I was already going red not with blush, but utmost embarrassment and fear. Fear of losing my friends and my reputation in college. I could easily hear the snide remarks behind Rose's alleged doubts. She would, they all would think he was favouring me in exchange of something. They would feel he was partial towards me.
Gathering all my wit, I gulped down the lump in my throat and snapped at Rose under my breath, trying to sound reproachful,
“No, he is not staring at me. Of course, he looks serious while teaching. Why wouldn’t he? After all, he is not cracking a joke here. So just shut the freaking hell up.”
I pretended to concentrate on what Aariz was explaining. While on the inside, I felt truly shaken on what was happening. I would have given anything to run from it right away. But that would have just confirmed the doubts, which I was sure might have crept in other students minds as well. Because of course, they must have noticed too, how Aariz was staring just at me, continuously.
I couldn’t even distract myself by trying to listen to the lecture. Because the main cause of my problem was the person teaching me, that’s Aariz. Who until a minute ago was looking at me alone!
Then suddenly as if he had realized his blunder, he turned his gaze away, staring anywhere but at me. Thank God, but too late!
Blinking back the tears that were threatening to fall, I spent rest of the lecture keeping my eyes down on my lap.
As soon as the lecture got over, and everyone started leaving the class, I too tried to rush out.
In all the rumble of students, I faintly heard him call my name,
“Sani.”
I did not turn around. Letting him think I did not hear him, and bolted towards the door crying silently, while trying to go unnoticed. I never wished to come back...Ever.
Aariz
When the classroom got empty, I sat on the chair with my hands on my head.
What is wrong with me? Of course, she noticed I was staring at her. She must be upset. She should be. Fuck! What has happened to me?!
I was not stupid enough to do it on purpose. The thing was I did not realize I was staring at her while taking the class. I was not looking at her in all my consciousness.
It was like, even I had no idea I was staring, and had absolutely no control over it. I was on autopilot. I just could not take my eyes off her. I was doing so unintentionally. It was like some sort of pulling I felt towards her after having tried hard to keep myself away from her since past few days.
But I was wide-awake, and out of my trance now, with sparkling knowledge of my deeds.
I had seen Sani's face and surely, she had felt miserable as hell.
The moment, the lecture had finished, and everyone started leaving the class, I had called out to Sani. I needed to apologize to her and the best time to do so was when everyone else were about to leave.
To my heart piercing shock, though Sani did not turn, I could very well hear her controlled sob as she sprang off her desk in front of me, in her attempt to fly out of the classroom.
I brought her down to tears. That is the last straw. How could I?!
I kept cursing myself, punching my fist on the table. I knew why this horrible incident had happened...Why such a devastating mistake occurred on my part. It was just because I could not get her out of my mind. Try as I might! But I had to admit, what happened today was wrong and inexcusable. I needed to try harder to stop thinking about her. Even if it meant, she went farther away from me in the process.
A few days later-
Sani had not come to college since that incident. It meant only one thing; I had hurt her far more than I thought.
If she does not make an appearance, how am I going to apologize to her? I do not even have her phone number. What do I do now?
My reverie broke by Grandma's soft voice,
“What is it Son? You seem tense. You have not even touched your food yet. What's going on?”
We were both sitting at the dining table to eat dinner. But only she was eating, while I remained engrossed in my problems.
“I am just thinking about Sa...I mean no one. Actually, Gran, a few days back I met a friend of Zidaan's. Now I need to talk to him, but I don't even have his number. That day we met coincidently.” I told her stumbling to hide the truth.
She gave me a reassuring smile,
“So what is there to think about? Just give a call to Zidaan and ask him for his friend’s number. After all, Zidaan won't refuse you.”
‘Yes of course, why would he refuse to give me Sani’s number if I tell him the stupidity I committed and broke her heart? He would just punch me and will be after my blood. That’s all.’ I thought sarcastically to myself.
Though smiling and nodding at Granny on the outside. I was in even more of a tensed state internally. I would have to figure this shit out...soon.
Excusing myself from dinner, I went inside my bedroom and dialled the only person I could discuss this with...
‘You promised you would help.’ I said the moment he answered my call.
He chuckled,
‘Yup, I did. Of course, I’ll help. Let’s meet up soon and think of some plan.’
‘We have waited too long.’ I beseeched, going frustrated to the length of pulling my hair.
He scoffed,
‘It has barely been weeks since the party you guys met in. But from your desperate tone it seems like you have already tried and failed. Why are you hurrying things here? Just relax!’
‘You said she is seeing someone! And we are nowhere near finding out whom.’ I argued trying to keep my voice in check.
‘I thought you wanted to be friends with her first.’ His voice turned curious and slightly suspicious.
‘I do!’ I admitted defensively.
‘So be her friend. If she is seeing someone or not is something, we will find out eventually. Don't worry.’
‘I'm trying to be her friend, but...’ I hesitated, closing my eyes wishing to hit myself.
‘But?’ He prompted.
On my silence, he went on trying to guess. I could hear a smirk in his voice.
‘You want to meet her outside the college?’
I very much wished it. That was not what worried me though.
‘I'm losing my chances. I have hurt her today...Unintentionally. I messed up big time.’ I confessed.
That made him serious,
‘But how? What the hell did you do?’
I continued as if I did not hear him,
‘To the extent that she cried.’
‘Aariz just...’
I hung-up, I had no wish to hear any consolations or knockings of sense. I knew I made a mistake...A big one. And her running away, not showing her face in college since then, had made me aware of the gravity of my situation.
11-Aariz the Asshole
Sani
“Enough is enough! For how many days can I skip college and why should I, when I know the entire fault was mine.
Aariz is Zee's best friend and a good person. When we first met in that party, I misunderstood him and got angry. Due to that, since his first day in college I never spoke nicely with him. In fact, I ignored him as if we had never met before. I treated him like a complete stranger, which was so wrong on my part. Surely, he must have felt hurt by my behaviour.” I thought to myself.
Yes, that might be the reason he had been teasing me since day one in college, so that I recognize his presence. But I still ignored him. He must have thought I am such a bitch. That is why he was staring at me angrily and intensely in class the other day, like Rose had observed.
He was hurt and I was feeling embarrassed? I am such an idiot!
Tomorrow I would go to the college and speak nicely with him. I’ll ask him if he enjoyed our company in the party that night. Too late for that question, I know. But anything to make up for my messed up shit before Aariz babbled it to Zee, who would be disappointed in me for hurting his friend! On the other hand, God forbid if he told Ibbi or some other cousin of
mine who would tattle it back to Dad, about my ill behaviour in college with my Professor. No! I couldn’t let this shit hit the fan.
Tomorrow, I would be nice and gracious; reminding Aariz about the fun-filled night, we had in the party. So that, he would just remember the image of a friendly me in his mind, as I then apologize for avoiding him and explain that I did so because I was shocked to find him as my Professor. Hoping he would buy that and forgive me. Yes, that is what I’d do.
Making the decision, I patted my own back proudly.
Next morning, I arrived early in college to do the apology thing. I had just about turned toward the corridor leading to my classroom, when my steps came to a halt...Shocked.
Blocking the corridor stood, Aariz chatting with Rose and Mirelle.
I couldn’t quite place what I felt looking at Aariz with those two. I knew whatever the feeling was; it was not a happy one. I did not like that feeling at all.
They had not seen me yet. Aariz was saying something, to which Rose and Mirelle were giving him their undivided attention, looking at him all starry eyed.
Aariz told them God knows what and they both gushed in unison with a,
“Yes Sir, you’re absolutely right!”
Is he revealing the secrets of universe or something, that they are hanging on to his every word?!
Maybe I am thinking too much. But why are they agreeing with everything he says? They are smiling at him as if he is the next best thing after Tom Cruise! These girls are stroking his ego excessively much...Hmph!
Staring viciously at them, I walked forward.
Mirelle saw me first and beamed in happiness, “Hey Sani! You’re on time. Prof Aariz was just saying he is going to help us all with the notes. In fact, he is gonna provide us with some important questions and notes that might be useful in the finals!”
I gave her a curt nod.
“All our efforts will be saved. It’d be such a great help, right?” Rose added excitedly.
I forced a smile her way, as Aariz smirked at me from behind their backs and regarded me with softness. As if, he hadn’t just been flirting with my friends.
In addition, someone tell me, why do they call him Prof Aariz, instead of Prof Deewan, when they call every other Prof by his or her last name? Hmph!
I am so not going to apologize to him now.
Aariz locked eyes with me and went on,
“As I was telling your friends, I think a Professor and student should also be friends. Otherwise, you guys will always be reluctant in bringing your problems in front of us. The way, you all share your problems with each other, in the same way you must feel free to share your problems related to academics like notes and studies with us, so that we can help. Then only your results will improve.”
I nodded in agreement, although reluctantly, since he was right. Still, I could not stop grinding my teeth due to the dreamy look Rose gave at his every word.
“Since you guys are doing graduation in Political Journalism, all day you are taught by me and Prof Philip. It’s like we are all a family. So in order to raise your grades and help you all with any academic problems, Prof Philip and I both want you people to get a little informal with us.”
Ahaan! Why do I feel like he wants to get too close to comfort with both of my friends?
“See, it’s your last year, you have to work as hard on your studies as you can, instead of regretting after exams. Therefore, Prof Philip and I have decided that in order to help you guys, we'll provide you with important notes and reference books. We need your email ids, in order to email you any important notes as and when we feel necessary. And we’d also need your phone numbers.”
Now we are talking. Huh!
“Because, from now on, we’ll be arranging class-tests for you people, every other day. You guys will be informed about the tests via text. This way you’ll be able to stay in touch with us outside the college and will be more comfortable in sharing your problems with us like you do with your friends.” Aariz kept his eyes locked on me even after he had finished talking.
I am not going to fall into their drowning stormy-grey depths. No matter what!
I knew he was interested in screwing Rose. She was my friend. He was a good guy. I should have been happy. But I was so not! I did not want to think why. Here I was about to apologize to him and he...Arrghh!
“Prof Aariz, it’s not possible for her. You see, Sani and problem sharing can never happen. She doesn’t trust anyone so easily. But, since Professors are asking she’ll have to give her number. It’s for study related matters after all.” Rose chuckled.
Keeping the eye lock maintained, Aariz ignored her and went on talking to me as if; he had not heard her, “I'm sure you’ll do this for the sake of your future, Sani.”
Before I could open my mouth, he smiled at me with so much meaning and warmth, as if we were alone. Upon that, the twinkle in his eyes...Floored me, always.
As it was time for the lectures to begin, we all turned towards the classroom. I came out of that dreamy fog he had arrested me in and realized with utmost anger, ‘He is literally forcing out our numbers! Damn!’
In class, Aariz announced, “Everyone needs to write their email ids and phone numbers on a paper after classes today.” He pretended to add distractedly waving towards me, as I sat right in front of him,
“Sani should bring that paper to me.”
Lo, he trapped me! Announcing in front of the whole class, knowing I won’t be able to deny.
I did not even try to hide my scowl this time.
He grinned at me, as if my scowl, my glare was all amusing and fruitless.
Hah! I will also not budge. I will not go.
Everybody sincerely wrote their email ids and phone numbers on a paper, praising him as if he was a God sent angel, while I just rolled my eyes. They gave the paper to me.
Therefore, as my friends headed home, I marched towards his office muttering all the way,
‘How did I get myself into this?!’
God...Why couldn’t I budge in the face of all that charm he keeps throwing at me like free air?!
Reaching the fourth floor corridor, I knocked and went inside the office, to find Aariz sitting there alone doing some work on his laptop.
As I entered, he looked up and his whole face warmed with a smile.
“This is the paper you asked for. It contains everyone’s email ids and phone numbers.” I said handing over the paper to him.
Aariz checked it and just as I tried to leave, he stopped me in a strict voice, “Wait Sani! What is this? I said I want each one of yours contact details...All of yours. But it doesn’t contain any of your own details.”
I actually gulped. He had never looked so seriously pissed off!
Somehow, I managed to stammer,
“Yeah, I didn’t write...because...um...I was thinking that...”
He cut me off midsentence, almost shouting,
“There is nothing to think about. Do as I say. It’s good for your studies, your future. It’s for all of yours betterment.”
Yeah, right. My betterment! As if you are doing a public service or I should say, Sani service. Why do you care about me Mr Arrogant-Aariz?
“But Sir, actually...” I tried to get out of this situation, but Aariz cut me short yet again, as he ordered,
“No arguments. I said, write your phone number, and email id on this paper. Now!”
Come out of this college and then try ordering me. I will show you my roar!
Defeated, huffing, and puffing I glared at the paper, pen, his desk, and everything, while I wrote my mobile number and email id so hard, as if ingraining it for life on that paper, and slapped it in front of him with a forced sugary sweet smile.
The smile felt bitter in my mouth. Because as I turned to leave, I got the glimpse of a victorious grin, he sported.
Aariz-the-asshole!
Later in the evening, as I sat lazing on my bed, I received a text from an unknown number saying “Hi Sani.
”
I replied asking,
“Who’s this?”
“It’s Aariz. How are you?”
I was cursing you in peace. Duhh!
‘Why have you texted me?’ I tried to appear furious, but my heart raced in anticipation of his answer.
He could not see me, so it was okay.
“Actually, I needed to speak with Zidaan, and I lost his number. Can you please give it to me?” His reply came instantly.
“No I can't, as I don't have his number. It got deleted from my phone.” I snapped, wishing to end this chat before I embarrassed myself, blushing at his every word.
Zee's number was just his excuse. Maybe he wanted to know something about Rose or Mirelle. He would eventually come to it. I know. It was not as if he had texted just for me...
“Then get it from his Mom and pass it on to me. Just give it to me tonight itself please. It’s a little urgent you see. I hope I did not disturb you. What were you up to anyway?”
Getting into the Professor mode, are we?
Rolling my eyes, I answered him honestly, because c'mon, what was there to hide in it?
“I'm going out and getting late. I can't find any number for you right now. Bye.”
“You’re going out, now? Sani it’s late. You should have left a bit early, don't you think?”
What are we, long lost friends, for him to be so informal and chatty?
“I'm not going alone. Zee and others will be with me. I have to rush now. Bye.”
“Zidaan is back in town? When did he return?”
“Yeah, he came back an hour ago, directly to my place for...” I abruptly stopped texting further.
His reply came quickly,
“?”
Yeah, right...Because we are so close and chummy.
“Why am I telling you about this? Zee and others are waiting for me. Bye now.” I tried to sound curt through my words and switched off the phone.
In the restaurant, we got a large circular table and sat around it talking and laughing. For some reason, Zee insisted we order a little late. Everyone sat enjoying the chitchat except for me.
I should have been a little nicer to Aariz on the phone. He was just being friendly after all. Why do I always end up hurting him? And why am I feeling so guilty about it now? I was not nice to him, but nor was I an utter bitch. He just asked a number and I...did not give it to him. He must have got it from someone else by now. In addition, he must have already spoken to Zee. If not, should I tell Zee to call him and see why he wanted the number?’
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