‘Nothing important...I just called for a chat. Okay...Bye.’ I abruptly disconnected the phone without giving Zee a chance to answer.
Am I the only one misunderstanding Aariz? Maybe I am thinking too much...Trying to read things, which are not there in the first place. Then why did I still feel warm ignition, where he caressed my face?
I kept wondering to myself what was the deal with this Aariz guy, when my phone chimed with an incoming text.
I saw it was from Aariz.
Reading it, I felt bewildered and stunned to the core, as to why my heart just broke. Why did it feel like something suffered a little death inside me? Why did I feel sad all of a sudden?
I was thoughtful and confused before. Now I felt broken. His text punched me a little...Had knocked the wind out of me, to be blunt. As his text clarified, it was just me thinking too much. He never felt anything towards me unlike what my heart had been whispering to me all this while.
But the other day, when in that affectionate way he had said, ‘my love...’ Was that tone not a way to warm my heart? Was my heart playing tricks on me? Did my heart lie to me?
I kept thinking from all the possible angles until almost half the night had passed. I came up with nothing.
I told myself in a strict tone to forget about it and not be a sour loser. I had a misunderstanding and it had cleared now. He does not feel anything for me. There was nothing going on. Nothing at all, that I had envisioned, felt...
Aariz
A few hours ago-
I literally banged my head on the wall, as I stood by the window staring at the sparkling lights around the city, yet at nothing in particular. I couldn’t shake off the worst fear inside of me that, my one mistake pushed Sani away from me. Farther from, what she already had been...
She would have been hell scared thinking that me, her Professor, and just a day old friend, was calling her Saanu, which not even her friends or family call her!
Why could I not keep my thoughts to myself? Why did I always blurt out everything I feel for her? Why did I call her by the nickname, which I had only ever used for her in my mind?
I had messed up.
She would never look at me the same way. Forget about friendship, she might go on to complain the college authorities if she felt threatened by my intentions.
Therefore, with a heavy heart, I picked up my phone and typed a text- a lie. Just to wipe away her fears, even if it did not mean that she would consider me a friend again. Yet I hoped it would not make her stay terrified of me.
‘Sani, I hope you understood that today it was a slip of tongue. I didn’t say your name that way on purpose. I wanted to say Sani, but it came out wrongly, as I was preoccupied. Then you just left without giving me a chance to explain. I understood you must have felt bad. Trust me it wasn’t intentional. And anyway, why would I call you by that name intentionally?’
I knew I had mocked her, appeared as an arrogant ass through this text. She would hate me. That was okay. I would take it. Anything would be better than her thinking of me as a pervert or something like that.
16- HE HAS EYES ON ME
Sani
I finally felt relaxed. Happy about the fact, it was just my misunderstanding that Aariz had feelings for me. Yes, I was hurt, that all my hopes were shattered. I was angry at my heart, for lying to me and making me think all those things and imagining all the mushy stuff in the first place.
But I was now at peace after having cried all night thinking about Aariz. I finally accepted that had I kindled those feelings for longer, the pain would have been too much to overcome. At least this way I had come out with just a scar on my heart, which would heal with time. If I kept reminding myself he was never anything in my life to miss, I will be fine. I hoped so.
Therefore, as the sun rose, I got my sleepless ass out of bed with a perspective in place. The hurt and sadness had left me in the state of pity party. While dressing up for college, I was ashamed of seeing myself in the mirror. Behind a guy, I had forgotten the life I lived, the friends and relations I had.
Every other day, I had been disturbed or pondering some meaning of Aariz's words, behaviour, actions. It had been weeks since I sat back after classes and enjoyed with my friends Rose and Mirelle. They had been complaining non-stop and not without reason. Dad and Grandpa were upset with me for being lost in my own world and not sitting down to chat with them or playing board games with them. My mind had blown with a new storm in my life called Aariz.
Now that he had made it clear that he never ever wanted any part in my life, the storm had passed. I decided I was going to be a survivor, not a casualty. I would go back to living without constantly thinking about him. Starting today, I would turn everything back to normal. I would makeup to my friends for not being there all this while. With this thought in mind, I entered the college campus with a swing in my steps.
There was still time for my lectures to begin. I sent a quick text to Rose and Mirelle, and they said they were on their way. I made my way to the Political Science (Masters) classes, to meet a friend of mine, who was also my senior, Tina.
“Hey Sani, long time!” greeted Tina the minute I met her in the corridor.
“Sorry, I haven’t been able to take the time off. Lectures are really hectic.” I smiled apologetically.
Tina nodded,
“I understand it’s your final year, so Professors might be really strict.”
We were chatting up when a classmate of Tina, who I guess had heard our conversation came forward excitedly,
“Hey are you Sani?!” she asked in an overly enthusiastic tone.
“Yeah...have we met before?” I felt awkward by such chirpiness coming from a stranger.
It did not suit her at all. With straight blond hair, straight nose, black eyes and pale complexion, she looked just so...so straight and well expected out of a normal college student, a serious type of girl next door, nothing chirpy about her personality. She looked nice, just nothing to write home about...
To my amusement, the girl actually beamed in happiness,
“In this batch everyone knows about you of course. Now we got the face to go with the name.”
“Ohkay! So what do you guys know about me?” I was curious now.
“That you are the topper in your Political Sci class. I mean, since last two years you have been getting the highest grades in Political Science. In addition, this year there are very good chances that you will stand first in the class while graduating. We also know that you are the toughest competitor for all your classmates. You love to read books and novels. You are intelligent. And yeah, one more thing, you are a very sincere student.” The girl finished, proud to display how well informed she was.
To say I was stunned would be an understatement.
I understood she was trying to make a fool of me. So I played along,
“I had no idea I am that good! How did you know?”
“It’s not just me, but our whole batch of Masters in Political Science knows all this about you.” The girls said quickly as if to reassure me of my greatness.
Tina chuckled at the look on my face and nudged me saying,
“She is right Sani. Since college resumed this year, you and I haven’t had the chance to catch up. Otherwise I would have told you.”
I felt heady with this knowledge. To be frank, rather than feeling flattered, I was thoroughly confused and said so in an exasperated tone,
“But who said all this about me to your batch? College has started barely a few months ago!”
Do I have a stalker? Oh God!
Again, the encyclopaedic stranger was eager to throw in,
“Yes it’s just been a few months. And in these few months Prof Deewan has discussed you a lot in our class. We got all this info from him. Many times, he has given us your example in class, saying that although you are our junior, unlike us, you have done so many unofficial debates in the classroom with him and Prof Philip during discussions in class on politi
cal and religious issues. He said you are always an active participant in class, and you put forward valid points. Apparently, during one such discussion he had asked you which books you refer and you told him about the political, spiritual books as well as contemporary romance novels you love. Therefore, he told us that your knowledge is versatile. You are always prepared in class and that you are good in Political Science. In fact, your last semester’s result was excellent. Hence, there is a chance that you might top the class this year. Prof Deewan speaks highly about you.” She gave me an admiring look.
It made my head spin with realization that how much Aariz noticed me. Things I read, my performance, how much he appreciates my hard work to the point of speaking his accolades about me in front of other students. I felt honoured and cherished. To be frank, I was literally blushing.
“So you will be doing Masters with major as Political Sci next year?” this came from the stranger girl who exchanged looks of glee with Tina
Are they planning to write a biography on me?
“I haven’t decided yet. How is it? Tough, easy?” I asked timidly biting on my lip.
Before Tina, who had a horrified look on with shaking her head could answer me; the stranger girl said with a dangerous expression,
“It’s too damn difficult. We are saying this from experience. It’s a completely different ball game from what you are studying this year. It’s on you, but I would advise, you choose any other major or give-up studying next year, rather than tackling Political Science!”
Is she trying to scare me, or what?!
All of my lectures went by as usual. Aariz had announced in one of the lectures that whoever wants to return any reference book we took from his office can come by today. I found this as a good opportunity and headed straight to him instead of going home. Completely forgetting how he had turned me down like a rejected piece of pizza he did not fancy to eat anymore, in that brush-off text he sent me last night.
“Hey new friend! You busy?” I grinned knocking on his open door.
“Not at all.” Aariz looked utterly surprised, but recovered quickly, and gave me a genuine smile that lit his whole face, “Was sup?”
“Nothing much...It’s just that, you had suggested the other day a reference book for International Politics. All my batch mates took it from this dept library.” I gestured towards his office wall stacked with books. “But I didn’t come and now they are not in the college library as well. Sorry I got late.” I kept my eyes on the floor, ashamed and scared that Aariz would scold me for not taking it earlier.
This was an excuse to warm my way and ask him the real question, but also this was a genuine excuse. I had been lazy and now I really needed his help with the book.
Aariz remained silent making me feel a snap coming from him any second. I was about to turn around and leave, when Aariz laughed hard,
“Relax Sani! My friends are never this scared of me. And you look as if you have committed a crime, waiting for me to chop your head off!”
I glanced up to see him grinning at me,
“About International Politics, there are a lots of books in here. I will suggest you one. Wait.”
With that, he turned towards a shelf looking through the books.
“By the way your Masters in Political Science students are really wierd.” I said casually without taking my eyes off him.
“Wierd? How come?” Aariz muttered with his back to me.
“I mean they all know me while I barely know any of them. They have even predicted that surely I will do my Masters in Political Science. They know my name, my scores, grades, everything about me. While I, hardly know their names and had not even seen their faces until this morning.” I scoffed and went on innocently, giving nothing away, “how do you think they know me? I can't think of any possible reason though I tried hard.”
I tried to read his expressions from the side of his face, as he stood busy searching the book for me.
He remained quiet for a beat longer, and then chuckled, “You are a celebrity, my friend...Sania Mirza. That’s why they all know you.” He turned to me with a mischievous smirk as he stepped closer making my breath stuck in my throat.
My eyes closed on their own accord and I felt his arm brush mine, making me shiver. He opened the cabinet behind me to look for the book.
“Ha Ha! Very funny.” I forced a smile.
I had seen his smirk. Knew he was not going to confess, he told them all about me. Of course, he wouldn’t accept it.
“Is it true that Masters in Political Science is a very tough nut?” I asked straight out.
“No Sani, we can't say it’s tough. Yes, it is a deeper study of the topics that you are studying this year. It’s quite interesting actually. You have scored well in all the tests and quizzes until now. And International politics is one of the main subjects in Masters.” Aariz winked at me giving me an encouraging smile he might give a friend.
I was too far annoyed to blush on it.
“What?! But I have heard that it’s completely different and unrelated to what we are studying this year!” I stomped my foot in irritation.
“Who said that to you?” Aariz stepped close enough to touch me, his grey eyes storming in oceanic cold seriousness.
“Your Masters course student. You know Tina Woods, from one of your classes this year. A friend of hers told me. I do not know her name. With everything she was going on about, I did not even care to ask her name. I was too bewildered.”
Aariz nodded with an unknown expression in his eyes.
I went on,
“She said the course work is completely unrelated to our syllabus this year. Therefore, I thought I would ask. It’s not that I'm planning to do Masters in Political Science. I haven’t decided anything about next year yet. Just wanted to know is it really very difficult and boring as she said? Asking out of curiosity that’s all.” I smiled unable to meet his eyes for the most part, in case he guessed what else she had told me.
Aariz sent my body into a delicious sensation as he gently held my hand and placed a book on my palm saying,
“This book will be all right Sani. And whatever that girl might have said, I'm telling you it’s nothing like that. It’s not that difficult. In case if you decide to take Political Science as one of your subjects next year, then relax, you won't be making the wrong choice. I know you are considering a specialization in Journalism post-graduation. Zidaan mentioned it to me. So yeah, Political Science would help. I'm there for you.”
Closing his eyes, he turned nervous,
“I mean...do...don't worry Sani. That girl exaggerated it a bit. It’s nothing you can't cope up with. I can assure you, that you will be fine. I will guide you every step of the way. Do you trust me?”
I did not need any time to think before answering. It came out instantly,
“I do trust you.”
He smiled the warmest and I returned it with equal delight before breaking the eye lock as I left from there, cheerful due to Aariz's reassurance. His stalkerish noticing of me and praises to students about me, totally slipped from my mind.
Next day in college, during lunchtime I was just about to enter the food court with Rose when I came face to face with a few girls and boys. Tina was amongst them.
Accusingly in a tone dripping with condensation, she rounded on me,
“Sani, why did you complain to Prof Deewan about Elli?"
They all looked pissed off.
I actually gulped in unknown anxiety. What the hell did I do?
17-PUZZLES SOLVED
Sani
“Who’s Elli? I don't know anyone with that name to complain Prof Deewan about, in the first place.” I said honestly and inclined my head back to see all of their hostile expressions, who did not seem to be buying it.
“You are the one who complained against Elli. She is sure about it!” screeched one of the girls in a high pitched voice, while their friends just stood glaring at me.
“But who in the ev
er loving hell is Elli?!” I gazed at each of them desperately.
It was getting scary now. Their eyes were giving me chills.
“Elli is the same girl who was with me yesterday when you came to meet me. She had told you how tough our coursework is. Now do you remember?” Tina crossed her arms staring at me as if challenging me to deny.
Why would I deny?
I slowly nodded trying to understand where this was going.
“Elli had just told you about our classes. She had not meant to scare you. But you went to Prof Deewan and ratted her out. Thus, today when he was taking our lecture he shouted at Elli in front of the whole class!”
Oh. My. Goodness!
“He didn’t just scold her. He yelled...he insulted her.” This came from the high-pitched girl whose tone hurt my eardrums.
I took a step near Tina, but she stepped back giving me angry looks. Still I spoke pleadingly,
“I had just told him that a friend of yours was telling me about her Political Science class. All I asked him was, if what she said is true, and would it be that difficult to handle for me? I was just trying to confirm with him.” They all stood hunched around me in a circle staring at me in complete disbelief, making me almost cry out in desperation,
“Guys, I did not even know her name. I had not complained anything, I just casually asked him. I did not say anything wrong about her.”
Flabbergasted with this scenario, I turned towards Rose for help. She had been standing quietly beside me all this while. Now meeting my eyes, Rose shook her head as if saying, ‘I did not expect such a bitch move from you.’
Tina gave me a stern look,
“Look Sani, I wanna believe you. But I can't. This morning Prof Deewan asked us all, which one of us had met you along with me? When Elli said she had, Prof Deewan started having a go at her saying, ‘You told Sani that you all are regretting by choosing Political Sci and you would advise her not to do it? That your coursework is really hard to deal with?! If you can't cope up with the course work, you have no right to try and scare your juniors. It’s their future, they have to decide. How can you intimidate them and influence their decision about what they should study next year?! You went to the extent of telling Sani that your Political Science syllabus this year has no relation whatsoever with her current coursework, which is false and you know that. Still you had the gall to say all that to Sani. How could you try scaring off your junior? How could you discourage her?!’ He yelled all this and a lot to Elli. Poor girl was crying after the lecture, that you must have complained about her.”
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