Just for Appearances

by Jenna Rutland

  “Good idea.” John kicked off his shoes as well.

  She stared down at their bare legs and feet. All that skin side by side seemed very intimate, and her pulse kicked up. The man had huge feet. Everything about him was big. Big truck. Big feet. Big hands. Big…heart. She looked next to her and studied his profile. The brilliant explosions lit his face in the darkness. He wore a boyish smile, and in that second, she lost the last little bit of her heart. He had planned the entire fireworks trip and even took the time to pack sleeping bags. He knew the boys would love to sit in the back of his truck for the display. He had the ability to take the ordinary and make it special. Just like her. She was ordinary, but he certainly had a way of making her feel special. Something no one else had ever done.

  He turned his head and caught her gaze. Sheepishly, she looked away, glad for the darkness to hide her blush. She watched the fireworks for a few minutes, but unable to resist, once again returned her gaze to John. This time when he caught her staring, she didn’t look away. He placed his finger underneath her chin and dipped his head slightly forward until their lips met. His were warm and sweet on hers, and she quivered at the tenderness of his kiss. He pulled back and kept his gaze on her while the summer breeze erased the moisture on her lips.

  “Wow,” he whispered. “I saw fireworks.” He gave her a lopsided grin, and she laughed out a shaky breath. “Come here.” He pulled her closer. He put his arm around her and gave an affectionate squeeze.

  Two hours later, they arrived at the house. “Sounds pretty quiet back there.” John chuckled with a nod toward the rear seat of the truck. “I think our passengers are out cold.” She glanced behind her and smiled. All three boys were sound asleep. John turned off the engine. “Let’s get these guys to bed. If you help the twins, I can carry Zak.”

  She guided her two sleepy sons out of the truck and into the house. Barely awake, they plopped down on their beds as soon as they entered the bedroom. She removed their shoes and socks, and gave in to the idea that no teeth brushing would happen tonight. After tucking the twins in, she went into the other bedroom where John had settled Zak into bed. She leaned down and brushed a soft good-night kiss on his forehead.

  John nodded toward the hallway. He closed the bedroom door and took her hand. He led her through the house and onto the back deck.

  “It was a great day,” she said, suddenly unsure. He smiled, then nodded. His expression stilled and grew serious.

  He let go of her hand. His voice was barely audible as he said, “I can’t do this anymore, Rach.” Her eyebrows drew together as she aimed her gaze at him with a slow shake of her head in bewilderment. Before she could produce a question, his hands rose to cradle her face. “I can’t stay away. I can’t stop wanting you.”

  For the second time that night, he bent his head and pressed his mouth to hers. His thumbs caressed her cheeks as she stood motionless. Her body tried to recover from the shock of his words. He pulled away slightly and looked down at her as if to judge her reaction to his kiss.

  “Please don’t stop,” she whispered.

  “Not a chance in hell.” He nipped at her lower lip and gave it a gentle tug. His mouth covered hers hungrily, and he coaxed her lips apart and slipped his tongue inside to explore the recesses of her mouth. On their own, her hands trailed up his chest, felt the softness of his shirt, the hardness of his muscles underneath. She groaned against his mouth and pushed her body into his, no longer in control. He slid one hand down her back; the other traveled to the nape of her neck, securing her position. He angled his mouth to deepen the kiss while he pulled her against him until she could feel all of his hardness. A deep-throated moan escaped him and she had to clutch at his shirt for fear she’d collapse.

  “Rachel,” he whispered as his mouth grazed her earlobe, his breath hot against her skin. “God, you taste incredible.”

  He gathered her into his arms and held her snugly as she buried her face against the solid muscles of his chest. His breathing was as uneven as hers, and she enjoyed the feel of his arms around her. John’s hands played along her spine until he moved one upward to cup her face. “I want more,” he said before he tilted her chin up.

  This kiss was slow, thoughtful. But as his lips gently covered her mouth, the awakened passion that had lain dormant came to life. She placed her arms around his neck, let her eyes drift shut. Desire raged through her as she buried her hands in his soft, thick hair and pulled him even closer. Unable to suppress the sound of her aroused state, she groaned as his hands roamed over her. She had waited years to feel this alive again.

  He pulled away from her as if with regret. He released a heavy sigh. “I think I should go before this gets out of hand.”

  “It’s so late. Will you stay over?”

  With a slow, sexy growl, he said, “I can’t tonight, sweetheart. I’d never be able to stay out of your room. And all the reasons you didn’t want to sleep with me a few days ago still exist.”

  Her body tingled at the implication. She dropped her forehead on his chest with a sigh of protest.

  “Walk me to my truck,” he said as he pushed off the railing. He placed his arm around her shoulders. She leaned into him, her own arm around his waist as they made their way across the lawn to the driveway. They reached his truck, and he walked her to the driver’s side where the beams from the porch light didn’t reach, hiding them in the shadows. With his hands on her hips, he backed her up until she stood flush against the truck door.

  Tuned in to him, she was certain he would kiss her again. He didn’t disappoint. John’s hungry mouth worked its way across her lips, nuzzled her ear, then proceeded down her neck. She instinctively arched into him, his hard thigh brushed her hip, and she tilted her head back, welcoming the caress of his lips. His hands explored the lines of her waist, her hips, then roamed intimately up the sides of her body. When he reached her breasts, she groaned softly.

  She relaxed, and she pressed into the persuasive sensation of this magnificent man. “I need to see you again,” he said, his breath ragged. Her skin tingled from his touch.

  He popped the buttons on her dress, four of them this time, then paused as if awaiting her protest. When none came, he placed his hands inside her dress, explored her warm skin, and dragged his thumbs over her sensitized flesh. She gasped as he pressed her breasts together and nuzzled the valley they created.

  His breath was warm against her skin and as she automatically clutched his head to her chest, she heard his tormented groan. “Rachel.” He hesitated a long moment before he raised his head. “I really need to get going,” he whispered. “Because if I don’t, I’m going to haul you to the back of my truck and have my way with you.”

  Together they looked longingly toward the truck bed, and she bit her bottom lip to keep from saying, “Let’s do it.”

  He chuckled as if he could read her mind. “If we make love again, it won’t be in the back of my truck.” She raised an eyebrow in his direction. “And who knows? Maybe someday we’ll even do it in my truck.” He trailed a finger along her jawline. “The first time we made love, it was in a dorm room on a twin-size bed with the threat of your roommate coming home. The next time we make love will be on a nice big bed without anyone around who could possibly interrupt us. And we’ll need all night, because there’s plenty I want to do to you.”

  She closed her eyes for a moment and tried to regain some semblance of control when all she really wanted was to drag him to the back of his truck. Or into the house to her bed. Or really anywhere at all. She gathered together the front of her dress while she left one hand spread across her chest. She moved aside and allowed him access to his truck. He placed a peck on her cheek as he brushed past her to open the driver’s side door. Once inside, he said, “Sweet dreams. I’ll see you in the morning.”

  She lifted a shaky hand and waved a silent good-bye. As the truck pulled out of the driveway, she placed her fingers on her lips, still moist from his kisses, as she relived the intimacy of t
he last few minutes. She sighed as the corners of her mouth lifted to a wide grin.

  …

  One again, John found himself in Rachel’s driveway, remembering in exquisite detail the pleasurable activities of the previous night, memories that had stuck with him since he’d left only six hours earlier.

  He was out of the truck and halfway to the deck before he noticed her. She stood in her robe in the morning sunlight, a mug of steaming coffee in her hand. She was beautiful and sexy, and she took his breath away. He was assaulted with the knowledge that if he let himself, he could fall back in love with this woman, might already be halfway there. But his feelings didn’t really count. Ten years ago, he’d wanted to change his choice of college to be close to her, and she’d crumpled that dream. Were her feelings for him now finally stronger, or was she just ecstatic to have an extra pair of hands to help with her sons and all of her other responsibilities—and any old ex-boyfriend would have done?

  She smiled as he climbed the deck steps. “You’re here early.”

  He stopped directly in front of her and gave her a smile in return as he stole her coffee, took a sip, then set the mug on the railing. He placed his hands on her waist, tugged her closer. “Yeah, well, a beautiful woman haunted my dreams all night. I figured since I couldn’t sleep, I might as well come over early.”

  “Let me guess,” she said with a chuckle. “Did any of those dreams happen to have a black truck in them? One with lots of blankets in the back?” She honored him with a shy, sexy grin.

  “Don’t tell me, you, too?”

  As her face blushed, she nodded. He laughed as he pulled her nearer. “Did I tell you good morning yet?” he asked as he lowered his head and the tone of his voice.

  “No, I don’t think you did.” She slipped her arms around his neck and pulled his head down for their lips to touch. It was even better than he had remembered. She tasted of coffee and Rachel, and he pushed away the thought that this would be the perfect start to every day.

  His hands traveled up and down her spine, coming to rest once again on her waist before sliding around to the front of her robe. He toyed with the belt, and his pulse jumped. What an incredible feeling to have the ability to touch her at a whim. Just reach out and feel her soft flesh, kiss those sweet lips.

  “Since the first time I saw you in this robe, I’ve been wondering what it is you wear underneath it every morning.” He heard her breath catch as he leisurely pulled on one of the ends, the bow falling apart in his hands. Her chest quickly rose and fell as she labored for breath, and he knew he didn’t imagine the little shiver that coursed through her body. His own hand trembled on the remaining knot at her waist. With one skillful tug, he could have it off.

  The screen door slammed as Zak came barreling onto the deck, wide-awake and ready for the day. Rachel concealed a gasp as she broke away from John. He scooped up Zak and held him as she retied her belt. Would she really have let him open her robe? He had to be careful with the kids around, but it was damn hard to think straight whenever he touched her.

  She rubbed her young son’s back, then planted a kiss on his cheek. Immediately, he rubbed it off. “What’s with girls always kissing?” he asked, totally disgusted, directing his important question to John as if needing another man’s opinion.

  He laughed. “Believe me, buddy,” John said with a wink, “someday when you have a girlfriend, you’ll live for those kisses. They’ll be more important than playing ball, watching TV, or even eating pizza.”

  Zak gave him a horrified look. “I’m never getting a girlfriend. Not if I can’t watch SpongeBob anymore.”

  John shook his head in amusement. “We’ll see.” The truth slammed into him that he wouldn’t see. He wouldn’t be around to see what kind of young man Zak would become, wouldn’t play a part in the boys’ transition into adulthood. And in that moment, he was seized by a sense of loss so powerful, he wondered how he’d ever have the strength to walk away. But he had to.

  “How about some breakfast, guys?” Rachel opened the back door, motioning for them to come inside.

  “Pancakes?” Zak asked, licking his lips and rubbing his belly.

  She ruffled his hair. “Sounds like a good idea.” She turned her attention to John. “By the way, the answer to your earlier question,” she said, fiddling with the ties on her robe, “is nothing. Not a single thing.”

  Heat burned through him like he’d just downed a shot of whiskey. She wore nothing underneath her robe. And had allowed him to play with the ties holding it together. Well, hell.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Rachel sat in a far corner of the cafeteria and stared out the window. The trees swayed in a seductive dance as the wind became stronger and the sky grew darker.

  “Hey, girl!” Dani set her cafeteria tray down on the table. “God, I couldn’t wait for lunchtime. I’m starved!

  Rachel laughed. “When I was pregnant with the twins, it seemed I could never eat enough.” She raised an eyebrow to her friend.

  “No twins. There’s only one peanut in here.”

  While Dani settled into her seat, Rachel opened her brown lunch bag and pulled out the contents, spreading them on the table. As she pulled the last item from the bag, a yellow piece of paper fell out and drifted to the floor at Dani’s feet. Before Rachel had a chance to grab it, Dani snatched it up. She held it between her thumb and index finger, waving it back and forth like a victory flag.

  “Holy, shit, Rach. Naked? This note says ‘naked.’” Rachel took a swipe at it, but Dani held it firm. “I know this isn’t from the boys, and I can’t believe you’re writing ‘naked’ reminders to yourself. So that leaves only one person who would slip you a note like this. Someone like a certain handsome nanny? And if the sudden color of your face is any indication, I’d say I nailed that sucker right on the head. By the way,” she said, pointing toward Rachel’s cheeks, “that shade of red looks good on you.”

  Dani laughed at her own joke as she tossed the note on the table. “Cool,” she said with a wiggle of her eyebrows. “I didn’t know this was going to be such a fun lunch.” She took a bite of her sandwich, then mumbled, “Start talking.”

  Rachel stared at her friend’s cocky smile. “Well, umm.” Tilting her head to one side, she shrugged her shoulder.

  “Brilliant conversation.”

  “It’s complicated.”

  “All the good stuff is, girlfriend.”

  “If any other guy did this, I’d think he was a perv.” She picked up the note and studied it. “But John is sweet and sexy and sincere.”

  “I take that’s probably not the first note you’ve gotten?”

  She shook her head. “One every day. When he packs my lunch, he slips in a note.” She automatically smiled as she remembered her first day of work, her first note. Hope you’re having an amazing day, Einstein!! She had been surprised to find another note the following day, and every day since. Rachel saved every single one of them in a little blue box stashed in her top desk drawer.

  “So if today’s note just says ‘naked,’ what in the hell did yesterday’s note say?”

  “You.”

  Dani plunked her water bottle down with enough force to slosh some of the clear liquid onto the table. As she swiped at the water spots with her napkin, she said, “‘You naked.’ And the day before that?”

  “Want.”

  “And the day before that?”

  “I.”

  “‘I want you naked,’” Dani recited, as if trying to get a feel for the order of the words. “Holy shit. Makes you kind of excited about tomorrow’s lunch, doesn’t it?”

  Rachel rolled her eyes upward. “What am I going to do, Dani?”

  “If I were you, I’d check out my lunch bag tomorrow as soon as I got to the end of the driveway. Hell with waiting for lunchtime.” She flashed Rachel a mischievous smile.

  “That’s not what I mean, and you know it. This whole…thing between us has escalated and now…”

  “N
ow he wants to sleep with you, and please, don’t tell me you feel differently.”

  “I don’t know what I feel. Part of me wants to be with him, but my sensible part keeps reminding me that he’s leaving at the end of the summer. He’d never stay for me—I have three boys and a pile of work that never ends.”

  “So he’s leaving? What’s that got to do with now? It’s only the first part of July. You can do the math, but it sounds to me like there’s plenty of party days left.”

  Rachel picked off little bits of bread and let them drop onto her napkin. With a heavy sigh, she tossed the uneaten food back into the bag. She sagged into her chair, gathered her jacket together, and wrapped her arms around her middle.

  “Look,” Dani continued. “I think it would be good for you to sleep with John. Forget about everything and just lose yourself in him, live in the moment. You have to have some fun in your life, Rachel. You can’t just live in this confined world where all you do is work and take care of your kids. I know that’s important stuff, but what about taking care of yourself? You’ve got to have wants and needs like the rest of us. When was the last time you let yourself indulge?”

  Leaning an elbow on the table, Rachel propped her chin on her hand. “When Greg and I were first married, we went at it every chance we got. It was exciting, but I also thought we’d be together forever. John’s made it clear his time in Lake Bliss is temporary. I’m afraid I’ll get in over my head.”

  “Remember last summer when I had the hots for Matt? You were the one who encouraged me to go for it. You spelled out to me the beauty of a summer fling. I’ll never regret taking your advice.” Dani rubbed a hand over her very pregnant belly.

  “I’m thrilled that you and Matt married. You’re fabulous parents to Sam, and I can’t wait to see your new baby.” Rachel tossed her napkin on the table. “But there’s no way John is staying here. His business takes him all over the country.”