Forever Yours

by Nikki J Summers

  “Oh great! Bang goes our night.” He suddenly groaned and I looked over my shoulder at the door behind us.

  “What the hell is he doing here? He knows this is my girls night with you two.” I jumped off the stool I was precariously balanced on and turned round to face Joe and Max who were heading to the bar. I glared over at Joe, narrowing my eyes and put my hands on my hips in a show of irritation. Max looked sheepish, but Joe had a smug look plastered on his face. He turned to face me and smirked. I growled to myself and turned my back on him. He was really trying his luck tonight if he thought he could get round me on my one night out of the week. This was friend time, my time. I wasn’t going to get sucked into his impenetrable bubble of lust and bail on my friends, no way, never, not happening at all.

  “Hey Robyn, Ella, do either of you two know this guy coming towards us?” Chris asked nodding over to someone behind us.

  We both turned round to check out who he meant and my heart sank to my feet. One bossy male was enough for me to cope with tonight, but now fate had thrown in another curve ball just for me. Striding purposefully towards me in his best suit and looking slightly terrified of his surroundings was Simon. His eyes locked onto mine as he pushed his way through the crowd of people by the door and around the bar, straight past an unsuspecting Joe and Max and before I knew it he was stood right in front of me.

  “Simon. What are you doing here?” I gasped. I couldn’t keep up with tonight. It was all going downhill fast and it was only half past eight.

  “Your Nan said you always come to a bar in the city on a Friday night called Après, so I figured I’d take a chance and here you are.”

  “Here I am!” I shrugged nervously and peered over Simon’s shoulder to check that Joe wasn’t storming over here to knock him out. I couldn’t find Joe or Max so I tried to put them out of my mind and focus on one problem at a time.

  “What’s up Simon? Is everything okay?”

  I couldn’t for the life of me think why Simon, who hated loud music, and wouldn’t normally be seen dead in a place like this, was now standing in front of me after making a three to four hour journey to be here.

  “Well you did say to visit so…”

  “Hold onto your hats shits about to go off.” Chris whispered but loud enough for us all to hear. I knew exactly what Chris was telling me.

  “Ella, who the fuck is this?” Joe was standing behind me, facing Simon and looking like he was about to take him out, and not in a ‘let’s have a drink mate’ kind of way. More a wrestling smack down of epic proportions. Simon stuck his hand out, ever the polite gentleman.

  “Simon Tate, pleased to meet you.”

  Joe just looked down at Simon’s hand like it was the most disgusting thing he’d ever seen. I had to step in. I swung around to face Joe, putting Simon safely behind me.

  “I swear to God, if you lay a finger on him I will call the police and have you charged myself. Back off Joe!”

  Joe looked shocked at my outburst.

  “Please tell me he isn’t the father.” Simon said. Did he have a death wish?

  I spun round to face Simon this time, as Joe told Simon to ‘Fuck off’ aggressively behind me.

  “That’s really not helping Simon. Why are you here?”

  I was getting fed up with this show down already. Refereeing these two was not the way I had planned on spending my Friday night.

  “I came for you Ella. I missed you. You said your place was in the city so I figured if you couldn’t live with me in the countryside I would make the sacrifice and be with you in the city. I want to be with you Ella.” Simon pulled a velvet ring box out of his trouser pocket and I flew into action. I had to act fast to stop this erupting into world war three. I could already feel the waves of anger coming off Joe behind me and I knew he’d never back down from this. Simon was on his territory and messing with his ‘masculinity’. Men really were like lions in the wild, using displays of power to intimidate another lion and try to take what was his. I’d laugh if I wasn’t caught up in the thick of it.

  “Simon we need to talk.” I sighed and spun round to face a red faced Joe. “You need to wait there. I will talk to you in five minutes. Okay?” Joe nodded but never took his eyes off Simon.

  I pushed Simon towards a table at the side of the bar away from the crowds and music and sat down next to him. He looked lost and a little overwhelmed by being here.

  “I’m sorry Ella, I shouldn’t have sprung this on you. I thought it might be a nice surprise. I guess I forgot you have a whole other life down here that I don’t know about.”

  He put the ring box on the table in front of him and started to fiddle with his hands in his lap.

  “It’s lovely to see you Simon, but I meant what I said before. I can’t give you anything more than friendship. It’s nothing to do with where you live. I just don’t feel that way about you. I’m sorry.”

  He took a deep breath and sat still for a while, thinking of what to say or do next.

  “I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, maybe in time things could change? Sometimes that can happen. It does happen Ella. I’d wait for you.”

  He wasn’t listening to me, or at least he didn’t want to hear what I was saying. He pushed the ring box towards me and gestured to it.

  “You can open it if you like. I brought it for you.”

  I picked up the box but I didn’t open it. I put my hands in his and put the box into his hands.

  “It’s not gonna happen Simon. I’m sorry, but I need you to understand that. I won’t change my mind.”

  “So you’d rather be with him, a guy who throws his weight around and acts like a caveman? That’s what you want Ella?”

  “I don’t want anyone right now. I want to be on my own, but when I do settle down it’ll be my decision Simon. I won’t be bullied into it by anyone.”

  “I’m not trying to bully you Ella.”

  I was making a cock up of this, and I need to wrap this up before we started an argument.

  “I know Simon, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to say that. Look, stay and have a drink with us. I’ll make up the sofa for you tonight if you want to stop the night. But tomorrow you need to go back to your life and find someone who’ll love you for you. Someone who wants the things you want Simon. She’s out there somewhere, but it’s not me.”

  He nodded reluctantly and put the ring box back into his pocket.

  “Come on, I’ll introduce you to Chris, Robyn and Max. Just ignore Joe he’s a law unto himself. I’ll sort him out then we can have a drink and catch up. Okay?”

  Simon wasn’t happy but I was at a loss for what else to say to him. He was burying his head in the sand over this, he needed to wake up and face reality. Me and him would never be a ‘thing’ we were two completely different people. I would always break his heart and it was best to do it now than keep him hanging on, waiting for whatever scraps he thought he could live with from me.

  We walked back to the group and I introduced them to Simon. Robyn took him under her wing and agreed to keep him company whilst I talked to a now extremely agitated Joe. I figured it would be better to talk to him outside where he could rant and rave as much as he wanted without causing a scene in front of an audience. However, the way he banged the bar doors open almost shattering the glass made me regret my decision.

  “Bloody hell Joe, calm down you’re scaring me.”

  “I’m fucking mad Ella, if that scares you I’m sorry but I can’t stop it. Who the fuck does he think he is coming in here like that. I should knock him the fuck out.”

  “Stop it. Simon is the last person to be in a fight, he’s not like you Joe, you’d do him real damage. Just calm down for Christ’s sake.” Joe was pacing up and down the street now, his fists clenched at his side.

  “Too bloody right, I’d do him damage. He wouldn’t come back here ever again either, making me look a bloody fool in front of everyone.”

  “He hasn’t made you look like a fool, get ove
r yourself.”

  I grabbed Joe’s arm and pulled him into the alley at the side of the bar and then towards the car park at the back, out of the way of the passers-by who had started to slow down and enjoy the free show.

  “How many times are you going to do this to me Ella?”

  “Do what? What have I done to you Joe?”

  “Make me watch other men try to take you away. That’s the third proposal you’ve had that hasn’t been from me, twice from that prick in there if I’m right?”

  I sighed. He was right and when he said it like that it sounded so much worse.

  “I’m sorry. When you put it like that it sounds…horrible. In my defence I never wanted any of those proposals…only yours.”

  His shoulders dropped, and his fists relaxed. He lent against the wall and ran his hands over his face.

  “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do to put things right. I need you to tell me what to do here Ella.”

  He looked over at me and my heart melted. God I loved him so much, and when he was open and honest with me like he was being now, it tore down all my defences.

  “You’re doing just fine right now.”

  I smiled up at him and stepped towards him putting both of my arms around his waist and resting my head on his chest. He wrapped his strong arms round me and kissed me on the top of the head. His scent made me dizzy and my heart started beating madly. I felt like I wanted to melt into him. He felt like home.

  Slowly he twisted me round so I was against the wall and he lifted both of my arms from around his waist to put them over his shoulders and around his neck. I knew where this was heading and yet again I was helpless to stop it. I didn’t want to stop it.

  He bent down to kiss me and I didn’t hesitate to kiss him back. I’d never grow tired of kissing him, he intoxicated me. I lost myself to him, totally oblivious to where we were or who else could be around. The area behind the bar was pretty dark and the wall where we were was hidden from view by a small alcove. I was putty in his hands and he knew it.

  He pressed his hard muscly body up against mine so I could feel how turned on he was. His hips ground into mine and on instinct I lifted one leg up to wrap around him. He took this as his green light and he lifted both my legs from the back of my thighs and placed them so they were wrapped around him, his weight holding me up now against the wall. He lifted the stretchy skirt of my dress up and ran his hands over my ass, groaning and moving his mouth down to my neck to kiss around and under my ear where he knew I was most sensitive, making me melt against him. I closed my eyes and tilted my head so he could work his magic. My hands running through his hair and over his shoulders as he worked me up into a frenzy of lust and want.

  He yanked on my underwear and used his hand to rub me where I needed him to be, his finger circling and stroking. The mixture of him and what he was doing plus the fear of being caught or seen made me frantic. He slipped a finger inside me, massaging my walls and hitting the spot every damn time, then used his thumb and the heel of his hand to keep up the stimulation I needed in my folds and over my clit. He knew how to work my body, he was a master of it. It belonged to him. I hung my head on his shoulder as my breathing became faster and deeper. I was so close I couldn’t even speak, all I could do was feel and moan. He didn’t slow down for a second, his expert hands and fingers working me up to climax. Then I cried out and shuddered as I came.

  Without missing a heartbeat he pulled his jeans open and slipped them down his thighs, then he picked me up and placed me over his cock, pulling me down onto him. I groaned so loudly at the heady feel of being so completely taken, his cock spearing me and making its mark felt in every nerve ending inside me, around me. It was hedonistic.

  He pounded into me, making my body move up against the brick of the wall, his hands under my thighs and over my ass. The fabric of my dress protecting my back from the roughness of the wall. This was his way of claiming back what he saw as his ownership of me and my body, branding me, marking me. I was building up to another climax fast, holding onto him for dear life.

  Suddenly he changed the tempo, thrusting brutally hard into me and making me scream out his name as he ripped an orgasm from me. He cried out that he loved me as I screamed his name over and over. Then he exploded inside me, grabbing my ass and grinding himself hard into me as he unloaded every last drop into my quaking body.

  My legs were wobbly and I doubted I’d be able to stand after what we’d just done, let alone walk. He held me close, and I breathed him in. I wanted this to work between us, I wanted to try and make a go of us. I was just about to tell him how I was feeling when he said, “If that doesn’t do it nothing will.”

  “What?” I gasped getting my breath back slowly.

  “Your admirer. Doubt he’ll be coming back anytime soon after he’s just watched me fuck you against this wall.”

  My heart froze. What the hell was he saying? Simon had seen us? Worst still, Joe knew Simon was watching and he didn’t care.

  “What the fuck Joe.”

  I pushed him back and pulled the skirt of my dress down. I’d gone from feeling loved to feeling dirty in seconds.

  “Did he really see that?”

  Joe just smirked and laughed quietly to himself.

  “You asshole. You fucking asshole. How could you? God, to think I was just about to ask if we could try again.” His face instantly dropped when he heard me say that.

  “Congratulations Joe, you’ve just made me feel like the dirtiest whore in this city. Fuck you.”

  I went to storm off but he caught hold of my arm, his eyes showing me he was desperate to back track and regain control of the situation again.

  “Ella, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to make you feel like that. I wanted to feel you again, to love you. I didn’t know he’d come walking round the corner. I sure as hell didn’t plan it.”

  “You didn’t stop it either or try to move us so he couldn’t see. How fucking twisted are you?”

  He was sorry I could see that, but something in me snapped.

  “Don’t you think I deserve better than a quick fuck up against a wall, in your car, your office, wherever you want so you can control me. I’m not your whore Joe. One minute you treat me like a cheap tart the next you’re parading me around like a bloody show pony in front of your exes.”

  “Ella, that’s not fair and you know it. I’ve never treated you like a whore. Okay I fucked up tonight but I’d never want to make you feel like that. I didn’t think I ever had.”

  “I’m done with this Joe. Don’t contact me, don’t email me or send me flowers. I’m over this. We are over.”

  “No we aren’t. I said I’d give you space Ella. I meant it…don’t throw it all away because I acted like a jealous prick tonight. I’m sorry…truly I am. Please Ella, don’t I deserve a second chance?”

  “You’ve had more chances than I can remember. I’m not standing here to argue about this anymore. I’m going home…alone. Goodbye Joe.”

  I walked back down the alley and straight into a waiting taxi. Tears streaming down my cheeks as the cab flew down the street. The lights of the city became a blur behind my tears and my heart broke into a million painful pieces.

  13

  I lay in bed listening to the early morning traffic mixed with the last of the dawn chorus. The sunshine rising up and peeking through my curtains hinted at the newness of the day and the possibility of a fresh start. I hadn’t slept well last night, thoughts of the last year swirling around in my overloaded brain. Life wasn’t supposed to be this hard surely. Whenever I saw couples and families it all looked so simple for them. Meet someone, fall in love, get engaged and then married and finally live happily ever after. Why did I always do it wrong? My route always seemed to be; meet someone, give one hundred percent of myself, find out they are a lying cheating hoe bag and get my heart broken then repeat. Maybe I should start seeing someone like Simon, forgo the excitement and the butterflies for predictable and secure. At least I
wouldn’t spend my nights crying into my pillow.

  I looked back on my previous relationships and decided that finding a relationship with a guy who you meet in a club or a bar would always be doomed to failure. Most guys who I met that way were only out for what they could get from you. Joe was no exception he’d said from the start he wanted sex and that was it. He probably let himself get carried away because I was a challenge to him, but he was no different from the rest of them out on the prowl on a weekend. After the instant gratification and not cut out to handle the long term. I was so over those type of guys. Maybe I needed to start going to libraries and museums, my forever guy could be there waiting for me. I felt a tear trickle down the side of my face from my eye and onto my pillow. I thought Joe was my forever guy, but a forever guy wouldn’t let some other guy watch like he had done last night. Joe had reached a new low, he didn’t respect me or want to keep me for himself. I was a trophy to him, a possession. He loved getting one over on Simon, and that was what last night had been about. A bloody pissing contest and all that mattered to him was winning, not me and my feelings.

  I wiped my hand over my face and pulled myself together. ‘Enough moping around Ella’, I scolded myself.

  An hour later I was showered, dressed in my favourite mint green halter neck sundress and skipping down the stairs. Max was sitting on our couch chatting to Robyn and sipping a cup of coffee. He looked at home in our living room his legs sprawled out and his arms resting on the back of the sofa. He glanced up at me as he heard my footsteps and smiled.

  “Hey Max, you’re an early bird. You okay?”

  “I thought I’d pop round and take you for a late breakfast.” He looked down at his watch, “Or an early lunch. Whatever.”

  I laughed and sat down in the old armchair opposite.

  “Bless you, that’s really sweet… Where’s Simon?” I asked cautiously.

  Robyn winced, “He took off pretty quickly last night. He looked totally pissed off. Damn that was one awkward night Ella. Why the hell did you bail on us all so soon?”