When Eli reached his side, Jimmy couldn’t contain his excitement a second longer. “I have a surprise for you.”
Eli’s face screwed up in confusion. The way his nose curled had Jimmy chewing on the inside of his cheek from the want. “A surprise? For me? What kind of surprise?”
Something evil rose inside Jimmy. As much as he wanted to see Eli’s reaction to his birthday present, he also wanted to torment the man a little. “You’ll see.” He hadn’t meant his tone to be quite so cryptic, but there it was.
“That sounds ominous,” Eli said as he slipped his arms inside his coat. “Will I like this surprise?”
“I hope so.” Worry ate at Jimmy’s gut. He wasn’t joking. It hadn’t occurred to him until now that Eli might not be interested in going out of town with him. Maybe he’d overstepped his bounds? Jimmy shrugged it off. He definitely had overstepped. Fuck it. That was him. He was always to the extreme. Best to find out now if Eli couldn’t handle it. Taking Eli’s hand, he rushed the man from the store.
“Are we in a hurry?”
“Yep,” Jimmy said, heading for the exit. He’d snagged a good parking spot. All he had to do was get Eli there. He needed Eli’s kiss like oxygen. “I want you to myself.” The moment they reached the truck, Jimmy rushed Eli inside. After climbing behind the wheel, Jimmy threw himself in Eli’s direction, absorbing the man’s laughter as if it was his life’s breath. The sound died on a sigh as their lips met. Eli’s fingers immediately found Jimmy’s hair. He tugged, making Jimmy’s scalp sting. Jimmy craved everything and he wanted it right then. Eli’s tongue curling around his wasn’t enough. He needed to get closer.
With a groan, Jimmy pulled away and tried getting ahold of himself. They had a long drive ahead of them before he could play. First, he needed Eli to agree… Rather, he needed Eli to accept they were headed out of town. Reaching behind the seats, he grabbed the overnight bag he’d bought at a store in the mall and handed it to Eli.
“Your surprise.”
Eli shook the bag. “I’m already loving the gesture. What’s inside?”
Exasperation had Jimmy rolling his eyes. “Open the damn thing and find out.”
After unzipping the bag, Eli shifted through the contents as if he thought there might be a snake inside. Jimmy had never seen anyone look more nervous while receiving a gift. “You got me two sets of clothes and toiletries. Not that I’m complaining, but that’s an odd gift.”
“Read the card,” Jimmy said, near to bouncing in his seat.
Eli tore open the envelope like a man scared to rip anything. “It’s a birthday card,” Eli said, sounding amazed. Jimmy didn’t comment. He was too busy holding his breath. Eli flipped it open. His eyes moved from side to side, skimming over the contents. He snagged the folded up papers inside and opened it. “It’s a hotel reservation and a flyer for a book signing,” he said, pointing out the obvious. His tone gave away nothing.
Jimmy nodded. “T.L. Crisp is in Atlanta, signing copies of his new book tomorrow. I got us a room near the library. If we get up early enough, we could be first in line.”
The way Eli stared at him could’ve meant anything. There wasn’t an ounce of emotion on his face. “We’re going on a trip?”
Jimmy dipped his chin. Wariness set in. “Just an overnight one. Unless you want to stay longer,” he added. “But I wasn’t sure if you had to work tomorrow or if you were willing to call in.” Worry sat heavily on Jimmy’s shoulders. He hadn’t thought things through. Eli probably couldn’t afford to take off work. Jimmy was more than willing to give Eli the money he’d miss by missing a day’s pay, but Eli wasn’t likely to accept. He chewed on his bottom lip, unsure of what to say.
“I’ve never been on a trip,” Eli whispered before pushing the bag into the floor and launching himself at Jimmy. Eli kissed Jimmy’s face, starting at his lips before going for both cheeks and eyes. From there, he pressed his lips to Jimmy’s chin before covering his forehead in light kisses. Jimmy’s heart swelled. His stomach hurt from laughing. “Thank you,” Eli said, sounding out of breath.
Jimmy couldn’t take anymore. He needed the flavor of Eli’s skin coating his tongue. Pushing, he worked Eli back across the truck and into his seat. Working at double task, he licked a path down Eli’s neck and until he reached the man’s shoulder. As he did so, he pulled the seatbelt loose, strapping Eli into his seat. He had to get this truck moving soon before they went to jail for indecency. Jimmy couldn’t move away without copping a feel. He stroked Eli’s cock through his pants as he captured the man’s lips. As their tongues met, Jimmy made himself a thousand promises. One stood out from the rest—he would let himself be happy. No more self-destruction or thinking he wasn’t good enough. This man, he deserved a real shot at life. Eli had missed out on so many things other people took for granted. It was his turn in life. Since there was no way Jimmy could give up Eli, he’d have to get his shit together.
With a final brush of lips on lips, Jimmy pulled away. “I know you’re tired, baby,” He said, swiping the moisture from Eli’s bottom lip before moving away. “It’ll take a little more than three hours to get there, so kick back and get some sleep. It might be the last chance you get for the night,” Jimmy added as he fired the truck to life.
*
Eli hadn’t been lying about nothing putting him off his sleep. When Jimmy had given him permission to kick back, he’d done just that and slept the entire way. Now that they’d made it to their room, Eli was up for anything. Jimmy, not so much. He looked wilted in a way Eli hadn’t seen before. He had a bad feeling it had nothing to do with not sleeping.
“We passed a bar downstairs,” Eli said as he tossed his bag on the bed. “Do you want to run down and grab a drink?”
The way Jimmy’s mouth lifted in one corner made Eli’s stomach muscles clench. He was as easy as that when it came to this man. It didn’t help that Jimmy was the most amazing person on the planet. He’d already done more for Eli than anyone else ever had, and Jimmy did things as if they meant nothing. No way could he understand how he rocked Eli’s world. The least Eli could do was keep him company while he drank.
“Do you drink?” Jimmy asked. “I haven’t seen it yet.”
Eli shrugged. “Although I can’t say I haven’t ever, not really, no.”
Jimmy leaned his shoulder into the wall next to the bathroom. “Yet you still want to go get a drink?”
Eli considered the humor in Jimmy’s voice before answering. He wasn’t sure of Jimmy’s mood. There was something lying in wait just below the surface. “For you? I’m almost scared of what I’d do,” Eli said, deciding to go with honesty.
Jimmy straightened away and took a step in Eli’s direction. “Would you let me hold you?”
It was Jimmy’s tone—like his question had been more of a threat. All of his senses sharpened. “Anytime you like.”
The gap between them became smaller as Jimmy moved even closer. “I think you say things you don’t mean. What if I showed up at three in the morning, wanting nothing more than to climb into your bed?”
“You know where I live,” Eli said, taking a step back without thought. Jimmy overcame him. The backs of his knees hit the mattress. He sat. Jimmy kept moving forward until he had Eli flat on his back. The man crawled on top of him. Eli stared up at Jimmy—dry mouthed and empty headed. Sometimes Jimmy seemed deadly. Instead of sending Eli running for the hills, he wanted more.
“I want to hold you right now.”
“You are,” Eli said, pointing out their current state.
Jimmy shook his head. “This isn’t me holding you.” He shoved Eli’s bag to the floor before plopping down full weight onto Eli.
Jesus. The man was heavy. Eli shook with silent laughter. He couldn’t draw a breath to make a sound. Jimmy rolled his weight to his hip, giving Eli room to breathe without actually moving away. With his face buried against Eli’s throat, Jimmy sang “Happy Birthday” to Eli. Eli blinked, telling himself it wasn’t tears pooling
in his eyes. Life had been so damn cruel, and then Jimmy had appeared. He wasn’t blind. Jimmy was fucked up—probably more than Eli. There was also something equally beautiful about the man holding him. What he’d told Jimmy the night before held true. He wasn’t afraid. Jimmy couldn’t break his heart. The shattered mess inside his chest had been that way long before Jimmy came along.
“Make a wish.”
A snort left Eli without his permission. “Doesn’t the making-a-wish part come after blowing out candles, or something like that?”
Jimmy leapt from the bed and crossed the room to where he’d left his overnight bag on the dresser. “Oh, yeah.” Eli watched as Jimmy dug around inside. He came out with a plastic grocery bag. Eli tried peeking around his shoulders, but Jimmy kept shifting his stance and blocking his movements from sight. Finally, the man turned. Jimmy held a small cake with a candle that said “twenty-one” stuck in the center. The candle was lit. Its flickering light had nothing on Jimmy’s smile. He was proud of himself.
“Now you can make a wish.”
Eli scooched to the end of the bed. He held Jimmy’s gaze as he leaned forward and blew out the candle. In his life, Eli had made a lot of wishes. Every time the clock struck eleven-eleven or a star fell from the sky, Eli would close his eyes and cast his aspirations to the imaginary beings in control of such things. This was the first time he’d ever believed there was a real shot of his wish coming true. Just being with Jimmy gave Eli hope for the impossible.
Chapter 7
Three months later…
“I have to go to the Nashville location tonight.”
“Okay,” Eli said, sounding as if he wasn’t concerned.
“If I could avoid it, I would. There’s no way I’ll be back in time to get you from work.”
Eli nodded as if it was unimportant, raising Jimmy’s hackles a hair more. “That’s fine. I can walk home.”
Jimmy growled. He didn’t mean for it to happen. The sound rose in his throat and escaped past his lips before he could swallow it down. All this goddamn not drinking was murder on his mood. He couldn’t stop.
“You could at least act like you care something terrible could happen to you on your way home or that you won’t be seeing me after work.”
Eli eyed him. His expression gave nothing away. “Tell me what you want me to say, and I’ll say it. I don’t know what you’re after.”
Goddamn it. He was after some fucking emotion—some clue he wasn’t alone in this inability to be apart. Instead of digging out some bravery and saying that, Jimmy allowed his temper to rise.
“For fuck’s sake, Eli. Nobody wants a goddamn puppet. If I wanted my words repeated back to me, I’d buy a motherfucking parrot.” His voice rose with every word. Jimmy didn’t mean for it to happen. With his hands on the wheel and his gaze fixed upon the road, Jimmy didn’t have to look at Eli. That made it easier for him to be a dick. Eli didn’t respond. The light turned red and Jimmy glanced his way. The man’s hands were curled into fists in his lap. His knuckles were white and his jaw was locked. He stared straight ahead—motionless. Regret slammed into Jimmy, stealing all the air from inside the truck. He’d always known he was the worst sort of bastard bred from the scum of the earth. In all his life, he’d never thought less of himself than he did in that moment. Eli had been trying not to argue. That was his only crime.
“I’m sorry I don’t give you what you need,” Eli said, sounding hoarse.
Jimmy wondered if he could pull off running himself over with the truck. He dug the heels of his hands into his eye sockets, waiting for the light to turn green. The hint of irritation, scratching at Jimmy’s brain, wanted to point out that was literally the stupidest thing he’d ever heard. Thankfully, Jimmy wasn’t a complete idiot. Before Jimmy could think of a reasonable response, Eli broke the silence.
“On the nights I don’t get to see you, I sort of putter around listlessly. I no longer know how to function without you. The thing is, I don’t want you feeling guilty for having to work, and I damn sure don’t want you thinking I’m needy. But yeah, I miss you and I wish you could be with me every night. I’m also not helpless.” He met Jimmy’s gaze. Fire blazed in his eyes. “And I absolutely know what bad things can happen to people on the streets late at night.”
Jimmy realized something important. He should’ve stepped up his game in regard to their relationship. Jimmy held on to all the words racing through his head. The instant Jimmy put the truck in park at Eli’s work, he was across the seat and holding Eli. He felt Eli’s muscles relax as he engulfed the man in his arms. Jimmy loved the way he immediately melted.
“Baby, I’m so sorry. Please ignore my bullshit. I don’t know why I say shit I don’t mean sometimes. Missing you puts me in a shit mood.”
Eli’s arms tightened around Jimmy. “Why are you missing me? I’m right here.”
A chuckle escaped Jimmy. “I can’t crawl under your skin, that’s why.”
“You are under my skin,” Eli said against Jimmy’s shoulder. “Haven’t you been feeling shorter lately? How’s your appetite?”
Jimmy’s body shook with laughter.
Eli didn’t stop. “As a matter of fact, if you’re going to be taking care of my skin from now on, we need to have a discussion about lotions. I like cocoa butter, but not the cheap shit that comes out runny. You have to use the thick stuff you can smell a mile away.”
“You’re ridiculous.”
He felt Eli shrug. “You’re the one who wanted under my skin, and you’re there, Jimmy. I don’t want to work or pay bills. Adulting sucks and I feel like I’ve been doing it for a million years with no relief in sight. You’re the only good part of my day. I didn’t realize you didn’t know that already.”
Jimmy was equal parts happy and guilt ridden. If he was the best part of Eli’s day, he’d done a great job of ruining it today. “In the future, I’ll try harder to ask for what I want. Instead of acting like a dick.”
“Sometimes I think we’re learning together.”
Jimmy pulled away and met Eli’s gaze. Wariness rose inside him. “What do you mean?”
Eli shrugged, looking uncomfortable. “No one has ever cared about me, so I don’t know how to keep that going.” He paused, and Jimmy held his breath. “I get the feeling no one has ever cared about you either, not the way I do.”
He’d never wanted to know anything as badly. The temptation to ask Eli how much he cared was eating at Jimmy’s insides, but he was scared. If asking meant revealing he’d never been loved by anyone or anything, then he couldn’t do it. Maybe he was weak, but there it was. He knew Eli had gone through some shit in his life, but it was nothing in comparison to his bullshit. Jimmy couldn’t set that at Eli’s feet. He wouldn’t sully Eli with that. Instead, he kissed Eli goodbye while holding tight to the knowledge the man cared about him. It was enough.
*
Jimmy’s horrible mood weighed heavy on Eli’s mind. Sometimes he wondered if he was enough for Jimmy. Maybe he didn’t have what it took to hang on to him. He didn’t doubt for a second that Jimmy had lived through something horrible Eli didn’t understand, but he also didn’t feel secure enough to ask what that something was. It was also possible he was better off not knowing.
Eli’s steps slowed as he hit the parking lot, leaving work. Ryan stood, leaning against an Accord and waiting.
“Hey,” Ryan said, sounding bright. “Jimmy asked me to give you a ride home.”
Eli shuffled his feet. He knew it would be rude to refuse after Ryan had driven there and obviously had been waiting for Eli to get off work, but damn. He could almost see his apartment from where they stood.
“Thank you. I don’t live far.” Eli put the words out there, in case Ryan had somewhere else he’d rather be.
“I know. Jimmy told me you live above The Donut Shoppe. I love that place. Reckon they’re still open?”
The hopeful note in Ryan’s voice had Eli accepting the ride. “Yeah. They don’t close for another ho
ur. Of course, all the good stuff is probably gone by now.”
“It’s all good in my book,” Ryan said, opening the door for Eli—like a gentleman.
Eli chanced a smile. “I’ll grab you something when we get there. The owner, Jasmine, gives me the leftovers almost every night. I don’t always eat them. Really, you can only eat so many donuts, but her kindness counts with me.”
“Awesome,” Ryan said, as he pulled from the parking lot.
Eli couldn’t stop staring at the man’s profile. He was a friend of Jimmy’s. Even though Eli didn’t know how long they’d known each other, the man had to know Jimmy well enough for Jimmy to send him to get Eli. There was a certain level of trust in knowing you could count on someone that went into that. That meant, surely, he knew a few things about Jimmy that Eli didn’t.
“Is it okay if I ask you something?”
Ryan sighed at the question. “Yes. I am completely happy being the unmarried one in a three-person relationship.”
Eli’s mind went blank. “Um, okay. I’d actually planned to ask you how long you’ve known Jimmy, but all right.”
“Wow,” Ryan breathed, sounding embarrassed. “I’m so sorry. Ever since Sam made it clear he doesn’t approve of me being with Malik and Logan, I’m overly sensitive about the matter. I feel like a total dumbass now.”
“Don’t,” Eli said, shaking his head. “Even though I don’t know what it’s like to have friends, I—”
“Wait,” Ryan said, holding up a hand and interrupting Eli. “How do you not know what it’s like to have friends?”
Eli shrugged. “I didn’t grow up in the kind of home where you invited people over. By fifteen, I was living in the streets, and…” Eli shrugged again. “I don’t know. My life hasn’t been conducive to building relationships.” Eli waved off the topic. “Anyhow, I can imagine having someone close to you reject your relationship would make you less likely to invite others in, but you should know, Sam’s reaction had nothing to do with you. After his niece died, his brother spent all his time drinking and cheating on his wife. Sam saw what it did to her, having her husband inviting strangers into their marriage, stealing their shared grief. Sam feels that if he’d never started down that path, he’d still be alive. It’s given him a jaded outlook on relationships that challenges his beliefs.”
Unstable (Hooked Book 4) Page 7