Sani
All I heard was,
'My love'.
It left me stunned. I couldn’t understand why my Professor was calling me so lovingly.
Aariz had no idea how his slip of tongue was creating havoc in my heart.
What the hell had happened to him?! Why was he talking that way with such warmth and insisting so much for lunch and all! This sudden change in his behaviour was really wierd. I just couldn’t understand it.
I walked about two blocks surrounded in these terrifying thoughts, when suddenly a sleek black, Saab convertible, stopped at my side.
“Sani, c'mon in, I’ll drop you home.” said Aariz, getting down from his car.
“Thanks, but I take the train every day. I’ll manage.” I answered hurriedly and turned to go when he spoke in a gentle voice,
“We are friends Sani. I can drop you home. Anyway, it looks like it’s going to rain heavily. C'mon.”
“It’s monsoon season and even if it wasn’t, it’s Seattle, so obviously it’s going to rain. Big deal!” I rolled my eyes, rejecting his offer and started to move.
Aariz demanded in exasperation,
“Give me one reason, why can't I drop you home when it’s warned that a storm is about to erupt? Just sit in the car Sani. What’s the point of this argument?”
Finally, giving up I got in hurriedly as in the next moment rain came down horrendously heavy along with roaring thunder. Not that Aariz or anything intimated me.
Radio was on in the car...
Breaking the silence Aariz cleared his throat, “Sani which is your favourite song?”
Unable to meet his eyes, I murmured softly the name of my favourite romantic number,
“Love story by Barcelona.”
God knows why I was feeling shy around him all of a sudden. Definitely, the weather might have gone hot...Yeah.
Aariz started searching if he had that song. Not finding it in his collection, he started changing the radio frequencies repeatedly in search of it.
Feeling awkward by his efforts, I mumbled,
“It’s okay, let it be. The song currently playing on radio is fine too.”
He gave me a relieved smile and focused on driving.
But not a minute passed, when he glanced sideways and said in all seriousness,
“I say we are friends. But are we, really friends?”
Taken aback by his question, I just stared at him.
“I thought when we met at the party we had enjoyed each other’s company. But, I feel like since the party you are cross with me for some reason. If somehow I have hurt you, I really am sorry Sani.” He turned to face me and his cloudy eyes blew me with so many hidden emotions in them.
“Can we start afresh?” He murmured with a small smile.
Uh...oh! I was supposed to apologize to him, after the restaurant fight, for being a bitch and all the cockiness I threw his way by not acknowledging him from his first day in college. Then he ignored me in classes, making me crave for his attention, and today he showered me with his attention by appreciating my work. So yeah, it rather slipped my mind that I had to say sorry.
All right to be honest, I conveniently forgot about it. Thinking he might have just forgiven me on his own without me apologizing aloud.
Looked like he had not...Instead, he was giving me the guilt trip by being the nice one, while; I was the shitty twofaced rat. Damn!
Trying to be warm and genuine, I spoke up,
“Of course we are friends. That night in the party I really had enjoyed your company a lot. Trust me; you have not offended me in anyway. Please don't say sorry.”
Yeah, I know I did not really admit about being the bitch and did not apologize. But I got him off the hook. Can’t we just put it all behind us and forget I ever was an asshole to him? Yeah we can do that.
Aariz stopped the car.
“So, friends?” He grinned bringing his hand forward.
I clasped it with heated cheeks,
“Yes, friends.”
And there came a loud thunder with lightening, as if God was reacting to this friendship between us.
Startled by the storm, I held Aariz’s hand tightly. A few seconds passed and he still held on, almost prolonging it, and then dropped my hand, as if reluctantly.
Soon we reached my house and bade each other goodbye.
I was still trying to come to terms with this new friendship when next day after classes, I got a call from Aariz.
If that wasn’t shocking enough, his greeting definitely was.
‘Hey, new friend!'
‘Uh...Hi?’
I was not sure what the protocol here was. I talk to him as, my Professor. Zee's friend? My friend...?
Aariz chuckled,
‘I know Prof Philip took your extra lecture today. So just now you all got free, and it’s almost lunch time.’
‘Yes...’ What else was I supposed to say? Argue about meal times?! Why was he sounding so nervous any way?
‘So...ah...God...Actually, I thought since I have ordered food for myself, why don't you to join me? We'll have lunch together and discuss the grades of your last test as well.’
Lunch with him! Again?
Before I could say anything he went on, ‘Oh and I wanted to talk something about...um...Zidaan. Yes!’
‘What about him?’ I was curious now.
Aariz did not divulge,
‘You coming? Later I will drop you home. As you can see, the weather is bad today. It has been raining continuously since morning. Trains will be a problem for you.’
Seems like, we really are friends. Not bad...
My heart fluttered at the idea of spending time with Aariz.
That is why it killed me to answer.
‘Thank you so much. But I have some pending assignment work. In addition, I want to go home for lunch today. So I’ll be leaving soon now.’ explaining regretfully, I tried to lighten up the moment adding, ‘sorry friend?’
I could hear a grin in his voice,
‘No problem. You take care of yourself while travelling. Bye.’
I was supposed to meet my group in the library. Then we were gonna go into one of the study halls and research for the assignment. The group contained six people including me.
About two hours later, we came out still discussing things. I was about to go home when one of my group members, Sahil, turned to me cracking another one of his jokes. Sahil was the soccer champion of our college and a complete charmer. Hence, like always, Sahil's jokes had everyone in fits of laughter.
I felt uneasy, as if something was hurting my eye. While I rubbed it, Sahil came close without permission and cupped my cheek, blowing in my eye.
“There...you’ll be okay now.” He whispered, still holding my cheek and not moving his face at all.
His thumb caressed me and I guess I was supposed to feel something romantic by this gesture and deep stare, but all I could do was scrunch my nose at his breath on my face, which was eating away my pure oxygen. In addition, the blowing thing had not made any difference to the irritation in my eyes, had simply irritated me more with his sweaty breath on me. I was just about to push him away without coming out as rude, when at that very moment Aariz stepped into the corridor. He saw it all—we laughing and enjoying, Sahil holding my face (that I was not enjoying).
I met Aariz’s gaze and smiled, but he did not bat an eye. As if, he did not know me. He passed us in silence.
Was he mad, that I ditched him? I did not feel any guilt. Why should I? He gave us the assignments after all. I had told the truth. We were just discussing the assignment in the library.
I guess it was not that simple. As a few minutes later, I received a text from Aariz. It read,
‘I saw how busy you are Sani, and with whom. There was no need for you to lie to me.’
I was shocked reading it. I could not understand what the hell did he mean by this? I found it wierd.
It made me stay up all night thinking about his t
ext. I texted him back several times, asking what he meant. He did not reply.
Morning arrived with Aariz scolding anyone and everyone over silly stuff during classes. In the first lecture, he asked us, which topic we were doing last time. At what point had he left discussing the topic last time? When people started answering him, all at once and no one was accurate enough, he became frustrated and yelled at all of us for being inattentive. Then he started asking us questions based on the topic he had explained a day before. Out of habit, like always my hand went up in the air. Along with me, a few other students also raised their hands.
“Do you have a monopoly in this class? Every time only you have to come forward. Do you have a problem in giving others a chance to answer?” Aariz shouted at me badly.
Although, a few others had also raised hands, but he yelled at me and me alone, insulting me in front of the whole class.
I felt humiliated and ashamed. Rest of the lecture, I sat quietly, controlling my tears.
After that, in every class I stayed silent.
In one of the lecture’s Aariz quizzed us on American politics, for which he had asked us to come prepared. Some people answered a few of his questions, while some had no idea about the answers. Mostly it looked like people did not open their mouths due to Aariz's terrible temper, thus making him angrier. He lashed out on the whole class, saying how irresponsible and lazy we were.
I knew almost all the answers but still kept quiet. I let him shout at us. Though he glanced at me several times, I ignored it.
The day went by and finally it was time for the last lecture, which was of Aariz again. By now, the entire class seemed tired and scared of his scolding.
All the lectures got over and I made a decision. Instead of going straight home, I went up to Aariz’s office.
I knocked and entered to find Aariz sitting alone, working on his laptop.
“You need something?” Aariz looked up surprised to see me.
Somehow gulping down the lump in my throat, I found a voice,
“I knew all the answers today. But I didn’t say, because you have forbidden me.”
Aariz stood up completely stunned.
“Sani, I have not forbidden...”
“You said today in the first lecture, that I don't give others a chance to answer. So fine then...I have stopped. I won't say a word in class from now on...” And the floodgates started.
Wiping off my tears, I went on,
“Although it’s not my fault if someday most of them don't come prepared or if anyone is reluctant to answer. There is no question of me stopping anyone or monopolising. Today you saw it yourself that many people had raised their hands to answer. It wasn’t just me. Still, you pointed me out to blast on. You always do this to me!”
My voice started breaking now.
Aariz took a step towards me, then held himself back and leaned on his desk, crossing his arms as if to stop himself from trying to touch me.
“I don't always shout at you Sani.” He looked hot in his no-nonsense formal attire, disturbed jelled hair, as if he had been moving his hands through them. Those pleading cute orbs of his were my undoing. I tried not to look...much.
“Whenever hands are up, I hear answers from everyone not just from you. I give a chance to everyone.” Aariz desperately tried to explain himself, though unable to meet my eyes.
“Then why didn’t you today?” I beseeched him tearfully in betrayal. “Why not others? Why not Aya? Why just me? What was my fault?” I stomped my foot in annoyance.
Aariz hung his head low, and then looked up opening his mouth, but I beat him to it, scoffing bitterly,
“Must be some mistake on my part. I get it.” I nodded shrugging my shoulders, “Does not matter. As from now on, I won't be participating in class anyway.”
“Don't say like that Sani.” His voice turned softer like a caress.
“Yesterday also you scolded me via text.” I mumbled curling my lips, annoyed.
Aariz straightened uncrossing his arms, “It wasn’t a scolding! Don't tell me you could hear me yell through a text.” He rolled his eyes, breaking into an amused smile.
How dare he find this funny?!
“So rudely, in an angry tone you texted, ‘I saw how busy you are and with whom...’ It showed as if you are implying that I lied to you!” I sniffed glaring at him, while he just stared at me with a small smile, cocking his head sideways, as if I was telling him a story.
“I was discussing assignment with the group you have put me in! Now if they were cracking jokes and laughing, then what is my fault? Why can't I laugh with them? Am I not human? I have rights you know. I have studied Political Science enough from you to know them.” I stated with my nose held high.
Aariz chuckled murmuring,
“Sure...”
He was not taking me seriously. At all!
Testily I went on,
“After you left, we all decided the next meeting time for assignment discussion and I went home, like I had told you I would. I did not linger there for killing time. Why can't you just trust me?!”
Aariz pressed a hand over his face, then exhaling a deep breath; he gave me a vulnerable look,
“I'm so sorry. Honestly, I wasn’t mad at you in that text. Nor did I think you had lied...”
Coming close to me, Aariz wiped my tears with his fingers and continued in a gentle tone,
“We are friends now and misunderstanding happen between friends. Yesterday, I had a misunderstanding. Therefore, I sent you that text.” His fingers had wiped off my tears, but he still caressed my cheeks making them flame hot, “I'm sorry. Please forget it...Nothing to stress yourself over. It’s okay, right? We are good.” He gave me a fond smile.
He said it was all right, as if on my behalf as well. I did not like to point that out. Because he still had not revealed why he misunderstood. What was he mad about? He was confusing as hell!
I nodded smiling, as he waited for my assent, that all's well between us.
Tenderly, as if talking to a kid, Aariz murmured,
“And you don't need to stay quiet in the class without giving answers or asking your doubts. Classes are for discussions only. Hence, you should participate when you’re prepared. Don't let your hard work go to waste. Saanu, I really am sorry...”
My breath hitched, and so did my heartbeats.
Aariz abruptly stopped himself. His eyes widened, as if realizing what he called me and what he was doing still touching my face.
“Sani, actually...” Aariz started.
But I jerked back to the door saying hurriedly, “It’s okay Sir. I'm sorry for everything. I just wanted to make it clear, that it’s not like I don't give anyone a chance to answer in class. I have to go now.”
With that, I rushed out, fleeing.
I ran all the way to the college gate...Stopping only when I came out of the campus.
‘Saanu...’
Was it just a slip of tongue or...?
I felt simply at lost to understand, what does that mean if not just a mistake?
I could not help but wonder, ‘Hasn’t Aariz’s behaviour changed a lot these days? In addition, whatever happened today, was it just a simple mistake in uttering my name or...? I couldn’t even say it to myself. My heart raced with this incomplete thought.
Immediately going home, I refused to have lunch when Mom asked. I just stayed in my room all day distracted by my thoughts.
“Sani at least have some dinner. You have starved yourself since you came back from college.” Mom kept on insisting.
Having no other choice, I dragged myself to the dinner table.
“What has happened to you today? Are you feeling alright?” Mom again started fussing over me, checking my temperature.
“I'm fine. I just had to study for my class tests.” I lied, munching on dinner as if I had not seen food since days.
“So now you are prepared for the class test?” Grandpa smiled sweetly.
“Nope. But I'm hungry n
ow. Food trumps test!” My honesty made them chuckle.
Laugh it up guys...Even I don't wish to carry this tension around. Therefore, I will have to think of something. Fast.
After dinner, I went to my bedroom. Making up my mind, I decided to make a very important phone call.
The second he received it, I went off in urgency,
‘Zee, I need to ask you something important.’
‘Yeah, I'm perfectly alright. How about you?’
‘Zee!’
‘You didn’t ask. So I thought I’ll let you know I'm fine.’
‘Zee, I'm serious right now!’
He sighed heavily,
‘All right...tell me what is it?’
‘You remember we met your friend Aariz in that party? Well, now in my college...’ before I could complete, Zee interrupted, ‘Aariz teaches in your college now. I know.’
What the hell?
Zee went on,
‘It’s a good thing. He will take care of you. And if you face any problems in the college, let him know. I'm sure he’ll help.’
I was beyond shocked,
‘What? Don't tell me you have asked him to keep an eye on me! And what do you mean by ‘he will help me?’ I'm not a child who has gone to the college for the first time! He is new. I'm not. It’s my final year Zee!’
‘Hold your horses Miss. I did not ask him to keep a watch on you or anything. I'm just saying that if you ever face problems with college administration, you can ask him for help. If you don't want his help, then don't ask. Simple! I just said he would take care of you because he is a nice guy. Why are you getting mad at me?’
‘Aariz and nice? Hah!’ I scoffed rolling my eyes at the statement.
‘Of course! That is why he is such a close friend of mine. Anyway, you wanted to say something important, didn’t you? So tell me.’ Zee sighed patiently.
Zee's confidence, his words of praise about Aariz as a person and his unhinging trust on him made me rethink and doubt if I was the wrong one here. Now I did not knew what to ask him.
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