“There, lassie, we must trust our Father in heaven—”
“Trust Him! I don’t even know Him!” James’s face contorted in agony. “All this time, you tried to tell me, and I wouldn’t listen. Daddy, is Phillip’s accident a punishment because I haven’t believed?”
Honor stood rooted in sorrow. She remembered asking the same question.
“No.” There was something magnificent about the judge. “God punishes us for our own sins, not those of others.”
James’s face was chalky. He went on as if he had not heard. “I should have been an example. Why haven’t I been what I should have been? Phillip is weak, and I knew it.” He raised dull eyes toward Honor. “If I had believed in Christ and told Phillip how important it was, maybe he wouldn’t be such a mess. Maybe he wouldn’t even be lying there now.” His harsh laugh grated in the shocked silence. “I contributed to his weakness.”
Honor could not bear his suffering. She turned away.
James looked at Daddy Bell. “You told me I would have to face God, to answer for laughing at the idea I wasn’t in total control. But did it have to come this way? Did anyone ever sin as I have, deliberately choosing to ignore everything that really matters in life?”
“Come, laddie.” Daddy Bell placed his arm around James as if he had been a child. “We’ll fight this out together.”
Honor and Babs stood frozen as the two men, one bent with the ministry of years, the other from his growing recognition of sin and careless ignorance of sacred things, slowly walked down the long hall and disappeared behind a door marked CHAPEL.
Honor could not speak. Even when Babs moaned and sank into a chair, Honor remained standing straight, looking down the hall. It suddenly seemed a great gulf separating her from James. What happened now would literally save her husband’s life or leave him empty, unfulfilled, bitter.
“Oh, God, let him accept Your Son that he might be forgiven.” It was all she could whisper. If only she could be at his side! She could not. It would be for Judge Bell to make clear the only path that did not lead to spiritual death. Then James must make the decision, not to attempt a bargain with God for his brother’s sight, but to seal himself as God’s child, forgiven and willing to obey.
Was all of life a fight? Sickness, health…good, evil…God, Satan…In spite of her studies the thoughts left Honor helpless.
What was happening in the little chapel? Was James listening with his heart instead of with his head, as so many educated minds seemed to do? Could the prejudices and false images he had built be shattered? Yes! Hadn’t God done exactly that for her?
A little cry from Babs snapped Honor from her trancelike state. There was work to do here. God would help James. She would cling to that hope and silently pray. Her other prayers for Phillip and Babs mingled together in one great plea to God.
For hours she and Babs sat together. The waiting room was mercifully empty of others. Only fear kept them company, and after a time, even it was blunted by sheer exhaustion. At first Honor tried to keep up a conversation with Babs, but it was useless. Babs’s eyes were fixed on the door to the emergency room. Was she remembering all the laughing days they had spent carelessly going their pleasure-mad way? Was she remembering moments at the canyon when she had gone away from the others to evaluate? Or was she even remembering days long ago, before Phillip, days when she said she had gone to Sunday school?
Honor’s brain whirled. The broken woman next to her was a far cry from the worldly creature who had once infuriated a rebellious girl by telling her the truth about Phillip. Impulsively Honor laid her hand over Babs’s clenched ones.
The green eyes swung to her briefly. A small tremor of her lips betrayed tightly held emotion, and her hands opened to clasp the one extended in friendship. There was a gentle pressure of the cold fingers that slowly warmed, then the icy face gave way to pain, unashamed.
An eon of time seemed to have passed before the chapel door swung open. Honor held her breath. What would be the results of what had happened in the little room?
“James has found his God.” Daddy’s tired face still radiated.
With a little cry Honor ran to them. “It wasn’t just to save Phillip?”
James went white to the lips, and Honor wished fervently she had bitten her tongue to hold back the words.
“No. It wasn’t for Phillip.” He looked past her, eyes dulled instead of expectant as they had been before. “I read your Bible, Honor. At first, it was with scorn. How could anyone believe any tale so simple?” His dark eyes were almost black in their intensity. “You had circled a place.” He fumbled in the Bible she knew so well, found the marked passage. “John 3:16: ‘For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.’” He closed the Book, almost reverently. “I still wouldn’t admit the feeling I had when I read it.” A spasm of pain crossed his face. “Daddy Bell made me reread it. Then I knew. Whosoever meant me, and everyone. Every man, woman, and child on earth must bow before God, admit they are sinners, and realize the fact of the Lord Jesus Christ’s death in their place so that they might have forgiveness, mercy, salvation. I only wish I had listened and accepted it all years ago.” The last words were almost a whisper.
For an ecstatic moment Honor felt faint from joy and relief. Her prayers had been answered—James was saved! Now there was nothing to stand between them! Now they could…The thought died. Just because James had accepted Christ didn’t mean he loved the woman he’d married under such bizarre circumstances.
“I intend to set straight everything I have done to wrong others.” James’s voice broke into her mind.
Honor bit her lip. He must mean her. He would feel the only way to make things right was to release her. Could she stand the pain still ahead? Would she never stop paying for her rebellion and willfulness, even though she was forgiven?
And James—he would carry forever the memory of the way he had married his twin’s fiancée in an underhanded way. Both would pay in being freed by law from unfulfilled vows, bound in God’s sight—and in their own. Granny’s warning, Keith’s pleadings—all had led to this, and there was no one to blame but herself.
She breathed raggedly. It was not the time to explore their relationship, with Phillip still in danger, nor was it in the days following. Babs haunted the hospital. For even though the doctors were hopeful, there was nothing to do but wait.
Chapter 11
One thing that came about from all the trouble was a new closeness between Babs and Honor. From distrust, to wariness, and at last to the acceptance of Honor’s hand at the hospital that terrible night, Babs took slow steps toward trusting another woman. Honor sensed the struggle. How terrible to have lived among those where self-preservation ruled out real friendship!
One evening Babs said, “Honor, the hardest thing in the world for me is to admit I’m wrong, but if I’d admitted to myself at the canyon what I knew you were, I’d never have said all those terrible things.”
Honor looked up from mending a blouse she’d brought to the hospital. “They were all true. I didn’t realize how true until I came here and accepted Christ. I’m glad you said what you did, although it made me angry. Even though I couldn’t accept it at the time, I thought of it later and admitted you were right.”
“Even if Phillip is blind, I’m going to marry him.”
Honor dropped her mending. “Will he?”
“I’m not letting him go again—ever.” There was nothing of the sophisticate in the determination in Babs’s face. “It’s not from pity. I’ve always loved him. I just couldn’t trust him not to find another pretty face, and now he may not be able to even see those faces.”
“Stop it!” Honor dropped the blouse and shook Babs hard. “The doctor says he has every reason to believe Phillip will be all right.”
“Then why doesn’t he regain total consciousness?” The cry echoed doubts in Honor’s own mind. “Honor, I have t
o have something to hang on to, like you have. Would God really forgive me and send peace?”
“If you confess yourself a sinner.”
“You’ll never know how great a sinner.” The admission was low.
“I don’t want to. It’s between you and God. That’s why Jesus died on the cross, to save you forever from all that. He took your place, Babs.”
“But what do I do?”
“Just repent, and then accept it. Salvation is a free gift. You gain eternal life. You gain Christ and the Holy Spirit and peace from God. You are free, Babs, free from every ugly thing in your past.” Honor breathed a prayer and took Babs’s ice-cold hands in her own. “Just tell Him you are sorry for all your sins, and accept the gift of His Son and salvation.”
“I—”The opening of the door from Phillip’s room cut her short.
“He is awake.” The doctor’s smile warmed Honor’s heart.
Babs remained frozen in place for one second then gave a low cry and ran into the room.
“It’s all right,” the doctor told Honor. “The first thing he said was, ‘Where’s Babs?’”
Babs didn’t stay long in Phillip’s room. When she came back she was radiant. “He complained of a headache, but he can see!”
Honor felt as if the strain that had been holding her up suddenly gave way. She stumbled into a chair, trying to form words for the praise and gladness in her heart. Phillip would not be blind! Please, her heart whispered, cure Phillip and Babs of a different kind of blindness, and help them find You. What would Babs have said if the door had not opened just when it did? She had been close, so close!
The question haunted Honor for the next week. During that week Phillip was pronounced fit and sent home. What a far cry from that terrible trip they had made taking him to the hospital!
The touring car with James, Honor, Phillip, and Babs swung into the driveway to be greeted with Christmas garnish. Decorations were everywhere. The Hernandez family had spread sweet-smelling boughs, bright ribbons, every kind of decoration they could imagine.
“Some welcome home.” Phillip sounded subdued. “I could have been—”
“Thank God you aren’t,” James spoke softly.
“You? Thanking God?”
But the old mocking light died from Phillip’s face as James replied, “I have discovered what a fool I have been in discounting the only thing in the world that really matters.”
Phillip swung to Babs, standing close in the lightly falling snow. “I suppose next you’ll be telling me you feel the same.”
Honor’s fingers clenched until they were white, even under their warm wool mitten covering. The group of four stood motionless. Could Babs sense she was at a crossroads?
“I—” Her pleading gaze at Honor lifted to Phillip’s handsome face. “I am glad to be home.” She broke free of the group and hurried through the massive front door.
Honor’s disappointment spilled over. She had to turn away from the two men to hide her telltale face. Babs had been so close! It was all she could do to pretend gaiety at the Mexican meal Rosa and Carlotta had prepared to welcome Phillip home. Once she met James’s searching eyes, and a faltering smile hovered on her lips. Later he whispered, “Don’t forget—God reached even me.”
In the library before the fire after dinner Phillip paced restlessly and finally whirled toward Babs. “Well, are you going to marry me on Christmas Eve?”
Babs gasped then recovered something of her old haughtiness. “I am not.” Before anyone could move she added, “But I will marry you on Christmas Day.”
“This is our cue for an exit.” James motioned Honor out of the room.
“Well, it looks as if things are going to work out for Phillip and Babs.” Honor stopped at the foot of the great staircase and smiled at James.
His face didn’t light up the way she had expected. For one moment he seemed to be looking over her head and into the future. Somber, brooding, his answer chilled her. “Yes, things have turned out for them. What about us?”
Before she could speak, he was gone.
As she slowly mounted the stairs to her room, again she felt alone—only this time God was there to help her bear the pain. Yet even that pain gave way before another disappointment the same night. After tossing and turning for what seemed like hours she was startled to hear her door slowly opening.
“Honor?” Babs glided to the bed.
“Babs!” Surprise choked off Honor’s voice. “Are you ill?”
“No.”
The snow outside had stopped earlier. Now a pale moon targeted the red-haired woman through Honor’s partly uncurtained window. Yet even the dim light failed to hide her agitation. Her hands were icy as one brushed against Honor’s face.
“Honor? I have to talk with you.”
Sleep fled. “What is wrong, Babs?”
“I tried to tell Phillip about what you said about God.”
“And?” Honor held her breath.
“He laughed. Not so much as he would have done before the accident, but he still laughed.”
Honor’s heart ached for the desolate sound in her friend’s voice. “What about you, Babs? You know it’s all true, don’t you?”
“Yes.” Babs’s face turned even paler. “But I can’t accept it.” As if she felt Honor’s shock she brokenly added, “I’ve waited years for Phillip to notice me in a real way. Nothing must spoil that!”
Her cry echoed Honor’s heart, a duplicate of her own cry at the canyon’s edge what seemed like eons ago. “You are choosing Phillip instead of God?”
“I must.” The icy hands clutched the warm one Honor held out. “Phillip has already changed more than I ever thought possible. We’re going to make our home here. He’s going to give up drinking and all that. Isn’t it enough?” Her voice was anguished.
“No, Babs.” The inflexibility of the two words wilted Babs.
Honor couldn’t keep despair from her voice as she cried out, “The greatest sin in the world is not accepting the free gift of salvation through the Lord Jesus Christ. All the being good in the world, all the good deeds won’t save you or anyone. Please, Babs.” Her voice rose. “Don’t turn your back on Him. Don’t crucify the Lord again by your refusal to accept Him!”
Babs slowly withdrew her hands from Honor’s desperate clutch. Her eyes held fear, regret, pain. She rose from the bed where she’d been seated to tower over Honor. “I have no choice. I can never give up Phillip.”
For one wild moment Honor wondered—should she tell Babs she, too, had once made that same choice and with what tragic results? Slowly she shook her head. Now was not the time for that. Instead she said, “Babs, I had to come to Christ just as I would have done before. But instead of it being easy and natural, there were years of pain and bitterness in between. We have to learn the same lessons, whether we do it God’s way or our own, and our way is hard.”
“Someday, if Phillip can accept, I will, too.” Babs slipped out.
The tears on Honor’s pillow that night were not for herself.
Christmas and the wedding rushed toward them. Soon it was Christmas Eve. Babs had not mentioned her decision since that night. Neither had Honor, who now lay sleepless. When God directed her to speak she would. Until then, she could only pray.
At least she could be thankful for the change in Phillip. He was becoming more like his brother every day. He had accepted his future at Casa del Sol, relishing it. The brothers spent time planning how to make it more efficient. Phillip had come up with some surprisingly good ideas. “Just because I wasn’t running this place doesn’t mean I never thought about it.” The casual remark didn’t hide his pleasure at their compliments.
Suddenly Honor could stand the confines of her room no longer. James’s inscrutable eyes watched her from every corner. She would slip down to the library and find something to read. James still had her Bible, but she had noticed a big one downstairs with more references than the small one Daddy Bell had given her.
Before she could reconsider, Honor thrust her arms into a heavy turquoise quilted robe and matching slippers. She ran lightly down the stairs, struggled with the heavy doors, then crept inside. Fumbling for the light switch, she was immobilized by the tall, dark figure rising from the couch, etched against glowing flames in the fireplace.
“James?”
“At least you didn’t call me Phillip. Do come into my parlor, dear little fly.”
Why did he still have the power to hurt her? Or was it weariness in his voice instead of sarcasm? She ran her hand lightly over her hair. “I couldn’t sleep. I came for a book.”
He came a step nearer. “And just why couldn’t you sleep?”
She could feel it coming—the floods of feeling behind the dam of control she had built so carefully. If she answered, that last line of defense would crumble under the onslaught.
“I asked why you couldn’t sleep.”
His insistence was the final undoing. “How could you expect me to sleep—under the circumstances?”
“You mean because Phillip is marrying Babs tomorrow?” She had never felt as flayed as she did by his accusation.
“Don’t be completely stupid!” She hadn’t known she could blaze so. All the long nights of wondering, of loving him hopelessly burst forth. “It’s you, James Travis. Are you too insane to see it?”
A disbelieving look crept over his face. “Just what is that supposed to mean?”
The ice in his voice drowned all determination to tell him the truth. Honor fell back on the old original reason. “You really think any woman in my position could be happy? Married to a man who did it to protect her from his own brother?” She could feel his scrutiny even when she dropped her eyes to study the pattern one nervous, slippered foot was making on the floor.
“Oh, that.” His voice went lifeless. For a moment he turned to the fire. The lights from the Christmas tree shone on his face, softening it into vulnerability. Honor knew she would never forget the way he looked. To hide the weakness threatening to paralyze her, she walked to the window, noting the heavy frost patterns and that it had begun to snow again.
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