The End of Faking It

by Natalie Anderson

  ‘Come to dinner with me,’ she leant forward to whisper. ‘Be my pretend man.’

  Carter’s blood was still burning from the horror of seeing her dance with someone else last night. He wasn’t a hypocrite—he didn’t expect women to have less experience than him, but the thought of her being in bed with another guy had made his stomach acid boil. The foreign jealousy rotted him from the inside out and he badly needed to ditch it. He’d spent all night awake wondering if she’d taken William home. And despite his vow to forget her, when he’d seen her in Reception this afternoon the urge had hit. He’d had to touch and find out—something, anything—like an animal scenting out a threat. So completely caveman and so unlike his usual carefree style.

  And now, now the relief in knowing she hadn’t was making him positively giddy, because here he was about to say yes to the most stupid suggestion he’d heard in ages. But he was too intrigued not to. ‘Why did you make him up?’

  Her gaze dropped. ‘I wanted everyone back home to think I’m happy.’

  Was she not happy? ‘And you have to have a boyfriend to prove that?’

  ‘No,’ she said quickly. ‘I have a great life—great job, I travel lots. But the man was the icing for them. I know they worry I’m lonely.’

  Which she wasn’t, of course. She had thousands of adoring suitors. She could have a man every night of the week if she wanted. But it was interesting that she didn’t want that. It was interesting that she wanted to kiss him.

  ‘So you want me to be the icing?’ he croaked. Because if that meant she’d use her tongue on him, he was so happy to oblige.

  She tossed her head back. ‘It’s what we’re all supposed to want, isn’t it? Someone who cares, who holds you, who’s there for you. Companionship, commitment. Happy ever after. That whole cliché.’

  She thought wanting a life partner was a cliché? Hell, where had she been all this time? Because he didn’t want a life partner either. He just wanted some uncomplicated fun. ‘But that’s not what you actually want for yourself?’

  He could see the goose bumps on her arms as she recoiled. She really only wanted a lover for a night or two? That was fine by him—although he might have to push for a few nights. ‘So what did you tell them about your man?’

  ‘I never named him, always kept everything very vague.’

  ‘How long have you been mentioning him?’

  ‘Only in the last couple of months. They’ve been putting on the pressure for me to visit home and he was my excuse for saying no. Because we’ve been doing lots of little trips away.’

  She didn’t want to visit home? ‘How long since you’ve been back?’

  She looked away. ‘A few years. I’ve been travelling a lot.’

  But there were thousands of planes crossing the globe daily. She could go to New Zealand for a visit and be back the same day. It was obvious there was more she wasn’t saying. Did he really want to know what it was?

  Actually he was a little curious. But clearly she didn’t want to share and he respected her for that. Better than getting a massive ‘emo and drama’ dump as his ex had always done. But even so, he couldn’t let it go completely.

  ‘I still don’t really see why you had to make up a whole relationship,’ he said. ‘And why you want me with you so badly tonight.’

  She froze. Carter’s radar screamed louder. She was totally hiding something. And he was only human. So he waited, making her reply by pure expectation.

  ‘The truth is I was one of those fat wallflowers as a teen.’ Her head bowed as she mumbled.

  Carter gritted his teeth to stop his jaw falling open.

  ‘Overweight, acne, rubbish clothes.’ She turned away from him. ‘Total pizza face. The worst you can imagine.’

  Her self-scathing tone rubbed him raw, making him feel an emotion he couldn’t quite define. And he couldn’t imagine actually. She had the smoothest skin—not a single scar marked her flawless features—and she was so slim—borderline too thin with a tiny waist and tiny wrists and tiny ankles. But she still had some curves that made his blood thicken.

  ‘I wanted to be a whole new me—fit body, jet-set life, great job, gorgeous guy.’

  He sighed and reached out to stop those curves escaping from him altogether. So she wanted to look good with a suitable male accessory. He should not be flattered about being a good enough accessory for her. That should not be pleasing him the sick way it was. But he couldn’t help feeling for her. No wonder she was always so beautifully finished—the taunts of teenage years had obviously gone deep. But didn’t everyone have scars from those turbulent times? He sure as hell did—it was thanks to the women in his life then that he’d put the Teflon coating on his heart.

  ‘Okay.’ He pulled her close and tried to tease her smile back. ‘What do I get out of it? What are you going to offer me?’

  Her lashes lifted and the black pools glittered at him. ‘You want me so much you’d sell yourself like some sort of escort?’

  He was glad to hear her vixen tongue again and he leaned forward to reward her, whispering so close his lips brushed her ear. ‘You have to agree that we kiss like nothing else. I’m very interested to see what it’d be like if we did something more.’

  ‘If you wanted something more then why did you walk out so fast last night?’ she breathed back.

  ‘Why did you go dance with someone else?’

  ‘That bothered you?’ She leaned away and watched his face as he answered.

  ‘I don’t do commitment, Penny,’ he said honestly. ‘But I do do exclusive. And I do respect.’

  She drew in a deep breath. ‘Ditto.’

  He watched her just as close. No sign of the super-quick double blink that happened when she was doing a Pinocchio. Interesting. ‘All right, then, I’ll come with you tonight, if you agree to stay well away from any other men in the next week.’

  ‘I guess I can handle that,’ she said casually. But he could feel her pulse racing.

  ‘You better be sure.’ He grinned as her gaze stayed true.

  ‘I’m not promising anything else.’

  ‘We both know that’s not necessary,’ he drawled. ‘It’s already a given.’

  ‘This isn’t going to get complicated, Carter.’

  He really shouldn’t feel that as a challenge. Anyway, he thought things were getting that touch more complicated with every passing second.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  PENNY hadn’t seen Matt in just over a year. She’d been in Tokyo then, slowly working her way back to the South Pacific after her years in Europe.

  He’d changed—made that final step from boy to man. And he’d almost caught her out in her web of lies. She knew why he was here—it was the start of even less subtle pressure. Her parents’ wedding anniversary was coming up soon and they wanted a big celebration—one at home in New Zealand.

  She couldn’t possibly attend.

  She was hoping to save enough money to fly them to her for a holiday. They could afford it themselves of course, but she wanted it to be a gift from her. She wanted that to be enough because she didn’t want to have to go to them. The memories were brought to life there in that big house with their ancient, abundant orchard. The wall of trees linked their home to the property next door—Dan’s parents’ place.

  She tried not to think about it and usually, on a day-to-day level, she succeeded. But Matt arriving out of the blue made everything flash in her head movie-montage style. It was almost seven years ago but sometimes felt as recent as yesterday. The darkness of those last few months at home encroached on her vision. And she remembered the estrangement from her family and friends as she’d got mired in a pit of grief and guilt.

  She was out of it now. She was strong, she was happy, she was healthy. But the distance from them was still there—literally, emotionally. She didn’t think the bridge could ever be rebuilt. In truth, she didn’t want it to be.

  And in her mind she saw him—as she always did—the day before he’d di
ed. She swiftly blanked the images, focused on pleating the square piece of memo paper she had in front of her. Her fingers neatly folded and creased, working on a displacement activity designed to restore calm.

  Because she hadn’t coped with what had happened. It had impacted on the whole family and she’d made it worse. Bereavement had shattered the bonds and only by going away had she been able to recover. She needed them to know she was okay. But she couldn’t front up to them and prove it in person. Not there. She didn’t think she could ever face that place.

  Carter couldn’t concentrate on the damn transactions. He kept wondering, wanting to know more. In the end he went upstairs and pulled a chair up next to hers. ‘We need to work on our story. For dinner tonight.’

  She looked completely blank. She hadn’t thought this through that far, had she?

  He leaned forward and angled for more information. ‘So how did we meet? How long have we been dating?’

  She turned towards him, her eyes huge. ‘I don’t know. Can’t you make it up?’

  ‘You trust me to do that?’

  Beneath her eyes were blue, bruised shadows. ‘Sure.’

  He stared, on the one hand stupidly gratified, on the other uneasy. What had happened this afternoon to make her look so hurt and exhausted? He glanced at her desk. It was bare, save a folded paper crane—which was unexpected and frankly intriguing.

  ‘Okay, I’ll come up with something,’ he said, bitten by a random need to reassure her. ‘An elaboration on the truth. We met at work.’

  She nodded.

  ‘And there was an instant spark.’

  She nodded again.

  ‘We were powerless to fight it.’

  Her nod was slower that time.

  ‘And we’ve been inseparable since,’ he muttered.

  She gazed into his eyes. Hers were so dark he couldn’t tell where her pupils ended and her iris began. Black with longing. Right? He leaned closer, feeling unrestrainable longing himself. He wanted to kiss her. Had to. And never stop until she was right back with him. Right here.

  Because the sadness in those deep, secretive eyes was unbearable.

  He’d seen the attention she got from other men. He wasn’t the only one to notice her combination of hotness and vulnerability. She unleashed both passion and protectiveness with just a look. And if they had any idea how she kissed, she’d need a posse of bodyguards to fight them off. Was it just her attention-grabbing trick? He grimaced ruefully; he didn’t think so, because she already had him on a three-inch leash.

  ‘Penny with the perfect plait.’ He slipped his fingers into the tight, glossy braid at the back of her head and massaged gently. ‘Relax. I’ll be the perfect boyfriend. Attentive, caring, funny…’

  Why he was saying that he didn’t know. He was supposed to be the perfect investigator. He was supposed to be in his office right now working through all the files and finding the point when the discrepancies occurred. Not planning how he was going to spend the evening pretending to be her lover. But she still looked so anxious and he ached to reassure.

  ‘We can laugh and make small talk. Wow the brother and then leave.’ He liked the leaving idea. He liked the idea of dressing up with her, going dancing and then dancing some more in private. Yeah, he was a complete fool.

  He dropped his hand and stood—a little test of his own strength. ‘Are you going to swim first?’ He’d learned that was her routine.

  She shook her head. ‘No time.’

  ‘You want to go home and change?’

  ‘I’ve got something here,’ she mumbled.

  ‘You always have a party-going outfit with you at work?’

  She looked surprised he’d even asked.

  He went back to his desk for the last hour but all he did was think about her. She was nervous. Why? He didn’t think it was because of him—in fact she was relying on him to carry her through this. So why? What was the big deal about her brother? That prickle of protectiveness surged higher. Why hadn’t she been back in such a long time? It clearly was a long time. He couldn’t wait to go and get some answers.

  Penny stood under the hot jet in the gym shower until the warmth finally seeped into her skin. Over and over she reminded herself that it was going to be okay because Carter was coming and he’d keep it social.

  She met him in Reception. He was back in black and another tee that skimmed his hot frame. Pirate Carter. How little she knew about him. How much she wanted to find out.

  ‘You really don’t have a girlfriend?’

  ‘Do you think I’d act like this with you if I did?’ His expression shut down. ‘I don’t cheat, Penny. One on one. I expect the same from you.’

  She swallowed. ‘But this is just for tonight.’

  His grin bounced back. ‘Oh, sure, you can think that if it’ll make you feel better.’ He took her hand as they walked along the street, the summer sun still powerful on their backs.

  Penny hated public displays of affection. She hated being touched unless she was in a bed and the instigator or lost in the crowd on a dance floor. But Carter ignored all her unsubtle body language. He wouldn’t let her pull her hand back, he measured his stride to match hers, drawing her close enough for her shoulder to brush against his arm as they walked. But she tried once more to slip her fingers out of his.

  He stopped walking and jerked on her hand so she stumbled near him. His other hand whipped round her waist and his lips caught hers in a very thorough kiss.

  She jerked her head back and glared at him. ‘What—?’

  ‘If you keep trying to get out of holding my hand, I’m going to keep kissing you. If you want me to act like your boyfriend, I’m going to act like your boyfriend. That includes lots of touching.’

  ‘No, it doesn’t,’ she hissed.

  ‘I’m an affectionate lover,’ he said smoothly. ‘I like to touch.’

  ‘Kissing in public is exclusive, rude behaviour.’

  ‘Passionately snogging for hours in front of everyone would be. So you’d better let me hold your hand, then, hadn’t you?’

  Otherwise he’d passionately snog her for hours? She so shouldn’t be tempted by that. ‘Don’t tease.’

  ‘Why? Did you think I was here to make this easier for you?’

  ‘Of course that’s why you’re here,’ she said completely honestly. ‘Be charming, will you?’

  ‘You think I can be charming?’

  ‘You know you can.’

  ‘Why, Penny—’ he ran the backs of his fingers down her cheek ‘—thanks for the compliment.’

  ‘Stop playing with me,’ she begged through gritted teeth. ‘Please come and talk nicely to him.’

  But as they walked closer the cold feeling returned. Until the only warm bit left of her was the hand clasped inside Carter’s.

  Already seated at the table, Matt watched them approach—correction, he watched Carter.

  ‘Hi, Matt,’ Penny said.

  Her brother took his steely gaze off Carter and he looked at her. He almost smiled.

  An hour or so into the evening, Carter was wondering why she’d been so insistent about his attendance. And why she’d been so anxious. It didn’t seem as though her brother was about to bite. If anything he’d looked fiercely protective when he’d greeted them, as if he’d take a piece out of Carter if he made the wrong move. He’d totally given him the ‘Big Brother is watching’ look. Which was a bit of a laugh, given he had to be the best part of a decade younger. And then he’d started a less than subtle grilling about Carter’s background and prospects. Carter had really felt like laughing then, but Matt’s questions were astute and intelligent and in less than two minutes he was on his toes and respecting kid brother for that. And he’d gotten no help at all from the woman he was here to socially save. She’d stared intently as he’d answered. She’d probably learnt more facts about him in those minutes than she had in the past couple of days. He’d like to do the same.

  So now he willed time to go by triple
speed. It refused—in fact he was sure it slowed just to annoy him all the more. Because he wanted to be alone with her. Alone and in his apartment. But there were the mains to be eaten, and more conversation.

  ‘So what do you do, Matt?’ Too bad if he should have known already.

  ‘I’m based in Wellington. I’ve just finished my law degree.’

  ‘So you’re going into your first law job?’

  ‘Matt’s going to work as a researcher for the judges at the Supreme Court for the year,’ Penny interrupted. ‘They take three honours grads. Only the best.’ Her pride for him glowed.

  ‘I’ve deferred the law firm job for the year.’ Matt shrugged off the accolades.

  So he had his future mapped.

  ‘You want to specialize in criminal law?’

  ‘That’s right.’

  Yeah, that explained the cross-examination he’d just survived. Carter hoped Matt hadn’t scoped out the lie right in front of him. Although it wasn’t a total lie— Carter did want to be Penny’s lover. Just not for ever as ‘the man’. He’d settle for just the night. Tonight. Now.

  But he forced himself to listen politely as the conversation turned to home and Matt caught her up on the happenings. She was interested, asked a tonne of questions, making him wonder all the more why she hadn’t visited in so long. What was so awful about the place when her brother made her laugh about some woman who ran the annual floral festival in their small home town?

  ‘I saw Isabelle the other day.’

  It took Carter a moment to register the total silence. The temperature must have dropped too because he could see goose bumps all over Penny’s arms again.

  ‘Did you?’ she finally answered, her voice more shrill than a rugby coach’s whistle. She reached for her water. ‘How is she?’

  ‘She’s okay.’ Matt had stopped eating and was watching her too. ‘She’s working at the city library.’

  Carter had no idea who Isabelle was, but what he did know was that Penny had totally frozen over. Icing over to cover up—what? He tilted his head and looked into her obsidian eyes.