Intermediate Thermodynamics: A Romantic Comedy (Chemistry Lessons Book 2)

by Susannah Nix

  “You have three days,” Jinny reminded her on Wednesday.

  “I know,” Esther said.

  “Only two days now,” Jinny said on Thursday.

  “I know,” Esther said. She was well aware of how fast time was running out.

  She really needed to do it tonight.

  If Jonathan was seeing someone, he might not be home Friday night. He might be out with her. Or worse—she might be at his place with him. If Esther was going to talk to him, it would be safer—and better—to do it tonight. Otherwise she might miss her chance. And then Hurricane Jinny would make landfall.

  When Esther got home that night, Jonathan’s car was in his parking space. She was simultaneously relieved and disappointed. Her heart rate spiked as she walked past his window. If this didn’t work out in her favor, she was definitely going to have to move. For the sake of her cardiac health, as well as her sanity.

  She went inside her apartment but didn’t change out of her work clothes. She needed to keep her bra on if she was going to go next door and try to talk to Jonathan. Instead, she set her stuff down, gave Sally her dinner, and—after a few minutes of nervous pacing—forced herself to go back out.

  Her stomach felt like it was tied up in knots as she stood in front of Jonathan’s door. Her insides were a knitting project gone awry that had been carelessly frogged and left in a hopeless tangle.

  On the bright side, one way or another, this would be over soon.

  Esther took a deep breath and raised her hand to knock.

  Her hand froze in midair.

  Maybe she should wait until tomorrow. Maybe it would be better that way. If he wasn’t home because he was seeing someone, it would render the whole exercise moot. She could tell Jinny he was out on a date and that would be that. Issue resolved.

  Yeah, Jinny would never let her get away with that.

  She would still insist that Esther talk to him. Either that or she’d talk to him herself.

  Esther needed to do this. Jinny was right. She needed to be brave and face her rejection like a woman.

  You can’t lose something you’ve already lost, she reminded herself. But maybe—just maybe—there was a chance she could get it back again.

  Before she could screw up the courage to knock, Jonathan’s door jerked open in front of her.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Jonathan glared at her, wary and unsmiling. “What are you doing out here?” He was blocking the doorway with his body, his hand perched on the knob in case he decided to shut the door in her face.

  Esther swallowed. “Hi.”

  “Hi.” He didn’t sound the least bit happy to see her, which shouldn’t have been a surprise, but cut deeper than she was prepared for.

  “Can we talk?” Her voice sounded feeble and paper thin. Exactly the way she felt.

  He looked down at the ground, and she died a thousand tiny deaths while she waited for his answer. After a few seconds he nodded and stepped back.

  Esther walked past him into the apartment. He’d made sure to step back far enough that there was a wide gap between them and no chance of her accidentally brushing against him. He shut the door behind her and waited, standing by the exit. Ready to throw her out again.

  She fidgeted under his gaze. She wasn’t used to having him look at her like this—like he didn’t want her around.

  “Well?” He was impatient. Annoyed. “You said you wanted to talk, so talk.”

  Esther didn’t have a game plan. For all the time she’d spent fretting over this conversation, she hadn’t actually settled on what she wanted to say. How best to begin. And now that she was here and he was looking at her like that, she was paralyzed.

  What could she say? What could possibly make up for what she’d done to him? Why was she even here? He’d moved on, remember? He had a new girlfriend now. He didn’t need her—or want her—anymore. That much was obvious.

  As she stood there mentally flailing, Eric’s advice came back to her: make yourself vulnerable.

  “I was wrong,” she said. “I was so wrong.”

  Jonathan’s expression didn’t change. “About which part specifically?”

  “All of it.”

  His hair was a tousled mess, falling in puffs across his forehead and into his eyes. Her fingers ached to reach up and push it back for him. She took a tentative step toward him, and he backed up flat against the door, reminding her she wasn’t welcome in his space anymore.

  Esther’s chest clenched painfully. The hand that had been itching to touch his hair worried at the collar of her shirt instead.

  “I never meant to hurt you,” she said.

  He didn’t react. “Okay.”

  “I’m sorry. And you were right.”

  Jonathan rubbed the back of his neck, grimacing. “About what?”

  “I was scared to let myself admit I had feelings for you.”

  She caught a fleeting glimpse of…something in his eyes before they skated away from hers. Hope, maybe. She hoped it was hope.

  “Do you have a girlfriend?” she asked, terrified of the answer. He was going to say yes, and that was going to be it. There’d be nothing left for her to do after that except leave. And she didn’t want to leave.

  He looked at her, his expression shifting to confusion. “What?”

  “The woman you were with last week…”

  His mouth twitched. “My sister.”

  Some of the knots in Esther’s stomach loosened. “That was your sister?”

  He nodded. The mouth twitch had turned into something that wasn’t quite a smile, but might be the beginnings of one. An embryo of a smile. “I don’t have a girlfriend.”

  Esther opened her mouth, then closed it again. She took a deep, unsteady breath and said, “Will you give me another chance?”

  The embryo smile disappeared. “To do what?” He was gun-shy. She’d hurt him once, and he was afraid she’d do again.

  “To show you that you’re important to me. I know I have issues and I’m not any good at this stuff, but I’m trying to be better at it, because I really like you.” She couldn’t bring herself to use the word love. The broken parts of her were still too broken for that. “I miss you.”

  When she’d gotten all the words out, she held her breath, waiting.

  Jonathan’s mouth twitched again. “Do you want to sit down?”

  “What happened with your adviser? Did you turn in your scripts?” They were sitting on his couch, at opposite ends. The upholstery felt like sandpaper against Esther’s skin. It wasn’t a very big couch. There was barely enough space between them for another person. It felt like a lot more space than that though. It felt like the Grand Canyon lay between them.

  Jonathan nodded without meeting her eye. He was staring straight ahead with his bare feet up on the footlocker that passed for a coffee table. “I got an A. Fall classes start a week from Monday.”

  Esther broke into a grin. “That’s fantastic!”

  He was near enough she could smell the cigarette smoke on him, with just a hint of the woodsy Jonathan smell underneath. She’d missed that smell. She wanted to bury her face in it, but she figured she wasn’t allowed anymore. She wanted to do a lot of things—hug him, hold his hand, kiss the ever-living shit out of him—but it felt like there was an invisible wall between them. A physical barrier she wasn’t permitted to breach.

  He glanced over at her, then away again. “Whatever happened with Jinny?”

  Esther’s smile faded. “We made up. She forgave me—eventually.”

  “Won’t she mind…” His hand flicked, gesturing at the space between them.

  “She gave me her blessing.”

  He scowled down at his lap. “Great.” She didn’t want him to be scowling. She especially didn’t want to be the reason he was scowling.

  “Jonathan.” Her throat constricted as she said his name.

  His eyes lifted to her face.

  “I’m sorry,” she said again. Helplessly.

 
He shook his head at his lap. “Don’t be. I get it.”

  “You do?”

  “Yeah, actually.” He shrugged. “That was what made it so hard. I could understand why you were doing it, but that didn’t make it hurt any less. It just meant I couldn’t hate you for it.”

  “I don’t know,” Esther said, “I feel like I was a pretty big asshole. You’re allowed to hate me if you want.”

  “I don’t want to hate you.” His eyes found hers and softened. “I like you too much.”

  Something fluttered in her chest. He hadn’t said love, but like was pretty good, considering. She’d happily take like. “Still?”

  “Still.” He laid his hand on the couch between them, palm up. An invitation.

  Esther twined her fingers with his, squeezing gratefully.

  They sat there holding hands without speaking. A sense of possibility had opened up between them, and it needed time to soak in. Her thumb moved over his wrist, searching for his pulse. It was racing almost as fast as hers.

  There was a smudge of black ink on his index finger. She wanted to kiss it. But she felt like it might be too soon. Baby steps.

  “Do you want to go on a date with me?” she asked.

  He smiled down at their intertwined hands. “Yeah. I’d like that.”

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  They were going out on a date. A real date. They’d agreed to do it the very next night: Friday.

  Tonight.

  Esther couldn’t remember the last time she’d gone out on an actual, honest-to-god date. Usually, she met someone, flirted for an hour or two, and then went home with him—always to his place, never hers. Easier to duck-and-run the next morning, thereby avoiding any attempt at awkward morning-after pancakes.

  But that was the old Esther. Not only was she going on a date tonight, but she’d had to plan it, because she was the one who’d done the asking. She’d definitely never been the one in charge of planning a date before. But she’d spent the whole day thinking about it and had it all figured out.

  “What about this one?” she said, holding a dress up in front of her phone’s screen. Jinny was helping her get ready for the date via FaceTime.

  “Yellow makes you look like you have malaria.”

  Okay, then. No more yellow dress. Esther tossed it into the corner to donate to Goodwill.

  “It’s the blue or the purple,” Jinny said. “Those are the two best.”

  The blue one fit better, but the purple one showed off more cleavage. Esther remembered how much Jonathan had seemed to like her in the low-cut top she’d worn to the party. “Purple it is.”

  “Good choice. Wear the tan shoes.”

  The tan shoes were heels. Esther wasn’t a fan of heels, but they did look the best with the purple dress. “Hair up or down?”

  “Down.”

  Esther frowned into the phone. “Are you sure?”

  “I love how nervous you are. It’s adorable.”

  “Shit, should I get him flowers? I didn’t get him flowers.”

  “Let’s not go overboard. You don’t want to emasculate him.”

  “That’s patriarchal toxic masculinity bullshit, and I refuse to participate in it.”

  Jinny rolled her eyes. “Are you really going to run out and buy flowers in the next fifteen minutes?”

  Esther checked the clock. “No, I don’t have time.”

  “Then he’s not getting flowers.”

  “Oh, god,” Esther said, staring into her makeup drawer.

  “What?”

  “How am I supposed to pick a lipstick? There are too many to choose from.”

  “Relax, I’ve got you. Nothing glossy or sticky.”

  “They’re all sticky.”

  “You want something matte for maximum kissability. Like the one you got last time I dragged you to Sephora.”

  Esther propped the phone on the counter and dug through her lipstick collection, looking for the liquid lip color Jinny had talked her into buying. “This is weird, isn’t it? You helping me pick makeup to seduce a guy you’ve kissed.”

  “First of all, you’re not seducing him with your makeup, weirdo. Second of all, yes, it’s a little weird…but not insurmountably so.”

  Esther looked up at the camera and smiled. “What would I do without you?”

  Jinny smiled back at her through the screen. “You would be a disaster, my friend. A fucking disaster.”

  At exactly seven o’clock, Esther let herself out of her apartment and locked it behind her. Her stomach was roiling like a ship on the high seas. She wasn’t sure she’d ever been this nervous before, not even when she’d defended her thesis.

  Last night, when she’d left Jonathan’s apartment, she’d desperately wanted to kiss him, and he’d almost looked like he’d wanted to kiss her too. But as soon as she’d started to lean in, he’d turned his head away.

  Her pride was still a little scorched from the burn. She couldn’t blame him for not trusting her though. Obviously, she still had some work to do to win him back. That was fine. She was willing to do whatever it took to earn his trust again. That was the whole point of going on this date tonight. To show him how invested she was in rebuilding their relationship.

  She wondered if he’d let her kiss him tonight. God, she hoped so.

  As she walked the twelve feet to Jonathan’s door, her heels rang out like gunshots on the cement surface of the breezeway, which did nothing to calm her nerves. He must have heard her coming—the entire building had probably heard her coming—because his door opened before she could knock.

  “Hi,” he said, smiling sheepishly.

  Her heart swelled at the sight of him. She hadn’t seen him in almost twenty-four hours, and she’d missed him. The last few weeks without him had been torment. Now that she was allowed to be around him again, she was starving for more. It was like setting a piece of chocolate cake in front of someone on a Whole30 diet. Her mouth was actually watering, she wanted him so bad.

  “Hi,” she said, smiling back at him. Her heels put her a little closer to his level, but she still had to look up to see his face. “You look nice.”

  His hair had been tamed with product, and he was wearing a striped button-down, slim gray pants, and the same ankle boots he’d worn to the party. He was Date Jonathan tonight. She loved Date Jonathan.

  “You look nice too.” His eyes remained disconcertingly focused on her face, ignoring her cleavage. What an inopportune time for him to be gentlemanly.

  He had his keys in his hand, and they jangled as he flipped them around his index finger. “What’s the plan? Do you want me to drive?”

  “Nope, tonight I’m wooing you. All you have to do is sit back and enjoy yourself.”

  He smiled a little wider. “Okay.”

  Esther waited while he locked his door, and they set off down the hall to the stairwell. He didn’t try to hold her hand, so she didn’t try to hold his either. Even though she wanted to.

  But when they got to the stairs, and she started teetering down the steps in her heels, he offered his hand to steady her. “Thank you,” she said, clutching it gratefully.

  As soon as they got to the bottom, he let go of her hand again. Damn.

  Esther unlocked her car, and they got in. It was the first time he’d been in her car, and he had to slide the passenger seat all the way back to make room for his legs. She briefly wished she’d had time to get it cleaned, but then she remembered the trash pile that was the interior of his car and decided he wouldn’t care about a little dust on the dashboard.

  “Where are we going?” he asked as he buckled his seat belt.

  Esther checked her mirrors and backed out of the carport. “Dinner and movie. Actually, a movie and then dinner, because the movie’s at seven thirty.”

  “What movie?”

  Her mouth curved into a grin. “It’s a surprise.” Blood Simple was playing at one of LA’s vintage cinemas tonight. As soon as she’d seen the listing, she knew it was where she
had to take him.

  “Intriguing.”

  “You’ll like it, don’t worry.”

  “I have no doubt of that.” When she glanced over at him, he was smiling. So far, so good.

  Esther had the night all planned out. Blood Simple at the old Aero Theatre at seven thirty, followed by dinner at a popular Santa Monica restaurant down the block. It was perfect.

  It would have been perfect, anyway, except there was an accident on the freeway, which she’d only taken because Yemi was always telling her how much faster it was. Only it wasn’t faster when the two right lanes were closed because of a fender bender. They crept along, alternating between a dead stop and short bursts of movement reaching almost five whole miles an hour. As the minutes ticked away, Esther became increasingly anxious.

  “We’re going to be late,” she said, squeezing the steering wheel so hard her fingers started to go numb. “I’m sorry.”

  “It’s fine,” Jonathan said. “It doesn’t matter.”

  “It does. We’re going to miss the beginning of the movie.”

  He reached over the console and laid his hand on her leg, squeezing gently. “I don’t care about the movie.”

  With the weight of his hand warming her thigh, she didn’t care as much about the movie either. She unclenched one hand from the steering wheel and tangled her fingers with his, trying to relax a little.

  It was seven thirty-five when they finally neared the theatre. Jonathan broke into a grin as the marquee came into view. “We’re seeing Blood Simple?”

  “That was the plan. Sorry I screwed it up.” At least she’d bought the tickets online, so they didn’t need to worry about it being sold out.

  “There’ll be previews first. We’re fine.”

  Except it took five minutes of circling before she found a parking space, and another five minutes after that to walk from the car to the theatre. “Sorry,” she said again as she limped into the lobby at seven forty-five, seriously regretting the stupid heels she’d chosen to wear.

  He shrugged. “I’ve seen it before.”

  The usher admitted them with a judgy look. The movie had indeed started. “Sorry,” Esther whispered for the third time as they slunk to their seats.