Living Again

by L. L. Collins

  Her phone rang and she jumped. Seeing it was Rachel, she tried not to sound disappointed when she answered. “Hey, Rach.”

  “I know I’m not who you wanted to hear from,” she said, more serious than Rachel usually was. “I have an idea. Come to the beach. I’m staying at my parents’ beach house for a few days. I know it’s not really the time of year for the beach, but during the day it’s still pretty warm. Bring Lexi and come relax. There’s something nice about being at the beach, even if it’s too cold to be in the water.”

  “He’s coming home tonight,” Kayley answered. “I have to be here. I have to get through to him.”

  Rachel sighed. “Let me know if you change your mind. You remember where it is?”

  “Yes,” Kayley said, feeling the vibrate of a text come through. “I have to go. Thank you, Rachel.”

  She hung up the phone, switching to her text screen. The sender was a blocked number. There were pictures attached and no message. Opening the message, her heart plummeted to the floor as she saw what they were. It was Ben, sitting at a small table in what looked like the hotel, with a gorgeous woman sitting next to him. She was touching him. He had a small smile on his face. Sinking to the couch, she opened the next one. Same, but this time his hand was on hers and she was smiling at him. Her stomach convulsed, threatening to purge what she had eaten for dinner.

  Shaking, she opened the next one to see this woman’s arm on Ben’s back. The two of them were sitting very close, their heads together. She felt like she was underwater. Everything was muffled and she was sinking, about to drown in grief. There were two more? She might die of a heart attack before then. I can’t do this, Kayley, he had said. You need to go. We’ll see each other next week.

  He had gone to New York and had a fling. He was getting back at her. Who sent these pictures? Shaking, she dared to open the next one. This time, the two of them were standing up, hugging. Their bodies were pressed close together, and his arms were holding her tightly. “My God,” she breathed, the pain so deep she could hardly blow air out of her lungs. “Why, Ben?” Clicking the last one, she put her hand over her mouth as she saw Ben and this woman, still in an embrace, but leaning backward so they could see each other’s faces. Big smiles adorned both of their faces. He hadn’t been smiling like that when he left here. Here was the proof. When he came back, he wasn’t coming back to her. She had ruined them. She looked at Alexis, and she swore her heart stopped. Now Alexis just didn’t lose one daddy, she lost two. How would she ever help her understand he wasn’t coming back?

  Walking down the hall so Alexis wouldn’t see her lose it, she ducked into the guest bedroom. Lying face down on the bed, she sobbed into the pillow, muffling the screaming pain coming from her mouth. This bed, where her and Ben had laid, talking, kissing, and falling asleep together for the first time. She really thought that she had a future with him. They were going to be a family. Her body writhed on the bed, the loss of Ben so great that she knew, she just knew that she would never recover. Laying there, allowing the sobs to subside and her tears dry, she started reconstructing the walls around her heart that had been so wonderfully destroyed by Ben.

  Going back to her phone, she checked for more messages. Same blocked number. Looks like he’s having fun in New York without you. Who in the world got her number? Did Ben give it to them? Was he the one sending them?

  Exiting the message and texting Rachel, she headed for Alexis’ room to pack her up. She was taking Alexis to her parents, and she was going to the beach. If Ben came looking for her, she would not be found. She might’ve made the mistake in not telling him about meeting Cooper, but she didn’t sleep with someone. It was obvious he was done with them. And if that was the case, she was done with him, too.

  Kayley dug her toes in the sand, looking out at the water. It was chilly, but not freezing. She wore a sweatshirt with the hoodie over her head, shielding herself from the world. She had dropped Alexis at her parents with a quick explanation that she needed some time to think. They, of course, knew what had happened with Ben. They were sympathetic, but she also shielded them from some of what he said. They reassured her that Ben would come around, but she knew better. She also neglected to tell them that he had an affair while in New York. She just couldn’t say the words.

  “She’s here,” Kayley heard Rachel on the phone behind her. “Some random person sent her some pictures of Ben and some lady at the hotel. They looked- uh- very cozy.” Rachel paused. “Yes, I’ll send them to you. No, she hasn’t heard from him. He’s supposed to be back sometime tonight. Are you coming over? Okay see you then.”

  “That was Emily,” Rachel said, settling down in the sand next to Kayley. “She’s coming over after she gets Cate to bed.”

  Kayley nodded, not having any words to respond. She was thankful for her two best friends, but her heart was so broken, she didn’t have any energy to talk about it anymore. When she had gotten here, crying so hard she couldn’t hardly walk, all she did to explain herself was shove her phone at Rachel and walk out to the beach. Rachel had seen the pictures and gotten on the phone with Emily, and in true friend fashion, not questioned her. She didn’t need to. They both had seen her over the past few days, heard what had happened and had to try to keep Kayley from having a complete and total breakdown. She had been determined to get him back tonight. Now, she was right back where she was five days ago, but worse. She knew how Ben felt now. Seeing her with Cooper after what he had been through with Zoey had to have completely destroyed his trust in her. Why didn’t she just tell him she was going to meet Cooper? God, she was so stupid.

  Now, having seen those pictures of him, while it wasn’t showing him actually kissing her or doing anything inappropriate, it was enough to insinuate what they had been doing. It make her feel the same way he felt. Destroyed. Angry. Betrayed.

  Rachel reached out and put her arm around Kayley’s shoulders, and she leaned into her friend, allowing her to try to comfort her. If it could really help, she would gladly take it. Nothing could take away the pain of losing Ben this way. It was almost worse than death. It was his choice to leave.

  Kayley’s phone buzzed again, and Rachel looked at the screen. “It’s the blocked sender again,” she told her. Kayley lifted her head, looking at the screen.

  “What does it say?”

  “It says, ‘How does Dr. Zoey Peterson look?’”

  Kayley gasped, and Rachel looked at her, a question in her eyes. “Who is that?”

  “Ben’s ex-fiancée,” she answered, and then remembered. Ben had told her Zoey lived in New York now. He had gone back to her. Maybe he wasn’t going to come home at all, and she didn’t even have to worry about hiding out here.

  Ben jumped in his car at the airport. Paying the fee for the long term parking, he zoomed out of the lot and towards Kayley’s house. A phone call wasn’t going to do it, so he didn’t bother calling. Looking at the clock, he knew that if he hurried, he may get to see Alexis before she was down for the night. He couldn’t wait to hold his two girls, to apologize for his horrible behavior, and tell her he believed her. What if she won’t see me? The thought snuck into his head, and he frowned. It was a real possibility that after the way he acted before he left, she wouldn’t want anything to do with him. He had finally listened to her messages at the airport in New York. They had gone from the desperate, pleading message after he had left the restaurant, to sobbing, screaming messages about forgiving her, to then nothing. She had stopped calling. Emily’s messages, three in total, were scathing, defensive messages about him being a complete and total asshole who broke her friend’s heart, and that if he didn’t make this right she would hunt him down. He couldn’t stop himself from grinning at Emily’s tenacity about Kayley. He loved that about her. But he also knew she was right. Emily had been his ally from the beginning, helping him see Kayley several times. He knew if he didn’t make this right with her, Emily would find him and it wouldn’t be pretty.

  After what felt like fore
ver, he pulled into Kayley’s driveway. His heart sank as he noticed her car wasn’t there. Just in case, he got out of the car and strode purposefully to her front door. He opted for knocking instead of using his key, not knowing what she was thinking after five days. He heard no noise from the inside of the house. Shit. Where could she be? He paced the front porch, thinking. Emily. He was actually afraid to contact her, but he knew he had to. If she wasn’t here, she was with her. Running back to his car, he swung out of the driveway and headed the few miles to Emily’s house, hoping and praying she was there and Emily didn’t kill him before he got a chance to make it right.

  Shutting off the engine in Emily’s driveway, he still didn’t see Kayley’s car. But while he was here, he was going to have to try to reason with Emily. She was the key to making this happen with Kayley. He knew it. Walking up to the front door, he knocked gently, knowing it was about bedtime for little Cate. Within seconds, the door swung open and Trevor stood there, holding a beer and a surprised look on his face.

  “Hey, Trev,” Ben said sheepishly, knowing full well he knew what an idiot he had been.

  Trevor whistled. “Dude, you’re in some hot shit with my wife. Are you sure you want to be here? I just had to listen to it and I’m singed from the fire breathing dragon.”

  Ben almost wanted to chuckle. Almost. If he wasn’t so damn afraid. But more than being afraid of Emily, he was afraid of losing Kayley. “I need to speak to her. Please.”

  “Come on in, man. It’s your funeral.” Trevor held open the door for him. “Do you want a beer? You’re gonna want one once Emily gets out here.”

  Ben nodded and Trevor headed for the kitchen. He sat on a barstool at their counter and looked out at the pool. The pool where things had really started with he and Kayley. Smiling at the memory of her nice pink bikini, the intense make out session on the pool deck, and the walls they had broken down that night, he also wondered if it would ever happen again.

  “Here you go, man,” Trevor slid a beer across the counter at him. “So, is it true?”

  “That I was a complete and total asshole that overreacted to something that wasn’t what it seemed? Yes.”

  “No,” Trevor said. “About you and Zoey.”

  Ben choked, practically spitting across the bar. “What are you talking about?”

  Trevor slammed his beer on the counter, sloshing some over the edge. “Come on, don’t play games. Level with me here, man to man. Kayley saw the pictures. Emily has them on her phone. Hasn’t Kay been through enough? What was it, payback? You know full well she didn’t do shit with that Cooper guy.”

  “Pictures?” Ben was totally confused. Of him and Zoey? That Kayley had and had sent to Emily? “I’m sorry, Trev. I have no idea what you’re talking about, honestly.”

  Trevor walked across the kitchen to Emily’s purse and pulled out her cell phone. He slid it across the counter to him. Ben gasped. On the screen were pictures of him and Zoey, in the café at the hotel. There were five pictures total, each one taken at the precise moment that made it look like he had something going on with her. How in the hell? And just like that, he knew. Dana. She was the only one at that hotel this week that knew anything about him and Zoey, or him and Kayley. Somehow, she had done this.

  “Oh my God,” he breathed. “It’s not what it looks like, not at all.”

  “Funny,” Trevor said, his arms crossed over his chest. “I’m pretty sure that’s what Kayley said to you, too.”

  He deserved that. He totally did. “You’re right. I don’t deserve Kayley at all after what I said to her. But, honestly, this was a total setup. This is my ex. She was at the conference I was at in New York. All we did was talk. We talked out what happened to us a few years ago, what the circumstances were around what she did. In these pictures, we’re actually discussing Kayley. She helped me see what an asshole I was being, how unreasonable. I promise, Trevor, I love her with all of my heart. I’m going to make this right. I think I know who took these pictures, and why.”

  “Convenient,” Emily said, walking into the room. “Now you want us to listen to you after you refused to allow Kayley to explain herself, and then kicked her out of your house?” Emily went and stood next to Trevor, both of them looking at Ben like he was scum on their shoe.

  Ben put his head in his hands, realizing these two people loved Kayley too much to let him near her unless he convinced them otherwise. He admired that about them, but at the same time, he felt the clock ticking. Kayley had seen the pictures. She thought he had been doing God knows what with Zoey in New York. After what he had said to her and the way he treated her, if he didn’t get to her soon, he knew his chances with her were about zero. At the look on both Trevor and Emily’s faces, however, he knew it was an uphill battle.

  “Emily,” Ben started, wracking his brain to come up with anything he could say to make her understand. “I love you for being such a dedicated friend to Kayley. I would expect nothing less. You have been instrumental in our relationship from the beginning, and I can’t thank you enough for that. I deserve all of the ass kicking that you can give to me. I understand that. I completely freaked out about seeing her with that guy. It wasn’t about her. It was about my own insecurities. Me going to New York, it helped me. Seeing Zoey, talking to her, she helped me realize that I was being a complete dick. That I love Kayley and Alexis more than my own life, and I need to do whatever I can do to make it better. Now that these pictures have been sent to Kayley, it’s even more important that I get to her, try to explain, to grovel. I need to beg her to do what I didn’t have the decency to do for her- listen. I did absolutely nothing with Zoey. I have no interest in her whatsoever. Kayley is my entire heart, my soul. Without her, I’m empty. Without that precious little girl calling me Daddy, I have nothing. Please, Emily, help me find her. I need her like I need my next breath.”

  Emily looked at Trevor and a silent conversation happened between them. “You promise you didn’t do anything with her?”

  Ben stood, walking over to the love of his life’s best friend. He looked her straight in the eyes. “I. Promise.”

  Trevor laid his hand on his wife’s shoulder. “Take the man to see her, Em. It’s obvious he’s in a lot of pain, and we know that she is. It’s time for them to make this right.”

  Emily looked at her husband, then back at Ben. She sighed. “Okay, let’s go. But I’m warning you, Ben. She has had the worst week of her life since Alex died. I’m not going to let you make it worse for her. If she tells you to go, you’re leaving. Understand?”

  Ben nodded, his throat constricting with unshed tears. He had to see her, if it was the last thing he did. “Where is she?”

  Emily put her purse on her shoulder, her car keys in hand. “Take your own car and follow me. She’s at Rachel’s parents’ beach house.”

  “Is Alexis with her?” Ben had to know.

  “No,” Emily said, eyeing him warily. “She left her with her parents. You two need to talk before you get that innocent little girl involved, anyway.” He nodded, following her to the front door. Trevor stopped him with a hand on his shoulder before he walked out the door.

  “Pour your heart out, man. You’re going to have to give this all you’ve got. She loves you, but right now, she’s so hurt she has no idea which way is up.”

  If one more word was spoken, Ben was going to collapse on the ground and not be able to get up. He was wound so tight with emotion, it wouldn’t take much more for him to lose it. He couldn’t believe he had been so stupid. If he thought punching himself in the face would do anything, he would, that’s how idiotic he felt right now. “I know, Trev. Thank you. For being a good friend to her and to me, even when I don’t deserve it.”

  “We all screw up, man. It’s how you make it right that counts. Go get your girl.”

  Ben jogged to his car, sliding in and starting it up as quickly as he could. Time was ticking, and the more minutes Kayley spent thinking he and Zoey were back together, the worse this was
going to be. He pulled out and waited for Emily to pull out so he could follow her.

  “Em, you on your way?” Rachel’s voice answered the phone.

  Emily looked in her rearview mirror, seeing Ben right on her tail. “Yes.” She blew her breath out slowly. “But I’m not alone.”

  “What? You aren’t alone?” Rachel paused. “No way, Em. You’re not bringing him here, are you?”

  “It’s not what you think,” Emily explained, hoping that she was making the right decision taking Ben there. After seeing him in her kitchen, just as destroyed and hopeless as Kayley was, she knew that at least she had to help them talk, even if it only ended in a permanent breakup. There needed to be closure here, on both of their parts.

  “Really? It looked pretty clear cut to me,” Rachel’s anger burned through the phone. “Kayley won’t even speak. She’s still sitting out there in the cold, staring at the water. It’s practically dark, but she won’t come in. I have no idea when the last time she ate was. Is this really, really going to be beneficial to her?”

  Emily’s heart squeezed at the thought of Kayley going through this much turmoil again. “Rach, we’re her friends. We don’t want to see her hurt, but she is hurting. And she will continue to hurt until they talk and she feels at peace, no matter which conclusion she comes to. He’s frantic to see her. If you could’ve seen the guy in my kitchen, it was all Trev and I could do to not break down ourselves. I’ve never seen a guy look like such a wreck over a girl-”

  “He should be a wreck! Look at what he did! All over Cooper James? He didn’t even care what her explanation was! Seriously, Em, I don’t think you’re being rational about this. What if this sends her straight over the edge and we end up having to take her for real, psychological help? Where will that leave Alexis? God, hasn’t she been through enough in one lifetime?”