Now They Call Me Gunner

by Thom Whalen

  * * *

  My next day off was Tuesday. I rode up to Oak Falls and dropped in on Monk in the middle of the afternoon.

  I suppressed my terror and forced myself to look cool.

  He looked surprised to see me. He pulled his hands out of the middle of a motorcycle engine and laid a big wrench aside. “Where’s your girlfriend?”

  “She doesn’t have any part of today’s business,” I said.

  “She didn’t have fun at the party with Wasp and the boys?” He smirked and some of the dirt caked on his cheek cracked and flaked away.

  He hadn’t been there, but they must have told him about what had gone down. His smirk said that he’d heard Friendly or Jimbo’s version, not Buck’s.

  “Her part is over now. I’ve got what I needed.”

  “What’s that?”

  “A much better idea about how the Road Snakes party.”

  “Next time, invite me, too. I’m the life of the party.”

  “I bet you are,” I said.

  He and I looked at each other for a minute, then he said, “So why are you back here?”

  “It’s time for me to wrap up my business with the Road Snakes. I’d like to talk with all of you at the clubhouse tonight.”

  “We should care what you’d like?”

  “You should.”

  “Why?”

  “I’ll explain it to everyone tonight.”

  “You won’t be explaining nothing if we don’t want to see you.”

  “You’ll want to.”

  Monk sneered. “You think? You better be right because I’ll tell you what. We’ll throw another party tonight, just like the last one. You and your girlfriend are invited. And if she don’t come, ready and happy to put out, then we’ll just make you the life of the party, instead. Maybe with a baseball bat. How’s that suit you?”

  My gut was in knots but I managed to keep my voice steady. My survival depended on my ability to sound confident. “No girlfriend. No party. This is strictly business tonight. You tell Wasp, Friendly, Bucks, and Jimbo that it’s time for a serious sit-down to discuss where the Road Snakes are going.”

  “Ain’t you the bossy little piss-ant. Your boyfriend going to be there, too?”

  “You mean Randal? No. His part of this business is over, too. I’m the final word, not him. The rest of this business is just between me and the Road Snakes. I’ll be at the clubhouse at seven. Make sure that everyone’s there.”

  I didn’t wait for an answer. I returned to my bike and drove off without looking back.

  I had four hours to wait and I didn’t feel like riding all the way home and back. Instead, I rode further up into the mountains and explored various back roads. It was about as pleasant a way to spend my last hours as any other. But it wasn’t enough to distract me from thinking about walking into the lions’ den. I didn’t bother with a last supper. I wouldn’t have been able to keep it down.

  At seven, sharp, I turned into the Kenny Mill driveway. I had ridden down this bit of dirt lane so often that it felt almost like coming home.

  There were five bikes parked in front of the clubhouse. I added mine to the row and went inside, trying to look tough and confident.

  There were no women present, just the five members of the Road Snakes sitting in a rough circle. This wasn’t a party. That was good. They had cans of Iron City beer in their hands. More cans littered the floor. The Snakes had been drinking for a while. Maybe smoking up, too. They weren’t on top of their game. That was good, too.

  Wasp spoke as soon as I entered. “You called this meeting, Gunner. You better have a good reason.” He was slurring his words a little.

  I liked the way it was starting. They were wasted but acting serious. No comments about Katie or partying. It was the way a trial in a cowboy movie would start. Then they’d lynch the guy in the end.

  I sat in an empty chair. Five pairs of hostile eyes watched every move that I made.

  “Let me get right to the point,” I said. “You made it clear that you want to join the Hells Angels. You’re a small group, but you raised their interest enough for them to want to check you out and see if you’re serious.”

  I paused and looked at each of them in turn, trying to give my words a full measure of gravitas. My life depended on the impression that I was about to make.

  Five pairs of hostile eyes watched me, waiting for me to get to the point.

  “I was sent here to do that,” I said.

  Wasp barked a laugh. “You telling us that you’re a Hells Angel.”

  I shook my head. “Nope. I’m not even close to being an Angel. The first time we met I told you that I was unaffiliated. The Angels wouldn’t bother sending a full patch member out here for a preliminary survey. He wouldn’t learn enough about you in one day and the Angels don’t waste their time on groups that, nine times out of ten, aren’t even close to qualified. That’s why they contract to me. I do the preliminary survey and report back.”

  “You don’t say,” Wasp said.

  “Behind all the mythology, the Angels are a business. They party hard, but they also mind the store. They don’t goof around when they’re on the job. You’re going to have to figure that into your decision if you get invited to join with them. I’ll tell you up front, if you get the nod, you better not agree without thinking it through. It’s a commitment that you don’t want to take lightly. And it’s not something that you can fuck up without consequences. Severe consequences.” I’d never uttered the word, fuck, out loud before, but it was necessary here and now. I was proud of myself for not stuttering or blushing when I did it.

  It seemed to work. All the Snakes were nodding gravely as they thought about the implications of my words.

  Which were pure bullshit. I didn’t know the first thing about how the Hells Angels operated. I could only hope that the Snakes knew less and were buying my bluff.

  “I don’t get it,” Friendly said. “What about you bringing that tasty little dish up here a couple weeks ago? You telling me that wasn’t… That you expected us to… To do what we did?”

  I was ready for that question. This was where the rubber met the road. Either they were going to accept my story or they were going to decide that I was a fraud and rip me apart. “First party, Randal and me, was to see if you played well with others. That was Randal’s show and I kept a low profile and observed. Good party. High marks. No problem. You guys could keep company with the Angels without question.

  “The next issue was how you got along with civilians. That’s a lot trickier. I brought the jailbait up to see what you’d do with her. She knew the risks. She knew that we were coming unarmed and that I couldn’t guarantee her safety. But she’s cool. She was ready to play it however it went down. She was getting a payoff for her performance that was enough to make it worth her while. She’s not quite the blushing virgin that she pretended. If she hadn’t been interrupted, she would have made you all very happy.”

  The Snakes looked bemused at that revelation. Jimbo gave Bucks a sharp look. He figured that Bucks had cheated him out of a good time.

  Wasp pursed his lips. “So what are you going to say about the way we treat civilians?”

  “That you treat them about how we’d expect. If civilians are going to act the fool, then they’re going to be taught a lesson. I assume that you didn’t intend to do permanent injury to the kitten.”

  “No. Just have a little fun.”

  “And teach her a lesson,” I prompted.

  “Right. Make sure that she understands what we’re all about.”

  “That’s fine,” I said. “But that little experiment revealed a lot more than I expected. We need to talk about that and I need you guys to be straight with me. Okay?”

  “Okay,” Wasp said. He looked at the other Snakes and they nodded.

  “Issues came up that day that I didn’t expect. Issues that are core to the Angels. Issues of honor, respect, brotherhood, and discipline. I’ve never before seen the essenti
als laid out so clearly in front of me like that.”

  “Before?” Wasp asked.

  “Sure. This isn’t my first gig. The Angels wouldn’t trust my assessment if I didn’t have a track record. Like I said, they don’t goof around when they get down to business.”

  I looked at the Snakes and they were nodding slowly.

  “How old are you?” Wasp asked.

  I was nonplussed by the question. I’d hoped that I’d been acting confident enough to put my age problem aside. “Not old. A little older than I look, but not old enough to be a full-patch Hells Angel. That’s why it’s important that I have a good track record.” I smiled what I hoped was a grim smile. “I can’t afford to make mistakes. Like I said, the consequences can be severe if you fuck up when you’re dealing with the Angels. Even if you look as harmless as me.” It was time to put the ball back in their court. I looked at Friendly. “Do you think I look harmless?” I made my voice as cold as I could.

  “Not any more,” Friendly said.

  “Good man.” I smiled what I hoped was a dangerous smile. If I were a bad actor and all these smiles looked goofy, if the Snakes were just toying with me, then I was not going to survive the evening. “So let’s get on with business. Tell me what happened when Buck and Candy arrived and found you guys about to go three on one with the kitten.”

  Friendly looked at Jimbo and then they both looked at Bucks. Their look was a warning for him to keep his mouth shut.

  “You saw. Candy offered us a better deal. That’s all. We didn’t know about your girlfriend but we all know how good Candy can be when she puts her mind to it. We went for the sure thing.”

  I let the silence grow for a minute. The Snakes were fidgeting. Even Wasp. “You said that you were going to be straight with me,” I said, pronouncing each word slowly but pitching my voice so softly that they had to strain to hear. “Now you’re handing me a pile of bullshit.” I raised my voice. “Let’s go at this another way. Tell me how it went down with The Doll and Billy. And this time, the whole truth, blunt and hard, or I’m out of here.” I looked at Wasp. “And let Bucks tell it. He’s the one who knows.” I turned to look at Bucks.

  The silence was deafening. I was sure that I’d overplayed my hand and that they’d had enough of me.

  I waited for them to jump out of their chairs and stomp me to death. Or whip out knives and mince my guts to hamburger. Then they’d weight my body and toss it into the nearest body of water like they had with Billy.