AFTER: The Battle Has Just Begun

by R. J. Belle

  One of Josue’s friends told him about the Marine Corps. Where he grew up, there wasn’t a large population of military service members or veterans in the area. Being a first generation American and having no family members who had served, he thought there was only an ‘Army’. He hadn’t even known it was an option. The Corps offered him a way out. He joined in 2007, at age eighteen, to get away from gang life. He wanted an opportunity to improve his life and learn skills that would help him make a difference.

  Josue met and fell in love his wife, Debbie, after returning from his first deployment and they married less than a year after their first date. He attributes a large part of his recovery and rehabilitation to his wife’s unwavering love and support and the opportunity at a second chance.

  In Josue’s Words

  “I deployed to Afghanistan with the 3/5. We left in September 2010. That first month we had so many casualties. I had a feeling something was going to happen because so many people were getting injured; there were so many IEDs out there. The week before I was injured my best friend got hurt. He and his squad leader stepped on an IED; his squad leader died, and he lost his arms. We were close, we were friends, and I just felt something was about to happen. A week later, on October 28, 2010, me and another guy stepped on an IED and got hurt. From the moment I got injured, I couldn’t see anymore because I took shrapnel to the face. I could hear what was going on during the time I stepped on it and when the guys were helping me and putting tourniquets on. I ended up losing my leg and my eye.

  I was sent to Germany, but I don’t even remember going through there. Then I went to Bethesda in Maryland. My wife was there before I arrived. When I woke up, I still couldn’t see. I remember asking for my wife; that was all I wanted. I wasn’t worried about missing a leg; I was worried about why I couldn’t see. I wanted to know if I would regain my sight and the doctors told me we would have to wait. My eyes were swollen and bulged out, so we had to wait until the swelling went down. One eye went back to normal, but I still couldn’t see anything out of it. My wife had to put eye drops in every two hours for a month. Eventually, I started seeing light in one eye, and it got better over time. The better it got, the more excited I was. After a few months, I got to where I was 20/20 with glasses in one eye, and I was happy about that.

  From the time I woke up in Maryland, I was only worried about my sight. I accepted the fact that I had lost my leg – it wasn’t a huge concern because I had bigger things to be concerned with. When I had my amputation, I wasn’t that concerned. Once my vision got to the point where it wasn’t going to get any better I had time to focus on other things.

  I arrived at Balboa Naval Medical Center, and when you first get injured, they send in other amputees further along in the process to help motivate you. This Sergeant Major came out to see me and was telling me I would be all right – “look at me,” he said, “you can do this.” But my amputation was different than his. He had all this muscle left that I didn’t have. That was hard for a while, but then I started meeting guys who had amputations to the hip and that kind of put it into perspective for me. I was thinking ‘how can I complain’ and I got motivated. I couldn’t complain, I had a few inches to work with, and I could wear a socket for a few hours and be okay. I got to the point where I was just happy to be alive and happy to help motivate other people.

  During my recovery at Balboa I had Marla Knox as a therapist and she was the right therapist for me. One day, about six months into my recovery, she asked what I thought about playing wheelchair basketball. I thought it was a joke; how do you play basketball in a chair? I had played street ball growing up but had never played on a team. I started playing with other guys from Balboa, and I was pretty good. I was able to start going to basketball camps with guys that had been playing in a chair for years. After attending a camp at the University of Illinois, I got hungry, and the competitive side of me came out. I wanted to be as good as the guys we watched play. I had no idea there was a whole world of disabled sports out there. I feel like my leadership skills grew while playing basketball. There were guys that didn’t know how to play, so we all started learning together. That’s when I felt my leadership skills come out; we were all learning, and I wanted to help the other guys. Wheelchair basketball also helped me gain my confidence back and made me want to be a leader.

  In 2011, I met Sandy Lehmkuhler at a shooting range, and she gave me a pamphlet about Freedom Station. At the time Debbie and I were living in base housing at Point Loma and it was expensive. It was also a two bedroom and we didn’t need all the space, it was just Debbie and I. At that time there weren’t any couples or dogs living at Freedom Station, but I took a chance and went down to talk to Sandy. I asked her if Debbie and I could move in and let her know we had a dog. When I was going through the time of not being able to see, Debbie got the dog for me, a Yorkie. I never imagined myself with a small dog but for a while when I didn’t want to go out in the world, that dog and Debbie were my only friends. I couldn’t get rid of my dog. Luckily, Sandy agreed to take all three of us in.

  When we moved into Freedom Station there were a few guys already there: Gunny Cano, Povas, and Spivey were there. After I had moved in, I started spreading the word around to other guys in my unit, and two of them moved in too. The whole place was filled with guys from Camp Pendleton. It was cool to be around the other guys, and it was so close to the hospital. Before we moved in, I was commuting from Point Loma to Balboa to go to all my appointments plus it wasn’t like I could talk to my neighbors when we lived at Point Loma. I felt comfortable at Freedom Station because we all had something in common. I could sit on my porch and talk to other guys who could relate to what I was going through. There is a Starbucks nearby and at first I didn’t want to go because I didn’t want to go out in my wheelchair. But I did start going; I would go with another amputee who was also in a chair, and it was more comfortable going out with someone else like me. Then it wouldn’t be people just staring at me – I wasn’t alone – and that helped me have the confidence to go out in the world, around other people.

  The beginning of my rehab I think was hard for my wife. She was only twenty years old and in a matter of fewer than two years our whole lives had changed. She had to drive me everywhere because I couldn’t see. And, it wasn’t that she didn’t want to drive me, but it was a lot of time spent driving me to all my appointments. One day, I knew my wife was tired, and I just got in the car and drove, I drove myself. After that day I started driving regularly, and I gained a lot of independence. A lot of my buddies who got hurt had their wives leave them because it was too much stress; I felt very fortunate because Debbie stayed and we got through it together. It made us stronger.

  I try not to complain. I got a second chance and there are guys from my unit who didn’t – they didn’t come home. When I started feeling down or depressed, I would remind myself of that. Like what do I have to complain about – I’m still here. I kept it all to myself. I didn’t want anyone to know what I felt when I would get down. Keeping it to myself was easier for me; I didn’t want anyone to know what I was going through on the inside. I also think to stay positive in front of my family, especially my mom helped to keep their spirits up too.

  I help my family a lot, so for my mom and my siblings to see that I was going to be okay was a huge thing for them. I had changed physically, but I am still the same person. I am still able to contribute to my family and help them. I can help more now because I have retirement and my house is paid off. Now I can help them more than I was able to before. You can’t forget about the struggle. You can’t forget about where you came from and the people who helped you along the way.

  Making the decision to get out of the Marine Corps was a hard decision, and I made it at the time because I was picky about the shoes I wore on my prosthetics. I didn’t want to be in cammies with tennis shoes on, and I was new in my prosthetic and wearing boots didn’t work for me. I also didn’t want to sit behind a desk. During that time I
also needed time to myself to figure things out; what worked for me, and what didn’t. I still had issues and was still trying to figure out what I was capable of doing. I needed the last three years to myself; to play sports and just rebuild myself. I am at the point where I am ready to work; I’m comfortable with who I am and what I can do now. There are a lot of things I want to do, but I am going to focus on education first. I’ve thought of becoming a parole officer or getting a career helping teenagers in LA going through what I went through with gangs. At the same time, I get frustrated because I have a lot of family in LA still in the struggle, and I need to make money in a career so I can buy my mom a house and help my family. I am trying to decide what to do now.

  My wife wanted kids, and I wasn’t quite ready. We tried for two years, but I think we were both too stressed out during that time. We went to the doctor to make sure everything was working fine, and it was; it wasn’t the right time I guess. Debbie and I were able to go to Paris for a week, and we decided during that trip to put the stress behind us. We found out she was pregnant right after that trip. I’m excited now. I think about all the times I was stressed, and I think about the guys that didn’t come home. After you see guys not return home, it changes you. It makes you appreciate life. I try to remember what I have and always be thankful for what I have.

  It’s important not to hold too tight onto the past; you have to find another purpose. I think that’s what messes a lot of guys up – they hold on to the past. A lot of guys also lean on drugs and alcohol and spend their time getting shit-faced – I want to spend my time working hard. I want to honor my friends and do something with my life because I still have my life. Too many take the easy way – I say challenge yourself. Be something you might not have been, do something good to help others and quit doing things to harm yourself. That isn’t honoring the guys who died over there.”

  Since the time of our initial interview, Josue’s family has grown. He and his wife Debbie now have two beautiful babies. I fully expect to see great things from Josue. His motivation and drive along with his strong desire to help disadvantaged youth will undoubtedly propel him into an arena where he will make a positive impact.

  CHAPTER 16

  Secret Squirrel

  Brian Riley was born in Texas and raised in Wisconsin. Being the youngest of three, he was extremely close to his older sisters; one of whom he shares a birthday with – they were born two years apart on the same day. He competed in track and football during high school, but his love of writing led him to aspirations of being an author.

  Generosity is something he grew up on, so helping others is a part of who he is. During the majority of his young life he practiced Tang Soo Do, eventually becoming an instructor to younger children. He credits the time he spent practicing martial arts with preparing him for the Marine Corps.

  When his oldest sister joined the Marine Corps, he decided to follow in her footsteps, but he wouldn’t join right out of high school. After high school, Brian began working as a roofer and enjoyed the physical challenge of that field of work. After a few years of working Brian decided it was time to join and in 2008, at age twenty-two, he went in on a Recon contract. One of Brian’s regrets is that he is not always a better communicator and didn’t tell people that were special to him how much he appreciated them, including his martial arts instructor, before he left.

  In Brian’s Words

  “One of the strangest moments I had in the military was during a training exercise in Okinawa. There’s a training area we frequently use. I’d gather people’s routes, and they’d always go on the right side of this road. No one ever went to the left side. I wanted to find out what was over there. It was terrible. There’s an excellent reason no one ever went over there. It was a triple canopy jungle, so we couldn’t get a radio signal inside of it. We also didn’t know what was underneath it because we couldn’t get imagery or anything. It was up and down and all around. It was all like steep drops and then trying to go up incredible inclines, and it was miserable. We had to use ropes to scale some of the sections that we had to go up. I was in a draw and was the point man. I was looking at the leaves, and the sun was shining through them so they looked like emeralds. I thought to myself this is where I’m meant to be, right here. It was one of those weird moments because I had a ninety-pound pack on, my feet were soaked, and I was bleeding through my boots. We were going to have to start scaling our way back up, and all I could think was, ‘It was meant to be.’ I don’t think I could ever explain that to someone unless they were in the middle of something miserable and they realized they’d rather be nowhere else.

  BRC (Basic Reconnaissance Course) is where the Marine Corps started to feel like the Marine Corps to me. I smiled my entire way through. I was in the middle of the pack as far as physical performance went. I was the worst swimmer in my class. Not the worst per se, but probably about the worst you could be while still passing. I was so terrible at it. When I was going through recon and was walking up to the training door going into the compound, I’m like, ‘Amphibious Reconnaissance huh? Amphibious, ain’t that some shit?’ I knew it was the part that I was going to have the most difficult time with. That was my flaw the entire time, up until we got fins. With fins, you can keep going and going and going. I felt sorry for my partner because I was so weak in the pool, but as soon as you put the fins on me, I could go forever because I didn’t know how to quit. I think BRC was also when I started getting a feel for the camaraderie of the Marine Corps. It wasn’t a huge squad where you’d have eighty people in a bay. Each team had their little section, and I got to spend a lot of time with the people in my team.

  I joined the Marines so that I could be recon. I knew I wanted to deploy as the point man of a recon team. One of the reasons why I wanted to be the point man and why I never swayed from that decision is because I figured I would be the most likely person to be able to handle the responsibilities and the inherent danger of that position. I wanted to be the point man because I figured I would have the best chance of getting through it. I had had two years to come to terms with the fact that I was probably going to be a double or triple amputee. That’s one of the reasons why I don’t have as big an issue with my injury because a single, below the knee amputee injury is easy-peasy. That kind of thinking is also one of the reasons why I wanted to go to Afghanistan because I also figured that as the first person at a scene, I would trust my judgment. A lot of that came from how much I started to understand the differences between Afghanistan and the United States. I was reading the articles and seeing that women could be beaten, stoned or killed for going to school. I was in Baltimore for a little bit before being deployed. We went out to bars and seeing the things that the women were able to wear and the things they were able to do – I realized that wasn’t something they had in Afghanistan. Saying I was offended by that might be too strong but I knew that I at least wanted to do something, even if it didn’t work out in the end. I wanted to do something so that they could get the same opportunities in Afghanistan as we had here in the states.

  I’ve read a lot of books and one of the things I came across in a book I read stuck with me. One of the characters, her world view was she would rather think the best of someone and be wrong than believe the worst in them and be right. That’s pretty much how I’ve always been. I didn’t realize it until I read that part because I’ve always enjoyed giving people trust, especially if I think that they’re in a position where they need it the most. There are a lot of people that, once they’ve developed a reputation, they can never get someone else to trust them. It seems like a vicious cycle. Often a person is going to become how you view them. I wanted to be the person that would always offer another a chance to prove themselves not only to me but themselves – that they can keep their word even if it’s just something like being back in 10 minutes instead of an hour. Little goals.

  When I got to Afghanistan, I knew the history of the area and what they had to deal with. I knew that it wasn�
��t going to be easy. I did become disappointed in humanity, but I also got to see some of the beauty of humanity. On one of the patrols we were on, there was a farmer that we had developed a pretty good rapport with. We were on patrol around noon, and the heat gets sweltering over there. The farmer came out and gave us grapes. He wasn’t asking for money or anything, he was giving us grapes out of generosity. That’s something that if it were witnessed, it could have had terrible repercussions for him. Those grapes were his livelihood. He put his life on the line just so that he could share with us.

  The children, probably the little girls, were the best part of the deployment. They’re like a breath of fresh air. It was the little girls that held onto hope for change. The little boys, once they got much older than eight, the boys, they were trouble. It took us a couple of times to figure that out because we were going over there and we were supposed to win the hearts and minds and everyone. The first time we got swarmed by kids we were shaking hands, we were talking, joking and whatnot. I was a point man at the time, so I was supposed to be holding the front security. I was getting a little bit nervous because these kids would be in front of me. If someone starts shooting at us, I would have to worry about kids being in the way of the combat which, it wouldn’t have even been a question of whether I’d put their safety above mine. I would get them out of the way of fire. It was another complication that I would have to worry about. They also stole a lot of stuff from us. They took most of my map pens which were what we used to chart our routes and everything. There’s so many of them; they would just get into our stuff. I think one of our guys got his watch stolen. Some of us were even giving pens out because we figured the pens maybe would help them with school. It wasn’t until later that we found out that pens were starting to be used as detonators. That was an eye-opening experience.