Sex God

by J. a Melville

  “He treated you badly sis. He hit you and was a real asshole to you. It’s hard to be all forgiving and accept that he’s going to be part of your life and the baby’s now. How do you know he won’t flip out and fuck off again in a week’s time or something?”

  I sighed heavily at my brother’s pigheadedness. “I told you, we’ve sorted everything out now. He told me he loves me Leo. I love him. He’s scared about the baby of course but then I’m a little scared too. They don’t come with instruction manuals you know. Plus, I told you he’s had a terrible life. I can’t tell you what, because I’m the only person he’s told, and I’m not betraying his trust. All you need to know is, we love each other and you, are going to be civil. For crying out loud, you were friends at one point. I would like you to try and get along.”

  “Fine.” He muttered his expression sullen.

  “Thank you.” I rolled my eyes at him just as we heard the intercom buzz.

  I rushed to let Shay come on up and waited for him to reach our apartment, my heart beginning to flutter with excitement. I hadn’t seen him for a few days as he’d been on a tight schedule with a photo shoot up the other end of the state.

  When I heard him knock, I rushed towards the door, jostling Leo out of the way when he went to answer it for me. He burst out laughing and he was still laughing when I opened the door to Shay, looking incredibly sexy in dark blue jeans, white tee-shirt and a long sleeved blue shirt over the top that was unbuttoned and hanging free.

  I couldn’t do anything for a moment but stare at him, with his short beard neatly trimmed and his hair pulled back into its customary sleek ponytail. I couldn’t move, my eyes simply taking in every single gorgeous inch of him as he stood in the open doorway.

  “Jesus sis, stick your tongue back in your mouth, will you? Are you going to let Shay in or just spend the evening ogling him on the doorstep?” Leo’s amused voice dragged me out of my drool fest and I glared at my brother.

  I reached for Shay, dragging him inside and immediately launched myself at him, pressing my lips to his and kissing him. I kissed him hungrily, desperately, doing everything I could to make him aware of just how much I’d missed him, and how much I loved him.

  I don’t know how long we kissed, our lips moving frantically over one another’s. I clung to him, consumed by his touch and taste, and smell. It was the pull of his Brut aftershave of course. I loved that old aftershave. It was a turn on for me, but when it was on Shay, well that was like putting my desire for him on steroids. I couldn’t get enough and I tightened my grip on him, almost trying to crawl inside him in a desperate bid to get closer.

  “For fuck’s sake, get a damn room. I’m not hanging around watching you two play ‘find the tonsils’ all damn night.” Leo’s voice sounded strangely close and when I reluctantly dragged my lips from Shay’s, my annoying brother was standing right up close to us, studying us as if we were some sort of scientific experiment.

  “Haven’t you got something better to do?” I snapped at his interruption.

  “You told me to play nicely with Shay and not kick his head in so that’s what I’m doing.” He smirked, and I rolled my eyes.

  “Is this evening likely to turn into me getting my head kicked in?” Shay asked. “Because I’m not really dressed for it.”

  Leo burst out laughing, slapping Shay on the back, and I breathed a sigh of relief. It never ceased to amaze me how much my brother’s mood could swing from one extreme to the other. He really did act like he was schizophrenic, but watching him with Shay gave me hope their friendship could be saved.

  We all finally gravitated away from the door and sat down. I got beers for Shay and my brother while I settled for a juice. I sat down and Shay immediately circled my waist to draw my body against his. It felt so good to be back in his arms and a relief too. Part of me had worried so much that once he was away from me for a few days, that his natural tendency to go into self-preservation mode would kick in and he’d shut down to me again.

  He wasn’t doing it though. He was clearly happy to see me and wanted me close, and I was more than happy to just sit there sipping my juice and listening to the two men talk and catch up. It was a relief they were talking and acting more relaxed around one another than I’d seen them in a long time. I hated that things had become strained between them because of me.

  Eventually as the evening progressed, I ordered pizzas for us all and we ate and talked. Leo turned into our father and questioned Shay about his intentions for me and I nearly ended up in tears when he surprised me by sharing his past with my brother.

  To say Leo was shocked was an understatement. I prayed he’d have some tact and not say anything stupid or insensitive but for once he seemed to realise this wasn’t the time, and he showed a level of maturity I didn’t know he was capable of.

  The hours ticked by and I began to feel tired, lulled into a sleepy state by the food and the warmth of Shay’s body against mine. As my fatigue increased, I flopped against him, half lying over his chest and he held me, one hand rubbing my back in a soothing, comforting gesture. It was so unlike him. For someone who hadn’t let anyone get close to him, he’d certainly changed.

  It was getting late and I wanted to go to bed but I didn’t know if Shay was going to spend the night with me or go home. Yawning noisily, I decided I’d ask him, hoping he’d say he was staying, but before I could open my mouth to voice the question his phone began to ring. He’d left it sitting on the glass top coffee table and since it was set on vibrating, it didn’t exactly ring, it was more a case of it buzzing, drawing the attention of all of us. I sat up so he could lean forward and retrieve it and I couldn’t help but wonder who would be calling him at this hour?

  He answered and I heard him speak, then silence as he listened. As I watched him trying to get a hint as to what was going on. I saw the colour leach out of his face and leave him pale beneath his olive complexion.

  His responses became stilted and after a few minutes he hung up the phone, dropping it back on the table. He didn’t say anything, just sat there, looking so pale, I began to worry. Clearly the call had not been good news. It was evident in the pallor of his skin and the vacant look in his eyes.

  Suddenly worried he was going to retreat within himself again, I pulled myself upright, turning on the lounge to face him. “What’s wrong baby? Who was that?” I asked.

  Slowly his head turned to me, his eyes still blank, his face devoid of all expression. My heart began to pound and I felt my stomach roll ominously as all possible scenarios flashed through my head. Finally, his eyes turned to mine and he blinked rapidly as if seeing me for the first time.

  “That was the police. My father was found dead in his home. Cause of death unknown.” His voice was low, monotone, as he delivered the shocking news. “He’s dead. He’s dead.” He repeated the words, spoken so softly I almost didn’t hear them.

  “Oh my god.” I couldn’t find anything better than that to say to him. My mind was strangely blank, as blank as Shay’s face. God, what was he thinking? Was he happy or not? Given the kind of person his father was, this would be good news to him. Wouldn’t it?

  Shay

  “Dead…dead…dead…dead…” The words reverberated around in my head and I had to concentrate for a moment to be sure this was real and that I wasn’t somehow dreaming the phone call I’d just received.

  ‘It’s over. He’s gone. You’re free.’ The voice echoed in my head and slowly I felt the tension in my body begin to drain from it until I collapsed against the lounge. He was dead. My asshole father was dead. He was gone. I was free. Finally, I was free.

  “Did they say what killed him?” Lyla asked.

  “I can’t believe he’s fucking dead.” Leo added. “You only just told me about what he did to you and now he’s dead? None of us are going to have the satisfaction of going to his house and tearing him a new asshole?”

  “The police didn’t see anything suspicious but we won’t know the cause of death
until the autopsy.”

  Lyla’s arms came around me and hugged me tight to her and although I wasn’t sad to hear about my father, tears still found their way down my cheeks. I leaned into her, absorbing her warmth and the love she radiated. As she held me I inhaled her sweet scent, weeping silently for the childhood I’d never had. As I wept I felt the relief flow through me. I wouldn’t have to deal with him again. I wouldn’t have to see him again. I was free. Finally, free from the man who had abused me most of my life.

  “So, what happens now?” She asked.

  “I’ll drop in at the police station tomorrow. I want to hear what happened. How he was found? Who found him? I need to know.”

  “I’m sorry Shay. I don’t know what to say. Despite what he did to you, I’m guessing these-“ She raised a hand to brush at the tears on my cheeks, “are from relief not grief?”

  My eyes darted from her to Leo. If we’d been alone I might have told her exactly what I was thinking and feeling, but with her brother’s attention fixed on us, I didn’t feel comfortable with opening up. I’d already done so, by telling him about my past. I wasn’t ready for him to hear what was going through my head now. I had to get out of here.

  “Yeah.” I said, too distracted right now to give more than that. I jumped up, running my palms down my tee-shirt. “I need to go. I can’t…I can’t be here right now. It’s late and you need to sleep and I can’t do that.” My eyes shot from her to Leo. When I focused on Lyla again, I gave her a pointed look, somehow trying to convey without words what was going on inside me right now.

  She climbed to her feet, her eyes meeting mine and I knew exactly what she was doing. She was trying to read me to work out what was going on inside me. I saw her expression soften and her hands came up either side of my face, pulling it down to hers.

  I watched her lips come towards mine and I thought she was going to kiss me but at the last moment she turned her head, her lips skimming my cheek until they were pressed against my ear.

  “I’m not tired baby. I know what you need. Let me take care of you. Come to bed with me and I don’t mean to sleep.” Those whispered words were all the fuel I needed and immediately I was hard. Hard for her, hard at her words and hard because this amazing, beautiful woman understood me. She knew that sex was my coping mechanism and right now I needed to be buried inside her so damn badly.

  I felt so confused right now. My father was dead. I’d wished for this for so long, so why wasn’t I feeling better? I thought his death would bring about instant gratification for me but instead I felt so many conflicting emotions. I didn’t know how to deal with those emotions and I’d been prepared to leave and go drive around for hours or exercise until I was a quivering mass of abused muscles, because I didn’t want to look selfish by asking Lyla for sex.

  She’d known though. She’d known just by looking at me, what it was that I needed. I needed sex. I needed her, because sex had always been one of my ways to cope when I was stressed. She was offering her body to me so I could fuck away the torment and confusion I was feeling.

  “Well, it’s late. I think I’ll go to bed.” Leo said loudly and I saw Lyla shoot him a grateful look. He knew that she was encouraging me to stay. He might not know exactly why she wanted me to stay but he probably had a pretty good idea we weren’t going to be sleeping. It was important to me that Leo didn’t hate me, because I was in love with his sister and nothing would make me give her up, not even him.

  I watched Leo stand up and make a show of stretching and yawning before he stepped around the coffee table and headed towards the short hallway. Turning back briefly he said, ‘Good night’ before disappearing from our sight.

  As soon as he was gone I turned to Lyla. “I wasn’t going to look for another woman to fuck.” I said, keeping my voice low in case Leo was still within earshot.

  She smiled, pressing the smallest of kisses against the corner of my mouth. “I know that Shay. I trust you. But I also know that sex is your coping mechanism and I’d sooner you lose yourself in me than charge out of here and flog that car of yours around all over the place or something equally stupid.”

  Her words surprised me. “You know me that well? I’m that easy to predict, am I?”

  “Yes and no.” She smiled. “This isn’t all about some selfless act on my part. It’s for my own benefit too. If you’re here, I know you’re safe. After hearing about your father, I don’t want you doing something crazy, and driving that sports car of yours fast, would be crazy. If you can’t have sex, you’ll look for some other method of coping, I know you will.”

  “So, you’re prepared to have sex in this apartment with your brother just down the hall? What if he hears us? He’s not likely to burst his way in and smack me up the side of the head, is he?” I asked.

  Lyla laughed as she stepped up closer to me. “I’ll let you in on a little secret. Leo knows I have sex. I think this pretty well states the obvious.” She waved a hand at her stomach. “He has sex here. Even if I didn’t hear him sometimes, I know he does because I’ve often had to deal with the fallout the next morning. Many times, I’ve come across scantily clad, or not clad at all bimbos around the apartment.” She brought a hand up to my cheek, a hint of mischief in her eyes. “Does it make you nervous knowing my brother is just down the hall? You’re not going to suffer from performance anxiety, are you? Maybe stop me from having my way with you?”

  I grinned at her words. “I don’t give a shit if your brother hears us. I’ll just have to make sure I fuck you so damn well he hears you scream my name, over and over again. As for you having your way with me? I don’t usually let anyone have their way with me baby. I like being in control. You know why.” I leaned in closer to her, lowering my eyelids until I was looking at her from between my lashes, smiling when I heard her draw in a sharp breath. Taking one of her hands in mine, I pressed it against the zipper of my jeans. “You tell me. Does that feel like I’m going to suffer from performance anxiety?” I asked.

  Her expression sobered. “No…” She cleared her throat. “Not really.” I could hear the husky tone in her voice and her fingers curled around my hard length through my jeans. Shaking her head as if to clear it, she raised her eyes to mine. “I know you like to be in control but I love you and I’m not going to hurt you. Trust me enough to let me pleasure you. Let me give you something to take your mind off the news about your father. I know it has to be a shock despite what an asshole he was.”

  I stared down at her, my eyes moving over her stunning face. There was so much in those blue eyes of hers. I could see her love and her pain. My pain reflected in her eyes. I knew she was concerned for me and how I was taking the news of my father’s death. Lastly, I saw the question on her face. She wanted me to trust her.

  She understood why I needed control. Hell, she knew every terrible secret of mine and she still looked at me with love and adoration that blew me away every time I saw it in those expressive blue eyes. She was asking for one night. Not even a full night, really. Just a few hours where I gave myself over to her and trusted that she would never do anything to hurt me or freak me out.

  I stared down at her, looking deep into her eyes and made my decision. My father was dead and although some might think it very wrong of me to feel that way, I was glad the bastard was dead. I wouldn’t have to deal with him anymore. No more being summoned to see him each month. No more of his sneering tone and the hatred I’d always see in his eyes when he’d look at me. It was time to exorcise those demons. Free myself from the years of pain and torment he’d caused me. It was time to start afresh, and what better way to do it than to let the first woman who had ever captured my heart, ‘have her way with me’ as she’d put it.

  Reaching for her hand, I raised it to my lips, brushing them across her knuckles. Back and forth, keeping the contact little more than a feather light touch over her soft skin, I closed my eyes for the briefest moment, before opening them again.

  “Take me to your bedroom and have yo
ur way with me.” I said and my heart skipped a beat when she smiled up at me, a smile that lit up her whole face.

  Curling her fingers around mine, so she now held my hand, she led me across the living room, down the hallway, to her bedroom. I followed her inside and watched as she closed the door, flipping the lock to engage it.

  I swallowed noisily, my heart beginning an erratic tattoo in my chest at the sound of the lock. It caused a fleeting moment of panic when I remembered another time and place where the sound of a door locking meant I was locked in with my rapist.

  Fighting my rising panic, I let my eyes move to Lyla’s, soaking up every gorgeous inch of her. As if she sensed something, she came to me, concern etched across her features and I felt the familiar warmth of her embrace, and the calming touch of her lips to mine.

  With the memories beginning to fade away again, her lips pressed more firmly to mine and she kissed me passionately, her arms rising to circle my neck, her tongue seeking entry to my mouth. I groaned, reaching for her to drag her closer but she surprised me, breaking free and backing up until my hands had nothing to hold onto but air.

  Before I had time to recover and reach for her again, she dropped to her knees. Looking down at her I saw the determination in her eyes and it was enough to ignite my excitement at the prospect of what was to come.

  I watched as Lyla’s hands came out, unbuckling my belt, before popping the waistband of my jeans open and slowly lowering the zipper, her eyes raised to mine as she did it.

  My lips parted, needing to suck air in at a faster rate now as she reached inside the denim, her tongue sliding along her lower lip before becoming lodged at the corner of her mouth. Eagerly, my eyes darted from that tongue that I hoped I’d feel on me soon, to the sight of her pulling my cock out, her expression lighting up as if she’d just found the ultimate prize in the lucky dip. God what this woman did to me.