by Louisa Line
I make my way into the bedroom and change for bed. I pull out my old T-shirt and my comfortable PJ bottoms and curl up under the duvet. I can’t help the tears that fall as I realise how much I wish Steve was with me right now. Over the last couple of dates, I had been feeling more and more alone after he has left and today was the worst by far. Turning over I rub away another tear as I close my eyes and slowly drift off to sleep.
Time passes and I wake up. My room is pitch black. I’m not sure what’s woken me up until I hear what I think is a sound from the hallway. Thinking I must still be half asleep I turn over and try to get back to sleep. I then hear the sound again and it’s definitely coming from just outside my door.
I freeze in fear as I realise that someone must be inside the house. I’m terrified to move and I can feel my heart rate pick up and the panic starting to build. I pull the covers up to my chest as I start to struggle with breath. Just as I am about to go into a full-blown panic the bedroom door is slowly pushed open.
I let out a scream as a large body mass makes its way into my room.
“Jessica, it’s me,” the voice whispers.
I’m having trouble registering what I am hearing until suddenly two strong familiar arms engulf me in a hug and I hear soothing words whispered into my ear as I melt into the body that is holding me tightly.
“Jessica, ssh, I’ve got you.” We start to rock and my breathing starts to get under control as I am able to process my thoughts and talk again.
“Steve?” I ask through a shaky breath. I know the answer as I would be able to recognise the feel of his arms anywhere.
“Yes, beautiful. It’s me. Now lay down so I can hold you, you’re shaking like a leaf.”
I do as I’m told and feel Steve lay down beside me so that we are spooning each other. My anxiety attack is quickly forgotten as I feel safe and secure in the arms of the man I now know I love.
I’m not sure how long we have been lying together, but it feels so right. Once I have calmed down I turn to face him. He has his eyes closed so I take this time to really look at him. He is even better looking in real life. The first thing I notice is a small tattoo on his bicep of Chinese writing and I run my fingers gently over its pattern. I move up close to his face and I can see the stubble developing on his chin. I lift my hand off his chest and carefully trace it around his face and I’m rewarded by the most amazingly sexy smile I think I have ever seen and it hits all the right places for me. I pull my hand away and just look at him. He opens his eyes and stares into mine.
“You have the most gorgeous eyes, beautiful,” he says. I can feel the blush creep up from my neck and onto my face.
“Thank you,” I reply shyly as a piece of hair moves over my face and thankfully covers my blush. He moves his arm and sweeps his fingers over my face, moving the piece of hair behind my ear.
“You never have to hide from me, Jess.”
I move slightly and before I know it he has captured my lips in a kiss. This one feels different though. More intimate somehow, even though we have had far more intense kisses than this. We separate far too quickly for my liking and before I have time to comment I am manoeuvred so I am lying underneath Steve with his strong arms either side of my head.
“I need to feel you Jessica. I need to know I’m really here.”
I raise my hand to his cheek and he moans softly as he moves his head to kiss my hand.
“I know what you mean. This feels like a dream. I’m yours, Steve. I want to know you’re real and you’re not some weird side effect of my crazy condition.”
As I finish talking, he lowers himself down on top of me. His hands start to move over my body but not where I desire them the most. Finally, he takes my lips again and this time he kisses me with such force and passion that I can’t help but moan into his mouth which seems to encourage him more. By the time we finally pull apart I am in no doubt this is real as the bulge digging into my leg tells me that he wants this just as much as I do. I start to move my hands down his body, but he stops me just before I reach my desired destination.
“Not tonight Jessica, as I said, there is no pressure. I just want to hold you. I want you to know that I meant everything I have said to you.”
He moves so he is lying beside me on his back. I don’t bother to reply, I just move myself so I have my head rested on his chest. He moves his arm so he is holding me and gently starts to rub my arm back and forth. I close my eyes and drift off into sleep.
Tuesday 11th July
I wake up to a strange feeling under my head as if my pillow has got bricks in it or something. It takes me a few minutes to realise that it’s not a pillow at all but a rock hard chest of someone who obviously works out a lot. I begin to move, but am pulled back and held into place.
“Where do you think you’re going?” Steve asks in that gravelly voice that does unspeakable things to my insides.
“Bathroom,” I say moving my mouth and head away from him.
“Not before I do this,” he replies as I am manoeuvred so I am beneath him and captured up in a kiss.
“Now that is how every morning should start,” he says as he pulls away from me.
“I couldn’t agree more,” I reply as I stretch my arms up over my head. It’s not until I feel a growing presence near my leg that I realise my top has risen up during the stretch and Steve is now getting an eyeful of my breasts.
“Oh, sorry,” I say as I quickly grab the top and pull it back down.
“You don’t make things easy for me, beautiful, do you?” Steve replies with a soft chuckle, “And never apologise for that again. It’s the second best view I’ve ever seen.”
His words have given me confidence so I play along.
“The second?” I ask enquiringly.
“Yes. The first was you last night sleeping. You look so sexy when you sleep.”
“Get off! I do not!” I reply slapping him on the shoulder.
“Oh, trust me, you do. You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen both inside and out,” he replies as he takes me in his arms and kisses me again.
When we finally come up for air I can’t help but smile. Suddenly a thought pops into my head that I have to ask him.
“What made you change your mind last night?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, during dinner you said you were taking coming over last night off the table.”
“Oh beautiful, me coming over was never off the table, not after I got that key. But you said that your friend is able to come over as you never know when she will come, so I thought I would do the same.”
“Oh!” I say as the realisation hits.
“So, tell me, would you really have not sat worrying all night if I didn’t say what I did?”
I think this over for a few seconds before I answer him truthfully. Would I have relaxed if he hadn’t said that he was taking coming over out of the equation?
“No, I don’t believe I would.” With these words, I am scooped up once more and captured in his lips and arms. As we are doing this I think to myself ‘a girl can totally get used to this.’ And I am surprised by the fact that since last night I have not felt anxious or worried at all.
We have been cuddling in bed for so long that I don’t feel like I ever want to leave, but I know it’s going to have to happen sooner or later.
“So, what are your plans for today?” I ask with a hint of sadness at this perfect moment ending.
“I don’t know. What are your plans?”
“Don’t you have work?” I ask a little confused since, it’s not Thursday.
“I called in sick. I have a whole day free.” My heart skips a beat; he wants to spend the day with me.
“Well I was going to spend all day on the phone to Claire gossiping about this amazing man I’ve just spent the most perfect night with, but I guess I can put that on hold!” I laugh to myself as I am scooped up and placed across his chest. I am locked in place by strong powerful arms that
I know will keep me safe.
“Oh, and what were you going to say?” he asks while planting gentle kisses all over my neck and shoulder. I squirm just a little as the tingles that are being caused by these kisses leave a happy trail right down to between my legs.
“A woman never kisses and tells,” I reply and soon after I am swept up and turned so he is on top of me and I am encased within his arms.
“Really?” he asks with the most panty-wetting smirk I think I have ever seen, “We will have to see about that.”
“Why? Is that a challenge?” I ask and instantly regret it as I am tortured into submission by him tickling me till we are both breathless.
“Ok fine, I give in! Please, stop!” I gasp, fighting for breath but never being happier. “I will say that I had a wonderful date with an amazing man who later broke into my house…”
“You gave me the key!” he protests
“Don’t interrupt!” I giggle. “OK, who entered my house without me knowing and gave me the most amazing night I have ever had!”
Everything seems to stop as Steve just holds himself above me staring down at me. We seem to be in this position forever before he crashes down on top of me and captures my mouth only stopping to come up for air.
After a few hours I look at my phone and see that it’s nearing lunchtime and we still haven’t left the bedroom. We have spent the morning kissing and talking and I have never loved a lazy day in bed so much. I’m just about to suggest we get something to eat when my phone starts to ring. Glancing at the caller ID I see it’s Claire and even though I don’t want to, I know if I don’t answer this she is only going to worry.
“Hello, Warden,” I greet her in my usual way.
“Well it’s good to hear your lovely voice too. So, come on spill how was last night?”
I look over at Steve wondering how I should reply. I bite my lip, he groans as he pulls me back down into the bed and starts to kiss my neck.
“What was that?” Claire asks and I guess I had better come clean.
“Actually, it’s still happening.”
“Eww… and you’re still on the phone to me. Call me later when… Eww! Just call me later.”
We hang up and as I replace my phone on the bedside table my stomach starts to growl.
“Someone’s hungry,” Steve chuckles into my neck as he is still nibbling and kissing it.
“Should we have some breakfast?” I ask, “I’m running a little low as my delivery doesn’t come till Friday, but I’m sure I can find you something.”
I get up and move out of the bed and hear a shuffling on the other side as Steve lays on his back with his hands behind his head. I run my eyes over his impressive body as his shirt was discarded during one of our many make-out sessions this morning. I manage to stifle my groan, but obviously not the look of longing I must have.
“Keep looking at me like that, beautiful, and breakfast will be the last thing on my mind.” I take a quick intake of breath and turn, quickly embarrassed at being caught staring. I make my way to the kitchen before he witnesses just how red I go when I blush.
I’ve settled on toast and eggs as they are one of the few things I have in my fridge that aren’t the leftovers from last night. As I’m whisking the eggs up, I feel two hands wrap themselves around my waist and a gentle kiss on the top of my head.
“Something smells good,” Steve says as he moves to the coffee maker and pours himself a cup.
“Yes. You can’t go very wrong with toast!” I reply, slightly sarcastically. He walks back over to me and takes the whisk and bowl out of my hands and motions for me to sit down. I do as I’m told and watch in awe as he prepares scrambled egg in a far more professional way than I ever could have done.
“Is there anything you can’t do?” I ask.
“That’s for me to know and you to find out!”
We spend the afternoon just hanging out on the sofa, either talking, kissing or watching the telly. It’s hard to believe I have known this man for such a short time, since I feel so safe with him. It’s also a little scary how much I have grown to rely on the time I spend with him to ease my anxiety. I mentally put this to the back of my mind, though, and try to enjoy the here and now.
“Well I guess I should head off,” Steve says, sometime around eight in the evening.
“Oh, OK,” I reply. I cannot believe how disappointed I am, but I try my best to hide it.
“Will I see you tomorrow?” I ask
“Well, obviously! We’ll make it a delivery day,” he replies with a smirk.
We say our goodbyes and half an hour later I am left wandering around the flat by myself finding it far too empty for my liking. I go to the kitchen to make something to eat, but seeing the egg pan in the sink just makes me think about Steve. I decide to go straight to bed. Before I do though, I fire off a text to Claire saying I’ll call her tomorrow with all the details as I’m too tired tonight. I make my way into the bedroom and quickly strip and get into bed. I lay down and am instantly hit with the smell of Steve on the opposite pillow, so I pull it close and snuggle into it before I drift off to sleep.
I can’t decide if I’m dreaming or awake as I feel strong arms wrap themselves around me. I snuggle back into the warm body and instantly know it’s Steve, but in my half-asleep state I can’t register why he is here.
“Steve?”
“Ssh, go back to sleep,” he replies as he snuggles into my neck peppering it with kisses in the special spot he found last night which forces me to let out a moan.
“What are you doing here? You left?” Not that I’m complaining.
“Needed you,” is all he says as he kisses me deeper.
I turn so I’m facing him and can see and feel exactly how he needs me. I lift my body and start to take my top off. He stops me half way.
“Jessica, are you sure?” I don’t bother with a reply, I just continue to strip until I am completely naked. The look he gives me as he scans my body leaves nothing to the imagination. The smile on his face is all the evidence I need that he is obviously enjoying what he is looking at. He kisses me firmly on the lips before he starts to remove his t-shirt and his tattoo comes into view once more. I trace my fingers over his tattoo and Steve lets out a growl before he starts to remove his trousers.
“You can tell me to stop at any time.”
“I don’t want to,” I reply biting my lip.
“Oh, thank god,” he replies before he moves to his trouser pocket and produces a condom packet. He places this on the side before he slowly kisses down my body. Each kiss sets a new part of my body on fire with need. By the time he makes it between my legs I am so ready that I’m not sure how long I will last especially if the rest of his body is as good as his tongue.
Wednesday 12th July
I wake the following morning with a gentle throbbing between my legs and a heavy weight pinning me to the bed.
“Ah, she awakes,” he smiles down at me.
“What time is it?” I ask seeing that it’s still dark outside.
“It’s early, but I didn’t want to leave without saying goodbye”
“You’re going?” I fail to hide the disappointment in my voice.
“Well your groceries won’t deliver themselves, and as I’ve seen the state of your fridge. I know you can’t go too much longer without them,” he jokes.
“Now go back to sleep,” he whispers softly and kisses me on the nose before the weight lifts and shortly after I hear the door close. I turn my head into the pillow and let out a squeal of excitement as I start to plan a special treat for my delivery man.
Wednesday 19th July
It’s been a week since Steve first let himself into my flat and things couldn’t be going better. He has spent every night here and has awakened me to a whole new world of exploration in the bedroom. He is always so sweet about my anxiety as well. He never pushes me to do anything I don’t feel ready for and even when I do have one of my unpredictable turns, he has just held
me and talked me through it. I’ve even started to feel like we can make this work as the doubts diminish every time he is with me.
What makes today even more special is that it is the day that Claire is coming to visit. I have no idea what time she is due to arrive as she has deliberately kept it from me to stop me worrying but what it hasn’t done is stop me from pacing around the flat waiting for her arrival.
I look at my watch for what must have been the millionth time today and realise that I haven’t eaten all day as lunch was skipped due to a certain delivery man coming by with the food. I had ordered food so I could make Claire something nice for dinner before she went to her hotel in the evening. However, it wasn’t so much the delivery that made me miss lunch and more what the delivery man did when he got here.
I go into the kitchen and start to make myself a sandwich. Just as I’m buttering my bread I hear my front door open and then a familiar female voice call out.
“Honey, I’m home,” it says. I rush out of the kitchen, my half-made sandwich forgotten about, and run straight into the open arms of my best friend.
“It’s so good to see you. I have so much to tell you,” I tell her as we embrace. I pull away from her and notice tears falling down her cheeks.
“Claire, what’s up?” Looking her over I worry what could be wrong.
“I’m just happy to be here,” she replies through a smile but I can tell there is more to it than that.
We get lunch and settle down on the sofa for a chat.
“So, what’s going on with you and Steve? I want to hear all the juicy details!” Claire asks as she bites into her sandwich.
“It’s perfect. Steve spends so much time here and he never pushes me. I think I may have found the one,” I reply with the biggest, soppiest smile on my face.
“And how does Steve feel?”
I think about this for a moment and come up blank. I know he likes me but he has never actually told me he loves me.
“I don’t know,” I answer truthfully, “I know he cares for me.”
“So, he has never said he loves you?” she pushes.