she thought it was cute, I just thought it cemented us that much more. We had been meant for each other from the very beginning and I was just grateful that my girl finally got it.
About damn time, wasn’t it?
“Where is he? I feel like he should’ve been in by now.”
Her eyes strayed from mine as she looked toward the opened door to her hospital room, where the nurse had left in order to find Emberly’s doctor, Dr. Vale. We’d been here for most of the night, after her water broke during dinner and I’d rushed her to the hospital, sure it was time. And do you know what my wife had done?
She’d laughed at me.
Damn woman.
“I’ll go see what the hold up is, baby. Just relax and do your breathing for me, okay?”
Nodding, she closes her eyes as I quietly leave the room and head toward the nurses desk, hoping for some answers. When I spot her doctor speaking in low tones with the same nurse that left our room, I frown. I may not be a doctor or know much about medical practice, for that matter, but my instincts were screaming that something was wrong.
“Doctor, what’s going on with my wife?”
At my curt words, Dr. Vale turns his head toward me and I could see how my size and demeanor had him shrinking into himself just from the look of me. Cursing internally, I force myself to calm down enough to talk to him, not wanting to delay Emberly treatment any more than it already had been.
“I was coming to see you, Mr. Lennox. It seems that your wife won’t be able to deliver her baby naturally.”
What the fuck?
It was then that the petite nurse standing behind him chimed in.
“I’m sorry, Mr. Lennox, I didn’t want to upset Emberly until I spoke with her doctor. It seems the baby is in breech. We’ll unfortunately need to perform a cesarean to ensure a safe and healthy birth.” All the blood drained from my face as I listened to her explain what would happen in the next few hours but none of it made a lick of sense. We’d had a healthy pregnancy and my beautiful girl had taken all of her vitamins as asked. Why was this happening to us? Why now?
“Will she be okay?” The question was spoken so low, I was sure neither of them would hear me but her doctor did. Placing a warm, firm hand on my shoulder, he merely nodded.
“Yes, your wife will be just fine. Let’s go speak to her together.”
Nodding, I followed him inside of the room, unsure if I was ready to watch her go under the knife, even if it was for our baby.
Emberly
“Hud?”
“I’m right here, baby. I’ve got you both.” He was leaning over one side of my hospital bed as I was wheeled toward the E.R. Where I’d meet my baby for the very first time.
God. I’d dreamed of this moment. I had wanted it for so long, so deeply and now, here I was, mere moments from meeting a little baby that was part Hudson, part me.
And I was scared shitless.
What if I messed this up?
What if something went wrong and we lost her?
Could we survive losing another baby that we loved so much?
Tears trickled down my cheeks at the thought and when I felt Hudson’s lips skimming their tracks, kissing away the evidence of my fears, I melted inside.
He wouldn’t let anything happen to us.
“I’ll be right there with you, Darlin’. I swear to yo
u, I won’t let anything bad happen.”
Looking up into his eyes, I knew he meant every word. Squeezing his hand as tightly as I could muster, I turned my head toward Dr. Vale.
“I’m ready.”
Hudson
1 Hour Later
“Somethings wrong, man. I can fucking feel it.” The weight of my best friend, Tristan’s hands on my shoulders seemed to be the only thing that grounded me as my heart splintered, the deeply ingrained instinct that something had gone wrong with my beautiful girl churning my gut, ripping me apart from the inside out.
Emberly had gone into surgery more than an hour ago and ever since then, the waiting room had been dead silent. Shouldn’t I have heard something by now?
Fuck! I was coming apart at the seams without the presence of my girl to calm me down.
“Calm down, man. She’s going to be fine.”
“Don’t fuckin’ know that.” I growled. In hindsight, I knew it wasn’t his fault. He was just as worried as I was. Hell, maybe even more so because he considered Emberly to be the sister he’d never had. He was a protector at heart and as our relationship grew over the past year, Tristan had stepped up in ensuring her safety when I couldn’t.
“Hudson-” He again, begun to admonish me and clenching my fists, I was ready to lay him a new one before the sound of a door closing down the hall halted my protests, all together.
Emberly.
I needed to focus on my Emberly.
Creak. Creak. Creak.
The white, linoleum floors beneath Dr. Vale’s feet creaked and moaned as he approached us, I grave, almost stricken look crossing his pale face.
No. My mind screamed, the fear of bad news coarsed through my veins like the worst of poisons.
I can’t do it, baby.
I pled to Emberly silently, needing her to hear me from wherever she was. Don’t you dare leave just yet. We have so much to do, to experience together and I’m not even close to having enough time with you...
“Mr. Lennox, your wife pulled through the C-section just fine. Mama and baby are strong and healthy.” Relief soared through me the second his words registered and swore, if Tristan hadn’t been there to grab my arms and keep me from falling to my knees in gratitude, I was sure I would have ended up on the floor.
“Oh, thank god. Can I see her? Can I see my wife?” Firing the questions at him, it was only when he solemnly shook his head that I realized something was, in fact, wrong.
My heart begun to race, then, the prospect of something being wrong with my angel threatening to stop its pace, all together.
“Spit it out, Doctor.”
“There was a complication, Mr. Lennox. After we delivered the baby, she begun to hemorrhage and as we worked on getting the bleeding to stop, she unfortunately went into cardiac arrest.” His voice was so flat, so emotionless, I had trouble understanding that what he was saying was true.
Hemorrhage.
Bleeding.
Cardiac Arrest...
Fuck! No no no no...
Not now, Emberly. Fuck, not yet; don’t leave me yet.
My hands gripped the sides of my head as my world shattered, my eyes closing of their own accord in hopes that it was all some sort of fucked up dream.
“She’s resting now and her vitals are all normal, Hudson. She’s going to be fine just like I said, alright?” It was Tristan’s voice, then that spoke news of her condition and it was only when he pressed his head against mine that I could breathe again.
She was going to be okay.
She had to be okay.
Right?
“Doctor, when can we see her?” I gritted the words through clenched teeth, the last shred of composure driving me forward. Once I saw her, I knew I would be okay.
If anyone could make this all okay, it was her.
“Follow me. One at a time, please.” Nodding, I didn’t have to look over my shoulder to know Tristan would let me go in first. He knew how I loved her, after all.
I’m coming baby. I pled to her within the dark, pained recesses of my mind, knowing somehow, someway, she’d hear me.
Emberly
48 Hours Later
My body felt like dead weight as I forced a strangled cough from my throat, the sensation of a breathing tube blocking my airways causing panic to rise.
What happened?
Was my baby okay?
Oh my god...
“My baby!” My voice came out a whisper of anguish and opening my eyes, the first person I saw was the very one my heart called out for.
“Shh, shh, Darlin’. I’m right here. I’m right fucking here.” In the time it took me to blink my swollen, tired eyes, he’d engulfed me in everything that was my husband, my love, my Hudson. His thick, muscular arms wrapped around me as much as they could with the wires that covered my hands and arms while his lips covered mine in the softest, sweetest and meaningful kiss we had shared yet.
“She’s perfect. She’s so damn perfect.” Gasping against his ardent kiss, I pushed at his hard chest, needing his eyes on me when he told us about her.
“She’s okay? Are you sure?” Grasping his shoulders with desperate fervor, the fear for our tiny, baby girl sung through me like a living, breathing thing.
Oh my god.
I’d been right.
We had a girl!
“I’ll bring her in in just a few minutes, baby. I swear. I just wanted a little time with my girl first.” Smiling widely, I laughed when he bathed my upturned face in sweet kisses not stopping until I slapped at his chest in protest. God, I loved him.
“I was right, you know.” I whispered some time later, looking up into his pale blue eyes, filled with so much love, I was sure he was consumed by it.
“Yeah, baby, you were.” Hudson whispered into my ear, moving his body over mine until he had his hands on either side of my head and his mouth mere inches from mine; teasing me with anticipation of another soul binding kiss. But before I could lift my mouth for a taste of him, he lowered his head to my chest and clasped me to him in tight, almost painful hold.
“I was so fucking scared.” The roughly murmured words were muffled in the hospital gown I wore but as soon as I heard them, the fear that I’d awoken with rushed back to the surface. We had come so close to losing one another over the past few months, with Brad, my father, even Tristan’s accident had shaken us to our core.
I thought we were strong before, but now?
We were unbreakable.
“Hud, baby look at me.” Shaking his head against my neck, I felt warm wetness against the skin there and it hurt my heart like nothing else before.
Hudson was so self assured, strong and protective in so many ways. Both aggressive and sweet in the bedroom and kind hearted to those around him; his friends, his family, me. But at his core, he was just as human as the rest of us.
“Please, Hudson. I need you to see, baby. I’m still here. We’re still here. You haven’t lost me.” Dragging my fingers through his dark locks, I waited until he looked at me and when he did, I saw the unshed tears he’d been hiding from me.
“Don’t cry,” I whispered, feeling my heart slow its beat as sadness for him permeated its walls. He’d always been the one to protect us from everything and anything that threatened to tear us apart but right then I knew he needed me to be the strong one.
“Can’t lose you, Darlin’.”
“You won’t.” I vowed.
We’d gone through hell and back together.
We’d fought together.
We’d loved each other.
And we’d finally won.
THE END
Playlist
Stay by Sara Bareilles
Say Something by A Great Big World
Not Alone by Harry Gardner
Lie To Me by Sara Bareilles
Hate U, I Love U by Gnash
Would’ve Left Me Too by Ryan Griffin
That’s What I Like by Bruno Mars
In My Blood by Leroy Sanch
ez
Wings by Birdy
You Are The Reason by Callum Scott
More Books By This Author
The Beautifully Broken Series
Finding Beautiful
Breaking Lucas
This Beautiful Love
Dare To Love: An LGBT Romance
Saving Tayla ( Coming 2019!)
Remembering Us ( Coming Soon!)
Loving Elsa ( Coming Soon!)
The Black Harts MC Series
Until Us
Broken In Us ( Coming Soon!)
Redemption Of Us ( Coming Soon!)
The Cuffed By Love Duet
Air I Breathe
Breath We Take
Stand Alone’s
Lyric (A LGBT Romance)
Just Breathe (A Cuffed By Love Novella)
Love, Uncharted (A LGBT Romance)
About The Author
Debut author of bestselling novel, Finding Beautiful, Amanda Kaitlyn is an incurable romantic. A lover of fairy tales, just a tad dirtier than the ones she used to read as a child. In her free time you can find her reading, writing or walking her 3 dogs, Sable, Bella and Princess. Amanda likes to keep her stories real and her characters relatable and in the pages of her books you can find angsty, emotionally driven romance and alpha men that will do anything for the women they love.
Find Me On Social Media
Http://Facebook.com/amandakaitlyn
Http://instagram.com/amandakaitlyn_author
Readers Group:
http://facebook.com/amandakaitlynslovies
Website:
http://romancebyamandakaitlyn.com
Pssst! Read on for a sneak peek of Ashlee & Tristan’s story, Just Breathe!
Just Breathe
Cuffed By Love #2
Breath We Take (Cuffed By Love Duet Book 1) Page 27