Rock Her Heart (A Bad Boy Rockstar Romance)

by Megan West

  He can’t know I’m here, she thought in a panic.

  All she wanted since the moment he left and their relationship had effectively ended was to have her own life, independently of him. But everyone around her had made it nearly impossible for that to happen. She bent over the sink and splashed water on her face before looking at her reflection in the small mirror. This wasn’t something she needed to be dealing with before the most important dinner meeting of her life. That call was a fluke and she needed to pretend it had never happened.

  She patted her face dry and focused all her energy on getting ready for dinner. Putting on her favorite playlist to soothe her, she took her time choosing an outfit and doing her hair and makeup. She didn’t want to look too done up, but she wanted to look professional, while still giving a glimpse of her image.

  It was about fifteen minutes before they all needed to leave when she was done getting ready so she decided to go knock on Kyle’s door. He pulled it open and looked at her curiously. It didn’t escape her the way his gaze fell over her body and lingered on her lips, even if it was fleeting.

  “You okay?” he asked as soon as he had closed the door behind her and she had sat down at the edge of the bed.

  She looked over her shoulder at him, but didn’t say a word. How he always knew something was going on with her was something she never quite understood. But she didn’t want to tell him about the phone call, much less admit to him that it had affected her so much. After so much time and how hard she had worked to move forward, how was it possible a simple phone call had put her so on edge?

  She felt weak. She felt pathetic. She hated it. As he kept staring at her, she shook her head and waved her hands dismissively. Kyle looked at her a moment longer, clearly not convinced, but he let it go anyway. It wasn’t long before the other two came knocking and they left.

  From the moment of the business dinner, to the moment they finalized the papers and signed Monday afternoon, everything went by in a blur.

  To add to all the stress, Shannon’s phone rang every day with that same number. Some days it only rang once, some days it was two. Never more than that but, either way, he was being far too insistent. She knew now there was no way he wasn’t aware she was in the city. That was the only reason he could possibly be attempting to contact her so suddenly. Even so, she didn’t want to think of what he might say to her. Even if they were in the same city, what did it matter? They had parted ways long ago.

  These thoughts were pushed out of her mind when the president of the label walked through the doors of the conference room they were all in on Monday afternoon. Although the contract had been offered and their revisions discussed and approved, none of it felt like reality until the moment he walked in. They had only seen a photo of his and received a short video greeting up until that point in time.

  Seeing the label’s president there, in the flesh, ready to welcome them to the label made her heart pound. The blood was rushing to her ears. It was deafening. The enormous weight of what they were doing settled on her chest. She felt like she couldn’t breathe, but she had to keep it together. She couldn’t lose it there, not in front of everybody, not when they were on the cusp of really kicking off their musical career together.

  The president opened his arms and smiled pleasantly at them before giving his opening remarks. Though they were pretty generic, Shannon had to admit it was quite nice to have them said to the band she belonged to. This was truly a day she never thought would come, especially not after Ash left them in the ditch.

  Ash, she thought. The bitterness coursed through her veins, but it somehow cleared her mind enough to truly focus on what the president of the label was saying. Now more than ever was her chance to kick off a brand new life, one she was passionate about and could feel proud of.

  After a long welcoming meeting, the team and president took the band out to dinner at a fancy restaurant. It was easily the most expensive and gourmet place any of the band members had ever dined at and Shannon had to admit it was quite exquisite. Once they parted ways with the company executives, the four of them headed down to a bar they had kept their eye on in case a moment of celebration came along– and this certainly qualified that moment.

  A little bell on the door chimed when they entered, ringing repeatedly as the door swung back and forth a bit between them. Given it was a Monday night there weren’t too many people there, but it was still a decent sized crowd that looked to be a good mix of people. The four of them walked straight up to the bar and ordered shots of whiskey to start. From then on, they didn’t hold back. The four of them had committed everything they had to make it through the past two weeks leading up to the moment of finally signing a contract.

  They had done it– they really had a music deal. It didn’t matter that the label was on the smaller end because they had what most could only dream of. Besides, if they did well, the label could always grow and that would be another source of pride from the band. The four of them chatted and played games together as they grew increasingly more drunk, having a great time celebrating this momentous event in their lives.

  They would be back in a week to move into the apartments the label had acquired for them. Their basic living expenses would be paid along with a small stipend of money up until the release of their first album, the earning from which their debt would be repaid to the company. As the four of them walked back to their hotel, singing loudly and exclaiming their joys, Shannon started to feel the floor slipping out from under her. Maybe she had overdone it a bit with the drinks, but if ever there had been a time to do that in her life, it was right then at that moment.

  “You sure you’ll be alright, roomie?” Kyle chuckled as he helped her stumble over to her bed without falling face first on the floor. She pushed his arm away and mumbled something. The company had gotten two apartments, each had two bedrooms right across the hall from each other. Of course, Shannon and Kyle would be sharing one while Ben and Luke shared the other. He chuckled again before walking out.

  Once the door was closed behind him, Shannon shoved her face into the middle of her pillow and smacked the surface of the bed repeatedly with balled up fists. She was excited and more nervous than she ever had been in her entire life. She wasn’t quite sure what to make of it or how to handle anything. Much as she wanted to focus on the elation of being in a signed rock band, the pressure kept welling up in her chest. Luckily, she had pretty much managed to keep any and all thoughts of Ash at bay.

  Until her phone rang.

  She saw the same phone number she had been ignoring for days flashing on her screen. In her drunken haze she figured now was as good a time as any to finally confront him. Maybe if she answered just one of his calls he would finally leave her alone. She was so tired of her phone ringing anyway.

  “Hello,” she croaked after accepting the call.

  “Hello?”

  Her heart immediately started pounding and her stomach churned the moment his unsure voice hit her ear. It was Ash. It really was Ash on the other end of the call. She opened her mouth, which suddenly had gone incredibly dry, but no sound was produced. She had absolutely no clue what to say to him. Immediately, she knew answering had been a big mistake.

  “Shannon,” he finally said after her prolonged silence had probably gotten too much for him to deal with. “You’re here, aren’t you? In the city? Shannon.”

  His voice was rough and deep, just like she remembered it, only now he also sounded unsure. She wondered if it was because he still had doubts about calling her. Maybe he was thinking harassing her until she finally answered had been a mistake after all.

  Shannon shut her eyes. She could picture him in her mind’s eye just as clearly as if he had been standing right in front of her. She sat up and moved the phone away from her face to take a deep breath. The room was spinning.

  “I’ve missed you so much.” She heard the words fall from her lips before she could even process what had just happened.

  It
had been a lurking thought in her mind, one she wanted to pretend wasn’t real. But now it was out in the open. Panic hit her. Eyes wide open and breath heavy, she shook her head violently. Had she really just admitted that to Ash, the last person she ever wanted to know? Without thinking, she ended the call and tossed her phone to the other end of the bed.

  Although she didn’t hear from him again that night, he went on to call her more than ever the following days. For three days his calls increased in frequency and he even started sending her text messages. They were all the same and very basic. He wanted her to answer his calls because he thought they had something to talk about. She disagreed, or at least she wanted to pretend she did.

  Deep inside she knew maybe they had some sort of unfinished business. Every moment she spent thinking of it filled her with a sense of longing and made her feel miserable, so she started writing songs. That was by far her best outlet and, now more than ever, would actually benefit her and her band mates.

  She had finished packing all her belongings in one day. By the second day back in her hometown, she had muted her phone. By the end of the third day, the calls and text messages had finally stopped.

  In the afternoon of the fourth day, when she knew Ash had finally given up, she felt awful. She cried almost as much as the day he had left. She felt desperate and unsure. In that moment it was all she could to call Kyle to seek his comfort and support. Maybe she had grown to rely on him too much, but he was the only one she felt comfortable opening up to. When he came over and saw her, his expression immediately changed. He was the most concerned she had ever seen him.

  “Shannon, what happened?”

  She looked up at him with dried tears staining her cheeks and an anguished look in her eyes.

  “Ash,” she muttered

  Chapter Three

  “What?”

  “Ash,” Shannon replied. She pushed herself up off the floor and stumbled forward into Kyle’s arms. He held her up for a moment before leading her over to the couch.

  “I don’t know how he found out I was in the city. He kept calling and calling but I always ignored his calls. I didn’t want to talk to him. I knew I shouldn’t talk to him. But then we went out to celebrate and I got drunk and he called again...”

  “After I dropped you off in your room,” Kyle muttered guiltily.

  He obviously thought that if he had stuck around longer, all of this could be avoided. That couldn’t be further from the truth. Had Shannon not given in at that moment, she would have at some point. This was unavoidable and she knew it. That was part of the reason she hated herself even more. It was just so unfair that Ash still had such a strong hold on her. She thought that had waned more than it actually had.

  “As soon as I heard his voice everything crumbled. All my thoughts and my resolve just fell apart. The time I spent to get over him and how hard I worked to move forward seemed to have been in vain, all just because I heard his fucking voice!”

  Shannon kicked her coffee table, effectively shattering the glass, but she didn’t care. So she wouldn’t be able to sell it anymore, at least it had been gratifying to kick it in the moment. She doubled over her knees, shaking. It was all just so unfair.

  “He called me and sent messages after that, but when I kept ignoring him, he stopped. He finally left me alone.” Her voice cracked as she spoke the last sentence. The thought he had really left her for good was terrifying and heart breaking. Had she made a mistake?

  She felt Kyle’s hand land softly on the back of her shoulder. “Shannon,” he muttered. It reminded her of the way Ash had said it. Then it struck her– what if he had called to seek help? She recalled Mikey’s words about Ash getting lost in the drug and party scene of the rock star world. What if, knowing she was in town, he thought there was even a sliver of hope to get out of it all?

  Before she could stop herself, Shannon launched into that conversation with Kyle. It was more like she was filling him in on what Mikey had said and then set off an avalanche of her thoughts and feelings on the subject. Somehow she had ended up confessing that she told Ash she missed him. She admitted it was true. Kyle remained quiet the entire time. He let her talk on and on as he listened patiently, not a single expression crossing his face. When she finally finished, she turned to look him directly in the eyes.

  “I can’t blame you,” he finally told her. “And you were drunk. You weren’t in control of what you told him. That doesn’t mean you can’t move forward. He finally got the message, Shannon. Maybe now you can finally close that door and feel like you really can move forward. Plus, you have a much bigger thing to focus on now that will help.” He paused and turned to face her. She drew in a deep sigh as he reached out and cupped her cheek. Displays of physical affection from Kyle were rare but genuine, every single time. Shannon leaned into the touch and shut her eyes.

  “Besides, you know you’ll always have me to lean on. You know I will always, always care about you and be here for you.”

  Shannon opened her eyes to look into his. When he spoke to her like this, his voice was much softer than usual. It was true. His words were true and she knew it. He had already demonstrated just how much she meant to him and how far he was willing to go to help and protect her. She stared at him a bit harder and that was when she noticed his eyes appeared to be watering.

  Was he fighting back tears? He was the only person in the world with whom she had ever felt such strong comfort. Shannon felt completely free to be herself around him without any apologies. He truly saw who she was and valued her for it. Why was she such a fool?

  In that moment of strong emotional vulnerability, she thought that leaning in and pressing her lips to his was the right thing to do. In that moment, when she felt everything draining from her because of Ash, kissing Kyle felt like the right thing to do.

  When he didn’t pull away, it made her think it was the right course of action. She scooted forward on the couch and placed her hands on his shoulders, right near his neck. She moved her lips and tilted her head, making the simple peck a full on kiss. He didn’t fight it. He gave into it. She felt the hand on her cheek move to the back of her head. It was a slow kiss that had started with so much uncertainty, but she quickly pushed forward.

  She swung one of her legs over his lap and pressed her body into his. She broke the kiss for a brief second to get a quick breath before going in again. Kyle’s lips were much softer than she would have thought they would be. Her hand ran over his chest and down his stomach until it landed on his belt buckle. He made a strange noise in her mouth. Unsure of what he meant by it, she pushed her breasts against his chest before pulling back and quickly pulling her t-shirt off. She threw it over the back of the couch and immediately landed her lips back on his.

  She grabbed his hand and guided it up her side until it was resting right under the cup of her bra. She was urging him on to move things forward, but he wasn’t doing it. Not feeling like waiting for him, she opened the palm of her hand over the crotch of his jeans. As soon as she felt his hard bulge she moaned lightly into the kiss.

  She could feel him tense up and hold his breath. Not wanting to waste even a minute, she started rubbing his hardness over his jeans. He shifted his hips and pushed up into her touch but, quite suddenly, he pulled away from the kiss and practically pushed her off. She leaned back against the couch and watched as he stood up to adjust his pants. His face was red and he looked completely flustered.

  “What the-”

  “This isn’t right!” It was the first time he had ever screamed at her.

  That very thought seemed to have registered with him as soon as it happened. He looked down and sighed before walking around the back of the couch to pick up her t-shirt and toss it to her. She draped it lazily over her bra. She didn’t really care if he saw her. It wasn’t a big deal anyway.

  “This isn’t the answer, Shannon. This won’t fix anything and it won’t make you feel better. Besides, I could never forgive myself if things got furthe
r than they already did. It would be like I was taking advantage of the situation and your feelings. You deserve better than that.” He looked at her for a moment before turning on his heel and walking out the door, leaving her alone to try and process what the hell had just happened.

  Shannon spent the rest of the week holed up in her apartment, ignoring calls and messages from everybody, until the day of the big move came. Much as she wanted to pretend she hadn’t tried having sex with Kyle, things were still a bit awkward between them when they met up. That stressed her out even further given that they were about to start living together. The good thing was that the actual act of moving was long and arduous so by the time night rolled around in the new apartment, they were both too tired to awkwardly muddle through any sort of interaction. Instead, they went straight to bed. The entire next day was spent settling into the apartment, culminating with Shannon cooking for the four of them.