Joy and Tiers

by Mary Crawford

  I nod, feeling thoroughly confused. “Of course. He’s a soldier—that’s what he does, Mindy.”

  “I don’t think you understand. If he doesn’t think that you believe in forever, he can’t concentrate and the bad guys are going to get him.”

  “Mindy, we are getting married. We have engagement rings and everything.”

  “I know,” Mindy replies with a frown, “but I still have that funny feeling in my stomach. Something tells me that Uncle Ty is still really worried. I think you should do something to make him not so worried before he faces the bad guys. These people make him have super bad nightmares.”

  “Oh Sweetie, I’d do anything I could to take Ty’s nightmares away. I’d marry Tyler today if it would make his life easier.”

  “So, why don’t you? The Judge-man is gonna be here. Aren’t you already friends? I bet you if you told them it was an emergency, he would do one of those Sybil ceremonies.”

  “That’s a spectacular idea and I’m sure Justice Gardner would do his best to help us. But I’m not sure that he would be able to do much about the paperwork. There are certain legal technicalities like the marriage license that need to be taken care of first.”

  Mindy crosses her arms in front of her and blows her bangs out of her face as she responds, “Are you going to try to be helpful or just throw obstacles in the way of success?”

  The exasperated expression on Mindy’s face makes me laugh out loud. Biologically, she may not be Kiera’s daughter, but she can do a dead-on impression of her sayings, complete with attitude.

  I blush a little as I’m taken to task by the preteen. “All right, give me my phone. I’ll text him to see what I can do. But don’t get your hopes up. This gives a whole new meaning to the word last-minute— even for this gang.”

  I thought Kiera’s wedding was the most romantic wedding that I had ever been to. But, Aidan and Tara were giving Jeff and Kiera a run for their money. Instead of the traditional wedding march, Aidan and his band serenaded Tara with a song that he had written specifically for the wedding. Aidan’s parents and his brother were in the front row along with the family that took him in when he was a teenager. Dolores had been especially sweet to Tara— stepping up to be her surrogate mother figure after she learned that Tara was feeling sad because her mom had passed away when she was a teenager and she had no one to help with any of the traditional bridal rituals. As I watch Becca run up the aisle and launch herself into Jeff’s arms in a giggling heap of apricot colored taffeta and-lace petticoats, I marvel over how much has changed in a little over two years.

  Tyler holds his elbow out to me gallantly and I’m reminded of the last time we walked up a church aisle together. He made what I thought at the time was a wisecrack about wanting to walk me up an aisle like this. At the time, I dismissed it as outrageous flirting. Now, I’m not so sure. Perhaps, he was serious about me even way back then. I guess, I’ll never really know when exactly it was that we began to fall deeply, madly in love.

  I study the expression on Tyler’s face. The effervescent, ever present joy that is usually on his face is barely detectable. He looks like he’s aged twenty years in the space of three hours. He looks like the mythological character Atlas holding the weight of the world on his shoulders. Things have been so absolutely insane that I haven’t really had a chance to talk to him other than to find out that he has been given only two days’ notice before he has to report to his commander at his base. I can’t believe how emotional I am. I mean, it’s not like we haven’t been preparing for this for months. He had to go on high alert status since before we became serious. I knew that this day was coming. Ty has done his best to try to prepare me. We’ve sifted through reams of paperwork and done tons of advance planning. I know more about his life than any fiancée should. Yet, somehow this day has still managed to sneak up on me.

  As I feel the heat of his solid bicep through his suit as he escorts me up the aisle and catch a whiff of his cologne, a wave of preemptive longing goes through my body. In a matter of hours, I won’t be able to even touch him. Interestingly, Tara does not separate the members of the bridal party into bridesmaids and groomsmen. She allows us to stand together as couples. I am profoundly relieved to feel Tyler’s solid presence behind me throughout the ceremony.

  I am especially grateful not to be standing alone when Tara becomes emotional. It’s such an unusual reaction from her that it catches me by surprise. When Justice Gardner asks the audience, “Who gives this woman to marry this man?” It takes us all off guard. We hadn’t had a chance to run through the ceremony because there was bad weather and Tara and Aidan’s flight was delayed. Spontaneously, all of Tara’s friends in the audience— and there are many— answer with a resounding, “We do!” It was traditions like this that Tara was most dreading because she lost both of her parents as a child, but it may turn out to be one of the most uniquely touching part of her wedding. Tara is usually completely unfazed by emotional chaos, so it’s disconcerting to see big fat tears roll down her face.

  Just then Mindy sits down her junior bridesmaid bouquet and runs over and gives Tara a hug as she advises in a loud stage whisper, “It’s okay. Your Mom and Dad are watching from heaven. They’re sitting right next to Mom’s Mommy and Aunt Heather’s Grandma and Grandpa. They’re probably having a better time than us because they don’t have to wear itchy clothes and tight shoes.”

  Tara hands me her bouquet and gathers Mindy into a tight hug. “Mouse, you know what? I bet you’re right. They’re probably having a grand time. They would be really upset if they thought that I was sad today. Daddy always wanted me to find somebody just like Aidan. He would’ve liked him so much.”

  “Don’t forget, your mom would have been so proud of your dance studio and craft school too,” Mindy adds.

  Tara gives a little sigh and hiccup of emotion as she responds quietly, “Yes, she would be and she would’ve loved the fact that I found true love. It’s the kind of love story that she and Daddy would’ve had if he hadn’t been killed.”

  Mindy hugs Tara one last time and goes back to her place.

  Kiera wheels forward and hands Tara some Kleenex. She squeezes her hand and says, “Go claim your piece of perfect. You deserve it.”

  Tara nods mutely and walks up to stand in front of Justice Gardner.

  Justice Gardner clears his throat emotionally, “Well, after all that, I’m not sure if we need formal vows.” He winks at Aidan.

  Aidan looks at him with comical alarm and checks his cochlear implants to insure he heard correctly. “Oh no you don’t! Do you know how hard I worked on these?”

  “Just teasing, son. People tend to get sleepy when I talk, so I am just checking to see that you are paying attention,” he says with a totally straight face. All those years on the bench certainly served him well. If I didn’t have dinner with him twice a week, I’d never know he was kidding.

  “Hanging on every word, sir,” Aidan answers, standing straighter.

  “Who wants to go first?” Justice Gardner asks looking between them.

  Tara points to Aidan. “I’ll let the professional wordsmith go first. That way people won’t be dying of curiosity the whole time they’re listening to mine. This way they’ll have realistic expectations.”

  Aidan shrugs and says, “Whatever makes you happy Gracie.”

  Justice Gardner turns to the audience and says, “Ladies and gentlemen, Aidan and Tara have written their own vows today. In an interesting twist, I have not seen them, so this will be as big a surprise to me as it is to you. But, what isn’t a surprise is the depth of love they have for each other. Even if their love story only started the moment they met at Jeff and Kiera’s wedding, it would be extraordinary. But, their story has many deeper layers. Painful layers and triumphant layers, but like the layers of straw that make a basket stronger, they work together intricately. Aidan, I’ll let you start.”

  Aidan pulls a piece of paper out of his pocket, looks at it briefly then seemingl
y changes his mind and puts it back. “I’m fooling myself if I think that my thoughts about you could ever be organized into something coherent. From the moment I met you, you blew every logical thought out of my head. When most kids are in kindergarten, they worry about sharing their toys, I was worried about having to share you. Even then, you were the best thing that ever happened to me. No matter what I tried, you were my biggest fan. You willingly subjected yourself to endless knock-knock jokes, magician’s tricks gone horribly wrong and my epically failed ventriloquism career. Never in all that time, did you tell me that I couldn’t or shouldn’t do something that I dreamed of, regardless of how silly the endeavor. When I watched you fall so stereotypically in love with my much more dashing, athletic big brother— my heart was broken in every clichéd sense of the word. Yet, you respected our friendship enough to try to match me up with all of your friends, never once suggesting that I go from musical mentor to boyfriend material.”

  I watch as Tara flushes under her elegant birdcage veil. “Oh my gosh. I can’t believe you remember that. Worse yet, I can’t believe I did that. I didn’t really want you to date anyone else, but I didn’t want you to be sad either. You must’ve thought I was so terrible,” Tara laments as she clasps Aidan’s hands.

  “Never in my life have I thought you were terrible. Beautiful, ethereal, perfect, stunning, brave, funny, witty, strong, tough, graceful, smart, amazing… Those are the things I think of when I think of you. Never, ever did the word terrible cross my mind. You once asked me why I call you Gracie. Sure, some of it’s an obvious play on your middle name but it’s mostly because I feel so outclassed by you—much like George Burns explained about how he felt about his partner Gracie. I’ve always felt like your presence in my life makes me a better person— that my star shines brighter because you’re beside me.”

  At this point, Tyler knows me well enough to know I’ve completely lost it and he pulls out a handkerchief from his jacket pocket and silently hands it to me so that I can wipe my tears. But, as I look around the elegant meeting room we’ve turned into a makeshift chapel, it’s clear that I’m not the only person who’s having difficulty containing my emotion.

  After everyone— including Tara— has collected themselves, Aidan continues, “When you disappeared from my life, I felt like part of me was missing. I tried to fill the void with adventure, travel, women, more travel and work— lots and lots of work. But, I could never find that elusive piece of happiness and joy no matter how hard I searched. Then one day, I decided to take a last-minute gig for a wedding that was crammed in between other gigs. I wasn’t even sure I wanted to take it because it required quite a bit of driving and was quite frankly in the middle of nowhere. But, something told me I shouldn’t miss the wedding of Jeff and Kiera Whitaker. I am forever grateful I listened to my gut feeling.”

  Many members of the crowd titter with laughter as he starts to recount the story because they were there when it happened.

  “I’ll never forget my total shock as I watched you come down the aisle carrying Becca on your hip. You were like the personification of my daydreams and fantasies— yet so far beyond. It was like you were a walking, talking miracle materializing in front of me. That’s what it’s been like since you came back into my life.”

  You can hear the collective, “Aww,” filter up from the audience.

  Tara turns back and looks at everyone as she says, “See, he’s totally irresistible. I didn’t stand a chance.”

  Aidan grins as he responds, “I seem to recall telling you that a time or two along the way.”

  Tara narrows her eyes as she responds, “Come to think of it, you always were a really big flirt.”

  “Well, I promise to never stop flirting with you. As your husband, I promise to love and cherish you the way you’ve always deserved to be. I promise to be the kind of man your dad always wanted you to have. I promise to bring music to your soul and dance to your heart and always look at you like you hang the moon. Tara Grace Windsong Isamu, I’ve loved you for as long as I can remember and I will love you until we dance at the gates of heaven. It is my honor to join with you in this dance called marriage today.”

  Tears are streaming down Tara’s face. I don’t blame her. I’m sure my makeup is a mess as well. Aidan isn’t even my guy and I’m a blubbering mess over his emotional words. Tyler slides his arms around my waist and squeezes me from behind.

  Tara delicately wipes her face as she answers in a voice rough with emotion, “Throughout our relationship, you have always been the one to push me to be brave and bold. If I thought something was outside of my comfort zone, you were always right there to help me expand my boundaries just a little more. You always believed I could do anything. When we were kids, you were always my biggest cheerleader and champion. If there was a dance or lift was too difficult for me to do, you were the one who made sure I had enough practice and coaching to get it done. You were my number one coach and confidence builder. When I was lonely and scared, you were there for me in a way no one else was. Quite simply you were my best friend. When you disappeared from my life without explanation, I assumed the worst and never bothered to correct my assumptions. I will bear the responsibility of that forever. I should have been there for you and I’m sorry that I wasn’t. But, even when we reconnected and you heard the whole story, you never held my shallowness against me. Instead, you reprised your role as best friend, chief cheerleader and confidence builder. You gave me the strength to face down my rapist and stop giving him power over my life. You brought music and dance back to me in a more powerful way than I ever thought possible. I feel whole because you enabled me to bring parts of my life together that I kept separate before.”

  Aidan is trying hard not to cry. We all are. Tara does not say much as a rule, so when she does, her words tend to be profound as they are at this moment.

  “Before you came back into my life, I had come to believe that love was never going to be in the cards for me. It was the unreachable, untouchable goal that had been stripped from me— first by the death of my parents and the fairytale that they embodied and then again by the violent attack which destroyed all of my faith in humanity. But, just as you did when you were a small child, you rebuilt my trust and faith one drop at a time until suddenly I didn’t just have a small cup, I had an ocean full of love, trust and faith. You told me once if I was patient and had a little trust and faith, you would help me find my inner music so that my heart could dance. It turns out that you were not just full of malarkey. You did help me find all that and so much more. So, Aidan Jarith O’Brien, as your wife, I promise to follow you wherever the music in your soul takes you. I am your partner in good times and in bad. I promise to be your biggest fan and your most honest critic. I promise to love you for who you are and not who you show to the world. If your fame ever goes to your head, I’ll be sure to remind you that you were the guy who climbed on the desks at school in the third grade and nearly fainted when the hamster escaped from his cage and made it all the way up onto the chair.”

  The crowd roars with laughter and Aidan turns bright red as he quips, “Now who’s got a memory like a vault?”

  “Aidan Jarith O’Brien, my parents would’ve been thrilled if they had gotten a chance to know you. My dad would have been pleased as punch to know I love you the way that he loved my mom. I would be honored to have this dance for the rest of my life. I think we’ve wasted enough years trying to find each other again, please make me your wife.”

  Justice Gardner coughs discreetly as he says, “Technically I think that’s my job.”

  Tara steps back, “Sorry, you’re right, William. Please proceed.”

  Justice Gardner beams at Tara. “See now? This one understands how it’s done. I like it when you all treat me like a kindly old grandfather,” he says as he chuckles. “Okay, I may be less than comfortable with the old part, but the rest of it’s okay.”

  He turns to the gathered audience and says, “Ladies and gentlemen—excludin
g those of you who are paparazzi— we are gathered here to celebrate the love story of Aidan O’Brien and Tara Grace Windsong Isamu. They have one of the most extraordinary love stories I’ve ever seen. I’ve only been witness to the second half of their love story but based on what I’ve seen, the first half must have been phenomenal as well. Not very many people get the chance to fall in love twice, but it’s exactly what happened with these two best friends. To hear Aidan tell the story, he fell in love with a shy heartbroken little girl who just lost her hero before he even knew how to tie his shoes.”

  The audience laughs as Justice Gardner pauses briefly and looks down at Aidan’s untied shoe. Tara rolls her eyes and hands her bouquet to Kiera. She gracefully swoops in to tie his shoe almost before we can blink. I hear Mrs. O’Brien comment from the front row, “Isn’t that so sweet? She used to do that as a kid too. It’s a wonder my baby ever learned to tie.” Aidan and Tara both flush a dusky shade of red as Justice Gardner clears his throat softly and continues,

  “But, this isn’t just a story of unrequited love. That timid little girl blossomed and became his confidant and his best friend until tragic life circumstances tore them apart. When they found each other again, Tara became his life-line and helped him overcome his limitations and fears allowing him to become more successful than he’d ever dreamed. Throughout this process, they discovered that throughout the years they had not only been the best of friends but truly in love with each other.”

  Aidan and Tara raise their linked fingers and smile at each other. They are clearly at peace with their choice of each other. It’s the happiest I’ve ever seen Tara.

  “Separately and together Aidan and Tara have been through some incredible challenges, but they have learned to pull together as a team, so it is my pleasure as a member of the judiciary in the State of Oregon to marry them.”

  Justice Gardner turns to Tyler and holds out his hand for the rings. At first, Tyler pretends not to be able to find them. Aidan raises an eyebrow at him and asks, “Are you sure you want to do that? Your wedding is right around the corner and paybacks suck.”