Forever Yours

by Nikki J Summers

  “Tight bastards, remind me never to book a party with these guys ever.” Max scolded.

  We sat together drinking the whisky and laughing our heads off at anything and everything until we both felt so drunk that we had swapped leaning against the jet skis parked behind us, to sitting on the floor our feet out in front of us like a couple of teenagers.

  “Do you think we should go back? I mean someone might miss us and think we’ve fallen overboard.” I hiccupped. “They may have the dinghies and under water divers out looking already.”

  He chuckled at me, “God no. Ella I don’t think I could stomach another minute putting on my false smile to that lot. They’re okay in small doses but could you imagine any of them sitting on the floor in here with us?”

  “No!...Why did you come tonight then Max if you’re not that keen on the company?” I took another large gulp of whisky and wiped my hand across my mouth in the most unladylike way as the whisky dribbled down my chin. I couldn’t help giggling and making it worse, whisky spurting over my skirt now and over my face.

  “I’m such a classy lady, I think I’d fit in better with a bunch of sailors than that lot out there.” I joked.

  Max laughed and pretended to wipe the arm of his jacket in disgust.

  “Oh Ella, you have no idea how lovely you are do you?”

  I nudged his shoulder playfully.

  “Neither do you, you’re the cutest guy ever.” I smiled over at him fondly.

  He turned his body to face me grabbed me into a hug and whispered into my ear.

  “I love you Ella.”

  “I love you too Max!” I said back with as much affection as I could in my tipsy state and planted a massive kiss on his cheek.

  He grabbed both of my cheeks into his warm hands and brought my head round to look into his eyes.

  “No Ella, you’re not listening to me, I’m in love with you.” He exhaled slow and deep and his face went from jovial to deadly serious.

  My throat went dry and I was speechless, my expression going from goofy to startled within a second. He leaned down to brush his lips softly against mine in a gentle kiss and I instinctively pulled back, my eyes bulging out of their sockets.

  “I’m sorry.” He murmured looking down to the floor with guilt written all over his kind, loving face. “I shouldn’t have done that.”

  “I don’t understand… How? When?” I was taken aback by his declaration, scared to lose him and petrified to say or do the wrong thing.

  “I’ve always loved you Ella, I just thought I could control it better but I can’t anymore. I think about you all the time. I want to have a chance to make you happy, to look after you. I wish I’d never talked him into coming to the club that night, if he hadn’t been there you wouldn’t have met him, you’d have met me instead. I hate him Ella. He’s been my best friend for nearly thirty years and I hate him. I can’t bring myself to look at him at work and I avoid his calls. He’s not good enough for you. He doesn’t deserve you. You’ve given him so many chances and he just fucks it up every time. I’d never fuck it up, ever.”

  “I don’t know what to say Max. You’ve thrown me off balance. I don’t want to lose you but I don’t think I can be with you, not like that. I’m so sorry I just can’t. Please don’t hate me.” I was begging now and a tear fell down my face. He brushed it away with his thumb and gave a pitiful smile.

  “I could never hate you Ella. I understand, really I do, and I know it’s all a bit much for you to take in right now. I do need you to know this though; if I had to choose between you and him I’d choose you Ella every time. I’d never speak to him ever again if it meant I could be with you.”

  I was totally stunned. I know everyone around me had warned me but it still floored me to hear him say it.

  “I…I can’t even think straight right now. I think maybe I should leave.” I went to stand up but he held my arm to stop me.

  “Ella, all I ask is that you think about it. Think about me, and if there’s even a slight chance that you think we could make it work please tell me, because I would do anything for you Ella. I’d cut all ties with him to be with you. I don’t expect an answer now, but I couldn’t hold it in any more. I’m sorry.”

  I was stunned into silence. The volume of alcohol that had been swimming through my veins a few minutes ago wasn’t helping me now and it was as if someone had thrown a bucket of cold water over me. I was awakened finally and could see things in crystal clarity, and what I saw was messy and complicated. I’d gotten between two friends and the only way out that I could see, that would be best for everyone, was to walk away from them both. But how was I supposed to do that when I loved one like a brother and the other held my heart forever? ‘You’ve done it again Ella, well and truly fucked up big time.’

  I stood up slowly and brushed my dress down in an effort to get rid of the creases. My heart breaking as I knew this could be the end of my friendship with Max. He stood up and placed both of his hands on my shoulders.

  “I’m going to let you go, but not before I make one thing very clear. I am not losing you as a friend. You mean that much to me Ella. If friendship is all we can have then I want that. Please promise me you won’t shut me out. If I thought you’d do that I wouldn’t have told you. Can you promise me that?”

  I sighed and nodded. It would be hard to be friends with Max knowing what I knew now but he was right, I couldn’t just walk away. It was Max. He was like a brother to me, my best friend.

  He lent down to kiss the top of my head and I put my arms around his waist to give him a hug. Why did my life have to be so complicated?

  Not long after Max’s revelation I left the boat and considered calling a cab, but opted for Chris instead. I needed a friendly face and I knew he was at home tonight. He answered straight away and hearing my tone of voice he didn’t hesitate to come and get me. Max was put out that I wouldn’t get a lift home with him, but I needed space. I felt slightly smothered, definitely claustrophobic.

  When Chris pulled over I noticed someone already sitting in the passenger seat. Chris got out and gave me a hug then turned to introduce me to his passenger who was standing at his side.

  “Ella, this is my…boyfriend Ed. Ed this is Ella. Ella has a love life more complicated than a daytime soap drama.”

  “Thanks for that glowing introduction Chris.” I rolled my eyes and held my hand out to shake Ed’s but he grabbed me into a friendly hug followed by two kisses, one on each cheek.

  “I’m so glad to finally meet you Ella, Chris talks about you all the time.” He gushed.

  “It’s good to meet you too. Plus you get to hear all about my latest love life disasters. Lucky you!” I exhaled wearily.

  “Oh come on Cinderella, it can’t be all that bad, you got to the ball and we picked you up before the clock struck twelve.” Ed and Chris grinned at each other and seeing Chris so content made me feel slightly better.

  “Always my fairy Godmother hey Chris!”

  We spent the ride home discussing the events of the night and I listened to Ed and Chris critique my love life as if it was a T.V drama. They both agreed that my best course of action was to gently let Max down and keep my friendship but try to ease away from him so I wasn’t spending quite so much time with him.

  “You can always join us and use us as an excuse.” Ed offered kindly.

  “You know I might just do that.”

  16

  Joe

  I feel like I’m going fucking insane and for the first time in my life since leaving the god damn shit show that was L.A I have no bloody control over anything. I haven’t seen her for nearly four weeks… four excruciatingly long weeks; I feel like I’m about to explode. How long am I supposed to wait to give her the space she needs? Why she needs space from me I don’t know, but I’ve given up trying to figure her out. That woman is an enigma to me. I would gladly die for her but she drives me fucking crazy.

  To top it all off I’ve got police crawling all over my cl
ub and my finances, and my best friend has been avoiding my calls. I need to get laid like yesterday, I’m all wound up like a fucking toy. I need a release badly, but I need it with her. God I miss her.

  Ella. My Ella. Why does she keep playing me, and why the hell am I letting her? Every time I think I’ve figured things out she throws me a flipping curve ball and I’m back in the dark again. I can’t ever win with her. She wants me but she’s scared, she comes close then she pulls away. It’s a total mind fuck being with her, but she’s like a drug to me, I can’t walk away from her, I need my fix.

  Just hearing her name makes me weak with want…need. I miss her face, her voice, her body, damn I even miss the way her curls fall around me and tickle my skin. I miss the way she makes me laugh and how being with her can make me forget the rest of the world exists. I’m so comfortable around her that I could tell her anything, I’d do anything…for her. I hate waking up to an empty bed, cold and fucking lonely. I miss the smell of her, the feel of her skin on mine velvet and soft. Christ I am pussy whipped, but god damn that woman has my heart and my balls in the palms of her hands and she has no idea. She’s fucking squeezing them right now and I’m in agony.

  I’m not normally one for social media, I couldn’t give a rat’s ass who does what, but I was bored waiting to get access to my office this morning as the police did yet another check, so I clicked on Instagram. Great decision…not. There she was looking stunning as she always does, her blue eyes sparkling with pride as she stood hanging onto the arm of my so called best friend Max. They were attending some party on a boat and they looked pretty cosy together. I felt like ripping his fucking head off. He’d have a lot of explaining to do when I got hold of him. What sort of brother was he? It was pretty obvious from what I could see that he’d made a play for my girl. No wonder he was ignoring my calls he couldn’t face me. My best friend…and I wanted to knock him the fuck out for even looking at her.

  So that’s what brought me here today, sitting in my car outside Max’s apartment deciding whether to go in and have it out with him. What if she’s here too? What if I catch them together? I felt murderous just thinking about it.

  I got out the car and made the short walk into the lobby of his building. I was so wired and ready for a fight I didn’t even stop to speak to the security guy. If anyone stopped me I would’ve flipped out on them. I was in crazy Joe mode and no one was going to stop me from getting the answers I needed.

  I banged on his door and heard him muttering for me to wait as he shuffled about behind it. I growled to myself, ‘I swear to God if he’s hiding her in there I’ll go ape shit’. I was so agitated I couldn’t stop flexing my fists and tensing my muscles. He flung the door open and his eyes went wide as he saw who it was banging down his door. The bastard looked guilty as fuck.

  “Trying to avoid me Max?” I snapped pushing my way past him and striding into his apartment. My eyes were everywhere looking for evidence that she’d been here. All I could see were empty pizza boxes and unwashed mugs littering the coffee table.

  “What’s up Joe?” He asked sounding nervous. He bloody should be, I wasn’t about to go easy on him. He pushed the door to and it slammed shut. I crossed my arms over my chest and glared at him, the fury running through my veins growing faster and more lethal by the second.

  “Not much, just my so called best friend hitting on my girl. Apart from that everything’s fucking fabulous.”

  He shook his head but he didn’t deny it. I wanted to rip his place apart I felt so angry.

  “It’s not what you think Joe, just calm down okay.” He was walking slowly towards me now, both hands in the air as if to show me he wasn’t packing anything.

  “Tell me what it is then Max, because you avoiding my calls kinda looks suspicious don’t you think? Are you with her now is that what this is? Four weeks I give her, four fucking weeks and in that time you snake your way in and steal her from me. Some fucking friend you are. You’re a sly fucking bastard. I’d expect it from someone like Charlie but not you Max.” I was starting to raise my voice now, I couldn’t help it I was shaking with fury.

  “No Joe, I’m not with Ella. I’d love to be but I’m not.”

  “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

  “It means that… yeah…I love her, I’ve always loved her and I don’t think you’re good enough for her…”

  “What and you are?”

  “Yeah I think I am. I’d certainly treat her a damn sight better than you ever have.”

  I was seething now, snarling at him and pumping my fist. I was minutes away from knocking the smug bastard out.

  “You don’t have a clue about her and me.”

  “No I don’t, you’re right about that Joe, because it bloody baffles me how you can be such a complete ass hole and she still loves you. Why she’d choose you over me.”

  “So you admit you tried it on?” I took a deep breath ready for the blow.

  “No, I didn’t try it on as you put it. Yes I’ve told her how I feel about her but it doesn’t mean shit, not to her anyway. I’ll always be Max the reliable shoulder to cry on, the friend.”

  “At least you’re being a friend to one of us.” He shook his head at me like I was the one in the fucking wrong here. “So nothing happened, you didn’t kiss her?”

  The subtle change in his face told me all I needed to know. I flew at him and pushed him up against the wall.

  “You bastard, you kissed her!”

  “Fine I kissed her but she didn’t kiss me back she pushed me away so don’t you dare turn this into something it isn’t.”

  I pushed him up against the wall again, so ready to pound my fist into his face, but I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t hit him no matter how violent I felt right now. So I stormed out of the apartment, banging his door shut so hard it must have damaged the hinges. Fucker deserved it.

  It made my mind up on one thing though. I needed to get laid and I couldn’t give a fuck who it was with. I grabbed my phone out of my pocket and scrolled through to find Charlie’s number. Guy was a fucking loser but he could hook me up better than anyone I knew. Five minutes later and my night was planned, a Charlie special. A few drinks in the clubs then take your pick of the pussy on offer. I was going to fuck Ella Reid out of my head. I was done.

  17

  “Ella, I can’t believe that a year ago we were trying to get you out to meet new guys and now you’re freaking fighting them off girl.” Robyn laughed.

  “It’s not funny Robyn! My life is a total mess. Why can’t I just have a simple life like everyone else?”

  “Oh Hun, a man like Joe is never gonna give you a simple life. Maybe you should choose Max, ride off into the sunset with him. He’s cute and funny. Or there’s still Simon! You could hide in the countryside baking cakes and shit!”

  “Or run away from all three and join a nunnery. That sounds like my favourite option right now.”

  Max had messaged me over the weekend and he’d agreed that us being together would be a disaster in the making. I loved him but only ever as a friend. He took it well and I was relieved. I’d have hated for it to cause a rift between us.

  The doorbell rang and I stood from the sofa to answer it, letting Robyn stay sprawled all over the armchair, mug of tea in her hand.

  “Hey Ella, can I come in? If you’re still talking to me that is?”

  “Of course I’m talking to you Max, come on in. Do you fancy a tea or coffee?”

  “No thanks I’m fine. I thought I’d better come round to give you a heads up. Joe is on the war path. He found out that I took you to that party and it kinda slipped out that I told you how I felt about you. Sorry!”

  He looked remorseful but it didn’t stop the butterflies invading my tummy with dread for what I had to come my way. The tornado that was an angry Joe was formidable and something anyone would avoid at all costs. It wouldn’t matter that I hadn’t actually done anything wrong, just heard a declaration of affection for me, oh no. He’
d release hell on anyone involved and that included me.

  “Great, I’m in for a fun time then. Please say he isn’t on his way over here now.” I pleaded.

  “I doubt it, he’s probably put a picture of me on his punch bag and is pounding my face in as we speak. I was lucky I only got thrown against the wall. He was so close to hitting me Ella.”

  “He threw you against a wall? He’s crazy Max. I’m so sorry.”

  “It’s not your fault Ella. I suppose I have been a pretty shit friend to him lately, but I’m tired of kissing his ass. He’s a selfish Motherfucker.”

  “Don’t mince your words Max!” I joked.

  “It’s true, he’s only thinking about himself lately.”

  Max’s phone pinged a message and he gave a sarcastic laugh before throwing it down onto our coffee table in front of him.

  “So Joe’s organising a night out with all the lads and Charlie is the one to invite me.”

  “I suppose you’re not his favourite person at the moment, but maybe you should go Max. It might help to build bridges.” I suggested.

  “I’m not sure I want to.” He sighed then said, “You’re right though, and if Charlie is involved it could turn ugly. I should go along just to make sure no one ends up in jail for the night.”

  “Might help cool him off.” Robyn piped up smiling. “Ella, you up for Après tonight? Chris and Ed are coming. You need to have a night out with Ed he’s hilarious and he pays for every round, its ace.”

  “I’m not gonna free load off him, but yeah let’s do it. I could do with a laugh.”

  I wore a silver sparkly mini dress that left very little to the imagination, left my messy curls to fall down my back and donned little silver strappy sandals. It was the ultimate party outfit, I felt like a disco ball. Robyn and I bounced out of the house feeling carefree and ready for adventure, then when the cab pulled up outside Après we bounced back out again, air kissing our favourite doormen as we passed them and dancing off towards the bar.