Living Again

by L. L. Collins

  Ben took Kayley’s hand as she began moaning. “I’m as happy as anyone that this time will be a wonderful occasion.” Dr. Moore put gloves on.

  “Kayley, I’m going to check you, okay?” Dr. Moore leaned over, gently moving her legs apart. Kayley opened her eyes a slit to look at him, then nodded. “Okay, you’re about 4-5 centimeters. You’re doing great. You can get the epidural now if you want one.”

  Ben looked at Kayley, who didn’t hesitate at all. “Yes,” she whispered. “Please.”

  Dr. Moore took off his gloves, throwing them into the garbage. “I’ll page Dr. Osborne right away. We don’t have too many laboring moms this morning, so he should be here pretty quickly. I’ll be back when you’re ready to deliver.”

  Ben thanked him, then turned his attention back to Kayley. “Do you want to sit up? It might help.”

  “No,” she bit out. He looked at the monitors and saw that she was in the middle of a contraction again. She gritted her teeth, holding him tightly. As she started coming down from the pain, she opened her eyes, so beautiful but full of pain. “It hurts,” she whined. Ben smoothed her hair back and kissed her parched lips.

  “I’m here, baby. I’m right here.”

  “Push, Kayley. You got this, baby. He’s going to be here soon!” Ben supported her shoulders as she pushed. She was exhausted. Their baby boy was just happy as pie inside his mommy, and didn’t want to come out. After she had her epidural, there was a point where they thought they were going to have to take him by caesarean section because his heart rate didn’t look very good. But, after moving her and stimulating him a bit, his heart rate had returned to normal.

  However, it had been hours since she had been given the epidural, and almost ten hours since they had arrived at the hospital. He had been keeping everyone updated throughout the day, since he and Kayley had decided to be the only ones in the room for his birth. After what Kayley had been through before, he wanted her to know that he was there for every single moment of this day. Several of their family members were out in the waiting room and had been all day, including his Mom and Dad, Kayley’s mom and dad with Alexis, Emily, Rachel, and his sister, Lindsay.

  Dr. Moore met his eyes and nodded. The baby was coming. “Kay,” he whispered in her ear. She turned bleary, exhausted eyes to his. “I’m going to deliver our baby, okay? Are you alright? He’s coming in the next push.” She nodded, and he still wasn’t sure if she really knew what he said.

  “I’ll hold her hand,” the nurse offered, and he smiled at her kindly. Trading places with her, he got suited up to help deliver his son.

  “You ready, Kay? Push!” Ben coached, sitting next to Dr. Moore, ready to help catch him. Kayley pushed, grunting loudly as she tried to overcome the pain ripping through her. She honestly didn’t remember this much pain with Alexis. She tried not to scream as she felt like her body was being split in two.

  “He’s crowning, baby! Keep going! Breathe, honey!” Kayley would’ve found it funny that Ben was coaching her from between her legs, if anything was funny at this point. She sucked in a huge breath and bore down, feeling sorry for the poor nurse’s hand. “I see his head! He has fuzzy hair! Oh baby, he’s almost here!”

  Laying back against the pillow, she wanted to cry in pain. Panting like she just ran a marathon, she steeled herself for the coming contraction.

  “With this one, he should be born,” Dr. Moore encouraged. “The shoulders are next, and after that, we’re smooth sailing.” Kayley sucked in one more breath, tucking her chin to her chest and pushing with all her might.

  “There’s his face! Oh my god! He looks like Alexis! Hi, baby! I’m your Daddy!” Ben rambled, trying to soothe her but not really accomplishing that goal. “One more, baby. Come on.” She screamed in frustration as she forced her body to do it, just one more time. “He’s out! He’s out! Our baby is born, Kay!” Ben looked at her, his eyes wild with excitement.

  Looking down at his newborn son, he allowed the nurse to wipe him down while he cut the umbilical cord. With that, their new baby wailed, sucking in his first lungful of air. “He’s beautiful,” Ben stood up to take him over to Kayley. He laid the baby on her chest, and she immediately put her hands on him.

  “Our baby,” she cried, tears of relief and happiness overtook her. “He’s here, babe. We have a son.”

  Ben’s throat closed up, and he nodded, tears in his eyes. He had a son.

  After the baby was weighed and cleaned up and the doctor was finished with Kayley, Ben made his way to the waiting room, leaving Kayley with the baby, attempting to nurse him. As they saw him striding purposefully down the hallway, they all stood up, waiting.

  “It’s a boy! He was born at 4:22 and weighs 6 pounds and 7 ounces. He’s doing great and so is Kay, though that little thing sure didn’t want to come out!”

  “My baby is here?” Alexis said. At three, she was talking clearer every day. “My brudda?”

  Ben kneeled down, grabbing her in a hug as she squealed. “You have a baby brother, Lexi! You ready to go see him?”

  She nodded her head. “I’m a big sister.”

  “Yes, you are,” he said, “Now let’s go show him who the most awesome big sister in the world is.”

  Ben walked down the hall, holding Lexi’s hand. He had told everyone else to wait a little bit longer, that Kayley was trying to nurse and he wanted Alexis to get some time to spend with her brother before he was passed around like a football to their family and friends. This was going to be a huge change for her, and he wanted to make sure that she felt included.

  They walked into Kayley’s hospital room, and Alexis took off for Kayley. “Mommy! My baby is here?” Kayley grinned at the sight of Alexis.

  “Yes! This is your baby brother! Come see him, but be gentle, okay? You have to be even more careful with him than you do your Princess baby.”

  Alexis’ eyes got wide, and she nodded. “Yes, Mommy. Babies are not toys. Babies can get hurt.” She sat carefully on the side of the bed, peering over the blanket to try to see him.

  “Here, let me lay him on my lap and then you can see him better.” Kayley struggled, and Ben reached out his hand to help her sit up. She laid the baby in between her legs, unwrapping the blanket. Alexis sat, still as stone, waiting to examine her baby brother. “See?” Kayley showed Alexis. “He’s very small. You were this small when you were born. See his little fingers and toes?”

  “He asweep, Mommy?” She leaned over, her face close to his. “He small. Smaller than Pwincess.”

  “He’s tired, Princess,” Ben answered. “He had a rough day today. And babies sleep a lot so they can get big like their big sister.”

  “What his name?” Alexis reached out her finger, touching him on the hand gently. He moved reflexively, and she looked at them, her eyes wide. “He like me?”

  “He loves you, baby girl. You’re his big sister. And his name is Benji.”

  Alexis processed the name, then tried it out. “Benji. My brudda Benji is small.”

  “You know what, Lex? Benji brought you a present.” Ben walked over to their things and brought out a wrapped box.

  “He did? Pwesent for big sister?” Alexis looked from Benji, to Ben, and back. Ben laid it carefully on the bed, and Alexis started tearing the wrapping, stopping to look at her brother several times.

  As she saw what it was, she screamed, making Benji jump, his arms and legs flailing. Immediately, she put the box down and put her little hand on his chest. “Benji, I sowwy. Big sister no scare you. Love you.” And with that, she leaned over his face and kissed him gently on his teeny lips.

  Kayley put her hand over her mouth, not able to stop the tears from coursing her cheeks. That had to be the sweetest thing she had ever seen in her life. Looking at Ben, he reached out and took her hand, wiping the tears away, and he nodded. “We have the best kids in the world.” He kissed her, his heart about to burst with how full it was at this moment. Everything he had ever wanted was right here in this room.
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  Not long after, the party began in Kayley’s hospital room. When someone walked in the room, Alexis had to first show them her new Bitty Baby that looked like Benji, and then take them by the hand, directly to her brother, and tell them that this was her new brother, who was really named the same thing as her daddy.

  “Ready to go home, baby boy?” Ben changed his diaper before they left the hospital as a family of four. He squirmed, scrunching up his little face in disagreement to the diaper change. He let out a small wail, and Ben leaned over him, close to his ear, and began soothing him. He stopped, his face turning towards his daddy.

  “Daddy’s boy,” Kayley said from across the room, packing her bag.

  Ben grinned at her, scooping Benji up and cradling him in his arm. He was so small. He never got to know Alexis at this age, so holding his son was a surreal experience. Looking over at Kayley, he caught the look on her face, and he smiled. “What you looking at, pretty girl? I don’t know how it’s that you can look sexy two days after having a baby, but you make me want to give you another one.”

  Kayley laughed, rolling her eyes at him. “Ben Nichols, you’re ridiculous. I do not look sexy, at all. But thank you, and I love you. I was looking at you because it’s so sweet to see you holding that baby. I mean, I’ve seen you hold other babies, but this? It’s just—surreal. We have a son. My heart feels like it cannot hold another ounce of love, but then it just does. This whole thing, babe, was so amazing. It felt so fantastic, through all the pain, to know that you were here. This was the experience Alexis deserved.”

  “This was the experience you deserved,” Ben said, crossing the room to her. “You’re my dream, baby. Never forget that. You just gave birth to my son. Our son. Out of all the amazing moments we have had, this one is at the top of the list. He’s just perfect. Our family is perfect.” He kissed her soft lips, pulling her to him gently, knowing she was tender.

  “Knock, knock!” Karen, Ben’s mom, opened the door, leading Alexis into the room.

  “My Daddy! Mommy! Baby Benji!” Alexis ran for them, hugging Ben first, then Kayley. “Can I see my baby?”

  Ben went to sit on the small couch in the room, and Alexis climbed up, her arms outstretched. Ben helped support her as he lay baby Benji in her arms.

  Kayley looked at Karen. “There’s my whole life, right there,” she whispered, searching her bag for her phone. Finding it, she opened the camera app and took a picture of them, not looking at her at all, but looking at Benji.

  Karen hugged Kayley. “Thank you for my first grandson. He’s absolutely amazing.” The two women sat down across from Ben and the kids, and Kayley allowed herself to remember the day she found out she was pregnant with Benji.

  Kayley checked her patient’s chart, making sure she was on track with her goals for therapy. She hadn’t been feeling well all day. I really hope I’m not getting sick, she thought. She had been very busy over the last two months, settling in back at work after her two week absence when they got married. Her days had been packed, and she was even working Friday’s temporarily. I’m probably just tired, she thought, looking at the clock. She only had an hour to go.

  Finally finishing up with her patient, she headed for the break room to grab a soda. She had barely made it through that hour. Someone had left the television on, so she sat for a minute to relax. Her head pounded and her stomach roiled at a commercial for a local restaurant. She sipped her soda, averting her eyes from the screen to avoid the nausea. The commercial ended, and she sighed in relief, looking back at the screen as another commercial came on, this one for a pregnancy test. And just like that, a smile broke out over her face, and she shoved the chair back as she stood up quickly. Thinking back to when she was pregnant with Alexis, she recognized all the same symptoms that she had right now.

  Flinging open the door and heading down the hallway, she grabbed her purse. Rachel’s curious eyes watched her as she buzzed around, making sure all of her things were put away from the day.

  “What is going on with you?” Rachel asked, following her. “Kay?”

  “I-I’ll call you later. I have to go.” With that, Kayley walked out the back door and to her car, texting Ben that she needed to see him, and heading for the hospital.

  Once she had gotten to the hospital and found Ben, who was scared senseless about her vague text, she reassured him that she was okay but asked if they could go to his office for a few minutes. She had stopped on the way to the hospital to acquire the needed items.

  “What’s going on, baby? You’re kind of freaking me out here.”

  Kayley handed him the bag from the drug store, and he looked at her quizzically. “Open it.” He looked inside the plastic bag to see a pack of two pregnancy tests.

  Looking at her and then back at the bag, his eyes became wide. “You think you could be pregnant?” His voice was hushed and his eyes danced with excitement. “Seriously?”

  Kayley nodded. “I don’t know for sure, but I wanted to come here so we could find out together. I have felt awful all day, and then I saw this commercial on TV, and I realized, I haven’t had my period since we’ve been home from the honeymoon. Two months ago. I have all the symptoms, babe. Ready to find out for sure?”

  Ben picked her up and turned her around, sliding her down his body as he released her, then kissing her so deeply she almost forgot why she was there. “That would be the best news I’ve had all day. Go in my bathroom. Bring the tests out when you’re done and let’s find out together.”

  Kayley had gone into his private bathroom, then come out and waited with Ben as they watched the tests. She had done both of them at once, just to be sure. He gripped her hand, trying to make himself stand still instead of pacing the office.

  “This is the longest three minutes of my life,” Ben grumbled, and Kayley laughed nervously.

  Finally, they saw the sign they were looking for. On both tests, within seconds of each other, a blue plus sign emerged. Kayley put her hands over her mouth, her eyes filling with happy tears. Ben turned her to him, shimmers of tears covering his eyes. “We’re pregnant,” Kayley said. “We’re having a baby.”

  Ben shouted his jubilation. “We’re having a BABY!” He grabbed her, crushing his mouth to hers.

  “Ready to go home, Mommy?” Ben asked, and she blinked and smiled at him. She wasn’t finished with that memory, because it had ended with a very nice celebration in Dr. Yummy’s office.

  She nodded, grabbing her bag. Ben settled Benji in his car seat and carried him out. “Let’s take Benji home, Lex. You ready to show him his new room?”

  As soon as they got home, Alexis had to run right to Benji’s room to show him. Ben had followed her up there as Kayley rested on the couch, exhausted. Of course, as they turned in their driveway she had seen a big sign Ben had put in the yard that said “It’s a Boy! Welcome home, Baby Benji.” The man was like Houdini. She didn’t know how he did what he did. He had also given her a new piece of jewelry- a ring with both Alexis and Benji’s birthstones on it.

  “Baby? You down here?” Ben walked down the stairs, holding Benji, with Alexis right behind him.

  “Just resting for a moment,” she smiled, sitting up carefully as they entered the room.

  Ben smiled sweetly at her. “You can take a nap right after I show you your surprise. Lex and I will take care of little Benji here. Well, that is until he needs to eat.”

  Kayley looked at him incredulously. “Are you serious? Something else?”

  He nodded, holding out his hand to help her off the couch. “It’s out here.”

  Following behind him, she was surprised when they ended up at the garage door. “Out here?”

  Ben winked at her, then opened the door to the garage. Right in front of her was a brand new minivan, with a huge blue bow on top of it.

  “A minivan?” Was she old enough for a minivan? I mean, yeah, she was now 30, but did that make her old enough?

  Ben laughed. “Well, I know. It’s kind of a mom-mobil
e. But with our growing family, I thought it would be nice for you to be in comfort while driving. Plus, it has room for many more in there, and it’s the top safety rated. Only the best to shelter my entire existence while driving around town.”

  Kayley smiled. Well, when he put it like that, she loved it. “It’s very nice,” she complimented, running her hands along the sides. Touching a button, the back door slid open, and she saw plush leather seats, a DVD player, and car seats already installed. It had that new car smell. Alexis climbed in, plopping right in her car seat.

  “This so pwetty, Daddy! Thank you!” She then noticed the DVD player. “It has a TV? Wow. Vewy nice.”

  “Our daughter likes it,” Ben said into her ear, making her shiver.

  “I like it too, baby. Thank you. You’re always so thoughtful. I’m a minivan mom, now.”

  Ben laughed softly in her ear. “Well, yes you are. But you just aren’t a minivan mom. You’re the hottest, most beautiful minivan mom in the history of minivan moms. And after you’re cleared from the doctor, I’m going to show you how hot I think you are, over and over and over again.” She closed her eyes. He always knew just what she needed to hear, and how to make her feel like the most loved woman on Earth. “Now, go inside and up to our room and lay down. I’ll bring Benji in when he needs to eat.”

  She walked back inside and up the stairs to their room, beyond ready for a few hours of sleep.

  The first year of Benji’s life had gone by in a blur of sleepless nights, marathon nursing, and a toddler turning into a preschooler, but Kayley wouldn’t trade a single moment of it. Benji was an adorable baby turning toddler. He had blonde hair like both of his parents, big blue eyes that were identical to his dads, and the same killer dimples that still made Kayley weak in the knees. He was quiet and content, much different than the spitfire of a big sister he had. He often watched Alexis with a look of amazement. He wasn’t quite walking yet, though he was cruising around on furniture.