Breathless

by Heather C. Hudak

  Addie nudged me in the ribs and looked at me enthusiastically. I did a little dance on the inside.

  “Looks like your admirer means business,” she giggled. I felt at least a dozen eyes boring holes through me as I walked to my seat. Chaseyn glanced over his left shoulder as I came down the aisle. I could barely see the side of his face, but his cheek puffed into what I was sure was a grin.

  “Enjoy,” Addie chided before taking her seat.

  I sat down just as Mr. Sheppherd walked into the room, announcing the beginning of class. I pulled my notebook from my bag, and as I placed it on the desktop, I noticed a small note card lying in the corner. Gently, I tore open the seal and pulled out the contents.

  Meet me at the west entrance at lunch. I want to show you something.

  C.

  Lunch was more than three hours away. I wasn’t sure my heart would hold out; it was beating double time. Mr. Sheppherd instructed us to form small groups to discuss our latest assignment, and I was relieved. At least for the next 45 minutes, my attention would be focused on the conversation taking place around me. My mind would have little time to fixate on anything else while it was engaged in the topic at hand. Chaseyn was recruited by one of the other groups, and I was sure it was for the best. As much as I wanted to spend time with him, I knew I wouldn’t be able to concentrate on anything but him. I watched him move his desk gracefully across the room to where the others in his group were noisily dragging their desks.

  “Ouch,” I said, glaring at Addie, who had stomped on my foot under the table. “What was that for?”

  “Earth to Lia. Do you have anything to add on the subject,” Max chided.

  Apparently, I was failing miserably at keeping my mind on the group discussion. I had been stealing glances at Chaseyn the entire class, and every now and then, our eyes would meet. I was giddy, and the others had become painfully aware of the situation. Now, I had to face their punishment—a severe teasing. The conversation quickly shifted from the redeeming qualities of the protagonist in Jane Eyre to the qualities that attracted me to Chaseyn.

  “Seriously? Do we have to talk about this,” Max begged, but he was sorely outnumbered by curious females. Just then, the buzzer sounded, signaling the end of class. I jumped to my feet and dragged my desk—screeching and howling along the tiled floor—back to its place near Chaseyn. I gave Addie a quick nod, indicating we would catch up later, and walked with Chaseyn out of the room.

  “I’ve got chemistry,” I said as we reached my locker. I traded paperbacks for textbooks. “You?”

  “Calculus,” he replied, taking my books as we moved in the general direction of the science labs.

  Our hands accidentally brushed as we turned the corner, and I tried to suppress a giggle. Before I could move away, Chaseyn had entwined his long fingers with my own. I looked at him sheepishly. We were really doing this, going public with whatever it was we were. A flutter of excitement raced from my stomach to my heart. His gesture didn’t go unnoticed. At least three people pointed and whispered to friends as we walked by. Normally, I would feel silly, but with Chaseyn at my side, it was impossible to feel anything but excited.

  “So, I’ll see you at lunch,” I whispered just outside the door to the chemistry lab. Chaseyn nodded, then gently removed his hand from mine and walked briskly down the hall. My heart swooned.

  Time moved at a snail’s pace the rest of the morning. I worked hard to keep from looking at my watch, but it didn’t help that each classroom had a huge clock mounted on the wall above the board. I watched as each second ticked by. Finally, the buzzer for second period sounded. If I had to listen to one more minute of talk about inorganic compounds, I was sure I would scream. I raced to my locker to grab my next set of books to find Addie waiting anxiously, toe tapping animatedly.

  “So, that’s it? You’re going to spend all of your time with him now, are you,” she asked angrily. “Some guy who’s been around half a minute gives you a second glance, and you forget about your best friend forever. Sure, he’s got that wicked awesome hair and piercing eyes. Oh, and let’s not forget that he has that whole James Dean thing going on, but still…”

  “Aw, come on, Addie. How many times have you ditched me when Rob came calling,” I pleaded. “I’ve never really had a boyfriend.”

  “Relax, Lia, I’m just teasing,” Addie laughed. “I’m just upset that you ditched me for him between classes because you didn’t get to finish telling me everything about your weekend. And, you’re grounded, so we can’t even talk about it on the phone tonight. Wait. Did you just call him your boyfriend?”

  I had to think about it for a minute. I retraced my words and realized I had let the “B” word escape my lips. I thought about backpedalling and trying to take back the word, but I figured it was no use. People would be drawing their own conclusions sooner rather than later. Denial would get me nowhere, so I decided to confirm their suspicions.

  “Well, we haven’t actually discussed it officially, but I think he is.”

  Addie jumped up from her relaxed position leaning against my locker and threw her arms around me. I practically choked from her stranglehold.

  “That’s terrific. Now, we can double date. When do you think your mom will cave?”

  I thought about her question for a minute, and then gave her an honest answer.

  “I think she already has.”

  Just then, the bell rang. We were now officially late for class. Addie turned on her heel, gave me a quick wave, and ran off in the direction of the gym.

  “See you at lunch,” she called over her shoulder. Before I could tell her there had been a change in plans—not that we had plans, just a regular routine that had been solidified by years of repeated practice—she was gone.

  Aside from those few moments with Addie, the rest of the morning continued at the same slow pace. Finally, the clock struck twelve, and I raced down the hall through the masses to grab my coat. Pushing through the crowd, I reached the west entrance about two minutes later. Chaseyn was waiting. He took my thin hand in his strong grasp and led me through the double doors. Despite the winter chill that was settling in, the sun shone brightly, warming my skin.

  “Are you cold,” he asked in a low tone. I just shook my head in response. “Good. This wouldn’t work out very well if you were.”

  Suddenly, we came upon a red-checked blanket and a picnic basket set in the shade beneath a giant oak tree that was positioned away from any windows and the prying eyes of our peers. A slight blush rose in Chaseyn’s cheeks as he motioned for me to sit down on the ground. He wrapped a fleece blanket around my legs before taking a seat across from me. I knew Rob had never done anything like this for Addie. It was reminiscent of an old movie; the romantic kind of scene that you always hoped would happen to you but knew never would.

  “What is all of this,” I asked, genuinely taken aback at the gesture. “This is incredible.”

  “We haven’t had much time alone together, Cordelia” he answered. “I thought it was time that the two of us talked without your mom or someone else supervising our every move.”

  And, that’s exactly what we did. I’m not sure how he knew, but Chaseyn had all of my favorites—turkey on rye with Swiss and mayo, spinach salad with raspberry vinaigrette, and chocolate macaroons for dessert. He had even brought a bottle of non-alcoholic wine and a thermos of hot cocoa with tiny marshmallows to put on top. I was sure we had never discussed my culinary preferences, so I was surprised at the accuracy with which he had guessed my tastes. It was like he had known me for years.

  We talked nonstop for the entire hour. Mostly, he wondered about my childhood and what is what like growing up in the public scrutiny of a small town where everyone knows each other’s pasts, present, and future. He told me all about living in London and how hard it was for him to leave. Though we had just met, I was certain we had shared more about ourselves in the past hour than Addie and Rob had in the past two-and-a-half years. I’m not sure they eve
r just sat and talked; they were always too busy worrying about appearances.

  Chaseyn glanced at his watch. I knew he was trying to be discrete, but I had been staring so intently at his eyes that it was impossible to miss their slight shift downward. I knew our time together was fast drawing to an end.

  “We have to go,” I asked.

  He nodded. My heart paused for just one moment, and sadness came over me. I didn’t want it to end. Chaseyn began gathering the remnants of our intimate affair and placing them back inside the basket. I shivered slightly, as a cool breeze began to cut through the field. We stood slowly, and Chaseyn folded the blanket we had been sitting on. He wrapped the fleece blanket tight around my shoulders, and our eyes locked. Though I hadn’t been in this type of situation before, I recognized the moment from the hundreds of romantic movies I had watched over the years wondering if these things ever happened in real life.

  Instead of loosening his grip, Chaseyn kept his left hand firmly in place on my shoulder. His right hand slid gently up to the side of my face. I closed my eyes and pressed my check lightly against his hand. He stroked it once with his thumb before tucking it under my chin. His thumb and forefinger held my face firmly in place, and we leaned toward each other. Our lips brushed gently once in exploration. Then, they locked together in a soft caress. The moist curves of his lips moved slowly beneath mine. My arms were wrapped tightly inside the blanket, and I struggled to free them so I could tangle my fingers in his raven waves. Before I could, the bell rang, snapping our attention back to reality. I knew I had to move quickly to make it to class on time, but my knees were weak.

  Chaseyn guided me toward the school, but he seemed nearly as dazed as I was, so I wasn’t sure if I could trust his swift movements any more than my own. Just before we reached the school and the hoards of people pushing through the corridors on their way to class, Chaseyn turned me to face me.

  “I’ve never been scared of anyone, or anything, but me,” he confided. “Until now…you.”

  With that, he walked away from the school. I stood there breathless, watching him move stealthily toward his car. I wasn’t sure where he was going or why, but I wanted to chase after him. I refrained. I knew that if there was any chance that my mom was going to let me off my sentence early, skipping class was not the best way to convince her I was on my best behavior. I managed to pull myself together and walk back into the building.

  One week. That’s how long I had known Chaseyn, but already, I couldn’t picture my life without him.

  Chapter 13 - Wonder

  As far as I could tell, Chaseyn didn’t return to class. My mind raced with possibilities. At first, I worried that something bad may have happened to him, and then, my thoughts turned more personal. Perhaps, he was hoping to feel something more, different when we kissed. For me, it was like sipping from the sweetest nectar of the most sensuous blossom. I had hoped he had felt the same, immediate chemistry. I wondered if he was disappointed and needed to think of a way to let me down before facing me again.

  I had trouble concentrating on my classes the rest of the day. Between fifth and sixth periods, I asked Addie to wait for me after school. I was fairly certain I would need a ride home. If Chaseyn was planning to cut me loose, at least I wouldn’t have to walk home. Addie would be there to comfort me.

  All day, I couldn’t wait for the seconds to tick by, but when the last bell rang, letting us know we were free to leave, I could barely bring myself to stand. I didn’t want to keep Addie waiting, but I also didn’t want to face that harsh reality that Chaseyn had been wrong about his feelings for me. I sauntered slowly from the room, lagging behind everyone else.

  “You ready,” Addie said, coming up behind me quickly. A lump the size of an orange had filled the space in my throat so that I was unable to answer. I nodded my head and made an effort to smile. Addie knew better than to try to get any more out of me. Instead, she pretended she didn’t notice anything was wrong, kicked me in the behind with her left shin, and started walking toward the main entrance. “Coming, slowpoke?”

  Watching my feet, I scrambled to keep up with Addie’s unbearably perky bounce. Sometimes, she was hard to take. Still, I was thankful she was willing to leave me to wallow without asking for details. I knew this wouldn’t last forever. At some point, her curiosity would take control, and I would be subjected to a full interrogation.

  I pushed through the heavy glass doors into the cool afternoon air. I hadn’t taken two steps before I heard someone call my name. I didn’t need to look up to know who it was.

  “I thought you’d left,” I said in tone so low I was shocked when he responded. I never looked up, and I dared not face the direction of his voice—scared of what I might find. I kept my back to him, hoping to hold myself together just long enough to make it through this moment and on to Addie’s car.

  “It’s okay, Addie,” he shouted past me to where she was standing about fifty feet away, already opening her car door. “Cordelia’s got a ride.”

  I was furious. How dare he disappear after our brief encounter earlier today and then return as if nothing had happened? He had no right to toy with my emotions like this and worse, have the nerve to tell my friend what to do.

  “Excuse me,” I said, turning quickly to face him. He was standing so close that I was sure we were breathing the same air. “Who do you think you are to just come and go without any explanation? Do you have any idea—”

  He stopped me then, cutting off my words by placing a single finger across my lips, a low shushing sound seeped through his raspberry lips.

  “Go ahead, Addie,” he repeated. I nodded in agreement, and Addie laughed.

  “You tell him,” Addie said, giggling in a high-pitch chime as she climbed into her car. “I’ll call you later. Your mom’s working late, right?”

  Again, I nodded, unable to break away from Chaseyn’s gaze. I was behaving like one of those pitiful sots in a Victorian romance who falls so hopelessly in love with the male lead that she can’t act on her own volition. I wanted nothing more than to give Chaseyn a dose of his own medicine, but I was frozen there with him. Just then, the first flakes of winter snow began falling around us as if we were in the center of a snow globe and someone had shaken us upside-down. The thin flakes rained upon us, dusting everything in their path with a sparkling white glow.

  Chaseyn practically dragged me back to the car; he walked so quickly that my legs could barely keep up. Inside, he cranked the heat, though I could tell he wasn’t cold.

  “Good,” he asked.

  I nodded. Soon, anger was welling inside, warming my blood.

  “Why are you here,” I yelled at him. “If you’re just going to break up with me, why did you come back? You should have just let me go home with Addie.”

  Chaseyn looked puzzled. He grabbed both of my icy hands in his and kissed each of my knuckles. The corners of his lips curved up.

  “Stop it,” I said. “You’re not making this any easier.”

  “I’m not sure what you’re yelling about,” he said. “Why are you so upset?”

  “You kissed me, and it took my breath away, but you just left. You left me there alone, without a word, and I didn’t see you again the rest of the day. It’s obvious you didn’t have the reaction you had hoped for. Why bother being here now?”

  I started to open the car door. I would rather walk home than be forced to be near him for another minute. He held my hands tighter. I would have to struggle to get away, and I wasn’t feeling that strong.

  “What are you talking about,” he said sternly. “I had an appointment. I should have said something, but I was trying to be mysterious, and instead, I came off aloof. I didn’t look at it from your perspective. Forgive me?”

  I closed the car door and looked into his emerald gaze.

  “You don’t have to do this,” I said. “We barely know each other. I’ll understand if you think this is a mistake.”

  “Never,” he said. “You’re not
getting rid of me that easily. Besides, how can I break up with you when we’re not even going out?”

  We sat in silence for another minute before he put the car in gear and began driving toward my house. My mom would be calling soon to be sure I went straight home from school. For the record, she would be keeping up with the grounding guise for at least a few more days so she wouldn’t seem weak.

  As we rounded the corner, Chaseyn shifted uncomfortably in his seat. He glanced at me through the corner of his eyes. His actions made me nervous. He slowed to a stop in front of my house. I wanted to ask him to come inside, but I decided we should slow things down a bit. Besides, I really needed to catch up on all the homework I had ignored on the weekend.