Promise to Marry

by Jessica Wood

I don’t know why, but I felt my cheeks flush at his words.

  I turned to look at him, and we shared a smile that caused my heart to skip a beat.

  “Thank you, Jax. This was exactly what I needed tonight. I was really lonely.”

  “Clo, you never have to feel lonely because I’m here for you.”

  His words touched me in a way I didn’t know was possible. “I hope so, Jax. My mom died alone.”

  “You don’t have to hope. I promise.”

  “Promises can be broken,” I whispered as my thoughts went to all the broken promises my mom had made me.

  “Not mine, Clo,” he said firmly.

  I smiled, wanting to believe his every word.

  He could tell I was not convinced.

  “Clo?”

  “Yes?”

  “Do you want to make a pact?”

  “A pact? What kind of pact?”

  He grinned. “How about when we get old, like when we turn thirty or something, and we’re still single and not married, we can marry each other? That way, you’ll never have to worry about being lonely again.”

  “Really?” I wasn’t sure if he was joking, but the idea of being with Jackson forever made me really happy.

  “Yeah, really. We are best friends. We love each other and care about each other.”

  His words caused my heart to pound against my chest so violently, I wondered if he could hear it.

  “Okay,” I whispered as we inched closer to each other. “If we’re both single when we turn thirty, I’ll marry you.”

  “Deal,” he whispered softly. His hand reached for my face and he gently brushed through my hair as he gazed into my eyes. His face sparkled with the myriad of lights that moved across his face, making him look more beautiful than I’d remembered.

  I wasn’t sure how it happened, but his mouth brushed against mine, and our lips met in a warm, sweet kiss that seemed to melt my insides. It was my first kiss. It was our first kiss. And it was perfect.

  CHAPTER TEN

  Present Day

  On my flight from Los Angeles to Philadelphia for Clara’s wedding, I realized that I had no real friends left in Los Angeles. Carly was the first friend I’d met when I moved to Los Angeles years ago. Then she introduced me to the three other girls in our circle of five girlfriends. After two years, I thought they were as much my friend as they were Carly’s. But I was wrong. After I caught Jeff cheating with Carly, none of the girls reached out to me. There were no calls, no emails, no texts. Not even a Google instant message. I had even kept a browser opened to my Gmail account just so I’d always be online and available to chat on Google Talk so they could see me. And I’d seen them online. But no one reached out. It had been radio silence.

  It was after the Jeff and Carly incident that I knew for the first time where I stood with them. Apparently it hadn’t mattered to them who was in the wrong. Those girls were obviously more Carly’s friends than mine.

  So, Clara and Sam’s wedding couldn’t have come at a better time. I needed to get out of Los Angeles and see if I wanted to move back home.

  “I’m home,” I cried out into the empty hallway from the front doorway of the house.

  “We’re back here, Co-co,” I heard Uncle Tom’s voice call out his nickname for me.

  I headed in the direction of the kitchen where Uncle Tom’s voice had come from.

  “Hi!” I greeted them both with hugs and kisses on the cheek. “How are you guys?”

  “We’re good. Pretty boring now that we’ve retired,” Aunt Betty said with a smile.

  I beamed at them. “You guys deserve to relax now.”

  “So how’s everything with you? How’s that Jeff guy treating you?”

  “We broke up,” I said in a matter-of-fact tone. “I’m totally okay with it,” I quickly added when I saw the looks of concern on their faces. “He was a jerk.”

  “Well, I’m sorry that didn’t work out for you, honey.” Aunt Betty pulled me in for another hug to console me.

  “No. Really. It’s okay. It happened almost three months ago. Sorry I forgot to mention it during our conversations. I really just didn’t want to talk about him.”

  Aunt Betty nodded in understanding.

  “So, what are your plans for your stay here?” Uncle Tom asked, changing the subject. “I hear from your aunt that you’re planning on staying for a few months.”

  “Yeah. I’m thinking about moving back to the area and finding a job in Philly.”

  “Oh, that’s great, honey,” Aunt Betty said. “You didn’t mention that before.”

  I smiled, realizing I hadn’t told them much about my life since high school. “Sorry I hadn’t mentioned it. I actually just decided on it. I only bought a one-way ticket for Clara’s wedding because I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do.” I wasn’t about to tell them that I also wanted to see if I could reconnect with Jackson. In fact, I’d never told them that we stopped being friends, and from the way they occasionally brought up Jackson, it didn’t seem like he’d mentioned it to them, either.

  “So what about Los Angeles?” There was a worried look on Uncle Tom’s face.

  “I think it’s just not my scene. I subleased my apartment and took three weeks off of work. I figure if I find a job in Philly, I can just quit my job and stay here with you guys for a little while?” I ended my statement in a question and looked over at them sheepishly.

  They laughed. “Of course, sweetie,” Aunt Betty said right away. “This is your home. You can stay as long as you want.”

  “Thanks.”

  “So have you talked to Jackson yet?” Uncle Tom asked.

  The mention of his name caused my body to stiffen with a mixture of anxiety and excitement.

  “No. Why?”

  “Looks like he just got into town last night for the wedding. Did you go over to say hi before coming home?”

  I shook my head. “I’ll stop by later.”

  “You should invite him over for dinner sometime,” Aunt Betty suggested. “Since his father passed away two years ago, he rarely comes home anymore. It’d be nice to see him. If I remember correctly, he used to love my cooking.”

  “He really did love your cooking, Aunt Betty. He used to tell me that all the time.”

  Aunt Betty beamed with pride. “He’s a good kid.”

  “How come you guys never had anything?” Uncle Tom cut in.

  “Tom!” Aunt Betty shot him a meaningful look.

  “What?” Uncle Tom shrugged. “I’ve always been curious. They were practically inseparable all the way through high school. And that boy’s always had a crush on our Co-Co here.”

  My breath caught at his words.

  Aunt Betty chuckled. “Tom, that’s between them. You know kids nowadays have a different way of working through their feelings.”

  I looked at Aunt Betty. “Do you think that, too? That Jax has always had a crush on me?”

  She gave me a warm smile. “Honey, everyone did. Everyone thought you guys liked each other, so we always wondered why you guys stayed just friends.”

  That afternoon, I let her words sink in and realized how blind I’d been for so long. I’d thought our feelings for each other had developed while we were away at different universities. I thought that’d been when the flirting started. Before college, we kissed each other a few times, but that was it. In high school, we’d both dated other people, though none of those relationships seemed to last more than a few months.

  Could Uncle Tom and Aunt Betty be right? Had Jackson liked me for more than just a best friend this entire time, and I hadn’t even noticed? As the question marinated in my mind, I became more excited about Clara’s upcoming wedding this weekend. Maybe this was what we needed to finally get back to how things used to be between us. Maybe this would be my second chance with him. Maybe he was the one I was meant to be with all along.

  ***

  I didn’t know if Jackson was single, but I did know that he’d be attending the wedding by hi
mself.

  I had called Clara a month ago and casually asked whether Jackson and I would be sitting at the same table. I had RSVP’d without a plus one. She’d confirmed that he would indeed be at my table and proceeded to list the other people who would be sharing our table—something I’d thought she’d do. That was how I knew Jackson also RSVP’d without a plus one to the wedding. When I found out, I had to cover my mouth with my hand so that Clara didn’t hear my sheer giddiness at the news. Like Aunt Betty and Uncle Tom, none of my high school friends, including Clara, knew that Jackson and I were no longer friends. At first, I’d been too upset and ashamed to tell anyone that I’d ruined our friendship. I also had no desire for them to know what I’d done. And as time passed, it’d become harder and harder to tell people that we weren’t friends anymore. I wasn’t sure what Jackson’s reasons were, but he never told anyone, either.

  After I knew Jackson was attending Clara and Sam’s wedding solo, I started preparing myself to see him there. I had planned out what I’d say to him. I had figured out how I’d do my hair and makeup. I had found the perfect sexy, but classy, emerald-green mid-length dress for the wedding. Jackson had once told me I looked the most beautiful in something green. When I’d asked him why, he’d said because it matched the color of his eyes, making us perfect for one another. Now thinking back to that conversation, I wasn’t sure how I had been so blind to the fact that he really liked me.

  Despite all my preparations to see Jackson at the wedding, what hadn’t occurred to me at all, and what I hadn’t prepared myself for, was to run smack into him on my morning jog the day before the wedding. Our bodies collided against each other when we both rounded the corner of the street, coming from opposite directions.

  “Sorry!” we both said automatically after the impact, but before realizing who we’d run into. But when we took a step away from each other, our eyes met and for a few seconds, we stared at each other in shock.

  It’d been nine years since I’d last seen him, and as my eyes took him in, it was clear that age had been very kind to him. He was several inches taller and much more muscular now than he had been in college. With only his running shorts on, my eyes started lingering on his naked muscular pecs. As I watched a few beads of sweat start to drip down his sun-kissed chest, I had an almost uncontrollable urge to run my tongue up along the ridges of his washboard abs. There was no question that he was more handsome and more defined than I’d ever seen him before.

  “Hi,” I finally said as I tried to recall what I’d wanted to say to him at the wedding tomorrow. I beamed at him, hoping that by some miracle, he had forgiven me and we could put everything behind us without ever having to mention the past.

  “Hey.” His voice was cold and he didn’t return my smile. Instead, he started to move past me, preparing to continue along his jogging path.

  “How are you?” I asked. I tried to sound friendly and happy, but my voice came off shrill and an octave higher than normal. But I didn’t care, I needed to get a conversation going with him. I needed him to talk to me so that he could forgive me. “Can you believe how long it’s been since we’ve seen each other?” I kept my voice cheerful as I looked at him hopefully.

  “Right,” he responded flatly, his expression unreadable.

  “Nine years, but who’s counting?” I forced a laugh, hoping he’d break and laugh back.

  But he didn’t.

  I sighed and gave up my attempts to pretend that nothing was wrong. “Jax—” My voice sounded more pleading.

  “Don’t call me that, Chloe. There’s only one person who used to call me by that nickname, and she doesn’t exist anymore.”

  I flinched in response to both his sharp words and his scathing tone. The fact that he had just called me by “Chloe” and not “Clo” also hadn’t escaped my notice.

  “Can we please sit down and talk about things?” I tried to catch his gaze, but he refused to look at me.

  “There’s nothing to talk about.”

  “Yes, there is,” I insisted, feeling desperate and frantic. “We need to talk about us. Our friendship. Our pact.” I cringed the second I heard myself utter those last two words.

  He snorted. “Are you serious?”

  Feeling a bit flustered, I shook my head. “No,” I retracted. “I don’t know why that came out.”

  “Chloe, I gotta run.”

  “Wait!” I wasn’t ready to give up. I wasn’t ready to let our first conversation end like this. “I’m sorry, Jax. I’m sorry for what happened. I never meant to hurt you. What happened was such a long time ago. And after everything we’ve been through, after all those years of being best friends, can you please forgive me, Jax?”

  He turned away from me and said through gritted teeth, “Just because it was a long time ago, doesn’t mean what you did carries less weight.”

  His words stung, but I still wasn’t ready to give up. “Yes, you’re right. I made a mistake—a huge one. But things have changed. I’ve changed.”

  He finally turned to face me, and for a mere second, I thought he was finally coming around. But the second his icy stare met my gaze, I knew he hadn’t forgiven me. “And I’ve changed too, Chloe. We’ve both changed. And that means neither one of us is who we used to be when we were friends.”

  Without another word, he jogged past me and around the corner, leaving me standing there feeling completely devastated and alone.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  Present Day

  I almost decided to skip the wedding. As much as I wanted to see Jackson, I wasn’t sure I was emotional ready for another round of what happened yesterday. But then I realized if I did skip the wedding, he’d know I’d changed my mind last minute, he’d know I was a no-show because of him.

  So against all my internal resistance, I arrived at Clara and Sam’s wedding in my emerald green dress, feeling more nervous and less excited about attending the event than I had felt before my run-in with Jackson yesterday.

  But to my relief, there were over three hundred guests at the wedding, and I didn’t run into Jackson during the ceremony. The wedding was a beautiful outdoor ceremony surrounded by evergreens and lights. Clara and Sam had prepared their own vows and I cried when I watched them share them with each other.

  During the wedding ceremony, I was happy to find Cindy and Jules, two other high school friends. It had momentarily calmed my nerves to escape from the constant fear I’d been feeling of unexpectedly running into Jackson at the ceremony.

  But I didn’t.

  I hadn’t seen Jackson during the wedding ceremony. I had tried to look around, without looking obvious. But I didn’t see him. After the ceremony, I walked with Cindy and Jules to the reception hall where the rest of the night would be held. Cindy and Jules were sitting at a different table, so I had to say goodbye to them before heading to my table.

  This time, Jackson was there, sitting at the table by himself.

  To my relief, he hadn’t seen me yet I walked toward his direction. When I approached the table, I drew in a deep breath to calm my nerves.

  “Hi,” I said calmly and politely.

  I saw his body stiffen at the sound of my voice and my heart sank at his negative reaction to me.

  I tried not to let it effect me as I sat down next to him.

  We sat there in silence for several minutes without anyone else stopping by our table. Finally, I couldn’t stand it any longer and I broke the silence.

  “I know I may be the last person you want to talk to, but I just wanted to let you know how sorry I am to hear about the passing of your dad.”

  “You’re right. You’re the last person I want to talk to.”

  I shook my head, frustrated by how he’d shut me out.

  “How many times do I have to apologize to you?”

  “You don’t have to apologize at all,” he responded without looking at me. “There’s really no use to apologize. What we had is broken, and what is broken is already broken. There’s no way we can cha
nge that. An apology can’t turn back time to make things different, to make what had happened not happen. An apology doesn’t magically let me let go of what’s burned into my memory. I can never forget it. So really, you don’t have to apologize at all.”

  I didn’t know how to respond to him. It was obvious to me at that point that his hatred for me was alive and well.

  Then he spoke again. “You know there are eight other empty seats you can choose from, why do you insist on sitting right next to me?”

  His directness took me by surprise and I had to bite my tongue to stop myself from crying.

  I wasn’t sure if it was out of spite, or if the drinks with Cindy and Jules earlier had caught up to me, or if I just wanted to speak from the heart, but I turned to him, and answered his question as truthfully as I knew how. “Because you won’t talk to me, you won’t look at me, and you won’t forgive me. Because I miss you. Very much. And every single day. Because for the last nine years, there hasn’t gone a single day that I didn’t hate myself for hurting you. Because I lost my first and only best friend in the world, the man I recently realized that I love and want a life with. And because if I didn’t at least tell you all this when I had the chance, there’d be another reason to hate myself every day.”

  He sat there and looked straight ahead the entire time, but I knew he had heard every word of it.

  Upset and frustrated that even after my declaration, where I let myself be vulnerable, he didn’t even bother to acknowledge me, I pushed back my chair and ran out of the reception hall in tears.

  By the time I got outside, I was sobbing and thinking about going home. Today had been a nightmare and I didn’t want to live another second in it.

  Just then my phone started to ring in my clutch. I pulled my phone out to see that it was a call from Uncle Tom.

  “Hello?”

  “Chloe.” Something about his voice sounded alarming.

  “Uncle Tom, what is it?”

  “I know you’re at the wedding, but can you leave now?” I knew immediately something was really wrong because he didn’t sound like his usual jovial self.

  “What’s wrong? What’s happened?”