by Chloe Walsh
No one was going to stop me …
"You look like a dope, Carter," my friend, Ash – aka Ashlynn Brooks – who was sitting beside me chuckled as she nudged me in the shoulder. "He's coming tonight?"
"He will," I smirked, flashing her a shit-eating grin. "A lot."
"Lucky bitch." Ash poked her tongue out and pulled a face, before fiddling with her calculator, her long black hair brushed against my forearm as she studied the screen intently. After a few minutes she pushed to it towards me and I had to stifle a laugh. She had managed to write "Sex" on the screen.
"I'm sick with jealousy right now," Ash admitted without shame, and I couldn’t blame her. Most of my friends were jealous of me. Not of me, no, it was more to do with my hot-as-hell boyfriend. My hot-as-hell boyfriend who rode a hot-as-hell Ducati; whose body was sinfully sexy, inked with my name; whose face was painfully gorgeous; and whose heart was one hundred percent mine.
Yep, I was pretty sure I was jealous of myself.
"All I'm doing this Christmas is spending time with my grandparents. All you'll be doing is him," she complained. "Which means you won't be at home and I won't have an excuse to stop by and ogle those sexy triplets."
"Ashlynn," I snapped, appalled at the thought of my best friend's intentions towards my baby brothers Cameron, Colton and Logan. "They're barely seventeen." And they'd eat you up for breakfast and spit you out without a second thought …
"So?" Ash shrugged nonchalantly. "I could definitely turn cougar for one of those mini-versions of your dad." She smirked at me. "How is Mr. Carter?"
Ugh …
"Do you mind?" I forced the bile that had risen in my throat back down and cast a warning glare at my so-called BFF. "How would you like it if I talked about your father the way you do mine?"
"Quite frankly I'd be surprised," Ash shot back, her brown eyes twinkling with humor. "Considering my father is in his late fifties and is packing the pounds." She smiled dreamily. "You have no idea of how lucky you are, Hope," she added thoughtfully. "He's forty – forty –and he looks like he walked off a freaking runway. Not a gray hair in sight … and those eyes."
"These eyes?" I bulged my eyes to make a point and glared at her. "And he's forty-one," I growled in irritation.
This drove me crazy.
It was seriously sick.
This was the reason I was careful when making friends of the female kind. They were so much worse than men. I felt I had the experience to make such a bold statement having lived with four testosterone-fuelled, hot-tempered, egotistical men for all of my life.
My dad and my triplet brothers were the reason I'd spent so much of my life being wary. I couldn’t count the amount of times I'd been tricked into friendship by a girl who just wanted to sizzle in on my family, and that wasn’t an exaggeration.
My father had money – lots of it – and he was – I begrudgingly had to admit – a handsome man. He was also notorious amongst many of my friends' moms.
Yep, Dad was a little slutty in his day.
Thank God my mother had come along when she had, and straightened his ass out, otherwise God only knows whose womb my little seed would have been implanted in …
Even though she teased me about the male members of my family, I knew Ash wasn’t serious.
Well, she was serious, but not enough to jeopardize our friendship. And my other best friend, Teagan Connolly, was so wrapped up in Noah Messina I doubted she had even looked twice at my brothers.
Come to think about it …
"Have you seen Teagan today?" I asked Ash.
Ash rolled her eyes to the heavens and let out a sigh. "That girl is a walking hormone." Shaking her head, Ash folded her arms across her chest. "Her and Noah need to screw it out before they both burst into flames."
"Ashlynn," I chuckled.
"I'm serious," Ash shot back with a smile. "They do."
****
Jordan
Age 21
My body was running on adrenalin.
I was pumped the hell up.
"Merry Christmas, asshole," I snarled before pummeling my fist into my stepfather's face for the final time. Groaning in agony, he collapsed on the bedroom floor before curling into a ball – his attempt at protecting his worthless ass.
"I'm not staying here," I told my mother breathlessly, as I clenched and unclenched my throbbing fists. "I mean it this time."
Staring down at Paul's injured carcass, I inhaled a calming breath and forced myself not to continue beating the shit out of the man who had taken everything from me. I took comfort in the knowledge that I had fought back. Now he knew he couldn’t hurt me.
Never again.
Nodding her head slowly, Mom sobbed quietly, using the back of her hand to wipe the tears from her cheeks. "I understand," she murmured, as she wrapped a blanket around her bruised body.
"I'm going back to Colorado," I added, forcing myself to keep my eyes locked on my mother's heartbroken face. "And I'm not coming back here, Mom – I can't."
Mom's face contorted in pain, but she nodded, "I know."
"You can come with me," I croaked out, feeling helpless and fucking tortured. I wanted to stay and protect my mother from her piece-of-shit husband – that's why I had given up my scholarship to USC and enrolled in the community college – but I couldn’t take anymore. "Dad can help you …"
"No," my mother gasped, lowering herself to the ground to kneel beside the man who had fucking destroyed us. "I have to stay."
"Mom," I begged. "Please."
"Just go," my mother whispered, not meeting my eye. "Leave us, Jordan."
****
Hope
Age 18
"Do you ever sleep?" Teagan growled in her thick Irish accent from where she was camped out on my bedroom floor. "Seriously, Hope, turn it off."
"Shh," I mumbled, eyes locked on the screen of my laptop. "One more episode."
I couldn’t turn it off. Earlier tonight Teagan had introduced me to this Irish television show called Love/Hate and I was completely hooked.
They men on the show were sexy and keeping my mind off worrying about why Jordan was late …
"I need a drink," Teagan whispered, so I waved her off, mumbling "Help yourself."
I continued watching my program until a very loud – and very familiar – voice penetrated my eardrums.
"Yes, we're working things out, Derek. So if could you please fuck off and let us work things out it would be much appreciated."
Derek …
"Jordan!" I squealed, knocking my laptop sideways in my rush to climb off my bed. I raced down the stairs two steps at a time, not stopping until I was in the lounge with my arms wrapped around my curly-haired boyfriend.
"Merry Christmas, Keychain," Jordan whispered against my neck, as he knotted his hand in my curls. "I told you I'd make it."
"No way," Colton's familiar voice chuckled, followed by Cam's booming voice as he cheered, "I knew he was bagging her."
"Goddammit, Noah," I screamed, when I noticed my brother's friend screwing some girl on our couch. "I can't believe you brought a girl into my … Oh. My. God …"
My words trailed off when I realized who Noah was screwing.
"Teagan?" I squeaked. "What are you doing underneath Noah … and naked!"
"Nah," Colt chuckled. "I can see lace panties."
"Pervert," I shot back quickly.
"Hi, Hope," Teagan mumbled, twiddling the tips of her fingers that were wrapped around Noah's neck seconds before burying her face against Noah's chest.
"Hate to break up the family reunion," Noah said, with his whole attention on my blonde best friend. "But could you guys take this into the kitchen so we can get up and out of your hair?"
"Yeah. Everyone go back to bed," I heard my dad order seconds before he appeared in the doorway, looking more pissed than usual. "Now!"
****
Hope
Age 18
"I have something to tell you," Jordan whispered, fo
lding me into his arms as we lay in the dark, staring up at his bedroom ceiling in his dad's house. "I'm going back."
"Why?" I managed to choke out. Jordan had been home two months. He had just enrolled in USC. He couldn’t just leave school now. "You can't go back there – what about your classes?" And me? "You promised …"
"I know," he said, kissing my cheek. "But I can't leave her there."
Yes, you can …
"But you can leave me," I mumbled.
"That's not fair, Keychain."
"No, it's not," I grumbled. "It's not fair, Jordan. Nothing's been fair around here in a very long time."
"I'm sorry," he replied.
"Don't go back and you'll have nothing to be sorry for," I snapped.
"You don’t know what he …" His arm tightened around me.
"He's a bastard, Hope," Jordan admitted quietly. "My mother's husband is a fucking butcher, and I'm afraid that if I don’t go back and get her out of there, the next time I'll see her will be in a coffin."
"Then tell your father." I sat up quickly at stared at his beautiful face. "Let him figure this out …"
"Like he'd give a shit," Jordan spat, as he reached over me and switched on the lamp. "Besides, it's none of his business. Mom texted me before you came over – said she's leaving him. Permanently."
He shrugged. "She's my mother, Hope. I have to help her."
"And Derek's your father, Jordan. He could help …" I began to say, but he interrupted me.
"This is his fault, Hope. He got her pregnant with me. He fucked off to college. He dumped her. He chased her right into Paul's arms. He's the reason I …" Jerking off the bed, Jordan stormed over to his dresser and pulled out a sweater. "I tolerate Derek so I can be near you," he hissed. "That's it, that's why, and that's all it will ever be."
"He loves you," I said sadly.
"Not enough," was all Jordan replied in a tight tone of voice.
"Jordan …"
"Don't defend him to me, Hope," he snapped. Pinching the bridge of his nose, Jordan closed his eyes for a couple of seconds. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I shouldn’t have raised my voice to you."
I chuckled. "Jordan, that wasn’t raising your voice. Believe me. I live in a house with four men."
"So when do you leave?" I asked after a while.
"Later tonight – after I take you home."
"That soon?" I swallowed the lump in my throat.
"I'm not giving her time to change her mind, baby," he husked. "This is huge. She wants out and I'm getting her out."
"I'm going to miss you." I forced myself not to cry. "How do I know you won't run off with some girl from Idaho while you're gone?"
"Because you own me," he replied immediately and my heart slammed in my chest. "Hope Carter, I've been yours since I could comprehend what you were, or how significant you would be to my life."
"So you're saying I'm important to you?"
"I'm telling you, you're everything to me," he whispered, before adding, "I'll be back in a few days – a week tops."
"I want some collateral," I teased. "You know; something that will bring you back to me."
"I'm always coming back for you," he rasped, and I couldn’t hold back a second longer.
I lunged forward and pressed my mouth to his.
"What are you doing?" Jordan husked against my mouth, as I shoved him down on his bed and straddled him.
"I need you," I breathed, struggling to keep my breath even, as I ground my body against his. "I'm done with waiting," I told him as I yanked his shirt out from his jeans. "I'm ready," I moaned.
Rolling off Jordan, I quickly stood and shoved my jeans off before lowering myself onto his lap once more.
"Slow down." Jordan held my shoulders in a firm grip as he craned his neck away from me. "Hope, slow down. We don’t have to do this tonight." His pupils were dilated so much I could hardly see the green of his eyes, but still he held me back. "We don't have to do this tonight," he repeated slowly, his voice painfully torn.
Ignoring his rebuke, I lunged forward and thrust my tongue into his mouth. The pained growl that tore from his chest as I did so assured me he wanted me, so why was he trying to stop this?
He wasn’t.
I wouldn’t let him.
Covering his hand with mine, I slid it from my shoulder, directing it downwards; forcing him to cup my breast, to squeeze my flesh. To take what I was offering him.
My nipples were hard, puckered tight in anticipation, and when he moved his other hand to rest on my waistline, and then under my shirt, I could have cried in victory. Rocking against him, I rubbed myself against him, getting off on the feel of him. "Take my top off."
"No," he replied, and it was immediate and final. His hands dropped away from my body limply. He glared at me. "Hope, we need to stop. Now!"
"You stop," I countered, ripping at his belt, freeing the button and fly on his jeans. "Stop refusing me."
Sitting up straight, I dragged my shirt over my head and tossed it on the floor. Ignoring his protests, I unclasped my bra and let it fall away from my body. Reaching out with my left hand, I grabbed his and entwined our fingers. "This is us now," I breathed. "No more waiting."
"I'm trying to protect you from making a rash decision …" His voice trailed off as his eyes fell to my bare chest. Jordan swallowed deeply, causing his Adams apple to bob in his throat. He clenched his hands into fists, rested them on his thighs as he shifted uncomfortably.
I knew why.
The huge bulge in his jeans was the proof of his discomfort.
I took advantage of his attention and reached up to cup my own breasts.
"If you want to protect me, take out your wallet," I said huskily. "That's the only kind of protection I'm interested in from you."
I waited, eyes locked on his face, watching for any signs of his retreat. He let out a sharp sigh, leaned forward and hoisted me onto his lap, roughly capturing one of my nipples between his teeth. His free hand fondled my other breast.
"If we do this," he husked as his tongue lapped at my breast, "there's no going back. This seals it, baby."
"I know," I moaned, rocking my hips towards him, pushing my breasts into his face. "I can't wait."
Jordan let out a growl and grabbed my hips. "Lift up."
I did and dropping his hands to my hips, he slid my panties down my thighs, before lifting his hips and pushing his jeans and boxers down, freeing his erection.
And there it was: the cause of most arguments in my home.
Jordan Porter's dick.
I had to compose myself, fight down the rush of nerves and questions inside of me that were demanding to know how that thing would ever possibly fit inside me.
Jesus …
Grabbing his wallet, I watched in amusement and horror as Jordan tore open a condom wrapper and rolled it on, pinching the tip as he sheathed his erection.
My mouth must have been hanging open, because when I finally tore my eyes away from his face, Jordan was staring at me with an expression I didn’t recognize. "Put your clothes on, Hope," he said softly. "You're not ready."
Panic filled me and without thinking I lowered myself onto his erection and made the biggest idiot of myself I ever could. I had been right.
It didn’t fit.
It hurt, it stung like a motherfucker and he made no move to assist me.
Jordan grunted softly and lifted me off him and set me down on the bed next to him. I reached for his duvet and wrapped it around myself quickly, mentally counting down from ten in a bid to keep calm and not run out of the room howling like a wolf.
What a freaking disaster…
So much for magical first times.
I wondered if that counted since he technically didn’t penetrate me. Oh Jesus, what if I didn’t work right? What if he really didn’t fit? What if nothing did? Dammit, I was seriously regretting not taking Ash's advice and using that stupid vibrator she'd bought me as a joke for my birthday.
I bur
ied my face in the duvet and debated holding my breath. If I could pass out then I wouldn’t have to deal with the mortification.
I had just made a complete ass of myself.
Oh, my God.
"Are you okay?" I felt an arm slip around my shoulders and then the side of my face was pressed against his chest. Jordan's heart was beating furiously in his chest. His skin was hot and moist. "Look at me, Hope."
I didn’t.
I couldn’t.
I was too freaking embarrassed.
"Ugh," I groaned. "Can we forget that I just molested you against your will and broke my vagina while doing it?"
He stiffened for a moment before chuckling softly and I died a little more inside.
Oh, great!
He was laughing at me.
Perfect.
Fucking fantastic.
"You're so dramatic."
"You're so … not," I muttered with a pout. "And I'm being serious," I added with a huff. "I think I broke a bone. Do you think there's a clinic that specializes in x-raying your womb?"
Jordan laughed, truly laughed, and it was a beautiful sound.
"God, I love you," he said as he rolled me onto my back and leaned over me, his elbows resting on either side of my face.
His eyes were locked on mine, piercing through me like flashes of dazzling emerald. "I do, Hope," he whispered, rubbing my nose with his before lowering his lips to mine. He kissed me, deeply, passionately and my legs fell open of their own accord.
My heart leapt in my chest, my vagina fluttered, letting me know there was life in the old girl still. I wrapped my arms around his neck and let nature take its course.
And when he did move in me, push through me, it wasn’t so bad. It was good, actually. Really good and I was ready.
Jordan trembled above me; his weight on my chest was heaven and my whole body ignited in an achy burning heat. Spasms of white-hot pleasure shot through my core as Jordan slowly moved inside me. "Are you okay?" he whispered, burying his head in my neck.