Living Again

by L. L. Collins

  “I got offered the position,” Ben started. Renee lifted her eyebrows. “But we’re still talking about it, weighing the pros and cons.”

  Renee nodded, trying to keep her face impassive but Kayley knew that her mom would be destroyed if she and Alexis moved away. Ben, noticing, brought her into a hug. “You guys are at the top of our list of reasons to stay.”

  “What’s on the agenda for Princess’ birthday party?” Renee changed the subject, dabbing at her eyes.

  “Me birfday. Me two,” Alexis chimed in.

  “I was thinking the park, since she’s so obsessed by it. I’ll rent the pavilion and we can grill out. Sound good?”

  “Let me know what I can help do.”

  “Sure will, Mom.”

  Gathering Alexis’ things, they headed for the car, ready to get home. Sitting in her car seat was her present, a giraffe almost the size of Alexis from the huge Toys R Us.

  “‘Raff!” Alexis shouted, squeezing it to her body. “He a big ‘raff, Mommy.”

  Buckling her in and smiling at each other at Alexis’ adorable love for the new ‘raff, they headed for home.

  Ben walked into Chief Thomas’ office and shut the door. He was a bundle of nerves, but was looking to this man, his mentor, to help him.

  “Ben!” He stood up from his desk and came around it, clapping Ben on the back while shaking his hand. Chief Thomas was a man in his mid-50’s, with salt and pepper hair and a personality the size of Texas. He was very charismatic and loved being a doctor, and expected his doctors to feel the same. While he had a giant heart, he expected a lot from his people. He had taken an immediate liking to Ben when he had first interned there, which was why Ben was still here. “Nice to see you, boy. How was New York?”

  Ben settled himself in the plush leather chair as the Chief sat back down behind his, steepling his fingers under his chin. His eyes crinkled with amusement as he waited to hear about his star doctor, his favorite (but he’d never admit that to anyone).

  “It went great, Chief. My girlfriend was so amazed at the hotel. They really hooked us up.”

  “Oh, how is the beautiful and wonderful Kayley?” Chief grinned, winking at him. “That’s a looker you got there, Benjamin.”

  Ben beamed at him. “Don’t I know it, Chief. She and that little girl are my whole life.”

  “You gonna marry that one?”

  “Oh yes, I am. I’ve got a whole plan, but you don’t know that. I’m never letting that one go.” Ben cleared his throat. “Anyway, I need some advice.”

  “Shoot.” Chief Thomas smiled, leaning back in his chair.

  “Well, they offered me the job,” Ben started, and Chief’s eyes widened, but he stayed quiet, listening. “But, I am not sure that my girlfriend is really up to moving to New York. She’s very supportive, but I just know her. Honestly, I don’t know that I am ready to do that, either. It’s a great opportunity at a great hospital. I would love the job, if it were here. I guess I need your advice, I need to try to think this through out loud, and you’re the person I felt could assist me with this.”

  “First of all, congratulations. I knew that they would offer you the job. You’re a brilliant doctor, Ben. Not only are you very thorough and diligent with all of your patients, but you’re personable and likeable with them. These patients that you see, they aren’t just scared adults, they are scared adults with sick children. If you could go teach other doctors how to treat the profession the way you do, it would do a great service to the doctor community. However, you’re smart to think this through. If you were a single guy with no commitment, I would tell you to start packing now and go make a difference. But, your life has changed in the last year. I’ve seen you with her, Ben. And that little girl? They both love you, adore you, and you do them. I’m going to tell you a story, one that I wish I could’ve heard, back before it was too late.

  See, I was married once, to a beautiful woman named Lisa. We met when we were in college, and we got married when I was doing my residency. She was very supportive of how many hours I had to work, and then study. Once I was done with that, I started working in a hospital. I had grand aspirations to be the big man, the doctor that everyone wanted to be. So, I worked insanely. I was young and stupid and thought that working as much as possible and bringing in the money would make my wife happy, even when I wasn’t around. We had our first daughter after we had been married five years. I don’t think I ever changed one single diaper. I never got up with her at night. Hell, I was hardly ever home. My wife was a single parent, with someone who deposited a good amount of money in the bank. Three years later, we had our son. I was moving up the hospital ladder, convinced that this would be the best thing for us. Two years later, I came home and she was gone. She had packed up all of their things, and left me, took my kids. She left me a letter, Ben. She had met someone new, someone who would love her and be there for her. I was destroyed, but it was then that I knew. I knew that despite my best intentions, I hadn’t been there for her the way a husband should be there for his wife. I didn’t even really know my children. I’ve never married again, because I will always love her. She lives in North Carolina now, my children are grown, and I rarely see them. The point of this rant? I wish someone would’ve told me when I was young what was really important. See, while I think you could go anywhere and make a difference in the world, what is really the most important is making a difference to the people that mean the world to you. Family first, Ben. If someone would’ve told me that years ago, my life may have turned out differently. Sure, I’m here in this nice office, and I’m the boss. But I go home alone every night.”

  Ben soaked in the man’s words; his mentor. He could never tell him enough how much those words meant to him. It solidified everything he was already thinking. He knew that if he moved and accepted this job, he would be working a lot of hours and Kayley would basically be alone with Alexis in a brand new, very intimidating city. As much as Kayley would want to be happy for him, she would end up being miserable, and he couldn’t make her feel like she was less important than his career. He couldn’t lose her, or make her feel that she wasn’t loved and worshipped by him.

  “Chief, I am pretty sure that what you just said has completely changed my life. You’re so right. When I was with Zoey, we were both career-oriented, and I took that for granted. Maybe things would’ve been different for us had I put her first back then. I am a doctor, and I love my career. But I would give it up in a second for Kayley and Alexis, and any future children we have. I would never want her to think my career comes before her. I’m sorry that your story has to be a lesson and not a happy ending for you, but thank you so much for sharing it with me. I had the feeling already that I should just say no, but I was torn between the prestige of this offer and what I felt I should do.”

  Chief stood. “Son, you already knew what you wanted to do, you just needed some confirmation. You’re one of the most level-headed, smartest people I’ve ever had the pleasure of working with. And, on a personal note, I’m so happy that you found the person you want to spend your life with. After Zoey, I wasn’t sure what you were going to do. Speaking of, any trouble from Dana?”

  Ben shook his head. “No, she stays away from me unless we have to talk about a patient. As long as she stays away from Kayley, I’m good.” With that, he stood also, shook the Chief’s hand, and went back to his office to make an important phone call.

  “Rise and shine, sleepyhead,” Ben’s voice drifted into her subconscious, and she immediately smiled. As she struggled to blink open her eyes, she smelled his addicting smell- shampoo, body wash, after shave, and man. “I’m taking you two for breakfast, so get your beautiful body out of bed. It’s a special day today.” Ben kissed her eyes, then started kissing her neck. She wriggled, flinging the blanket off so she could pull him closer to her.

  He snuggled into her, and she hitched her leg over his body, rubbing his neck, then shoulders and back with her hand. “Baby,” he murmured into her ha
ir. “On this day a year ago, you walked into my life, and I’ve never been the same since. I love you, Kayley. And it’s baby girl’s birthday. She’s two. Our Princess is two.”

  Kayley put her face back so she could see Ben’s face. He kissed her lips softly, touching her face. She loved when he did that. It made her feel treasured. “One year ago today,” she whispered. “When I walked into that hospital, I was terrified. Honestly, I didn’t even register you.” Kayley laughed as she remembered Emily’s rant that day. “But Emily sure did.”

  “Oh really?” Ben’s lips curled up, smirking.

  “She went on and on about how hot you were, then told me in no uncertain terms I should go for you.”

  Ben laughed. “Well, maybe you should’ve listened to her.”

  “I was scared,” Kayley admitted. “When you came upstairs to see us when we were released, the feelings that I felt were- unreal. Strange. Foreign. I really didn’t know you at all, but all of a sudden I wanted to kiss you. I wanted to run my hands through your hair. I-I wanted you. Never in my life had I had a reaction like that to someone.”

  “You weren’t ready,” Ben said softly, tracing her lips with his fingers.

  “You didn’t let me run away,” Kayley said back, kissing the palm of his hand.

  “You certainly tried,” he caressed her body. “But I knew you were it. From the moment I saw you, even though I tried to deny it myself, I knew I was in love with you. Like I told you before, it wasn’t just that you were the most beautiful woman in the world. I just knew that I had this connection to you that was unexplainable. It was like I needed to know you.”

  Kayley’s heart filled with the tenderness of his words. “You should be a writer,” she teased, her eyes closed. “You know just how to make me a puddle of mush on the floor.”

  “That’s not the only way I know how to make you a puddle of mush,” Ben growled in her ear, reaching under her nightgown and touching her. “But it’s Princess’ birthday, so that will have to wait until later, when we celebrate the day we met. Right now, I want to take my two girls to breakfast, so get up.”

  Kayley giggled. “Okay, okay!”

  When Kayley walked out to the kitchen after a quick shower and throwing on some shorts and a tank top, she stopped in her tracks as she saw the house. When had he done this? Ben had decorated the entire kitchen and living room with pink balloons and streamers. A princess balloon hung at Alexis’ place at the table, and a ‘Happy Birthday Alexis’ banner hung from the sliding glass door.

  “What in the?” Kayley turned in circles. “Ben? Where are you?”

  “Mommy!” Alexis called from her room. “Get dwessed wif Daddy, Mommy! Is my birfday! I get bawoons!”

  Kayley made her way to Alexis’ room, where Ben was dressing her in, of course, a shirt that he must’ve bought her that said ‘Birthday Princess’ and the cutest little jean skort she had ever seen. “Oh, my gosh,” she said, putting her hand up to her mouth. “She looks so—big! Happy Birthday, baby girl. Mommy loves you so much.” Kneeling next to Alexis, she pulled her into her arms, kissing her soft head. She met Ben’s eyes over her head. “This is all—amazing. You made her feel so special.”

  “Well, that’s good,” Ben said, “Because she is special. Now let’s go.”

  After a fun family breakfast at Alexis’ favorite place, which served Mickey Mouse pancakes with sprinkles, they began preparing for Alexis’ birthday party. When they had asked her a few weeks ago where she wanted to go for her birthday, they had been surprised when she picked the beach over the park. So, a beach birthday party it was. They had family and friends coming, and they were going to grill out, play in the water, build sandcastles, and celebrate Alexis’ little life.

  Arriving at the beach with two cars in order to bring everything they needed, Ben carried coolers to the pavilion while Kayley brought bags of chips, fruit, and kiddie snacks to the tables. Emily pulled in, and Kayley was grateful for her help, both with Cate playing with Kayley, and for Emily helping her set things up.

  “I can’t believe she’s two,” Emily said wistfully, looking out to where Cate and Alexis played happily in the sand together, like the two peas in the pod they were. Cate, who was now four, was like a big sister to Alexis, and loved not only to help ‘take care’ of her, but to keep her occupied. “And…” Emily looked around. “One year ago you met Dr. Yummy over there, and look where you’re now.”

  Kayley shook her head, laughter shaking her shoulders. “You’re so crazy, Em, and I love you. He’s yummy in all ways, yes. But more importantly, he loves us so much. Did I tell you what he did this morning?”

  “No, tell me what he did now,” Emily rolled her eyes in mock irritation. “Build her a castle in the backyard? Order her a custom made princess crown made of diamonds?”

  Kayley giggled. “Not exactly, though don’t say it too loud or he just might. He had the whole living room and kitchen decorated for her birthday. I have no idea when he did that. She loved it. It’s like he knows just what to do to melt both of us.” She looked across the pavilion at him, smiling. He was something else.

  Finally done with all of the trips from the cars, Ben got out sand toys for the kids that were coming, and started cleaning off the grill. He looked around at all the preparations, and he smiled. Today was a good day. Scratch that. It was a fantabulous day. His eyes wandered to Alexis, playing happily with Cate in the sand. She was wearing a little pink bikini, and he had to grin that he had found it for her. When he had given it to her, Kayley had rolled her eyes at him while Alexis squealed. She was such a girl already. There were days that she refused to get out of her princess dress up clothes that Ben had bought for her for Christmas. Hey, when you were a princess, who could blame you for looking like one at all times?

  He swung his eyes back to Kayley, who was animatedly talking to Emily, her eyes bright and her hands flying all over. They were setting up tablecloths and decorations for the party. People would start arriving at any moment. Wearing a small pair of white shorts and a tank top over his favorite bathing suit (he insisted, or she wasn’t allowed to leave the house), her blonde hair blowing in the breeze, she made his heart skip a beat. It was hard to believe he had only known her a year because he couldn’t imagine what his life was like before she and Alexis came along.

  “All set,” Trevor appeared next to him at the grill. Ben met his eyes and Trevor winked.

  “Thanks, man. You watching?” Ben lit the grill for it to heat so it would be cooking already when people got there. He knew that these little kids didn’t want to wait for food.

  “Oh yeah. Eyes trained right on it.” Trevor clapped him on the back. “So, how’s the birthday girl?”

  “She’s going to sleep really well tonight,” Ben laughed. “She’s like a kid on speed today. It’s pretty exciting stuff for it to be the first birthday you really understand. We took her to breakfast this morning and she told every single person she saw that it was her birthday.”

  Trevor laughed. “She is a character. Cate loves her and she’ll be so happy that she’s staying over tonight.”

  “You didn’t tell Em, did you?”

  Trevor shook his head, looking over at Emily. “Nope. Just like you said.”

  “Thanks, man. I owe ya one.”

  The guests started arriving, and Alexis screamed in excitement every time someone came. With their friends and all of their families, including Alex’s parents who had come just for this, they easily had a party of over 50. Burgers and hot dogs, chips, potato salad, and fruit salad were ingested pound after pound. Games of Frisbee, tag, and attempts at Boogie boarding were popular, while most of the moms laid around on the beach, getting tan and watching the little kids play in the sand.

  “PRESENT TIME!” Ben called. The kids came running, Alexis at the front of the pack, and gathered along the picnic tables. The table was covered in pink boxes, bags, and bows. Ben probably bought half of them.

  Kayley watched Alexis’ face while she h
eld the video camera, unable to believe how much bigger she was than a year ago. She looked more like a little girl now than a baby. Thinking back to last year, in so many ways their lives were completely different. And while she would never wish again for her baby to be frighteningly sick, sick enough to need to go to the hospital in an ambulance and stay there for a few days, at the same time she was so thankful that they had been there that day. Would she have ever met Ben had Alexis not been there?

  Emily leaned over close to Kayley’s ear so she couldn’t be heard on the video camera. “Look at her. She’s amazing. After everything, you have a family. Don’t worry about what happened last year. Or the year before. Look at her now. That man won’t even leave her side, he loves her so much. You were meant to be. As hard as that was for that to happen to her, look at where it got you. Well that and Ben and I conspiring together to make you wake the hell up.”

  Kayley laughed softly. “You did,” she whispered back. “Thank you.” She took her free hand and rubbed Emily’s baby bump, really showing now.

  “Ready, Mommy?” Ben caught her attention, indicating the present they had gotten her. Kayley nodded, ready to record the reaction. Ben helped Alexis with the wrapping around the box, since she was kind of over the present opening. She wanted to play with everything she got instead of opening something new. “Okay, Lex, let’s see what this is.” As he revealed the writing on the box, Alexis furrowed her brow. Once the see through plastic was visible and she could see what it was, she started vibrating on the bench, her eyes as wide as saucers.

  “Is-is my baby! My baby!” Alexis snatched the box and held it to her chest. “Mommy, wook! Daddy got me my baby!” The party crowd aww’d as she ranted and raved about it. It was a Bitty baby from American Girl. Cate had one and Alexis loved to play with it. They had gotten her a little girl that looked like she did as a baby.