Just for Appearances

by Jenna Rutland

  She dipped a hand into the pool. The water temperature resembled that of a hot tub. She cupped her fingers, catching the warm water, sprinkling it over her almost-naked body. The water wasn’t refreshing, but she enjoyed the tingling sensation as it made contact with her exposed skin. She repeated the process in a slow, rhythmic motion as she continued her stargazing.

  Car tires crunched on the gravel driveway, and her hands stilled in midair. Her heart fluttered, picking up the tempo until it throbbed. Her breathing came faster, quickening to an almost unnatural pattern.

  Was it him? If not, then who? None of her friends would come out to her house at night without a preliminary phone call. She’d tossed her cell phone on the chair when she’d headed out here. She would have heard it ring.

  It had to be him. Now what?

  She pushed herself to a sitting position, swung both legs to one side, and hopped off the raft. The water came to her waist, her sudden movements creating little waves. She turned her head in the direction of the driveway and released a soft cry. John. He was here. Here and walking toward the pool with a slow, steady gait. She placed a hand on her float to keep her balance. Or maybe as a lifeboat—something to cling to—so she wouldn’t jump out of the pool and run into his arms, or in the opposite direction. Why was he here?

  She sucked air in and out of her lungs as if she’d just finished swimming laps. But no amount of laps would make her belly flitter. Nothing other than this man could cause certain body parts to quiver in anticipation. She took a gulp of air and tried for a casual smile, fearing it looked more like a grimace. Was he here to say good-bye?

  John stopped at the edge of the pool and seemed to study her for a beat, a reserved smile in place. He wore perfectly creased khaki slacks, a black silky-looking shirt that exposed his muscled forearms, and some kind of black sandals that she had never seen. Had he been out this evening? Every inch of him shouted male, and she squeezed her raft until she worried she’d puncture it with her fingernails. A slight breeze blew her way, and the sounds of her wind chimes floated through the humid air that also brought a whiff of his woodsy aftershave. She sighed. He was the most beautiful man she’d ever seen, and in that moment, she’d take whatever he had to offer. A week, a month, the rest of the summer…or just the one night they’d already shared. For once, she was going to take what she could get for as long as she could have it. Nobody said love had to be lifelong.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Holy hell! John fiddled with his keys. He probably looked like a tongue-tied juvenile. But Rachel dressed in that teeny-tiny, hot blue bikini had his blood boiling. All he could think about was jumping into the pool and removing that suit to expose the perfect body it failed miserably to hide.

  He shook his head, feeling the grin taking over his mouth. “That’s one hell of a bathing suit, Einstein.”

  She shrugged her shoulders. Her face was in shadow, the underwater pool lights casting an eerie glow. He couldn’t see her expression, but he heard her soft expulsion of breath. She was probably blushing.

  “I, uh, only wear it when—”

  “You’re alone?” he guessed with a chuckle. She was the sexiest woman he’d ever known, but somehow that fact escaped her. “I’m one hell of a lucky guy, then, to have the honor of seeing you wear it.”

  When she ducked her head in what he assumed was more embarrassment, he crouched down by the side of the pool. She moved into deeper water, and her hands went to the ties of her bikini top. A tug at her neck, another at her back, and the minuscule fabric dropped to the water, leaving her topless. Scooping up the sodden cloth, she balled it up and flung it. The bright blue material flew through the air, droplets of water falling like miniature bombs. It landed on the pebbled concrete with a soggy splat not far from his feet.

  Jesus.

  This had to be a dream, right?

  Wrong. There she stood, topless, revealing her beautiful breasts. Her hands traveled below the water’s surface to the remaining scrap of fabric. Mesmerized, he followed her movements as she removed her bikini bottoms, following their path as they sailed past him. They, too, landed with a watery smack on the edge of the pool.

  “Good God,” he whispered.

  Okay, this was definitely a good sign. If she wanted him only as a nanny, she probably wouldn’t be peeling off her bathing suit. Too shocked to speak, too curious to move, he waited to see what she’d do next.

  …

  Where she had gotten the nerve to strip off her suit, she had no idea. It might be best to think about that another time. Right now, all she wanted was a naked pool partner. Specifically, the incredible man crouched before her. “Care for a swim?” she asked, trying her best for a sultry voice. Afraid she hadn’t pulled it off, she added a smile she hoped was sexy.

  Must have worked, because he jumped into action like he’d been shot out of a cannon. He stood, dropped his keys, kicked off his shoes. His shirt flew out of his hands and landed on the patio. In one swift move, both his pants and boxers joined the shirt. She caught a glimpse of his gloriously naked body as he dived into the water, surfaced, then swam a few short strokes in her direction.

  He stood before her, water dripping down his face and onto his chest. The man was utterly edible.

  And all hers for the summer. Wow. Where to begin?

  With one little tug, he brought her into his arms. His mouth crushed hers; his hands roamed her slick body. His lips were warm and wet, mating with hers in a desperate union. “I want you,” he murmured.

  “I want you, too.”

  He touched her forehead with his. “Got any pool fantasies, Einstein?”

  She brought her mouth to his ear, then proceeded to share her ideas. To her delight, he fulfilled everything on her list.

  Much later, when she could think again, she scrubbed a hand down her face, removing any water that lingered. Their ragged breathing seemed amplified in the warm summer night, competing with the crickets and bullfrogs. He waded through the shallow end to the steps, collapsing when he reached them, then pulled her onto his lap.

  “I have to say, sweetheart, you’ve got a great imagination.” He kissed her neck, wrapped his arms around her, and held her closer. When their breathing returned to a somewhat normal pace, he pulled away from her, picked her up, and carried her to a chaise longue. He wrapped a beach towel around her and sank into the chair, holding her on his lap. She lost track of the time as they sat together, listening to the night sounds. Nothing needed to be said. They simply enjoyed the moment.

  After several minutes, he scooped her up and headed toward the house. “Come on, honey,” he said, opening the back door. “I’ve got some fantasies of my own.” When they reached her room, he set her down, peeled back the bed covers, and guided her to lie down.

  He kissed her forehead, then straightened.

  “John? Will you spend the night?” She couldn’t believe how seductive, even husky, her voice sounded.

  “I’m not going anywhere, babe, other than to lock up the house. I’ll collect my clothes and be right back.” He gave her a wink. “Be ready, Einstein. It’s gonna be a long night.”

  …

  A week passed, and then another and another, until September was only a few short days away. The summer had been the happiest time of her life, filled with ball games and swimming, picnics at the park. Delicious meals cooked with the boys, simple dinners for two, casual get-togethers with friends. Laugher and love. And the nights. Good Lord, the hot, sensual nights. Filled with kisses, caresses, and long hours of making perfect love.

  Rachel tried to ignore the impending end of summer, but it stared her in the face. She could no longer deny it—the center was days away from opening, school started next week, and then he would leave. She didn’t want to think about a life without John. Did she regret all the events of the summer? Definitely not. She was better at her job, she knew her children could still be happy when they were away from her, and she had so many more memories of being with John to
add to her collection.

  “He’s leaving,” she said to the mirror. There, that hadn’t been too hard, right? Maybe if she kept reminding herself that he’d be gone in a few days, it wouldn’t be too hard when the time came to say good-bye. Yeah, sure. The chances of that happening were slim to none.

  With a heavy sigh, she took another look in the mirror. A formal gala was planned to celebrate the opening of John’s facility, thanking the contributors for their financial backing and the public for their acceptance. She smoothed her hand down the bright blue evening dress she’d purchased for this special occasion. She’d tried it on again today, looking for some happiness. Better take it off so she didn’t stain it before the big event tomorrow. The back door opened, and in seconds she heard her sons laughing with John and Carol.

  “Mom,” Andrew yelled. “We’re heading out with Carol.” Knowing the boys were anxious to spend their evening with her, Rachel didn’t bother changing before heading to the kitchen.

  John sucked in a breath when Rachel walked into the room. She smiled to herself, pleased that she’d been able to elicit that reaction in him.

  “You’re stunning.”

  “Well, I don’t have the hair and makeup done.”

  “Doesn’t matter. Still beautiful.”

  Little Zak made a gagging motion while the two older boys chuckled. “We gotta get out of here!”

  Carol gave a soft shove to the boys’ shoulders, ushering them out the door. “See you in the morning,” she called.

  In minutes, he scooped her up, kicked the door closed, and didn’t put her down until they’d reached her bedroom. “In a hurry?” she asked, kissing him lightly on the lips.

  “Something like that,” he mumbled.

  His breathing was ragged and unsteady. He stood there for a moment, as if trying to gain control. With every second the air seemed to come in and out of his lungs a little slower, and he seemed to relax before her eyes.

  His hands came up to frame her face, and then he kissed her. Slowly, sweetly at first, until she touched the tip of her tongue to his. The small gesture seemed to ignite him, and soon the kiss became carnal, consuming. She heard a zipper, felt the cool air brush along her back. The dress fell to the floor with a soft whoosh, and she was left standing in an electric blue push-up bra, barely-there panties and high-heeled sandals. She sat on the bed and reached for the strap of her shoe.

  “Leave them on, Einstein. The bra and panties, too.”

  She raised an eyebrow. This would definitely be a night to remember.

  Their eyes locked while he removed his clothes. She sat motionless, transfixed. She had no idea where this was going, but it didn’t matter. She wanted this. Wanted him. And she trusted him to see to their mutual pleasure.

  Something in his mood was different tonight. Primitive, possessive. She took a deep breath and hoped she wouldn’t pass out from sheer excitement.

  Afterward, John sat on the side of the bed, feet on the floor, shoulders hunched. He threaded his fingers through his hair, released a long sigh, then leaned forward to rest his forearms on his thighs. Rachel studied his movements, his body language telling her this was the moment she’d feared, dreaded, over the last few weeks. He had to tell her he was leaving soon and didn’t know what to say. She felt vulnerable, but damned if she’d portray herself as anything but a face-the-facts kind of woman. The timeline of their relationship had been established at the beginning, and she’d force herself to be strong. She could do this. Determined to be stoic, she tried for a casualness she didn’t come close to feeling.

  “So, now that the center’s done, you’ll be leaving?”

  “Yeah,” he said, his voice low.

  She’d known this was coming. She’d known it was inevitable. The problem was, somewhere along the line she’d begun to hope that he would change his mind. “When?”

  He shrugged. “Sometime soon.”

  Tears tried to force themselves to puddle in her eyes. No! She wouldn’t fall apart. She rapidly blinked to keep the tears at bay. Thank God his head was turned; she probably looked like a blinking idiot. Her brain fumbled through a series of meaningless subjects, something to grasp onto, something she could say to ease them through this horribly awkward moment.

  “Luke Swanson told me the other day he’s willing to be next year’s baseball coach. Good thing nobody has to worry about finding someone. It’s always difficult to find people willing to donate their time.”

  The muscle in his jaw clenched. “Replacing me already, Einstein?”

  She drew in a deep breath. “The boys need a coach, and you won’t be here. We’d be lucky to have Luke help out with the team.”

  She stared at this handsome man who had become her life. It would kill her to say good-bye to him even though she’d tried to prepare herself, and her young sons, for the inevitable. Sometimes history repeated itself. She’d encouraged him to walk away before, and she’d have to do it again. Love isn’t selfish. Love means sacrificing. “I’ll have your last paycheck ready in a few days.”

  “Same thing my father told you before we left Lake Bliss?” His voice turned cold. “Did you get a bonus for working with him to get me to head to California?”

  “Don’t be ridiculous.” She kicked off her shoes. She scooped up her dress before heading to the closet.

  “I think it’s ridiculous that we haven’t talked about this yet.”

  “And you want to do that now?” She pulled her robe on, then tied the sash. “Fine. Let’s talk.”

  “I thought you loved me,” he said in a soft tone. “I thought you’d fight to keep me here in Lake Bliss with you.”

  “I did love you, John. You have to believe that.”

  “So you made some grand gesture and pushed me away so I’d go to California and pursue a football career.” He pulled his pants on. “How noble.”

  “It broke my damn heart to send you away. You meant everything to me.”

  “There were other options. I would have remained faithful to you until I returned home. All you had to say was that you’d wait for me.”

  She turned her face toward the ceiling, willing the tears to stay at bay. “I wanted what was best for you. I believed that was going to California with no ties to Lake Bliss.”

  “No. You wanted what was best for you. And that wasn’t me. I was never good enough for you. Never will be.”

  “You’re wrong. But you’ll probably never believe me.”

  Without looking in her direction, he said, “I promised the boys I’d take them to the first football game. I’ll have my mom pick them up Saturday afternoon.”

  “What about the celebration at the center?”

  He pulled his shoes on. “I’d rather go alone.”

  She’d been dismissed. He snatched up his keys and wallet and bolted out of the room. The kitchen door slammed, and she heard his truck hightail it down the driveway.

  And then the tears came.

  Chapter Eighteen

  John staggered up the steps leading to his front porch. What the hell had just happened? How had his evening with Rachel ended up in chaos?

  As his thoughts spun, he made his way into the house. With weak knees, he dropped into the first chair he came to. He shook his head as if to clear his mind.

  He retraced their conversation. It was eerily similar to the one they’d had ten years ago before he left Lake Bliss. They’d had plenty of time over the past few months to talk about the past, but every time he broached the subject, Rachel would brush him off.

  They loved each other. He didn’t doubt that. But for the second time in their life, she was willing to have him walk away. And he wondered if that wasn’t just the best thing to do, all things considered.

  A soft knock at the door startled him to his feet, her name on his lips as his heart started beating in triple time. But the “helloooo?” that came from the front of his house belonged to his mother, not Rachel.

  He waited until Carol entered the room, then s
lumped back into his chair. “Hi, Mom.”

  Having slipped off her sandals as soon as she’d walked in, she padded in bare feet to sit on the corner of the sofa nearest him. “So I hear you and Rachel are through.”

  The CIA had nothing on the Lake Bliss gossip chain. “We never really started,” he said dully.

  “Oh, come on now.” She gave him a soft smile. “It’s been a long, long time since I’ve seen such happiness on either of your faces. You two…”

  He scrubbed a hand over his eyes. “Mom, it’s over. I know you love Rachel, but we’re just not meant to be.”

  “Mmm-hmm.” His mother gave him a knowing look. “And yet you look exactly like a certain lovesick teenager who went to play football in California and left the girl of his dreams behind.”

  “Seriously, Mom—”

  “I gave birth to you, John. I know when you’re making yourself miserable.”

  He shifted in his seat, feeling like he was about to jump out of his skin. “Stop—”

  His mom leaned toward him, reaching out to pat him gently on the knee. “She loves you. It’s as plain as day on her face. Won’t you consider making a go of it here at home—?”

  He exploded out of his chair. “I’m not good enough for her, Mom!”

  For once, Carol MacDonald was stunned silent.

  Breathing heavily, he raked his hands through his hair. “She and those boys deserve better.”

  Her soft gasp finally had him turning around. “Is that what you really think?” Instead of reaching for him again, she’d folded in on herself, holding her elbows and looking every one of her sixty-two years.

  “Mom?”

  “You always seemed so strong,” she murmured, her eyes locked on the hardwood floor. “I thought my words and my love were enough to make you forget the things he said.”

  He knew they were both thinking of his father. “They were, Mom.”

  She shook her head sadly. “No. No, they weren’t if you still feel this way. He always told you that you weren’t worth anything without football. But John, you are so much more than that. You’re strong, and you’re kind, and you’re the bravest man I know. You stood up to him, and he was as big a bully as ever lived. You made your own way, and you didn’t let his doubts bring you down. Look at you!”