Love, Lies & Consequences

by Frazier, Natasha D.

  “I wouldn’t say that I think he’s amazing, but the things he says are amazing. I think he’s bold and confident, possibly bordering on the side of arrogance. I will have to get back to you on the other stuff but, overall, I think he’s a good guy.” Raegan hadn’t quite taken the time to sit down to think about many of Jasmine’s questions. She just knew how he made her smile, and that was important to her.

  ***

  With homecoming over and a full week of training behind her, Raegan arrived at the airport, went through the usual check-in procedures, and located a coffee shop to purchase her favorite cup of coffee. When she got to her terminal, she sat down to relax and drink her coffee. She thought about Rico and decided to send him an e-mail instead of calling since it was very early in the morning:

  Hey,

  As I sit here in the airport, listening to this new John Legend (which is totally awesome, I must add), I think about you. I just wanted to say "Good Morning" and wish you a great day!

  As if you don't know already, you are such a great man...one of the many reasons I like you. I must admit that it is very difficult not to. (smiley face) It warms my heart to know that you see me in this "magic" light; it makes me want to be a better person.

  Even though I've only known you for a short time, I have enjoyed getting to know you. If I've never told you, you are special.

  Have a great day at work today! I look forward to seeing you soon.

  Raegan

  After sending the e-mail, she placed her headphones in her ear to listen to her iPod and relax a little until her plane arrived. The relaxing sounds of her favorites played softly in her ears as she sat watching passengers enter and exit the boarding gates throughout the busy airport.

  When the airline representative announced that her plane had arrived, she began to gather her things in preparation for boarding when her section was called. She refreshed the page of her e-mail and noticed that Rico had already responded:

  Hello,

  I must admit that this was the perfect start to my day, I can't stop smiling. Seriously. If you only knew where I come from as far as relationships, you would understand why I am so honored to have you in my life.

  There is not one moment in the day when I am not thinking about you and our future. I know the time has been short, but honestly this is what I have waited my entire life for and the time doesn't even matter to me. I know that you are for me, and I for you, and no amount of time, one day or one year is going to stop me from doing what I am supposed to do, and that is marry the woman of my dreams.

  So again thank you for making my dream a reality.

  As she read the e-mail a second time, she thought, He sure knows how to lay it on thick. It brought a smile to her face and left it there throughout the entire flight. She spent the flight daydreaming about him and what their relationship was going to be like. She spent time speaking silently to God wondering if He’d answered her prayer about sending “the one.” Once again, the small voice warned her about continuing in a relationship with Rico. He was just so great that she was almost positive that it was fear speaking. She tossed the voices of fear out of the window and decided that she would take a chance on the relationship with him. After all, he was a nice Christian man.

  As soon as she arrived at the airport and retrieved her luggage, Rico called. She knew it was him before she even looked at the caller ID. He didn’t have a distinguished ringtone but she could just feel it. He’d been telling her that he missed her way before she even left the city.

  “Hey darling!” she answered in a sing-song voice as she traveled across the parking garage to her car. It was windy outside and she was wearing a dress. So it was quite a task for her to drag her rolling suitcase, hold the phone and try to keep her dress from flying up in the wind.

  “How are you sweetie?”

  “Happy to be back on Texas soil,” she said excitedly, echoing his words to her just a few days ago.

  “That makes two of us. I’m glad you arrived safely. I thank God for another answered prayer.”

  “Yeah…” she responded with exhaustion. She was picking up her 40 pound suitcase and trying to place it in the trunk while trying to keep everything else in place.

  “Are you okay over there? Why are you breathing like that?” he said with a light chuckle.

  “I’m fine. I just put my bags in the car. I’m leaving the airport as we speak.” Her coupe was small. She loved the style of her BMW, but sometimes she became annoyed with the fact that she only had two doors. If she had four doors, she could have just tossed her luggage into the backseat.

  “Oh okay. I just finished telling my best friend about you. Everyone is so in love with you! I e-mailed my other friend a picture of you today and he thinks you’re gorgeous!” Rico said with excitement and contentment now that Raegan received his friends’ approval, not that he needed it considering he was the only person who could really decide what was right for him.

  “Well that is nice of them. Tell them I said thank you.” Raegan was used to receiving compliments on her dark, shiny, curly locks that flowed to the middle of her back. Raegan smiled as she buckled her seatbelt. “All right Rico, I will see you later on tonight when you leave work.”

  “I can’t wait!” he said as they ended the call.

  CHAPTER 11

  ∞

  Rico loved his job but he didn’t feel like he was being paid what he was worth, especially with the additional duties that he’d been performing as of late. As someone new to car sales, he had high hopes for himself and his career. His friends were all married with lucrative careers, earning six-figure salaries. Coming close to what his friends earned and having the type of lifestyle that each of them had was his dream. Somehow, he felt like this would validate his manhood and fill the emptiness that he felt inside. Raegan earned a higher salary than he did, especially in a month when he didn’t sell any cars at all, so getting a promotion and salary increase was now more important than ever. He needed to continue spending time with and doing nice things for Raegan in addition to other long-term commitments; the only way he believed he could support his lifestyle was to earn more money.

  Thankful that his workday was over and Raegan had returned to town, Rico planned a special evening with her, knowing that he would be able to spend more time with her than just the usual couple of hours.

  Raegan was suffering from minor jetlag and didn’t want to go out, so Rico brought over dinner from Boston Market. As they sat in her kitchen eating, he began to express his feelings to her.

  “I have something to say to you and I hope it doesn’t scare you.” He was hoping that his confession would bring them closer together, keep her from becoming suspicious and even weaken her resolve not to engage in pre-marital sex.

  With a chuckle, she tossed her glossy curls away from her face and spoke. “You’re actually making me nervous by saying that.” She always felt that way whenever people attempted to prep her before speaking. She would much rather the person just say what was on their mind instead of using phrases like, “Can I tell you something?” or “If I tell you this will you be upset?” or “I have something to tell you.” Those phrases made her skin crawl. “Go on. Just say it.” She gave him her full attention, placing her fork on her plate and looking him in the eyes.

  “Raegan, I really like you, more than I should I think. I don’t want to force anything on you or put you in an uncomfortable position, but I see everything I want in you and will do all in my power to build us a solid foundation and build a house of marriage.” As much as he really wanted to do this, he knew that he couldn’t give that kind of life to Raegan right now. That didn’t stop how he felt though. But maybe just saying it would be enough to keep her interested.

  “You’ve told me that before, so that isn’t anything new.” It didn’t make her nervous but it did scare her just an insy winsy bit. She wasn’t sure if he should be feeling like that, but some say that “when you know, you just know.”


  “I know but I just wanted to tell you again,” he said as he brushed a stray curl away from her face.

  She was halfway excited and halfway worried about his declaration. He seemed sincere but something just didn’t feel right—although the feeling wasn’t uncomfortable enough to make her stop seeing him. She ignored it and chose to live in the moment.

  After dinner, Rico and Raegan sat on her sofa, talking and laughing and playing card games. The later it became, the more Rico became more touchy. He rubbed Raegan’s feet while listening to her talk about her family and her childhood dreams. He even shared some personal stories of his own. Slowly, the mood shifted. He traded foot rubs for kisses, melting away Raegan’s resolve. Raegan eventually succumbed to his subtle advances and before she knew it, she had broken her vow.

  Raegan sent Rico home and the realization of what she allowed to happen set in. What had she done? She had done the very thing that she promised God, herself and her accountability partner that she wouldn’t do. For two years, she had been able to show restraint and focus on her relationship with her Heavenly Father; and in a matter of moments, she let it go.

  Sulking over her transgression, she curled up on the couch and cried, repeatedly saying Lord, please forgive me. She experienced a myriad of emotions. She felt dirty and used. Confusion and heartache also filled her heart. She got caught up in the moment, believing Rico’s promise to someday marry her. She rationalized that because he would soon be her husband, it was all right. This can’t happen again, she thought. I need to get myself together.

  CHAPTER 12

  ∞

  Ding dong, ding dong, ding dong. Only Tammy would play with the doorbell like that, Raegan thought as she headed to answer the door. As Raegan walked across the cold tile floors to the door, she was reminded that she needed to turn on the heat. The temperature was dropping, as evidenced by her cold toes.

  “Party time!” Tammy screamed as she stepped through the door. “Am I the first to arrive?” she asked, holding up a bottle of Chavignon Blanc.

  “Yes, you are, and I’m surprised considering you’re usually late. You must have been out of the house running errands or something?” Raegan asked, raising an eyebrow as she embraced her friend.

  “Actually, I just left the hair salon. My bags were already packed so I decided to come on over after stopping to pick up a nice bottle of bubbly to help with our ‘moment of truth’ discussion,” she said, winking at Raegan.

  Just as they walked into the kitchen to chill the bottle of wine, Michelle rang the doorbell. “Don’t worry Rae,” Tammy said. “I’ll get it. It’s probably Shelly.” Shelly was Tammy’s nickname for Michelle.

  “Only you would wear shades in November! You just have to be fly at all times, don’t you?” Tammy asked giving Michelle a hug. “I think the last time I saw you, you were still with Jason.” Michelle rolled her eyes while playfully pushing Tammy’s shoulder.

  “You’re ready to start something, aren’t you? Rae, did you give Tammy any wine? You know she doesn’t need any truth serum,” Michelle tossed the words over her shoulder, leaving Tammy at the door.

  “She just walked in the door about five minutes before you showed up. She hasn’t had anything yet,” Raegan said, pointing to the unopened bottle of wine.

  Sauntering into the kitchen in her purple chiffon blouse and black pencil skirt, Michelle looked as though she had just left a photo shoot for Vogue magazine’s successful, sexy and professional issue. “Rae it smells good in here! What are we having tonight?” Michelle asked while lifting the top off the crock pot. She switched on the oven light and tried to take a peek at what was cooking.

  Tammy and Michelle both slid out of their shoes and sat around the large kitchen island talking with Raegan as she finished dinner.

  “So what’s going on?” Michelle and Tammy asked in unison, both eager to catch up.

  “No deal,” Raegan said as she waved her wooden spoon at them. “Now you all know that we can’t start this until—” ding dong. The doorbell interrupted her before she could finish her sentence. “I’ll be right back.”

  Raegan returned singing, “Guess who’s here!” as she ushered Kensi into the kitchen.

  “Ahhhh! Hey girl! Rae, you didn’t tell us that Kensi would be in town! This is definitely going to be a fun night,” said Michelle excitedly. Kensi would be coming on assignment for work next week, so she decided to come early to spend the weekend with her girls. Kensi went to college with Raegan. Michelle and Tammy, she met through Raegan.

  The four friends gathered around the island to discuss men, money, work, dreams and the like. Each one of them had many stories to tell and a plethora of advice to give and receive. They were likely to not get any sleep that night.

  Raegan’s friends were eager to hear about the juicy details of Raegan and Rico’s whirlwind romance. Raegan placed the plates in front of them, prayed over the food, slid onto a bar stool and began discussing her relationship with Rico. Likes, dislikes and worries.

  “You all already know the basics. How and where we met and the sweet letters that he sends just about every day,” she said gesturing with her hands as if to say “blah, blah, blah.” Rico was quite the gentleman, opening doors, pulling out her chair, standing when she needed to be excused from the dinner table, giving her his coat when she was cold, holding her hand to assist her up and down stairs and all nice things like that. However, Raegan still had some serious concerns and was hoping that her friends could help her sort it all out.

  Raegan did not want to go into the issue of having broken her celibacy with Rico because her friends would definitely not allow the conversation to continue for questions as to why, when and where. Their statements and questions would remind her of how she messed up and she didn’t want to deal with it. So she decided she would keep that tidbit of information to herself although she knew she needed to confess it because it was weighing on her chest like heartburn.

  “So here is the biggest issue,” Raegan said dramatically. “He does a lot of talking about us getting married in the near future, but there is a money issue. At least for me. This dude sends his mom $1,500 per month, which is a pretty hefty chunk of money, no matter how much he earns. He has never really addressed why; the only thing he has said about it is that she has taken care of him all of her life and that he wants to do the same for her.” As if on cue, her friends all shouted things like “No way!” “You’re lying!”

  “Now, I know that’s his momma but I am definitely not comfortable with that. Based off conversations that we’ve had, I get the impression that he feels obligated to do this for her and he seems to be bothered by it. He complains about helping her out but then says she doesn’t really need his help. To add to that, she is supposed to be a pastor. I always thought that churches make sure their pastors are taken care of, especially when it comes to living expenses. It just sounds fishy to me.” Raegan took a bite of food to let her words sink in.

  “Right,” Michelle slowly chimed in. “You know my father is a pastor and the church gives him a salary and a housing allowance, so he could be misleading you in some way. I know that all churches do not have the ability to support their pastor so it just depends on the size and financial obligations of the church. I’m still a little skeptical though. Something about their situation doesn’t sound right.”

  “Exactly!” Raegan said putting emphasis on the ex. “I mean, really. Who does that? There is no issue with sending a relative money because they need it, but there is an issue with sending anyone $1,500 per month regularly and you’re acting as if you’re hardly making ends meet yourself. So that concerns me a lot and I’m planning to have a conversation with him about it. Do you all think it’s too soon to talk with him about things like that?”

  Tammy couldn’t wait to chime in. “No way. Do it as soon as possible. If he is serious about wanting to marry you, then there shouldn’t be an issue with him being open and honest with you about his finances. In fact, you both need t
o pull your credit reports and review them together. The last thing you want to do is get into a marriage with someone and later get hit with a boomerang of financial issues because you didn’t do your due diligence.” Tammy’s advice came from the standpoint of someone with an estranged husband. Her failed marriage often weighed heavily on her, and if she could help her friends not make the same mistake, she was all for it.

  “You’re certainly right about that Tam. I’m definitely going to bring it up,” Raegan said, letting out a sigh of relief that at least her friends understood her issues; she just hoped that Rico would understand her feelings as well.

  “I know you’re about ready to move on to your next point but seriously, who does that?” Kensi asked with a confused look on her face. She had been sitting there listening intently and watching Raegan’s body language. She could tell that this issue was really bothering Raegan. “I’m sitting here trying to sort through this while you’re speaking and it just doesn’t make sense. It sounds as if he is making an excuse for his poor financial situation. Maybe he’s made some bad choices and potentially trying to clear them up? Or maybe he’s still making bad financial choices.”

  “Gambling? Drugs? Another woman?” Kensi continued as she thought about the possibilities. She and Raegan shared similar thoughts on most issues, so she was only asking the questions that Raegan dared not ask herself. She secretly hoped that it was none of those issues because he seemed like such a great guy. She thought he could be the one.